A Tramp Abroad .................................................................................................................................................1

Mark Twain ..............................................................................................................................................1

CHAPTER I. [The Knighted Knave of Bergen] ......................................................................................2

CHAPTER II. Heidelberg ........................................................................................................................4

CHAPTER III. Baker's Bluejay Yarn ......................................................................................................8

CHAPTER IV. Student Life....................................................................................................................9

CHAPTER V. At the Students' DuelingGround ..................................................................................11

CHAPTER VI. [A Sport that Sometimes Kills]....................................................................................14

CHAPTER VII. [How Bismark Fought]...............................................................................................15

CHAPTER VIII. The Great French Duel..............................................................................................18

CHAPTER IX. [What the Beautiful Maiden Said] ................................................................................24

CHAPTER X. [How Wagner Operas Bang Along] ...............................................................................26

CHAPTER XI. [I Paint a "Turner"] .......................................................................................................30

CHAPTER XII. [What the Wives Saved] ..............................................................................................32

CHAPTER XIII. [My Long Crawl in the Dark] ....................................................................................34

CHAPTER XIV. [Rafting Down the Neckar].......................................................................................37

CHAPTER XV. Down the River ...........................................................................................................39

CHAPTER XVI. An Ancient Legend of the Rhine ...............................................................................42

CHAPTER XVII. [Why Germans Wear Spectacles]............................................................................46

CHAPTER XVIII. [The Kindly Courtesy of Germans]........................................................................50

CHAPTER XIX. [The Deadly Jest of Dilsberg] ....................................................................................55

CHAPTER XX. [My Precious, Priceless TearJug].............................................................................60

CHAPTER XXI. [Insolent Shopkeepers and Gabbling Americans].....................................................63

CHAPTER XXII. [The Black Forest and Its Treasures].......................................................................68

CHAPTER XXIII. [Nicodemus Dodge and the Skeleton]....................................................................72

CHAPTER XXIV. [I Protect the Empress of Germany].......................................................................77

CHAPTER XXV. [Hunted by the Little Chamois]...............................................................................80

CHAPTER XXVI. [The Nest of the Cuckooclock]............................................................................88

CHAPTER XXVII. [I Spare an Awful Bore]........................................................................................93

CHAPTER XXVIII. [The Jodel and Its Native Wilds].......................................................................100

CHAPTER XXIX. [Looking West for Sunrise]..................................................................................105

CHAPTER XXX. [Harris Climbs Mountains for Me]........................................................................107

CHAPTER XXXI. [Alpscaling by Carriage]....................................................................................112

CHAPTER XXXII. [The Jungfrau, the Bride, and the Piano] .............................................................117

CHAPTER XXXIII. [We Climb Farby Buggy] ..............................................................................121

CHAPTER XXXIV. [The World's Highest Pig Farm] ........................................................................124

CHAPTER XXXV. [Swindling the Coroner] ......................................................................................129

CHAPTER XXXVI. [The Fiendish Fun of Alpclimbing] .................................................................135

CHAPTER XXXVII. [Our Imposing Column Starts Upward]...........................................................140

CHAPTER XXXVIII. [I Conquer the Gorner Grat] ............................................................................145

CHAPTER XXXIX. [We Travel by Glacier] ......................................................................................151

CHAPTER XL. [Piteous Relics at Chamonix] ....................................................................................155

CHAPTER XLI. [The Fearful Disaster of 1865] .................................................................................160

CHAPTER XLII. [Chillon has a Nice, Roomy Dungeon] ...................................................................162

CHAPTER XLIII. [My Poor Sick Friend Disappointed]....................................................................166

CHAPTER XLIV. [I Scale Mont Blancby Telescope]...................................................................170

CHAPTER XLV. A Catastrophe Which Cost Eleven Lives...............................................................175

CHAPTER XLVI. [Meeting a Hog on a Precipice]............................................................................176

CHAPTER XLVII. [Queer European Manners] ..................................................................................179

CHAPTER XLVIII. [Beauty of Womenand of Old Masters] .........................................................185

CHAPTER XLIX. [Hanged with a Golden Rope] ...............................................................................189

CHAPTER L. [Titian Bad and Titian Good] .......................................................................................193

APPENDIX ...............................................................................................................................195

APPENDIX A. The Portier ..................................................................................................................195

APPENDIX B. Heidelberg Castle.......................................................................................................197

APPENDIX C. The College Prison.....................................................................................................200

APPENDIX D. The Awful German Language ....................................................................................204

APPENDIX E. Legend of the Castles ..................................................................................................215

APPENDIX F. German Journals.........................................................................................................219

One day it occurred to me that it had been many years since the world had been afforded the spectacle of a

man adventurous enough to undertake a journey through Europe on foot. After much thought, I decided that I

was a person fitted to furnish to mankind this spectacle. So I determined to do it. This was in March, 1878.

I looked about me for the right sort of person to accompany me in the capacity of agent, and finally hired a

It was also my purpose to study art while in Europe. Mr. Harris was in sympathy with me in this. He was as

much of an enthusiast in art as I was, and not less anxious to learn to paint. I desired to learn the German

Toward the middle of April we sailed in the HOLSATIA, Captain Brandt, and had a very peasant trip,

After a brief rest at Hamburg, we made preparations for a long pedestrian trip southward in the soft spring

weather, but at the last moment we changed the program, for private reasons, and took the expresstrain.

We made a short halt at FrankfortontheMain, and found it an interesting city. I would have liked to visit

the birthplace of Gutenburg, but it could not be done, as no memorandum of the site of the house has been

kept. So we spent an hour in the Goethe mansion instead. The city permits this house to belong to private

parties, instead of gracing and dignifying herself with the honor of possessing and protecting it.

Frankfort is one of the sixteen cities which have the distinction of being the place where the following

incident occurred. Charlemagne, while chasing the Saxons (as HE said), or being chased by them (as THEY

said), arrived at the bank of the river at dawn, in a fog. The enemy were either before him or behind him; but

in any case he wanted to get across, very badly. He would have given anything for a guide, but none was to

be had. Presently he saw a deer, followed by her young, approach the water. He watched her, judging that she

would seek a ford, and he was right. She waded over, and the army followed. So a great Frankish victory or

defeat was gained or avoided; and in order to commemorate the episode, Charlemagne commanded a city to

be built there, which he named Frankfortthe ford of the Franks. None of the other cities where this event

happened were named for it. This is good evidence that Frankfort was the first place it occurred at.

Frankfort has another distinctionit is the birthplace of the German alphabet; or at least of the German word

for alphabet BUCHSTABEN. They say that the first movable types were made on birch

I was taught a lesson in political economy in Frankfort. I had brought from home a box containing a thousand

very cheap cigars. By way of experiment, I stepped into a little shop in a queer old back street, took four gaily

decorated boxes of wax matches and three cigars, and laid down a silver piece worth 48 cents. The man gave

In Frankfort everybody wears clean clothes, and I think we noticed that this strange thing was the case in

Hamburg, too, and in the villages along the road. Even in the narrowest and poorest and most ancient quarters

of Frankfort neat and clean clothes were the rule. The little children of both sexes were nearly always nice

enough to take into a body's lap. And as for the uniforms of the soldiers, they were newness and brightness

carried to perfection. One could never detect a smirch or a grain of dust upon them. The streetcar conductors

and drivers wore pretty uniforms which seemed to be just out of the bandbox, and their manners were as fine

In one of the shops I had the luck to stumble upon a book which has charmed me nearly to death. It is entitled

THE LEGENDS OF THE RHINE FROM BASLE TO ROTTERDAM, by F. J. Kiefer; translated by L. W.

All tourists MENTION the Rhine legendsin that sort of way which quietly pretends that the mentioner has

been familiar with them all his life, and that the reader cannot possibly be ignorant of thembut no tourist

ever TELLS them. So this little book fed me in a very hungry place; and I, in my turn, intend to feed my

reader, with one or two little lunches from the same larder. I shall not mar Garnharn's translation by meddling

with its English; for the most toothsome thing about it is its quaint fashion of building English sentences on

"In Frankfort at the Romer was a great maskball, at the coronation festival, and in the illuminated saloon,

the clanging music invited to dance, and splendidly appeared the rich toilets and charms of the ladies, and the

festively costumed Princes and Knights. All seemed pleasure, joy, and roguish gaiety, only one of the

numerous guests had a gloomy exterior; but exactly the black armor in which he walked about excited

general attention, and his tall figure, as well as the noble propriety of his movements, attracted especially the

regards of the ladies. Who the Knight was? Nobody could guess, for his Vizier was well closed, and nothing

made him recognizable. Proud and yet modest he advanced to the Empress; bowed on one knee before her

seat, and begged for the favor of a waltz with the Queen of the festival. And she allowed his request. With

light and graceful steps he danced through the long saloon, with the sovereign who thought never to have

found a more dexterous and excellent dancer. But also by the grace of his manner, and fine conversation he

knew to win the Queen, and she graciously accorded him a second dance for which he begged, a third, and a

fourth, as well as others were not refused him. How all regarded the happy dancer, how many envied him the

"Also the Emperor became more and more excited with curiosity, and with great suspense one awaited the

hour, when according to masklaw, each masked guest must make himself known. This moment came, but

although all other unmasked; the secret knight still refused to allow his features to be seen, till at last the

Queen driven by curiosity, and vexed at the obstinate refusal; commanded him to open his Vizier. He opened

it, and none of the high ladies and knights knew him. But from the crowded spectators, 2 officials advanced,

who recognized the black dancer, and horror and terror spread in the saloon, as they said who the supposed

knight was. It was the executioner of Bergen. But glowing with rage, the King commanded to seize the

criminal and lead him to death, who had ventured to dance, with the queen; so disgraced the Empress, and

"'Indeed I have heavily sinned against all noble guests assembled here, but most heavily against you my

sovereign and my queen. The Queen is insulted by my haughtiness equal to treason, but no punishment even

blood, will not be able to wash out the disgrace, which you have suffered by me. Therefore oh King! allow

me to propose a remedy, to efface the shame, and to render it as if not done. Draw your sword and knight me,

then I will throw down my gauntlet, to everyone who dares to speak disrespectfully of my king.'

"The Emperor was surprised at this bold proposal, however it appeared the wisest to him; 'You are a knave he

replied after a moment's consideration, however your advice is good, and displays prudence, as your offense

shows adventurous courage. Well then, and gave him the knightstroke so I raise you to nobility, who begged

for grace for your offense now kneels before me, rise as knight; knavish you have acted, and Knave of

Bergen shall you be called henceforth, and gladly the Black knight rose; three cheers were given in honor of

the Emperor, and loud cries of joy testified the approbation with which the Queen danced still once with the

We stopped at a hotel by the railwaystation. Next morning, as we sat in my room waiting for breakfast to

come up, we got a good deal interested in something which was going on over the way, in front of another

hotel. First, the personage who is called the PORTIER (who is not the PORTER, but is a sort of firstmate of

a hotel) [1. See Appendix A] appeared at the door in a spickandspan new blue cloth uniform, decorated

with shining brass buttons, and with bands of gold lace around his cap and wristbands; and he wore white

gloves, too. He shed an official glance upon the situation, and then began to give orders. Two

womenservants came out with pails and brooms and brushes, and gave the sidewalk a thorough scrubbing;

meanwhile two others scrubbed the four marble steps which led up to the door; beyond these we could see

some menservants taking up the carpet of the grand staircase. This carpet was carried away and the last

grain of dust beaten and banged and swept our of it; then brought back and put down again. The brass

stairrods received an exhaustive polishing and were returned to their places. Now a troop of servants

brought pots and tubs of blooming plants and formed them into a beautiful jungle about the door and the base

of the staircase. Other servants adorned all the balconies of the various stories with flowers and banners;

others ascended to the roof and hoisted a great flag on a staff there. Now came some more chambermaids

and retouched the sidewalk, and afterward wiped the marble steps with damp cloths and finished by dusting

them off with feather brushes. Now a broad black carpet was brought out and laid down the marble steps and

out across the sidewalk to the curbstone. The PORTIER cast his eye along it, and found it was not absolutely

straight; he commanded it to be straightened; the servants made the effortmade several efforts, in

factbut the PORTIER was not satisfied. He finally had it taken up, and then he put it down himself and got

At this stage of the proceedings, a narrow bright red carpet was unrolled and stretched from the top of the

marble steps to the curbstone, along the center of the black carpet. This red path cost the PORTIER more

trouble than even the black one had done. But he patiently fixed and refixed it until it was exactly right and

lay precisely in the middle of the black carpet. In New York these performances would have gathered a

mighty crowd of curious and intensely interested spectators; but here it only captured an audience of half a

dozen little boys who stood in a row across the pavement, some with their schoolknapsacks on their backs

and their hands in their pockets, others with arms full of bundles, and all absorbed in the show. Occasionally

one of them skipped irreverently over the carpet and took up a position on the other side. This always visibly

Now came a waiting interval. The landlord, in plain clothes, and bareheaded, placed himself on the bottom

marble step, abreast the PORTIER, who stood on the other end of the same steps; six or eight waiters, gloved,

bareheaded, and wearing their whitest linen, their whitest cravats, and their finest swallowtails, grouped

themselves about these chiefs, but leaving the carpetway clear. Nobody moved or spoke any more but only

In a short time the shrill piping of a coming train was heard, and immediately groups of people began to

gather in the street. Two or three open carriages arrived, and deposited some maids of honor and some male

officials at the hotel. Presently another open carriage brought the Grand Duke of Baden, a stately man in

uniform, who wore the handsome brassmounted, steelspiked helmet of the army on his head. Last came

the Empress of Germany and the Grand Duchess of Baden in a closed carriage; these passed through the

lowbowing groups of servants and disappeared in the hotel, exhibiting to us only the backs of their heads,

But as to Heidelberg. The weather was growing pretty warm, very warm, in fact. So we left the valley and

Heidelberg lies at the mouth of a narrow gorgea gorge the shape of a shepherd's crook; if one looks up it

he perceives that it is about straight, for a mile and a half, then makes a sharp curve to the right and

disappears. This gorgealong whose bottom pours the swift Neckar is confined between (or cloven

through) a couple of long, steep ridges, a thousand feet high and densely wooded clear to their summits, with

the exception of one section which has been shaved and put under cultivation. These ridges are chopped off at

the mouth of the gorge and form two bold and conspicuous headlands, with Heidelberg nestling between

them; from their bases spreads away the vast dim expanse of the Rhine valley, and into this expanse the

Now if one turns and looks up the gorge once more, he will see the Schloss Hotel on the right perched on a

precipice overlooking the Neckara precipice which is so sumptuously cushioned and draped with foliage

that no glimpse of the rock appears. The building seems very airily situated. It has the appearance of being on

a shelf halfway up the wooded mountainside; and as it is remote and isolated, and very white, it makes a

This hotel had a feature which was a decided novelty, and one which might be adopted with advantage by

any house which is perched in a commanding situation. This feature may be described as a series of

glassenclosed parlors CLINGING TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE, one against each and every

bedchamber and drawingroom. They are like long, narrow, highceiled birdcages hung against the

building. My room was a corner room, and had two of these things, a north one and a west one.

From the north cage one looks up the Neckar gorge; from the west one he looks down it. This last affords the

most extensive view, and it is one of the loveliest that can be imagined, too. Out of a billowy upheaval of

vivid green foliage, a rifleshot removed, rises the huge ruin of Heidelberg Castle, [2. See Appendix B] with

empty window arches, ivymailed battlements, moldering towersthe Lear of inanimate naturedeserted,

discrowned, beaten by the storms, but royal still, and beautiful. It is a fine sight to see the evening sunlight

suddenly strike the leafy declivity at the Castle's base and dash up it and drench it as with a luminous spray,

Behind the Castle swells a great domeshaped hill, forestclad, and beyond that a nobler and loftier one. The

Castle looks down upon the compact brownroofed town; and from the town two picturesque old bridges

span the river. Now the view broadens; through the gateway of the sentinel headlands you gaze out over the

wide Rhine plain, which stretches away, softly and richly tinted, grows gradually and dreamily indistinct, and

I have never enjoyed a view which had such a serene and satisfying charm about it as this one gives.

The first night we were there, we went to bed and to sleep early; but I awoke at the end of two or three hours,

and lay a comfortable while listening to the soothing patter of the rain against the balcony windows. I took it

to be rain, but it turned out to be only the murmur of the restless Neckar, tumbling over her dikes and dams

far below, in the gorge. I got up and went into the west balcony and saw a wonderful sight. Away down on

the level under the black mass of the Castle, the town lay, stretched along the river, its intricate cobweb of

streets jeweled with twinkling lights; there were rows of lights on the bridges; these flung lances of light upon

the water, in the black shadows of the arches; and away at the extremity of all this fairy spectacle blinked and

glowed a massed multitude of gasjets which seemed to cover acres of ground; it was as if all the diamonds

in the world had been spread out there. I did not know before, that a halfmile of sextuple railwaytracks

One thinks Heidelberg by daywith its surroundings is the last possibility of the beautiful; but when he

sees Heidelberg by night, a fallen Milky Way, with that glittering railway constellation pinned to the border,

One never tires of poking about in the dense woods that clothe all these lofty Neckar hills to their beguiling

and impressive charm in any country; but German legends and fairy tales have given these an added charm.

They have peopled all that region with gnomes, and dwarfs, and all sorts of mysterious and uncanny

creatures. At the time I am writing of, I had been reading so much of this literature that sometimes I was not

One afternoon I got lost in the woods about a mile from the hotel, and presently fell into a train of dreamy

thought about animals which talk, and kobolds, and enchanted folk, and the rest of the pleasant legendary

stuff; and so, by stimulating my fancy, I finally got to imagining I glimpsed small flitting shapes here and

there down the columned aisles of the forest. It was a place which was peculiarly meet for the occasion. It

was a pine wood, with so thick and soft a carpet of brown needles that one's footfall made no more sound

than if he were treading on wool; the treetrunks were as round and straight and smooth as pillars, and stood

close together; they were bare of branches to a point about twentyfive feet aboveground, and from there

upward so thick with boughs that not a ray of sunlight could pierce through. The world was bright with

sunshine outside, but a deep and mellow twilight reigned in there, and also a deep silence so profound that I

When I had stood ten minutes, thinking and imagining, and getting my spirit in tune with the place, and in the

right mood to enjoy the supernatural, a raven suddenly uttered a horse croak over my head. It made me start;

and then I was angry because I started. I looked up, and the creature was sitting on a limb right over me,

looking down at me. I felt something of the same sense of humiliation and injury which one feels when he

finds that a human stranger has been clandestinely inspecting him in his privacy and mentally commenting

upon him. I eyed the raven, and the raven eyed me. Nothing was said during some seconds. Then the bird

stepped a little way along his limb to get a better point of observation, lifted his wings, stuck his head far

down below his shoulders toward me and croaked againa croak with a distinctly insulting expression about

it. If he had spoken in English he could not have said any more plainly that he did say in raven, "Well, what

do YOU want here?" I felt as foolish as if I had been caught in some mean act by a responsible being, and

reproved for it. However, I made no reply; I would not bandy words with a raven. The adversary waited a

while, with his shoulders still lifted, his head thrust down between them, and his keen bright eye fixed on me;

then he threw out two or three more insults, which I could not understand, further than that I knew a portion

I still made no reply. Now the adversary raised his head and called. There was an answering croak from a

little distance in the woodevidently a croak of inquiry. The adversary explained with enthusiasm, and the

other raven dropped everything and came. The two sat side by side on the limb and discussed me as freely

and offensively as two great naturalists might discuss a new kind of bug. The thing became more and more

embarrassing. They called in another friend. This was too much. I saw that they had the advantage of me, and

so I concluded to get out of the scrape by walking out of it. They enjoyed my defeat as much as any low

white people could have done. They craned their necks and laughed at me (for a raven CAN laugh, just like a

man), they squalled insulting remarks after me as long as they could see me. They were nothing but

ravensI knew thatwhat they thought of me could be a matter of no consequenceand yet when even a

raven shouts after you, "What a hat!" "Oh, pull down your vest!" and that sort of thing, it hurts you and

humiliates you, and there is no getting around it with fine reasoning and pretty arguments.

Animals talk to each other, of course. There can be no question about that; but I suppose there are very few

people who can understand them. I never knew but one man who could. I knew he could, however, because

he told me so himself. He was a middleaged, simplehearted miner who had lived in a lonely corner of

California, among the woods and mountains, a good many years, and had studied the ways of his only

neighbors, the beasts and the birds, until he believed he could accurately translate any remark which they

made. This was Jim Baker. According to Jim Baker, some animals have only a limited education, and some

use only simple words, and scarcely ever a comparison or a flowery figure; whereas, certain other animals

have a large vocabulary, a fine command of language and a ready and fluent delivery; consequently these

latter talk a great deal; they like it; they are so conscious of their talent, and they enjoy "showing off." Baker

said, that after long and careful observation, he had come to the conclusion that the bluejays were the best

"There's more TO a bluejay than any other creature. He has got more moods, and more different kinds of

feelings than other creatures; and, mind you, whatever a bluejay feels, he can put into language. And no mere

commonplace language, either, but rattling, outandout booktalkand bristling with metaphor, toojust

bristling! And as for command of languagewhy YOU never see a bluejay get stuck for a word. No man

ever did. They just boil out of him! And another thing: I've noticed a good deal, and there's no bird, or cow,

or anything that uses as good grammar as a bluejay. You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat

doesbut you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights,

and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the NOISE which fighting

cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use. Now I've never heard a

jay use bad grammar but very seldom; and when they do, they are as ashamed as a human; they shut right

"You may call a jay a bird. Well, so he is, in a measure but he's got feathers on him, and don't belong to no

church, perhaps; but otherwise he is just as much human as you be. And I'll tell you for why. A jay's gifts,

and instincts, and feelings, and interests, cover the whole ground. A jay hasn't got any more principle than a

Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray; and four times out of five, a

jay will go back on his solemnest promise. The sacredness of an obligation is such a thing which you can't

cram into no bluejay's head. Now, on top of all this, there's another thing; a jay can outswear any gentleman

in the mines. You think a cat can swear. Well, a cat can; but you give a bluejay a subject that calls for his

reservepowers, and where is your cat? Don't talk to MEI know too much about this thing; in the one little

particular of scoldingjust good, clean, outandout scolding a bluejay can lay over anything, human or

divine. Yes, sir, a jay is everything that a man is. A jay can cry, a jay can laugh, a jay can feel shame, a jay

can reason and plan and discuss, a jay likes gossip and scandal, a jay has got a sense of humor, a jay knows

when he is an ass just as well as you domaybe better. If a jay ain't human, he better take in his sign, that's

"When I first begun to understand jay language correctly, there was a little incident happened here. Seven

years ago, the last man in this region but me moved away. There stands his housebeen empty ever since; a

log house, with a plank roofjust one big room, and no more; no ceilingnothing between the rafters and

the floor. Well, one Sunday morning I was sitting out here in front of my cabin, with my cat, taking the sun,

and looking at the blue hills, and listening to the leaves rustling so lonely in the trees, and thinking of the

home away yonder in the states, that I hadn't heard from in thirteen years, when a bluejay lit on that house,

with an acorn in his mouth, and says, 'Hello, I reckon I've struck something.' When he spoke, the acorn

dropped out of his mouth and rolled down the roof, of course, but he didn't care; his mind was all on the thing

he had struck. It was a knothole in the roof. He cocked his head to one side, shut one eye and put the other

one to the hole, like a possum looking down a jug; then he glanced up with his bright eyes, gave a wink or

two with his wingswhich signifies gratification, you understandand says, 'It looks like a hole, it's located

"Then he cocked his head down and took another look; he glances up perfectly joyful, this time; winks his

wings and his tail both, and says, 'Oh, no, this ain't no fat thing, I reckon! If I ain't in luck! Why it's a

perfectly elegant hole!' So he flew down and got that acorn, and fetched it up and dropped it in, and was just

tilting his head back, with the heavenliest smile on his face, when all of a sudden he was paralyzed into a

listening attitude and that smile faded gradually out of his countenance like breath off'n a razor, and the

queerest look of surprise took its place. Then he says, 'Why, I didn't hear it fall!' He cocked his eye at the hole

again, and took a long look; raised up and shook his head; stepped around to the other side of the hole and

took another look from that side; shook his head again. He studied a while, then he just went into the

Details walked round and round the hole and spied into it from every point of the compass. No use. Now

he took a thinking attitude on the comb of the roof and scratched the back of his head with his right foot a

minute, and finally says, 'Well, it's too many for ME, that's certain; must be a mighty long hole; however, I

ain't got no time to fool around here, I got to "tend to business"; I reckon it's all rightchance it, anyway.'

"So he flew off and fetched another acorn and dropped it in, and tried to flirt his eye to the hole quick enough

to see what become of it, but he was too late. He held his eye there as much as a minute; then he raised up

and sighed, and says, 'Confound it, I don't seem to understand this thing, no way; however, I'll tackle her

again.' He fetched another acorn, and done his level best to see what become of it, but he couldn't. He says,

'Well, I never struck no such a hole as this before; I'm of the opinion it's a totally new kind of a hole.' Then he

begun to get mad. He held in for a spell, walking up and down the comb of the roof and shaking his head and

muttering to himself; but his feelings got the upper hand of him, presently, and he broke loose and cussed

himself black in the face. I never see a bird take on so about a little thing. When he got through he walks to

the hole and looks in again for half a minute; then he says, 'Well, you're a long hole, and a deep hole, and a

mighty singular hole altogetherbut I've started in to fill you, and I'm damned if I DON'T fill you, if it takes

"And with that, away he went. You never see a bird work so since you was born. He laid into his work like a

nigger, and the way he hove acorns into that hole for about two hours and a half was one of the most exciting

and astonishing spectacles I ever struck. He never stopped to take a look anymorehe just hove 'em in and

went for more. Well, at last he could hardly flop his wings, he was so tuckered out. He comes adropping

down, once more, sweating like an icepitcher, dropped his acorn in and says, 'NOW I guess I've got the

bulge on you by this time!' So he bent down for a look. If you'll believe me, when his head come up again he

was just pale with rage. He says, 'I've shoveled acorns enough in there to keep the family thirty years, and if I

can see a sign of one of 'em I wish I may land in a museum with a belly full of sawdust in two minutes!'

"He just had strength enough to crawl up on to the comb and lean his back agin the chimbly, and then he

collected his impressions and begun to free his mind. I see in a second that what I had mistook for profanity

"Another jay was going by, and heard him doing his devotions, and stops to inquire what was up. The

sufferer told him the whole circumstance, and says, 'Now yonder's the hole, and if you don't believe me, go

and look for yourself.' So this fellow went and looked, and comes back and says, "How many did you say you

put in there?' 'Not any less than two tons,' says the sufferer. The other jay went and looked again. He couldn't

seem to make it out, so he raised a yell, and three more jays come. They all examined the hole, they all made

the sufferer tell it over again, then they all discussed it, and got off as many leatherheaded opinions about it

"They called in more jays; then more and more, till pretty soon this whole region 'peared to have a blue flush

about it. There must have been five thousand of them; and such another jawing and disputing and ripping and

cussing, you never heard. Every jay in the whole lot put his eye to the hole and delivered a more

chuckleheaded opinion about the mystery than the jay that went there before him. They examined the house

all over, too. The door was standing half open, and at last one old jay happened to go and light on it and look

in. Of course, that knocked the mystery galleywest in a second. There lay the acorns, scattered all over the

floor.. He flopped his wings and raised a whoop. 'Come here!' he says, 'Come here, everybody; hang'd if this

fool hasn't been trying to fill up a house with acorns!' They all came aswooping down like a blue cloud, and

as each fellow lit on the door and took a glance, the whole absurdity of the contract that that first jay had

tackled hit him home and he fell over backward suffocating with laughter, and the next jay took his place and

"Well, sir, they roosted around here on the housetop and the trees for an hour, and guffawed over that thing

like human beings. It ain't any use to tell me a bluejay hasn't got a sense of humor, because I know better.

And memory, too. They brought jays here from all over the United States to look down that hole, every

summer for three years. Other birds, too. And they could all see the point except an owl that come from Nova

Scotia to visit the Yo Semite, and he took this thing in on his way back. He said he couldn't see anything

The summer semester was in full tide; consequently the most frequent figure in and about Heidelberg was the

student. Most of the students were Germans, of course, but the representatives of foreign lands were very

numerous. They hailed from every corner of the globefor instruction is cheap in Heidelberg, and so is

living, too. The AngloAmerican Club, composed of British and American students, had twentyfive

Ninetenths of the Heidelberg students wore no badge or uniform; the other tenth wore caps of various

colors, and belonged to social organizations called "corps." There were five corps, each with a color of its

own; there were white caps, blue caps, and red, yellow, and green ones. The famous duelfighting is confined

to the "corps" boys. The "KNEIP" seems to be a specialty of theirs, too. Kneips are held, now and then, to

celebrate great occasions, like the election of a beer king, for instance. The solemnity is simple; the five corps

assemble at night, and at a signal they all fall loading themselves with beer, out of pintmugs, as fast as

possible, and each man keeps his own countusually by laying aside a lucifer match for each mud he

empties. The election is soon decided. When the candidates can hold no more, a count is instituted and the

one who has drank the greatest number of pints is proclaimed king. I was told that the last beer king elected

by the corpsor by his own capabilitiesemptied his mug seventyfive times. No stomach could hold all

that quantity at one time, of coursebut there are ways of frequently creating a vacuum, which those who

One sees so many students abroad at all hours, that he presently begins to wonder if they ever have any

workinghours. Some of them have, some of them haven't. Each can choose for himself whether he will work

or play; for German university life is a very free life; it seems to have no restraints. The student does not live

in the college buildings, but hires his own lodgings, in any locality he prefers, and he takes his meals when

and where he pleases. He goes to bed when it suits him, and does not get up at all unless he wants to. He is

not entered at the university for any particular length of time; so he is likely to change about. He passes no

examinations upon entering college. He merely pays a trifling fee of five or ten dollars, receives a card

entitling him to the privileges of the university, and that is the end of it. He is now ready for businessor

play, as he shall prefer. If he elects to work, he finds a large list of lectures to choose from. He selects the

subjects which he will study, and enters his name for these studies; but he can skip attendance.

The result of this system is, that lecturecourses upon specialties of an unusual nature are often delivered to

very slim audiences, while those upon more practical and everyday matters of education are delivered to

very large ones. I heard of one case where, day after day, the lecturer's audience consisted of three

studentsand always the same three. But one day two of them remained away. The lecturer began as usual

It is said that the vast majority of the Heidelberg students are hard workers, and make the most of their

opportunities; that they have no surplus means to spend in dissipation, and no time to spare for frolicking.

One lecture follows right on the heels of another, with very little time for the student to get out of one hall

and into the next; but the industrious ones manage it by going on a trot. The professors assist them in the

saving of their time by being promptly in their little boxedup pulpits when the hours strike, and as promptly

out again when the hour finishes. I entered an empty lectureroom one day just before the clock struck. The

place had simple, unpainted pine desks and benches for about two hundred persons.

About a minute before the clock struck, a hundred and fifty students swarmed in, rushed to their seats,

immediately spread open their notebooks and dipped their pens in ink. When the clock began to strike, a

burly professor entered, was received with a round of applause, moved swiftly down the center aisle, said

"Gentlemen," and began to talk as he climbed his pulpit steps; and by the time he had arrived in his box and

faced his audience, his lecture was well under way and all the pens were going. He had no notes, he talked

with prodigious rapidity and energy for an hourthen the students began to remind him in certain

wellunderstood ways that his time was up; he seized his hat, still talking, proceeded swiftly down his pulpit

steps, got out the last word of his discourse as he struck the floor; everybody rose respectfully, and he swept

rapidly down the aisle and disappeared. An instant rush for some other lectureroom followed, and in a

Yes, without doubt, idle students are not the rule. Out of eight hundred in the town, I knew the faces of only

about fifty; but these I saw everywhere, and daily. They walked about the streets and the wooded hills, they

drove in cabs, they boated on the river, they sipped beer and coffee, afternoons, in the Schloss gardens. A

good many of them wore colored caps of the corps. They were finely and fashionably dressed, their manners

were quite superb, and they led an easy, careless, comfortable life. If a dozen of them sat together and a lady

or a gentleman passed whom one of them knew and saluted, they all rose to their feet and took off their caps.

The members of a corps always received a fellowmember in this way, too; but they paid no attention to

members of other corps; they did not seem to see them. This was not a discourtesy; it was only a part of the

There seems to be no chilly distance existing between the German students and the professor; but, on the

contrary, a companionable intercourse, the opposite of chilliness and reserve. When the professor enters a

beerhall in the evening where students are gathered together, these rise up and take off their caps, and invite

the old gentleman to sit with them and partake. He accepts, and the pleasant talk and the beer flow for an hour

or two, and by and by the professor, properly charged and comfortable, gives a cordial good night, while the

students stand bowing and uncovered; and then he moves on his happy way homeward with all his vast cargo

of learning afloat in his hold. Nobody finds fault or feels outraged; no harm has been done.

It seemed to be a part of corps etiquette to keep a dog or so, too. I mean a corps dogthe common property

of the organization, like the corps steward or head servant; then there are other dogs, owned by individuals.

On a summer afternoon in the Castle gardens, I have seen six students march solemnly into the grounds, in

single file, each carrying a bright Chinese parasol and leading a prodigious dog by a string. It was a very

imposing spectacle. Sometimes there would be as many dogs around the pavilion as students; and of all

breeds and of all degrees of beauty and ugliness. These dogs had a rather dry time of it; for they were tied to

the benches and had no amusement for an hour or two at a time except what they could get out of pawing at

the gnats, or trying to sleep and not succeeding. However, they got a lump of sugar occasionallythey were

It seemed right and proper that students should indulge in dogs; but everybody else had them, tooold men

and young ones, old women and nice young ladies. If there is one spectacle that is unpleasanter than another,

it is that of an elegantly dressed young lady towing a dog by a string. It is said to be the sign and symbol of

blighted love. It seems to me that some other way of advertising it might be devised, which would be just as

It would be a mistake to suppose that the easygoing pleasureseeking student carries an empty head. Just

the contrary. He has spent nine years in the gymnasium, under a system which allowed him no freedom, but

vigorously compelled him to work like a slave. Consequently, he has left the gymnasium with an education

which is so extensive and complete, that the most a university can do for it is to perfect some of its

profounder specialties. It is said that when a pupil leaves the gymnasium, he not only has a comprehensive

education, but he KNOWS what he knowsit is not befogged with uncertainty, it is burnt into him so that it

will stay. For instance, he does not merely read and write Greek, but speaks it; the same with the Latin.

Foreign youth steer clear of the gymnasium; its rules are too severe. They go to the university to put a

mansard roof on their whole general education; but the German student already has his mansard roof, so he

goes there to add a steeple in the nature of some specialty, such as a particular branch of law, or diseases of

the eye, or special study of the ancient Gothic tongues. So this German attends only the lectures which belong

to the chosen branch, and drinks his beer and tows his dog around and has a general good time the rest of the

day. He has been in rigid bondage so long that the large liberty of the university life is just what he needs and

likes and thoroughly appreciates; and as it cannot last forever, he makes the most of it while it does last, and

so lays up a good rest against the day that must see him put on the chains once more and enter the slavery of

One day in the interest of science my agent obtained permission to bring me to the students' duelingplace.

We crossed the river and drove up the bank a few hundred yards, then turned to the left, entered a narrow

alley, followed it a hundred yards and arrived at a twostory public house; we were acquainted with its

outside aspect, for it was visible from the hotel. We went upstairs and passed into a large whitewashed

apartment which was perhaps fifty feet long by thirty feet wide and twenty or twentyfive high. It was a

welllighted place. There was no carpet. Across one end and down both sides of the room extended a row of

tables, and at these tables some fifty or seventyfive students [1. See Appendix C] were sitting.

Some of them were sipping wine, others were playing cards, others chess, other groups were chatting

together, and many were smoking cigarettes while they waited for the coming duels. Nearly all of them wore

colored caps; there were white caps, green caps, blue caps, red caps, and brightyellow ones; so, all the five

corps were present in strong force. In the windows at the vacant end of the room stood six or eight,

narrowbladed swords with large protecting guards for the hand, and outside was a man at work sharpening

others on a grindstone. He understood his business; for when a sword left his hand one could shave himself

It was observable that the young gentlemen neither bowed to nor spoke with students whose caps differed in

color from their own. This did not mean hostility, but only an armed neutrality. It was considered that a

person could strike harder in the duel, and with a more earnest interest, if he had never been in a condition of

comradeship with his antagonist; therefore, comradeship between the corps was not permitted. At intervals

the presidents of the five corps have a cold official intercourse with each other, but nothing further. For

example, when the regular duelingday of one of the corps approaches, its president calls for volunteers from

among the membership to offer battle; three or more respondbut there must not be less than three; the

president lays their names before the other presidents, with the request that they furnish antagonists for these

challengers from among their corps. This is promptly done. It chanced that the present occasion was the

battleday of the Red Cap Corps. They were the challengers, and certain caps of other colors had volunteered

to meet them. The students fight duels in the room which I have described, TWO DAYS IN EVERY WEEK

DURING SEVEN AND A HALF OR EIGHT MONTHS IN EVERY YEAR. This custom had continued in

To return to my narrative. A student in a white cap met us and introduced us to six or eight friends of his who

also wore white caps, and while we stood conversing, two strangelooking figures were led in from another

room. They were students panoplied for the duel. They were bareheaded; their eyes were protected by iron

goggles which projected an inch or more, the leather straps of which bound their ears flat against their heads

were wound around and around with thick wrappings which a sword could not cut through; from chin to

ankle they were padded thoroughly against injury; their arms were bandaged and rebandaged, layer upon

layer, until they looked like solid black logs. These weird apparitions had been handsome youths, clad in

fashionable attire, fifteen minutes before, but now they did not resemble any beings one ever sees unless in

nightmares. They strode along, with their arms projecting straight out from their bodies; they did not hold

them out themselves, but fellowstudents walked beside them and gave the needed support.

There was a rush for the vacant end of the room, now, and we followed and got good places. The combatants

were placed face to face, each with several members of his own corps about him to assist; two seconds, well

padded, and with swords in their hands, took their stations; a student belonging to neither of the opposing

corps placed himself in a good position to umpire the combat; another student stood by with a watch and a

memorandumbook to keep record of the time and the number and nature of the wounds; a grayhaired

surgeon was present with his lint, his bandages, and his instruments. After a moment's pause the duelists

saluted the umpire respectfully, then one after another the several officials stepped forward, gracefully

removed their caps and saluted him also, and returned to their places. Everything was ready now; students

stood crowded together in the foreground, and others stood behind them on chairs and tables. Every face was

The combatants were watching each other with alert eyes; a perfect stillness, a breathless interest reigned. I

felt that I was going to see some wary work. But not so. The instant the word was given, the two apparitions

sprang forward and began to rain blows down upon each other with such lightning rapidity that I could not

quite tell whether I saw the swords or only flashes they made in the air; the rattling din of these blows as they

struck steel or paddings was something wonderfully stirring, and they were struck with such terrific force that

I could not understand why the opposing sword was not beaten down under the assault. Presently, in the

midst of the swordflashes, I saw a handful of hair skip into the air as if it had lain loose on the victim's head

The seconds cried "Halt!" and knocked up the combatants' swords with their own. The duelists sat down; a

student official stepped forward, examined the wounded head and touched the place with a sponge once or

twice; the surgeon came and turned back the hair from the wound and revealed a crimson gash two or

three inches long, and proceeded to bind an oval piece of leather and a bunch of lint over it; the tallykeeper

Then the duelists took position again; a small stream of blood was flowing down the side of the injured man's

head, and over his shoulder and down his body to the floor, but he did not seem to mind this. The word was

given, and they plunged at each other as fiercely as before; once more the blows rained and rattled and

flashed; every few moments the quickeyed seconds would notice that a sword was bentthen they called

"Halt!" struck up the contending weapons, and an assisting student straightened the bent one.

The wonderful turmoil went onpresently a bright spark sprung from a blade, and that blade broken in

several pieces, sent one of its fragments flying to the ceiling. A new sword was provided and the fight

proceeded. The exercise was tremendous, of course, and in time the fighters began to show great fatigue.

They were allowed to rest a moment, every little while; they got other rests by wounding each other, for then

they could sit down while the doctor applied the lint and bandages. The laws is that the battle must continue

fifteen minutes if the men can hold out; and as the pauses do not count, this duel was protracted to twenty or

thirty minutes, I judged. At last it was decided that the men were too much wearied to do battle longer. They

were led away drenched with crimson from head to foot. That was a good fight, but it could not count, partly

because it did not last the lawful fifteen minutes (of actual fighting), and partly because neither man was

disabled by his wound. It was a drawn battle, and corps law requires that drawn battles shall be refought as

During the conflict, I had talked a little, now and then, with a young gentleman of the White Cap Corps, and

he had mentioned that he was to fight nextand had also pointed out his challenger, a young gentleman who

was leaning against the opposite wall smoking a cigarette and restfully observing the duel then in progress.

My acquaintanceship with a party to the coming contest had the effect of giving me a kind of personal

interest in it; I naturally wished he might win, and it was the reverse of pleasant to learn that he probably

would not, because, although he was a notable swordsman, the challenger was held to be his superior.

The duel presently began and in the same furious way which had marked the previous one. I stood close by,

but could not tell which blows told and which did not, they fell and vanished so like flashes of light. They all

seemed to tell; the swords always bent over the opponents' heads, from the forehead back over the crown, and

seemed to touch, all the way; but it was not soa protecting blade, invisible to me, was always interposed

between. At the end of ten seconds each man had struck twelve or fifteen blows, and warded off twelve or

fifteen, and no harm done; then a sword became disabled, and a short rest followed whilst a new one was

brought. Early in the next round the White Corps student got an ugly wound on the side of his head and gave

his opponent one like it. In the third round the latter received another bad wound in the head, and the former

had his underlip divided. After that, the White Corps student gave many severe wounds, but got none of the

consequence in return. At the end of five minutes from the beginning of the duel the surgeon stopped it; the

challenging party had suffered such injuries that any addition to them might be dangerous. These injuries

were a fearful spectacle, but are better left undescribed. So, against expectation, my acquaintance was the

The third duel was brief and bloody. The surgeon stopped it when he saw that one of the men had received

The fourth duel was a tremendous encounter; but at the end of five or six minutes the surgeon interfered once

more: another man so severely hurt as to render it unsafe to add to his harms. I watched this engagement as I

watched the otherswith rapt interest and strong excitement, and with a shrink and a shudder for every blow

that laid open a cheek or a forehead; and a conscious paling of my face when I occasionally saw a wound of a

yet more shocking nature inflicted. My eyes were upon the loser of this duel when he got his last and

vanquishing woundit was in his face and it carried away hisbut no matter, I must not enter into details. I

had but a glance, and then turned quickly, but I would not have been looking at all if I had known what was

coming. No, that is probably not true; one thinks he would not look if he knew what was coming, but the

interest and the excitement are so powerful that they would doubtless conquer all other feelings; and so,

under the fierce exhilaration of the clashing steel, he would yield and look after all. Sometimes spectators of

Both parties to this fourth duel were badly hurt so much that the surgeon was at work upon them nearly or

quite an houra fact which is suggestive. But this waiting interval was not wasted in idleness by the

assembled students. It was past noon, therefore they ordered their landlord, downstairs, to send up hot

beefsteaks, chickens, and such things, and these they ate, sitting comfortable at the several tables, whilst they

chatted, disputed and laughed. The door to the surgeon's room stood open, meantime, but the cutting, sewing,

splicing, and bandaging going on in there in plain view did not seem to disturb anyone's appetite. I went in

and saw the surgeon labor awhile, but could not enjoy; it was much less trying to see the wounds given and

received than to see them mended; the stir and turmoil, and the music of the steel, were wanting hereone's

nerves were wrung by this grisly spectacle, whilst the duel's compensating pleasurable thrill was lacking.

Finally the doctor finished, and the men who were to fight the closing battle of the day came forth. A good

many dinners were not completed, yet, but no matter, they could be eaten cold, after the battle; therefore

everybody crowded forth to see. This was not a love duel, but a "satisfaction" affair. These two students had

quarreled, and were here to settle it. They did not belong to any of the corps, but they were furnished with

weapons and armor, and permitted to fight here by the five corps as a courtesy. Evidently these two young

men were unfamiliar with the dueling ceremonies, though they were not unfamiliar with the sword. When

they were placed in position they thought it was time to beginand then did begin, too, and with a most

impetuous energy, without waiting for anybody to give the word. This vastly amused the spectators, and even

broke down their studied and courtly gravity and surprised them into laughter. Of course the seconds struck

up the swords and started the duel over again. At the word, the deluge of blows began, but before long the

surgeon once more interferedfor the only reason which ever permits him to interfereand the day's war

was over. It was now two in the afternoon, and I had been present since half past nine in the morning. The

field of battle was indeed a red one by this time; but some sawdust soon righted that. There had been one duel

before I arrived. In it one of the men received many injuries, while the other one escaped without a scratch.

I had seen the heads and faces of ten youths gashed in every direction by the keen twoedged blades, and yet

had not seen a victim wince, nor heard a moan, or detected any fleeting expression which confessed the sharp

pain the hurts were inflicting. This was good fortitude, indeed. Such endurance is to be expected in savages

and prizefighters, for they are born and educated to it; but to find it in such perfection in these gently bred

and kindly natured young fellows is matter for surprise. It was not merely under the excitement of the

swordplay that this fortitude was shown; it was shown in the surgeon's room where an uninspiring quiet

reigned, and where there was no audience. The doctor's manipulations brought out neither grimaces nor

moans. And in the fights it was observable that these lads hacked and slashed with the same tremendous

spirit, after they were covered with streaming wounds, which they had shown in the beginning.

The world in general looks upon the college duels as very farcical affairs: true, but considering that the

college duel is fought by boys; that the swords are real swords; and that the head and face are exposed, it

seems to me that it is a farce which had quite a grave side to it. People laugh at it mainly because they think

the student is so covered up with armor that he cannot be hurt. But it is not so; his eyes are ears are protected,

but the rest of his face and head are bare. He can not only be badly wounded, but his life is in danger; and he

would sometimes lose it but for the interference of the surgeon. It is not intended that his life shall be

endangered. Fatal accidents are possible, however. For instance, the student's sword may break, and the end

of it fly up behind his antagonist's ear and cut an artery which could not be reached if the sword remained

whole. This has happened, sometimes, and death has resulted on the spot. Formerly the student's armpits were

not protectedand at that time the swords were pointed, whereas they are blunt, now; so an artery in the

armpit was sometimes cut, and death followed. Then in the days of sharppointed swords, a spectator was an

occasional victimthe end of a broken sword flew five or ten feet and buried itself in his neck or his heart,

and death ensued instantly. The student duels in Germany occasion two or three deaths every year, now, but

this arises only from the carelessness of the wounded men; they eat or drink imprudently, or commit excesses

in the way of overexertion; inflammation sets in and gets such a headway that it cannot be arrested. Indeed,

there is blood and pain and danger enough about the college duel to entitle it to a considerable degree of

All the customs, all the laws, all the details, pertaining to the student duel are quaint and naive. The grave,

precise, and courtly ceremony with which the thing is conducted, invests it with a sort of antique charm.

This dignity and these knightly graces suggest the tournament, not the prizefight. The laws are as curious as

they are strict. For instance, the duelist may step forward from the line he is placed upon, if he chooses, but

never back of it. If he steps back of it, or even leans back, it is considered that he did it to avoid a blow or

contrive an advantage; so he is dismissed from his corps in disgrace. It would seem natural to step from under

a descending sword unconsciously, and against one's will and intentyet this unconsciousness is not

allowed. Again: if under the sudden anguish of a wound the receiver of it makes a grimace, he falls some

degrees in the estimation of his fellows; his corps are ashamed of him: they call him "hare foot," which is the

In addition to the corps laws, there are some corps usages which have the force of laws.

Perhaps the president of a corps notices that one of the membership who is no longer an exemptthat is a

freshman has remained a sophomore some little time without volunteering to fight; some day, the

president, instead of calling for volunteers, will APPOINT this sophomore to measure swords with a student

of another corps; he is free to declineeverybody says sothere is no compulsion. This is all truebut I

have not heard of any student who DID decline; to decline and still remain in the corps would make him

unpleasantly conspicuous, and properly so, since he knew, when he joined, that his main business, as a

member, would be to fight. No, there is no law against decliningexcept the law of custom, which is

The ten men whose duels I had witnessed did not go away when their hurts were dressed, as I had supposed

they would, but came back, one after another, as soon as they were free of the surgeon, and mingled with the

assemblage in the duelingroom. The whitecap student who won the second fight witnessed the remaining

three, and talked with us during the intermissions. He could not talk very well, because his opponent's sword

had cut his underlip in two, and then the surgeon had sewed it together and overlaid it with a profusion of

white plaster patches; neither could he eat easily, still he contrived to accomplish a slow and troublesome

luncheon while the last duel was preparing. The man who was the worst hurt of all played chess while

waiting to see this engagement. A good part of his face was covered with patches and bandages, and all the

rest of his head was covered and concealed by them. It is said that the student likes to appear on the street and

in other public places in this kind of array, and that this predilection often keeps him out when exposure to

rain or sun is a positive danger for him. Newly bandaged students are a very common spectacle in the public

gardens of Heidelberg. It is also said that the student is glad to get wounds in the face, because the scars they

leave will show so well there; and it is also said that these face wounds are so prized that youths have even

been known to pull them apart from time to time and put red wine in them to make them heal badly and leave

as ugly a scar as possible. It does not look reasonable, but it is roundly asserted and maintained, nevertheless;

I am sure of one thingscars are plenty enough in Germany, among the young men; and very grim ones they

are, too. They crisscross the face in angry red welts, and are permanent and ineffaceable. Some of these scars

are of a very strange and dreadful aspect; and the effect is striking when several such accent the milder ones,

which form a city map on a man's face; they suggest the "burned district" then. We had often noticed that

many of the students wore a colored silk band or ribbon diagonally across their breasts. It transpired that this

signifies that the wearer has fought three duels in which a decision was reachedduels in which he either

whipped or was whippedfor drawn battles do not count. [1] After a student has received his ribbon, he is

"free"; he can cease from fighting, without reproachexcept some one insult him; his president cannot

appoint him to fight; he can volunteer if he wants to, or remain quiescent if he prefers to do so. Statistics

show that he does NOT prefer to remain quiescent. They show that the duel has a singular fascination about it

somewhere, for these free men, so far from resting upon the privilege of the badge, are always volunteering.

A corps student told me it was of record that Prince Bismarck fought thirtytwo of these duels in a single

summer term when he was in college. So he fought twentynine after his badge had given him the right to

The statistics may be found to possess interest in several particulars. Two days in every week are devoted to

dueling. The rule is rigid that there must be three duels on each of these days; there are generally more, but

there cannot be fewer. There were six the day I was present; sometimes there are seven or eight. It is insisted

that eight duels a weekfour for each of the two daysis too low an average to draw a calculation from,

but I will reckon from that basis, preferring an understatement to an overstatement of the case. This requires

about four hundred and eighty or five hundred duelists a yearfor in summer the college term is about three

and a half months, and in winter it is four months and sometimes longer. Of the seven hundred and fifty

students in the university at the time I am writing of, only eighty belonged to the five corps, and it is only

these corps that do the dueling; occasionally other students borrow the arms and battleground of the five

corps in order to settle a quarrel, but this does not happen every duelingday. [2] Consequently eighty youths

furnish the material for some two hundred and fifty duels a year. This average gives six fights a year to each

of the eighty. This large work could not be accomplished if the badgeholders stood upon their privilege and

Of course, where there is so much fighting, the students make it a point to keep themselves in constant

practice with the foil. One often sees them, at the tables in the Castle grounds, using their whips or canes to

illustrate some new sword trick which they have heard about; and between the duels, on the day whose

history I have been writing, the swords were not always idle; every now and then we heard a succession of

the keen hissing sounds which the sword makes when it is being put through its paces in the air, and this

informed us that a student was practicing. Necessarily, this unceasing attention to the art develops an expert

occasionally. He becomes famous in his own university, his renown spreads to other universities. He is

invited to Go"ttingen, to fight with a Go"ttingen expert; if he is victorious, he will be invited to other

colleges, or those colleges will send their experts to him. Americans and Englishmen often join one or

another of the five corps. A year or two ago, the principal Heidelberg expert was a big Kentuckian; he was

invited to the various universities and left a wake of victory behind him all about Germany; but at last a little

student in Strasburg defeated him. There was formerly a student in Heidelberg who had picked up somewhere

and mastered a peculiar trick of cutting up under instead of cleaving down from above. While the trick lasted

he won in sixteen successive duels in his university; but by that time observers had discovered what his

A rule which forbids social intercourse between members of different corps is strict. In the duelinghouse, in

the parks, on the street, and anywhere and everywhere that the students go, caps of a color group themselves

together. If all the tables in a public garden were crowded but one, and that one had two redcap students at it

and ten vacant places, the yellowcaps, the bluecaps, the white caps, and the green caps, seeking seats,

would go by that table and not seem to see it, nor seem to be aware that there was such a table in the grounds.

The student by whose courtesy we had been enabled to visit the duelingplace, wore the white capPrussian

Corps. He introduced us to many white caps, but to none of another color. The corps etiquette extended even

to us, who were strangers, and required us to group with the white corps only, and speak only with the white

corps, while we were their guests, and keep aloof from the caps of the other colors. Once I wished to examine

some of the swords, but an American student said, "It would not be quite polite; these now in the windows all

have red hilts or blue; they will bring in some with white hilts presently, and those you can handle freely.

"When a sword was broken in the first duel, I wanted a piece of it; but its hilt was the wrong color, so it was

considered best and politest to await a properer season. It was brought to me after the room was cleared, and I

will now make a "lifesize" sketch of it by tracing a line around it with my pen, to show the width of the

weapon. [Figure 1] The length of these swords is about three feet, and they are quite heavy. One's disposition

to cheer, during the course of the duels or at their close, was naturally strong, but corps etiquette forbade any

demonstrations of this sort. However brilliant a contest or a victory might be, no sign or sound betrayed that

any one was moved. A dignified gravity and repression were maintained at all times.

When the dueling was finished and we were ready to go, the gentlemen of the Prussian Corps to whom we

had been introduced took off their caps in the courteous German way, and also shook hands; their brethren of

the same order took off their caps and bowed, but without shaking hands; the gentlemen of the other corps

treated us just as they would have treated white capsthey fell apart, apparently unconsciously, and left us

an unobstructed pathway, but did not seem to see us or know we were there. If we had gone thither the

following week as guests of another corps, the white caps, without meaning any offense, would have

[How strangely are comedy and tragedy blended in this life! I had not been home a full halfhour, after

witnessing those playful shamduels, when circumstances made it necessary for me to get ready immediately

to assist personally at a real onea duel with no effeminate limitation in the matter of results, but a battle to

the death. An account of it, in the next chapter, will show the reader that duels between boys, for fun, and

Much as the modern French duel is ridiculed by certain smart people, it is in reality one of the most

dangerous institutions of our day. Since it is always fought in the open air, the combatants are nearly sure to

catch cold. M. Paul de Cassagnac, the most inveterate of the French duelists, had suffered so often in this way

that he is at last a confirmed invalid; and the best physician in Paris has expressed the opinion that if he goes

on dueling for fifteen or twenty years moreunless he forms the habit of fighting in a comfortable room

where damps and draughts cannot intrudehe will eventually endanger his life. This ought to moderate the

talk of those people who are so stubborn in maintaining that the French duel is the most healthgiving of

recreations because of the openair exercise it affords. And it ought also to moderate that foolish talk about

French duelists and socialisthated monarchs being the only people who are immoral.

But it is time to get at my subject. As soon as I heard of the late fiery outbreak between M. Gambetta and M.

Fourtou in the French Assembly, I knew that trouble must follow. I knew it because a long personal

friendship with M. Gambetta revealed to me the desperate and implacable nature of the man. Vast as are his

physical proportions, I knew that the thirst for revenge would penetrate to the remotest frontiers of his person.

I did not wait for him to call on me, but went at once to him. As I had expected, I found the brave fellow

steeped in a profound French calm. I say French calm, because French calmness and English calmness have

points of difference. He was moving swiftly back and forth among the debris of his furniture, now and then

staving chance fragments of it across the room with his foot; grinding a constant grist of curses through his

set teeth; and halting every little while to deposit another handful of his hair on the pile which he had been

He threw his arms around my neck, bent me over his stomach to his breast, kissed me on both cheeks, hugged

me four or five times, and then placed me in his own armchair. As soon as I had got well again, we began

I said I supposed he would wish me to act as his second, and he said, "Of course." I said I must be allowed to

act under a French name, so that I might be shielded from obloquy in my country, in case of fatal results. He

winced here, probably at the suggestion that dueling was not regarded with respect in America. However, he

agreed to my requirement. This accounts for the fact that in all the newspaper reports M. Gambetta's second

First, we drew up my principal's will. I insisted upon this, and stuck to my point. I said I had never heard of a

man in his right mind going out to fight a duel without first making his will. He said he had never heard of a

man in his right mind doing anything of the kind. When he had finished the will, he wished to proceed to a

choice of his "last words." He wanted to know how the following words, as a dying exclamation, struck me:

"I die for my God, for my country, for freedom of speech, for progress, and the universal brotherhood of

I objected that this would require too lingering a death; it was a good speech for a consumptive, but not suited

to the exigencies of the field of honor. We wrangled over a good many antemortem outburts, but I finally

got him to cut his obituary down to this, which he copied into his memorandumbook, purposing to get it by

I said that this remark seemed to lack relevancy; but he said relevancy was a matter of no consequence in last

The next thing in order was the choice of weapons. My principal said he was not feeling well, and would

leave that and the other details of the proposed meeting to me. Therefore I wrote the following note and

Sir: M. Gambetta accepts M. Fourtou's challenge, and authorizes me to propose PlessisPiquet as the place of

M. Fourtou's friend read this note, and shuddered. Then he turned to me, and said, with a suggestion of

"Have you considered, sir, what would be the inevitable result of such a meeting as this?"

"That's about the size of it," I said. "Now, if it is a fair question, what was your side proposing to shed?"

I had him there. He saw he had made a blunder, so he hastened to explain it away. He said he had spoken

jestingly. Then he added that he and his principal would enjoy axes, and indeed prefer them, but such

I walked the floor, turning the thing over in my mind, and finally it occurred to me that Gatlingguns at

fifteen paces would be a likely way to get a verdict on the field of honor. So I framed this idea into a

But it was not accepted. The code was in the way again. I proposed rifles; then doublebarreled shotguns;

then Colt's navy revolvers. These being all rejected, I reflected awhile, and sarcastically suggested brickbats

at threequarters of a mile. I always hate to fool away a humorous thing on a person who has no perception

of humor; and it filled me with bitterness when this man went soberly away to submit the last proposition to

He came back presently and said his principal was charmed with the idea of brickbats at threequarters of a

mile, but must decline on account of the danger to disinterested parties passing between them. Then I said:

"Well, I am at the end of my string, now. Perhaps YOU would be good enough to suggest a weapon? Perhaps

So he fell to hunting in his pocketspocket after pocket, and he had plenty of themmuttering all the

At last he was successful. He fished out of his vest pocket a couple of little things which I carried to the light

and ascertained to be pistols. They were singlebarreled and silvermounted, and very dainty and pretty. I

was not able to speak for emotion. I silently hung one of them on my watchchain, and returned the other.

My companion in crime now unrolled a postagestamp containing several cartridges, and gave me one of

them. I asked if he meant to signify by this that our men were to be allowed but one shot apiece. He replied

that the French code permitted no more. I then begged him to go and suggest a distance, for my mind was

growing weak and confused under the strain which had been put upon it. He named sixtyfive yards. I nearly

"Sixtyfive yards, with these instruments? Squirtguns would be deadlier at fifty. Consider, my friend, you

But with all my persuasions, all my arguments, I was only able to get him to reduce the distance to thirtyfive

yards; and even this concession he made with reluctance, and said with a sigh, "I wash my hands of this

There was nothing for me but to go home to my old lionheart and tell my humiliating story. When I entered,

M. Gambetta was laying his last lock of hair upon the altar. He sprang toward me, exclaiming:

His face paled a trifle, and he leaned upon the table for support. He breathed thick and heavily for a moment

"This!" and I displayed that silvermounted thing. He cast but one glance at it, then swooned ponderously to

"The unnatural calm to which I have subjected myself has told upon my nerves. But away with weakness! I

He rose to his feet, and assumed an attitude which for sublimity has never been approached by man, and has

I could not lift him up, of course; but I rolled him over, and poured water down his back. He presently came

"Thirtyfive yardswithout a rest? But why ask? Since murder was that man's intention, why should he

palter with small details? But mark you one thing: in my fall the world shall see how the chivalry of France

"Was nothing said about that man's family standing up with him, as an offset to my bulk? But no matter; I

would not stoop to make such a suggestion; if he is not noble enough to suggest it himself, he is welcome to

He now sank into a sort of stupor of reflection, which lasted some minutes; after which he broke silence with:

"It is no time to bandy words. I am astonished that M. Fourtou should ever have agreed to so strange an

I ran downstairs, threw open the front door, and almost plunged into the arms of M. Fourtou's second. He

"I have the honor to say that my principal strenuously objects to the hour chosen, and begs you will consent

"Any courtesy, sir, which it is in our power to extend is at the service of your excellent principal. We agree to

"I beg you to accept the thanks of my client." Then he turned to a person behind him, and said, "You hear, M.

Noir, the hour is altered to half past nine. " Whereupon M. Noir bowed, expressed his thanks, and went away.

"If agreeable to you, your chief surgeons and ours shall proceed to the field in the same carriage as is

"It is entirely agreeable to me, and I am obliged to you for mentioning the surgeons, for I am afraid I should

not have thought of them. How many shall I want? I supposed two or three will be enough?"

"Two is the customary number for each party. I refer to 'chief' surgeons; but considering the exalted positions

occupied by our clients, it will be well and decorous that each of us appoint several consulting surgeons, from

among the highest in the profession. These will come in their own private carriages. Have you engaged a

"Bless my stupidity, I never thought of it!" I will attend to it right away. I must seem very ignorant to you;

but you must try to overlook that, because I have never had any experience of such a swell duel as this before.

I have had a good deal to do with duels on the Pacific coast, but I see now that they were crude affairs. A

hearsesho! we used to leave the elected lying around loose, and let anybody cord them up and cart them

"Nothing, except that the head undertakers shall ride together, as is usual. The subordinates and mutes will go

on foot, as is also usual. I will see you at eight o'clock in the morning, and we will then arrange the order of

I returned to my client, who said, "Very well; at what hour is the engagement to begin?"

"SIR! If after our long and intimate friendship you can for a moment deem me capable of so base a

"Tut, tut! What words are these, my dear friend? Have I wounded you? Ah, forgive me; I am overloading you

with labor. Therefore go on with the other details, and drop this one from your list. The bloodyminded

Fourtou will be sure to attend to it. Or I myselfyes, to make certain, I will drop a note to my journalistic

"Oh, come to think of it, you may save yourself the trouble; that other second has informed M. Noir."

"H'm! I might have known it. It is just like that Fourtou, who always wants to make a display."

At half past nine in the morning the procession approached the field of PlessisPiquet in the following order:

first came our carriagenobody in it but M. Gambetta and myself; then a carriage containing M. Fourtou

and his second; then a carriage containing two poetorators who did not believe in God, and these had MS.

funeral orations projecting from their breast pockets; then a carriage containing the head surgeons and their

cases of instruments; then eight private carriages containing consulting surgeons; then a hack containing a

coroner; then the two hearses; then a carriage containing the head undertakers; then a train of assistants and

mutes on foot; and after these came plodding through the fog a long procession of camp followers, police,

and citizens generally. It was a noble turnout, and would have made a fine display if we had had thinner

There was no conversation. I spoke several times to my principal, but I judge he was not aware of it, for he

always referred to his notebook and muttered absently, "I die that France might live."

"Arrived on the field, my fellowsecond and I paced off the thirtyfive yards, and then drew lots for choice

of position. This latter was but an ornamental ceremony, for all the choices were alike in such weather. These

preliminaries being ended, I went to my principal and asked him if he was ready. He spread himself out to his

The loading process was done in the presence of duly constituted witnesses. We considered it best to perform

this delicate service with the assistance of a lantern, on account of the state of the weather. We now placed

At this point the police noticed that the public had massed themselves together on the right and left of the

field; they therefore begged a delay, while they should put these poor people in a place of safety.

The police having ordered the two multitudes to take positions behind the duelists, we were once more ready.

The weather growing still more opaque, it was agreed between myself and the other second that before giving

the fatal signal we should each deliver a loud whoop to enable the combatants to ascertain each other's

I now returned to my principal, and was distressed to observe that he had lost a good deal of his spirit. I tried

my best to hearten him. I said, "Indeed, sir, things are not as bad as they seem. Considering the character of

the weapons, the limited number of shots allowed, the generous distance, the impenetrable solidity of the fog,

and the added fact that one of the combatants is oneeyed and the other crosseyed and nearsighted, it

seems to me that this conflict need not necessarily be fatal. There are chances that both of you may survive.

This speech had so good an effect that my principal immediately stretched forth his hand and said, "I am

I laid it, all lonely and forlorn, in the center of the vast solitude of his palm. He gazed at it and shuddered.

I heartened him once more, and with such success that he presently said, "Let the tragedy begin. Stand at my

I gave him my promise. I now assisted him to point his pistol toward the spot where I judged his adversary to

be standing, and cautioned him to listen well and further guide himself by my fellowsecond's whoop. Then I

propped myself against M. Gambetta's back, and raised a rousing "Whoopee!" This was answered from out

Two little sounds like SPIT! SPIT! broke upon my ear, and in the same instant I was crushed to the earth

under a mountain of flesh. Bruised as I was, I was still able to catch a faint accent from above, to this effect:

"I die for... for ... perdition take it, what IS it I die for? ... oh, yesFRANCE! I die that France may live!"

The surgeons swarmed around with their probes in their hands, and applied their microscopes to the whole

area of M. Gambetta's person, with the happy result of finding nothing in the nature of a wound. Then a scene

The two gladiators fell upon each other's neck, with floods of proud and happy tears; that other second

embraced me; the surgeons, the orators, the undertakers, the police, everybody embraced, everybody

congratulated, everybody cried, and the whole atmosphere was filled with praise and with joy unspeakable.

It seems to me then that I would rather be a hero of a French duel than a crowned and sceptered monarch.

When the commotion had somewhat subsided, the body of surgeons held a consultation, and after a good deal

of debate decided that with proper care and nursing there was reason to believe that I would survive my

injuries. My internal hurts were deemed the most serious, since it was apparent that a broken rib had

penetrated my left lung, and that many of my organs had been pressed out so far to one side or the other of

where they belonged, that it was doubtful if they would ever learn to perform their functions in such remote

and unaccustomed localities. They then set my left arm in two places, pulled my right hip into its socket

again, and reelevated my nose. I was an object of great interest, and even admiration; and many sincere and

warmhearted persons had themselves introduced to me, and said they were proud to know the only man who

I was placed in an ambulance at the very head of the procession; and thus with gratifying 'ECLAT I was

marched into Paris, the most conspicuous figure in that great spectacle, and deposited at the hospital.

The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred upon me. However, few escape that distinction.

I have no complaints to make against any one. I acted for myself, and I can stand the consequences.

Without boasting, I think I may say I am not afraid to stand before a modern French duelist, but as long as I

One day we took the train and went down to Mannheim to see "King Lear" played in German. It was a

mistake. We sat in our seats three whole hours and never understood anything but the thunder and lightning;

and even that was reversed to suit German ideas, for the thunder came first and the lightning followed after.

The behavior of the audience was perfect. There were no rustlings, or whisperings, or other little

disturbances; each act was listened to in silence, and the applauding was done after the curtain was down.

The doors opened at half past four, the play began promptly at half past five, and within two minutes

afterward all who were coming were in their seats, and quiet reigned. A German gentleman in the train had

said that a Shakespearian play was an appreciated treat in Germany and that we should find the house filled.

It was true; all the six tiers were filled, and remained so to the endwhich suggested that it is not only

balcony people who like Shakespeare in Germany, but those of the pit and gallery, too.

Another time, we went to Mannheim and attended a shivaree otherwise an operathe one called

"Lohengrin." The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. The

racking and pitiless pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time that I had

my teeth fixed. There were circumstances which made it necessary for me to stay through the hour hours to

the end, and I stayed; but the recollection of that long, dragging, relentless season of suffering is

indestructible. To have to endure it in silence, and sitting still, made it all the harder. I was in a railed

compartment with eight or ten strangers, of the two sexes, and this compelled repression; yet at times the pain

was so exquisite that I could hardly keep the tears back. At those times, as the howlings and wailings and

shrieking of the singers, and the ragings and roarings and explosions of the vast orchestra rose higher and

higher, and wilder and wilder, and fiercer and fiercer, I could have cried if I had been alone. Those strangers

would not have been surprised to see a man do such a thing who was being gradually skinned, but they would

have marveled at it here, and made remarks about it no doubt, whereas there was nothing in the present case

which was an advantage over being skinned. There was a wait of half an hour at the end of the first act, and I

could not trust myself to do it, for I felt that I should desert to stay out. There was another wait of half an hour

toward nine o'clock, but I had gone through so much by that time that I had no spirit left, and so had no desire

I do not wish to suggest that the rest of the people there were like me, for, indeed, they were not. Whether it

was that they naturally liked that noise, or whether it was that they had learned to like it by getting used to it,

I did not at the time know; but they did likethis was plain enough. While it was going on they sat and

looked as rapt and grateful as cats do when one strokes their backs; and whenever the curtain fell they rose to

their feet, in one solid mighty multitude, and the air was snowed thick with waving handkerchiefs, and

hurricanes of applause swept the place. This was not comprehensible to me. Of course, there were many

people there who were not under compulsion to stay; yet the tiers were as full at the close as they had been at

It was a curious sort of a play. In the manner of costumes and scenery it was fine and showy enough; but

there was not much action. That is to say, there was not much really done, it was only talked about; and

always violently. It was what one might call a narrative play. Everybody had a narrative and a grievance, and

none were reasonable about it, but all in an offensive and ungovernable state. There was little of that sort of

customary thing where the tenor and the soprano stand down by the footlights, warbling, with blended voices,

and keep holding out their arms toward each other and drawing them back and spreading both hands over

first one breast and then the other with a shake and a pressureno, it was every rioter for himself and no

blending. Each sang his indictive narrative in turn, accompanied by the whole orchestra of sixty instruments,

and when this had continued for some time, and one was hoping they might come to an understanding and

modify the noise, a great chorus composed entirely of maniacs would suddenly break forth, and then during

two minutes, and sometimes three, I lived over again all that I suffered the time the orphan asylum burned

We only had one brief little season of heaven and heaven's sweet ecstasy and peace during all this long and

diligent and acrimonious reproduction of the other place. This was while a gorgeous procession of people

marched around and around, in the third act, and sang the Wedding Chorus. To my untutored ear that was

musicalmost divine music. While my seared soul was steeped in the healing balm of those gracious

sounds, it seemed to me that I could almost resuffer the torments which had gone before, in order to be so

healed again. There is where the deep ingenuity of the operatic idea is betrayed. It deals so largely in pain that

its scattered delights are prodigiously augmented by the contrasts. A pretty air in an opera is prettier there

than it could be anywhere else, I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would

I have since found out that there is nothing the Germans like so much as an opera. They like it, not in a mild

and moderate way, but with their whole hearts. This is a legitimate result of habit and education. Our nation

will like the opera, too, by and by, no doubt. One in fifty of those who attend our operas likes it already,

perhaps, but I think a good many of the other fortynine go in order to learn to like it, and the rest in order to

be able to talk knowingly about it. The latter usually hum the airs while they are being sung, so that their

neighbors may perceive that they have been to operas before. The funerals of these do not occur often

A gentle, oldmaidish person and a sweet young girl of seventeen sat right in front of us that night at the

Mannheim opera. These people talked, between the acts, and I understood them, though I understood nothing

that was uttered on the distant stage. At first they were guarded in their talk, but after they had heard my

agent and me conversing in English they dropped their reserve and I picked up many of their little

confidences; no, I mean many of HER little confidencesmeaning the elder partyfor the young girl only

listened, and gave assenting nods, but never said a word. How pretty she was, and how sweet she was! I

wished she would speak. But evidently she was absorbed in her own thoughts, her own younggirl dreams,

and found a dearer pleasure in silence. But she was not dreaming sleepy dreamsno, she was awake, alive,

alert, she could not sit still a moment. She was an enchanting study. Her gown was of a soft white silky stuff

that clung to her round young figure like a fish's skin, and it was rippled over with the gracefulest little fringy

films of lace; she had deep, tender eyes, with long, curved lashes; and she had peachy cheeks, and a dimpled

chin, and such a dear little rosebud of a mouth; and she was so dovelike, so pure, and so gracious, so sweet

and so bewitching. For long hours I did mightily wish she would speak. And at last she did; the red lips

parted, and out leaps her thoughtand with such a guileless and pretty enthusiasm, too: "Auntie, I just

That was probably over the average. Yes, it must have been very much over the average. The average at that

time in the Grand Duchy of Baden was fortyfive to a young person (when alone), according to the official

estimate of the home secretary for that year; the average for older people was shifty and indeterminable, for

whenever a wholesome young girl came into the presence of her elders she immediately lowered their

average and raised her own. She became a sort of contributionbox. This dear young thing in the theater had

been sitting there unconsciously taking up a collection. Many a skinny old being in our neighborhood was the

In that large audience, that night, there were eight very conspicuous people. These were ladies who had their

hats or bonnets on. What a blessed thing it would be if a lady could make herself conspicuous in our theaters

by wearing her hat. It is not usual in Europe to allow ladies and gentlemen to take bonnets, hats, overcoats,

canes, or umbrellas into the auditorium, but in Mannheim this rule was not enforced because the audiences

were largely made up of people from a distance, and among these were always a few timid ladies who were

afraid that if they had to go into an anteroom to get their things when the play was over, they would miss

their train. But the great mass of those who came from a distance always ran the risk and took the chances,

preferring the loss of a train to a breach of good manners and the discomfort of being unpleasantly

Three or four hours. That is a long time to sit in one place, whether one be conspicuous or not, yet some of

Wagner's operas bang along for six whole hours on a stretch! But the people sit there and enjoy it all, and

wish it would last longer. A German lady in Munich told me that a person could not like Wagner's music at

first, but must go through the deliberate process of learning to like itthen he would have his sure reward;

for when he had learned to like it he would hunger for it and never be able to get enough of it. She said that

six hours of Wagner was by no means too much. She said that this composer had made a complete revolution

in music and was burying the old masters one by one. And she said that Wagner's operas differed from all

others in one notable respect, and that was that they were not merely spotted with music here and there, but

were ALL music, from the first strain to the last. This surprised me. I said I had attended one of his

insurrections, and found hardly ANY music in it except the Wedding Chorus. She said "Lohengrin" was

noisier than Wagner's other operas, but that if I would keep on going to see it I would find by and by that it

was all music, and therefore would then enjoy it. I COULD have said, "But would you advise a person to

deliberately practice having a toothache in the pit of his stomach for a couple of years in order that he might

This lady was full of the praises of the headtenor who had performed in a Wagner opera the night before,

and went on to enlarge upon his old and prodigious fame, and how many honors had been lavished upon him

by the princely houses of Germany. Here was another surprise. I had attended that very opera, in the person

"Why, madam, MY experience warrants me in stating that that tenor's voice is not a voice at all, but only a

"That is very true," she said; "he cannot sing now; it is already many years that he has lost his voice, but in

other times he sang, yes, divinely! So whenever he comes now, you shall see, yes, that the theater will not

I said she was discovering to me a kindly trait in the Germans which was worth emulating. I said that over the

water we were not quite so generous; that with us, when a singer had lost his voice and a jumper had lost his

legs, these parties ceased to draw. I said I had been to the opera in Hanover, once, and in Mannheim once,

and in Munich (through my authorized agent) once, and this large experience had nearly persuaded me that

the Germans PREFERRED singers who couldn't sing. This was not such a very extravagant speech, either,

for that burly Mannheim tenor's praises had been the talk of all Heidelberg for a week before his performance

took placeyet his voice was like the distressing noise which a nail makes when you screech it across a

windowpane. I said so to Heidelberg friends the next day, and they said, in the calmest and simplest way,

that that was very true, but that in earlier times his voice HAD been wonderfully fine. And the tenor in

Hanover was just another example of this sort. The Englishspeaking German gentleman who went with me

"ACH GOTT! a great man! You shall see him. He is so celebrate in all Germanyand he has a pension, yes,

from the government. He not obliged to sing now, only twice every year; but if he not sing twice each year

Very well, we went. When the renowned old tenor appeared, I got a nudge and an excited whisper:

But the "celebrate" was an astonishing disappointment to me. If he had been behind a screen I should have

supposed they were performing a surgical operation on him. I looked at my friendto my great surprise he

seemed intoxicated with pleasure, his eyes were dancing with eager delight. When the curtain at last fell, he

burst into the stormiest applause, and kept it upas did the whole houseuntil the afflictive tenor had come

three times before the curtain to make his bow. While the glowing enthusiast was swabbing the perspiration

"Him? NO! GOTT IM HIMMEL, ABER, how he has been able to sing twentyfive years ago?" [Then

pensively.] "ACH, no, NOW he not sing any more, he only cry. When he think he sing, now, he not sing at

Where and how did we get the idea that the Germans are a stolid, phlegmatic race? In truth, they are widely

removed from that. They are warmhearted, emotional, impulsive, enthusiastic, their tears come at the

mildest touch, and it is not hard to move them to laughter. They are the very children of impulse. We are cold

and selfcontained, compared to the Germans. They hug and kiss and cry and shout and dance and sing; and

where we use one loving, petting expressions they pour out a score. Their language is full of endearing

diminutives; nothing that they love escapes the application of a petting diminutiveneither the house, nor

the dog, nor the horse, nor the grandmother, nor any other creature, animate or inanimate.

In the theaters at Hanover, Hamburg, and Mannheim, they had a wise custom. The moment the curtain went

up, the light in the body of the house went down. The audience sat in the cool gloom of a deep twilight,

which greatly enhanced the glowing splendors of the stage. It saved gas, too, and people were not sweated to

When I saw "King Lear" played, nobody was allowed to see a scene shifted; if there was nothing to be done

but slide a forest out of the way and expose a temple beyond, one did not see that forest split itself in the

middle and go shrieking away, with the accompanying disenchanting spectacle of the hands and heels of the

impelling impulseno, the curtain was always dropped for an instantone heard not the least movement

behind itbut when it went up, the next instant, the forest was gone. Even when the stage was being entirely

reset, one heard no noise. During the whole time that "King Lear" was playing the curtain was never down

two minutes at any one time. The orchestra played until the curtain was ready to go up for the first time, then

they departed for the evening. Where the stage waits never each two minutes there is no occasion for music. I

had never seen this twominute business between acts but once before, and that was when the "Shaughraun"

I was at a concert in Munich one night, the people were streaming in, the clockhand pointed to seven, the

music struck up, and instantly all movement in the body of the house ceasednobody was standing, or

walking up the aisles, or fumbling with a seat, the stream of incomers had suddenly dried up at its source. I

listened undisturbed to a piece of music that was fifteen minutes longalways expecting some tardy

ticketholders to come crowding past my knees, and being continuously and pleasantly disappointedbut

when the last note was struck, here came the stream again. You see, they had made those late comers wait in

the comfortable waitingparlor from the time the music had begin until it was ended.

It was the first time I had ever seen this sort of criminals denied the privilege of destroying the comfort of a

house full of their betters. Some of these were pretty fine birds, but no matter, they had to tarry outside in the

long parlor under the inspection of a double rank of liveried footmen and waitingmaids who supported the

two walls with their backs and held the wraps and traps of their masters and mistresses on their arms.

We had no footmen to hold our things, and it was not permissible to take them into the concertroom; but

there were some men and women to take charge of them for us. They gave us checks for them and charged a

In Germany they always hear one thing at an opera which has never yet been heard in America, perhapsI

mean the closing strain of a fine solo or duet. We always smash into it with an earthquake of applause. The

result is that we rob ourselves of the sweetest part of the treat; we get the whiskey, but we don't get the sugar

Our way of scattering applause along through an act seems to me to be better than the Mannheim way of

saving it all up till the act is ended. I do not see how an actor can forget himself and portray hot passion

before a cold still audience. I should think he would feel foolish. It is a pain to me to this day, to remember

how that old German Lear raged and wept and howled around the stage, with never a response from that

hushed house, never a single outburst till the act was ended. To me there was something unspeakably

uncomfortable in the solemn dead silences that always followed this old person's tremendous outpourings of

his feelings. I could not help putting myself in his placeI thought I knew how sick and flat he felt during

those silences, because I remembered a case which came under my observation once, and whichbut I will

One evening on board a Mississippi steamboat, a boy of ten years lay asleep in a bertha long, slimlegged

boy, he was, encased in quite a short shirt; it was the first time he had ever made a trip on a steamboat, and so

he was troubled, and scared, and had gone to bed with his head filled with impending snaggings, and

explosions, and conflagrations, and sudden death. About ten o'clock some twenty ladies were sitting around

about the ladies' saloon, quietly reading, sewing, embroidering, and so on, and among them sat a sweet,

benignant old dame with round spectacles on her nose and her busy knittingneedles in her hands. Now all of

a sudden, into the midst of this peaceful scene burst that slimshanked boy in the brief shirt, wildeyed,

erecthaired, and shouting, "Fire, fire! JUMP AND RUN, THE BOAT'S AFIRE AND THERE AIN'T A

MINUTE TO LOSE!" All those ladies looked sweetly up and smiled, nobody stirred, the old lady pulled her

"But you mustn't catch cold, child. Run and put on your breastpin, and then come and tell us all about it."

It was a cruel chill to give to a poor little devil's gushing vehemence. He was expecting to be a sort of

herothe creator of a wild panicand here everybody sat and smiled a mocking smile, and an old woman

made fun of his bugbear. I turned and crept awayfor I was that boyand never even cared to discover

I am told that in a German concert or opera, they hardly ever encore a song; that though they may be dying to

hear it again, their good breeding usually preserves them against requiring the repetition.

Kings may encore; that is quite another matter; it delights everybody to see that the King is pleased; and as to

the actor encored, his pride and gratification are simply boundless. Still, there are circumstances in which

But it is better to illustrate. The King of Bavaria is a poet, and has a poet's eccentricitieswith the advantage

over all other poets of being able to gratify them, no matter what form they may take. He is fond of opera, but

not fond of sitting in the presence of an audience; therefore, it has sometimes occurred, in Munich, that when

an opera has been concluded and the players were getting off their paint and finery, a command has come to

them to get their paint and finery on again. Presently the King would arrive, solitary and alone, and the

players would begin at the beginning and do the entire opera over again with only that one individual in the

vast solemn theater for audience. Once he took an odd freak into his head. High up and out of sight, over the

prodigious stage of the court theater is a maze of interlacing waterpipes, so pierced that in case of fire,

innumerable little threadlike streams of water can be caused to descend; and in case of need, this discharge

can be augmented to a pouring flood. American managers might want to make a note of that. The King was

sole audience. The opera proceeded, it was a piece with a storm in it; the mimic thunder began to mutter, the

mimic wind began to wail and sough, and the mimic rain to patter. The King's interest rose higher and higher;

The manager pleaded for a reversal of the command; said it would ruin the costly scenery and the splendid

So the real rain was turned on and began to descend in gossamer lances to the mimic flowerbeds and gravel

walks of the stage. The richly dressed actresses and actors tripped about singing bravely and pretending not to

The thunder boomed, the lightning glared, the stormwinds raged, the deluge poured down. The mimic

royalty on the stage, with their soaked satins clinging to their bodies, slopped about ankledeep in water,

warbling their sweetest and best, the fiddlers under the eaves of the state sawed away for dear life, with the

cold overflow spouting down the backs of their necks, and the dry and happy King sat in his lofty box and

"More yet!" cried the King; "more yetlet loose all the thunder, turn on all the water! I will hang the man

When this most tremendous and effective storm that had ever been produced in any theater was at last over,

But the manager succeeded in persuading him to recall the encore, and said the company would feel

sufficiently rewarded and complimented in the mere fact that the encore was desired by his Majesty, without

During the remainder of the act the lucky performers were those whose parts required changes of dress; the

others were a soaked, bedraggled, and uncomfortable lot, but in the last degree picturesque. The stage scenery

was ruined, trapdoors were so swollen that they wouldn't work for a week afterward, the fine costumes were

It was royal ideathat stormand royally carried out. But observe the moderation of the King; he did not

insist upon his encore. If he had been a gladsome, unreflecting American operaaudience, he probably would

The summer days passed pleasantly in Heidelberg. We had a skilled trainer, and under his instructions we

were getting our legs in the right condition for the contemplated pedestrian tours; we were well satisfied with

the progress which we had made in the German language, [1. See Appendix D for information concerning

this fearful tongue.] and more than satisfied with what we had accomplished in art. We had had the best

instructors in drawing and painting in GermanyHa"mmerling, Vogel, Mu"ller, Dietz, and Schumann.

Ha"mmerling taught us landscapepainting. Vogel taught us figuredrawing, Mu"ller taught us to do

stilllife, and Dietz and Schumann gave us a finishing course in two specialtiesbattlepieces and

shipwrecks. Whatever I am in Art I owe to these men. I have something of the manner of each and all of

them; but they all said that I had also a manner of my own, and that it was conspicuous. They said there was a

marked individuality about my styleinsomuch that if I ever painted the commonest type of a dog, I should

be sure to throw a something into the aspect of that dog which would keep him from being mistaken for the

creation of any other artist. Secretly I wanted to believe all these kind sayings, but I could not; I was afraid

that my masters' partiality for me, and pride in me, biased their judgment. So I resolved to make a test.

Privately, and unknown to any one, I painted my great picture, "Heidelberg Castle Illuminated"my first

really important work in oilsand had it hung up in the midst of a wilderness of oilpictures in the Art

Exhibition, with no name attached to it. To my great gratification it was instantly recognized as mine. All the

town flocked to see it, and people even came from neighboring localities to visit it. It made more stir than any

other work in the Exhibition. But the most gratifying thing of all was, that chance strangers, passing through,

who had not heard of my picture, were not only drawn to it, as by a lodestone, the moment they entered the

Apparently nobody had ever done that. There were ruined castles on the overhanging cliffs and crags all the

way; these were said to have their legends, like those on the Rhine, and what was better still, they had never

been in print. There was nothing in the books about that lovely region; it had been neglected by the tourist, it

Meantime the knapsacks, the rough walkingsuits and the stout walkingshoes which we had ordered, were

finished and brought to us. A Mr. X and a young Mr. Z had agreed to go with us. We went around one

evening and bade goodby to our friends, and afterward had a little farewell banquet at the hotel. We got to

bed early, for we wanted to make an early start, so as to take advantage of the cool of the morning.

We were out of bed at break of day, feeling fresh and vigorous, and took a hearty breakfast, then plunged

down through the leafy arcades of the Castle grounds, toward the town. What a glorious summer morning it

was, and how the flowers did pour out their fragrance, and how the birds did sing! It was just the time for a

We were all dressed alike: broad slouch hats, to keep the sun off; gray knapsacks; blue army shirts; blue

overalls; leathern gaiters buttoned tight from knee down to ankle; highquarter coarse shoes snugly laced.

Each man had an operaglass, a canteen, and a guidebook case slung over his shoulder, and carried an

alpenstock in one hand and a sunumbrella in the other. Around our hats were wound many folds of soft

white muslin, with the ends hanging and flapping down our backsan idea brought from the Orient and used

by tourists all over Europe. Harris carried the little watchlike machine called a "pedometer," whose office is

to keep count of a man's steps and tell how far he has walked. Everybody stopped to admire our costumes and

When we got downtown I found that we could go by rail to within five miles of Heilbronn. The train was just

starting, so we jumped aboard and went tearing away in splendid spirits. It was agreed all around that we had

done wisely, because it would be just as enjoyable to walk DOWN the Neckar as up it, and it could not be

needful to walk both ways. There were some nice German people in our compartment. I got to talking some

pretty private matters presently, and Harris became nervous; so he nudged me and said:

I did so, it was well I did; for it turned out that there was not a German in that party who did not understand

English perfectly. It is curious how widespread our language is in Germany. After a while some of those

folks got out and a German gentleman and his two young daughters got in. I spoke in German of one of the

"ICH VERSTEHE NUR DEUTCH UND ENGLISHE,"or words to that effect. That is, "I don't understand

And sure enough, not only she but her father and sister spoke English. So after that we had all the talk we

wanted; and we wanted a good deal, for they were agreeable people. They were greatly interested in our

customs; especially the alpenstocks, for they had not seen any before. They said that the Neckar road was

perfectly level, so we must be going to Switzerland or some other rugged country; and asked us if we did not

We reached WimpfenI think it was Wimpfenin about three hours, and got out, not the least tired; found

a good hotel and ordered beer and dinnerthen took a stroll through the venerable old village. It was very

picturesque and tumbledown, and dirty and interesting. It had queer houses five hundred years old in it, and

a military tower 115 feet high, which had stood there more than ten centuries. I made a little sketch of it. I

kept a copy, but gave the original to the Burgomaster. I think the original was better than the copy, because it

had more windows in it and the grass stood up better and had a brisker look. There was none around the

tower, though; I composed the grass myself, from studies I made in a field by Heidelberg in Ha"mmerling's

time. The man on top, looking at the view, is apparently too large, but I found he could not be made smaller,

conveniently. I wanted him there, and I wanted him visible, so I thought out a way to manage it; I composed

the picture from two points of view; the spectator is to observe the man from bout where that flag is, and he

must observe the tower itself from the ground. This harmonizes the seeming discrepancy. [Figure 2]

Near an old cathedral, under a shed, were three crosses of stonemoldy and damaged things, bearing

lifesize stone figures. The two thieves were dressed in the fanciful court costumes of the middle of the

sixteenth century, while the Saviour was nude, with the exception of a cloth around the loins.

We had dinner under the green trees in a garden belonging to the hotel and overlooking the Neckar; then,

after a smoke, we went to bed. We had a refreshing nap, then got up about three in the afternoon and put on

our panoply. As we tramped gaily out at the gate of the town, we overtook a peasant's cart, partly laden with

odds and ends of cabbages and similar vegetable rubbish, and drawn by a small cow and a smaller donkey

yoked together. It was a pretty slow concern, but it got us into Heilbronn before darkfive miles, or possibly

We stopped at the very same inn which the famous old robberknight and rough fighter Go"tz von

Berlichingen, abode in after he got out of captivity in the Square Tower of Heilbronn between three hundred

and fifty and four hundred years ago. Harris and I occupied the same room which he had occupied and the

same paper had not quite peeled off the walls yet. The furniture was quaint old carved stuff, full four hundred

years old, and some of the smells were over a thousand. There was a hook in the wall, which the landlord said

the terrific old Go"tz used to hang his iron hand on when he took it off to go to bed. This room was very

largeit might be called immense and it was on the first floor; which means it was in the second story, for

in Europe the houses are so high that they do not count the first story, else they would get tired climbing

before they got to the top. The wallpaper was a fiery red, with huge gold figures in it, well smirched by time,

and it covered all the doors. These doors fitted so snugly and continued the figures of the paper so

unbrokenly, that when they were closed one had to go feeling and searching along the wall to find them.

There was a stove in the cornerone of those tall, square, stately white porcelain things that looks like a

monument and keeps you thinking of death when you ought to be enjoying your travels. The windows looked

out on a little alley, and over that into a stable and some poultry and pig yards in the rear of some

tenementhouses. There were the customary two beds in the room, one in one end, the other in the other,

about an oldfashioned brassmounted, singlebarreled pistolshot apart. They were fully as narrow as the

usual German bed, too, and had the German bed's ineradicable habit of spilling the blankets on the floor

A round table as large as King Arthur's stood in the center of the room; while the waiters were getting ready

to serve our dinner on it we all went out to see the renowned clock on the front of the municipal buildings.

The RATHHAUS, or municipal building, is of the quaintest and most picturesque MiddleAge architecture.

It has a massive portico and steps, before it, heavily balustraded, and adorned with lifesized rusty iron

knights in complete armor. The clockface on the front of the building is very large and of curious pattern.

Ordinarily, a gilded angel strikes the hour on a big bell with a hammer; as the striking ceases, a lifesized

figure of Time raises its hourglass and turns it; two golden rams advance and butt each other; a gilded cock

lifts its wings; but the main features are two great angels, who stand on each side of the dial with long horns

at their lips; it was said that they blew melodious blasts on these horns every hourbut they did not do it for

Within the RATHHAUS were a number of huge wild boars' heads, preserved, and mounted on brackets along

the wall; they bore inscriptions telling who killed them and how many hundred years ago it was done. One

room in the building was devoted to the preservation of ancient archives. There they showed us no end of

aged documents; some were signed by Popes, some by Tilly and other great generals, and one was a letter

written and subscribed by Go"tz von Berlichingen in Heilbronn in 1519 just after his release from the Square

This fine old robberknight was a devoutly and sincerely religious man, hospitable, charitable to the poor,

fearless in fight, active, enterprising, and possessed of a large and generous nature. He had in him a quality of

being able to overlook moderate injuries, and being able to forgive and forget mortal ones as soon as he had

soundly trounced the authors of them. He was prompt to take up any poor devil's quarrel and risk his neck to

right him. The common folk held him dear, and his memory is still green in ballad and tradition. He used to

go on the highway and rob rich wayfarers; and other times he would swoop down from his high castle on the

hills of the Neckar and capture passing cargoes of merchandise. In his memoirs he piously thanks the Giver

of all Good for remembering him in his needs and delivering sundry such cargoes into his hands at times

when only special providences could have relieved him. He was a doughty warrior and found a deep joy in

battle. In an assault upon a stronghold in Bavaria when he was only twentythree years old, his right hand

was shot away, but he was so interested in the fight that he did not observe it for a while. He said that the iron

hand which was made for him afterward, and which he wore for more than half a century, was nearly as

clever a member as the fleshy one had been. I was glad to get a facsimile of the letter written by this fine old

German Robin Hood, though I was not able to read it. He was a better artist with his sword than with his pen.

We went down by the river and saw the Square Tower. It was a very venerable structure, very strong, and

very ornamental. There was no opening near the ground. They had to use a ladder to get into it, no doubt.

We visited the principal church, alsoa curious old structure, with a towerlike spire adorned with all sorts of

grotesque images. The inner walls of the church were placarded with large mural tablets of copper, bearing

engraved inscriptions celebrating the merits of old Heilbronn worthies of two or three centuries ago, and also

bearing rudely painted effigies of themselves and their families tricked out in the queer costumes of those

days. The head of the family sat in the foreground, and beyond him extended a sharply receding and

diminishing row of sons; facing him sat his wife, and beyond her extended a low row of diminishing

Then we hired the hack and the horse which Go"tz von Berlichingen used to use, and drove several miles into

the country to visit the place called WEIBERTREUWife's Fidelity I suppose it means. It was a feudal

castle of the Middle Ages. When we reached its neighborhood we found it was beautifully situated, but on

top of a mound, or hill, round and tolerably steep, and about two hundred feet high. Therefore, as the sun was

blazing hot, we did not climb up there, but took the place on trust, and observed it from a distance while the

horse leaned up against a fence and rested. The place has no interest except that which is lent it by its legend,

In the Middle Ages, a couple of young dukes, brothers, took opposite sides in one of the wars, the one

fighting for the Emperor, the other against him. One of them owned the castle and village on top of the

mound which I have been speaking of, and in his absence his brother came with his knights and soldiers and

began a siege. It was a long and tedious business, for the people made a stubborn and faithful defense. But at

last their supplies ran out and starvation began its work; more fell by hunger than by the missiles of the

enemy. They by and by surrendered, and begged for charitable terms. But the beleaguering prince was so

incensed against them for their long resistance that he said he would spare none but the women and

childrenall men should be put to the sword without exception, and all their goods destroyed. Then the

"No," said the prince, "not a man of them shall escape alive; you yourselves shall go with your children into

houseless and friendless banishment; but that you may not starve I grant you this one grace, that each woman

may bear with her from this place as much of her most valuable property as she is able to carry."

Very well, presently the gates swung open and out filed those women carrying their HUSBANDS on their

shoulders. The besiegers, furious at the trick, rushed forward to slaughter the men, but the Duke stepped

When we got back to the hotel, King Arthur's Round Table was ready for us in its white drapery, and the

head waiter and his first assistant, in swallowtails and white cravats, brought in the soup and the hot plates

Mr. X had ordered the dinner, and when the wine came on, he picked up a bottle, glanced at the label, and

then turned to the grave, the melancholy, the sepulchral head waiter and said it was not the sort of wine he

had asked for. The head waiter picked up the bottle, cast his undertakereye on it and said:

"It is true; I beg pardon." Then he turned on his subordinate and calmly said, "Bring another label."

At the same time he slid the present label off with his hand and laid it aside; it had been newly put on, its

paste was still wet. When the new label came, he put it on; our French wine being now turned into German

wine, according to desire, the head waiter went blandly about his other duties, as if the working of this sort of

Mr. X said he had not known, before, that there were people honest enough to do this miracle in public, but

he was aware that thousands upon thousands of labels were imported into America from Europe every year,

to enable dealers to furnish to their customers in a quiet and inexpensive way all the different kinds of foreign

We took a turn around the town, after dinner, and found it fully as interesting in the moonlight as it had been

in the daytime. The streets were narrow and roughly paved, and there was not a sidewalk or a streetlamp

anywhere. The dwellings were centuries old, and vast enough for hotels. They widened all the way up; the

stories projected further and further forward and aside as they ascended, and the long rows of lighted

windows, filled with little bits of panes, curtained with figured white muslin and adorned outside with boxes

of flowers, made a pretty effect. The moon was bright, and the light and shadow very strong; and nothing

could be more picturesque than those curving streets, with their rows of huge high gables leaning far over

toward each other in a friendly gossiping way, and the crowds below drifting through the alternating blots of

gloom and mellow bars of moonlight. Nearly everybody was abroad, chatting, singing, romping, or massed in

In one place there was a public building which was fenced about with a thick, rusty chain, which sagged from

post to post in a succession of low swings. The pavement, here, was made of heavy blocks of stone. In the

glare of the moon a party of barefooted children were swinging on those chains and having a noisy good

time. They were not the first ones who have done that; even their greatgreatgrandfathers had not been the

first to do it when they were children. The strokes of the bare feet had worn grooves inches deep in the stone

flags; it had taken many generations of swinging children to accomplish that. Everywhere in the town were

the mold and decay that go with antiquity, and evidence of it; but I do not know that anything else gave us so

vivid a sense of the old age of Heilbronn as those footworn grooves in the pavingstones.

When we got back to the hotel I wound and set the pedometer and put it in my pocket, for I was to carry it

next day and keep record of the miles we made. The work which we had given the instrument to do during

We were in bed by ten, for we wanted to be up and away on our tramp homeward with the dawn. I hung fire,

but Harris went to sleep at once. I hate a man who goes to sleep at once; there is a sort of indefinable

something about it which is not exactly an insult, and yet is an insolence; and one which is hard to bear, too. I

lay there fretting over this injury, and trying to go to sleep; but the harder I tried, the wider awake I grew. I

got to feeling very lonely in the dark, ith no company but an undigested dinner. My mind got a start by and

by, and began to consider the beginning of every subject which has ever been thought of; but it never went

further than the beginning; it was touch and go; it fled from topic to topic with a frantic speed. At the end of

The fatigue was so great that it presently began to make some head against the nervous excitement; while

imagining myself wide awake, I would really doze into momentary unconsciousness, and come suddenly out

of it with a physical jerk which nearly wrenched my joints apartthe delusion of the instant being that I was

tumbling backward over a precipice. After I had fallen over eight or nine precipices and thus found out that

one half of my brain had been asleep eight or nine times without the wideawake, hardworking other half

suspecting it, the periodical unconsciousnesses began to extend their spell gradually over more of my

brainterritory, and at last I sank into a drowse which grew deeper and deeper and was doubtless just on the

My dulled faculties dragged themselves partly back to life and took a receptive attitude. Now out of an

immense, a limitless distance, came a something which grew and grew, and approached, and presently was

recognizable as a sound it had rather seemed to be a feeling, before. This sound was a mile away,

nowperhaps it was the murmur of a storm; and now it was nearernot a quarter of a mile away; was it the

muffled rasping and grinding of distant machinery? No, it came still nearer; was it the measured tramp of a

marching troop? But it came nearer still, and still nearerand at last it was right in the room: it was merely a

mouse gnawing the woodwork. So I had held my breath all that time for such a trifle.

Well, what was done could not be helped; I would go to sleep at once and make up the lost time. That was a

thoughtless thought. Without intending ithardly knowing itI fell to listening intently to that sound, and

even unconsciously counting the strokes of the mouse's nutmeggrater. Presently I was deriving exquisite

suffering from this employment, yet maybe I could have endured it if the mouse had attended steadily to his

work; but he did not do that; he stopped every now and then, and I suffered more while waiting and listening

for him to begin again than I did while he was gnawing. Along at first I was mentally offering a reward of

fivesixseventendollars for that mouse; but toward the last I was offering rewards which were

entirely beyond my means. I closereefed my ears that is to say, I bent the flaps of them down and furled

them into five or six folds, and pressed them against the hearingorificebut it did no good: the faculty was

so sharpened by nervous excitement that it was become a microphone and could hear through the overlays

My anger grew to a frenzy. I finally did what all persons before me have done, clear back to

Adam,resolved to throw something. I reached down and got my walkingshoes, then sat up in bed and

listened, in order to exactly locate the noise. But I couldn't do it; it was as unlocatable as a cricket's noise; and

where one thinks that that is, is always the very place where it isn't. So I presently hurled a shoe at random,

and with a vicious vigor. It struck the wall over Harris's head and fell down on him; I had not imagined I

could throw so far. It woke Harris, and I was glad of it until I found he was not angry; then I was sorry. He

soon went to sleep again, which pleased me; but straightway the mouse began again, which roused my temper

once more. I did not want to wake Harris a second time, but the gnawing continued until I was compelled to

throw the other shoe. This time I broke a mirrorthere were two in the roomI got the largest one, of

course. Harris woke again, but did not complain, and I was sorrier than ever. I resolved that I would suffer all

The mouse eventually retired, and by and by I was sinking to sleep, when a clock began to strike; I counted

till it was done, and was about to drowse again when another clock began; I counted; then the two great

RATHHAUS clock angels began to send forth soft, rich, melodious blasts from their long trumpets. I had

never heard anything that was so lovely, or weird, or mysteriousbut when they got to blowing the

quarterhours, they seemed to me to be overdoing the thing. Every time I dropped off for the moment, a new

noise woke me. Each time I woke I missed my coverlet, and had to reach down to the floor and get it again.

At last all sleepiness forsook me. I recognized the fact that I was hopelessly and permanently wide awake.

Wide awake, and feverish and thirsty. When I had lain tossing there as long as I could endure it, it occurred to

me that it would be a good idea to dress and go out in the great square and take a refreshing wash in the

I believed I could dress in the dark without waking Harris. I had banished my shoes after the mouse, but my

slippers would do for a summer night. So I rose softly, and gradually got on everythingdown to one sock. I

couldn't seem to get on the track of that sock, any way I could fix it. But I had to have it; so I went down on

my hands and knees, with one slipper on and the other in my hand, and began to paw gently around and rake

the floor, but with no success. I enlarged my circle, and went on pawing and raking. With every pressure of

my knee, how the floor creaked! and every time I chanced to rake against any article, it seemed to give out

thirtyfive or thirtysix times more noise than it would have done in the daytime. In those cases I always

stopped and held my breath till I was sure Harris had not awakenedthen I crept along again. I moved on

and on, but I could not find the sock; I could not seem to find anything but furniture. I could not remember

that there was much furniture in the room when I went to bed, but the place was alive with it now

especially chairschairs everywhere had a couple of families moved in, in the mean time? And I never

could seem to GLANCE on one of those chairs, but always struck it full and square with my head. My temper

rose, by steady and sure degrees, and as I pawed on and on, I fell to making vicious comments under my

Finally, with a venomous access of irritation, I said I would leave without the sock; so I rose up and made

straight for the dooras I supposedand suddenly confronted my dim spectral image in the unbroken

mirror. It startled the breath out of me, for an instant; it also showed me that I was lost, and had no sort of

idea where I was. When I realized this, I was so angry that I had to sit down on the floor and take hold of

something to keep from lifting the roof off with an explosion of opinion. If there had been only one mirror, it

might possibly have helped to locate me; but there were two, and two were as bad as a thousand; besides,

these were on opposite sides of the room. I could see the dim blur of the windows, but in my turnedaround

condition they were exactly where they ought not to be, and so they only confused me instead of helping me.

I started to get up, and knocked down an umbrella; it made a noise like a pistolshot when it struck that hard,

slick, carpetless floor; I grated my teeth and held my breathHarris did not stir. I set the umbrella slowly

and carefully on end against the wall, but as soon as I took my hand away, its heel slipped from under it, and

down it came again with another bang. I shrunk together and listened a moment in silent fury no harm

done, everything quiet. With the most painstaking care and nicety, I stood the umbrella up once more, took

I have been strictly reared, but if it had not been so dark and solemn and awful there in that lonely, vast room,

I do believe I should have said something then which could not be put into a Sundayschool book without

injuring the sale of it. If my reasoning powers had not been already sapped dry by my harassments, I would

have known better than to try to set an umbrella on end on one of those glassy German floors in the dark; it

can't be done in the daytime without four failures to one success. I had one comfort, thoughHarris was yet

The umbrella could not locate methere were four standing around the room, and all alike. I thought I

would feel along the wall and find the door in that way. I rose up and began this operation, but raked down a

picture. It was not a large one, but it made noise enough for a panorama. Harris gave out no sound, but I felt

that if I experimented any further with the pictures I should be sure to wake him. Better give up trying to get

out. Yes, I would find King Arthur's Round Table once moreI had already found it several timesand use

it for a base of departure on an exploring tour for my bed; if I could find my bed I could then find my water

pitcher; I would quench my raging thirst and turn in. So I started on my hands and knees, because I could go

faster that way, and with more confidence, too, and not knock down things. By and by I found the

tablewith my headrubbed the bruise a little, then rose up and started, with hands abroad and fingers

spread, to balance myself. I found a chair; then a wall; then another chair; then a sofa; then an alpenstock,

then another sofa; this confounded me, for I had thought there was only one sofa. I hunted up the table again

It occurred to me, now, as it ought to have done before, that as the table was round, it was therefore of no

value as a base to aim from; so I moved off once more, and at random among the wilderness of chairs and

sofas wandering off into unfamiliar regions, and presently knocked a candlestick and knocked off a lamp,

grabbed at the lamp and knocked off a water pitcher with a rattling crash, and thought to myself, "I've found

you at lastI judged I was close upon you." Harris shouted "murder," and "thieves," and finished with "I'm

The crash had roused the house. Mr. X pranced in, in his long nightgarment, with a candle, young Z after

him with another candle; a procession swept in at another door, with candles and lanternslandlord and two

I looked around; I was at Harris's bed, a Sabbathday's journey from my own. There was only one sofa; it

was against the wall; there was only one chair where a body could get at itI had been revolving around it

I explained how I had been employing myself, and why. Then the landlord's party left, and the rest of us set

about our preparations for breakfast, for the dawn was ready to break. I glanced furtively at my pedometer,

and found I had made 47 miles. But I did not care, for I had come out for a pedestrian tour anyway.

When the landlord learned that I and my agents were artists, our party rose perceptibly in his esteem; we rose

He told us all about the Heidelberg road, and which were the best places to avoid and which the best ones to

tarry at; he charged me less than cost for the things I broke in the night; he put up a fine luncheon for us and

added to it a quantity of great lightgreen plums, the pleasantest fruit in Germany; he was so anxious to do us

honor that he would not allow us to walk out of Heilbronn, but called up Go"tz von Berlichingen's horse and

I made a sketch of the turnout. It is not a Work, it is only what artists call a "study"a thing to make a

finished picture from. This sketch has several blemishes in it; for instance, the wagon is not traveling as fast

as the horse is. This is wrong. Again, the person trying to get out of the way is too small; he is out of

perspective, as we say. The two upper lines are not the horse's back, they are the reigns; there seems to be a

wheel missing this would be corrected in a finished Work, of course. This thing flying out behind is not a

flag, it is a curtain. That other thing up there is the sun, but I didn't get enough distance on it. I do not

remember, now, what that thing is that is in front of the man who is running, but I think it is a haystack or a

woman. This study was exhibited in the Paris Salon of 1879, but did not take any medal; they do not give

We discharged the carriage at the bridge. The river was full of logslong, slender, barkless pine logsand

we leaned on the rails of the bridge, and watched the men put them together into rafts. These rafts were of a

shape and construction to suit the crookedness and extreme narrowness of the Neckar. They were from fifty

to one hundred yards long, and they gradually tapered from a ninelog breadth at their sterns, to a threelog

breadth at their bowends. The main part of the steering is done at the bow, with a pole; the threelog

breadth there furnishes room for only the steersman, for these little logs are not larger around than an average

young lady's waist. The connections of the several sections of the raft are slack and pliant, so that the raft may

The Neckar is in many places so narrow that a person can throw a dog across it, if he has one; when it is also

sharply curved in such places, the raftsman has to do some pretty nice snug piloting to make the turns. The

river is not always allowed to spread over its whole bedwhich is as much as thirty, and sometimes forty

yards widebut is split into three equal bodies of water, by stone dikes which throw the main volume, depth,

and current into the central one. In low water these neat narrowedged dikes project four or five inches above

the surface, like the comb of a submerged roof, but in high water they are overflowed. A hatful of rain makes

There are dikes abreast the Schloss Hotel, and the current is violently swift at that point. I used to sit for hours

in my glass cage, watching the long, narrow rafts slip along through the central channel, grazing the

rightbank dike and aiming carefully for the middle arch of the stone bridge below; I watched them in this

way, and lost all this time hoping to see one of them hit the bridgepier and wreck itself sometime or other,

but was always disappointed. One was smashed there one morning, but I had just stepped into my room a

While I was looking down upon the rafts that morning in Heilbronn, the daredevil spirit of adventure came

Their faces paled a little, but they assented with as good a grace as they could. Harris wanted to cable his

motherthought it his duty to do that, as he was all she had in this worldso, while he attended to this, I

went down to the longest and finest raft and hailed the captain with a hearty "Ahoy, shipmate!" which put us

upon pleasant terms at once, and we entered upon business. I said we were on a pedestrian tour to Heidelberg,

and would like to take passage with him. I said this partly through young Z, who spoke German very well,

and partly through Mr. X, who spoke it peculiarly. I can UNDERSTAND German as well as the maniac that

The captain hitched up his trousers, then shifted his quid thoughtfully. Presently he said just what I was

expecting he would saythat he had no license to carry passengers, and therefore was afraid the law would

be after him in case the matter got noised about or any accident happened. So I CHARTERED the raft and

With a rattling song the starboard watch bent to their work and hove the cable short, then got the anchor

home, and our bark moved off with a stately stride, and soon was bowling along at about two knots an hour.

Our party were grouped amidships. At first the talk was a little gloomy, and ran mainly upon the shortness of

life, the uncertainty of it, the perils which beset it, and the need and wisdom of being always prepared for the

worst; this shaded off into lowvoiced references to the dangers of the deep, and kindred matters; but as the

gray east began to redden and the mysterious solemnity and silence of the dawn to give place to the

joysongs of the birds, the talk took a cheerier tone, and our spirits began to rise steadily.

Germany, in the summer, is the perfection of the beautiful, but nobody has understood, and realized, and

enjoyed the utmost possibilities of this soft and peaceful beauty unless he has voyaged down the Neckar on a

raft. The motion of a raft is the needful motion; it is gentle, and gliding, and smooth, and noiseless; it calms

down all feverish activities, it soothes to sleep all nervous hurry and impatience; under its restful influence all

the troubles and vexations and sorrows that harass the mind vanish away, and existence becomes a dream, a

charm, a deep and tranquil ecstasy. How it contrasts with hot and perspiring pedestrianism, and dusty and

deafening railroad rush, and tedious jolting behind tired horses over blinding white roads!

We went slipping silently along, between the green and fragrant banks, with a sense of pleasure and

contentment that grew, and grew, all the time. Sometimes the banks were overhung with thick masses of

willows that wholly hid the ground behind; sometimes we had noble hills on one hand, clothed densely with

foliage to their tops, and on the other hand open levels blazing with poppies, or clothed in the rich blue of the

cornflower; sometimes we drifted in the shadow of forests, and sometimes along the margin of long

stretches of velvety grass, fresh and green and bright, a tireless charm to the eye. And the birds!they were

everywhere; they swept back and forth across the river constantly, and their jubilant music was never stilled.

It was a deep and satisfying pleasure to see the sun create the new morning, and gradually, patiently,

lovingly, clothe it on with splendor after splendor, and glory after glory, till the miracle was complete. How

different is this marvel observed from a raft, from what it is when one observes it through the dingy windows

of a railwaystation in some wretched village while he munches a petrified sandwich and waits for the train.

Men and women and cattle were at work in the dewy fields by this time. The people often stepped aboard the

raft, as we glided along the grassy shores, and gossiped with us and with the crew for a hundred yards or so,

Only the men did this; the women were too busy. The women do all kinds of work on the continent. They

dig, they hoe, they reap, they sow, they bear monstrous burdens on their backs, they shove similar ones long

distances on wheelbarrows, they drag the cart when there is no dog or lean cow to drag itand when there is,

they assist the dog or cow. Age is no matterthe older the woman the stronger she is, apparently. On the

farm a woman's duties are not definedshe does a little of everything; but in the towns it is different, there

she only does certain things, the men do the rest. For instance, a hotel chambermaid has nothing to do but

make beds and fires in fifty or sixty rooms, bring towels and candles, and fetch several tons of water up

several flights of stairs, a hundred pounds at a time, in prodigious metal pitchers. She does not have to work

more than eighteen or twenty hours a day, and she can always get down on her knees and scrub the floors of

As the morning advanced and the weather grew hot, we took off our outside clothing and sat in a row along

the edge of the raft and enjoyed the scenery, with our sunumbrellas over our heads and our legs dangling in

the water. Every now and then we plunged in and had a swim. Every projecting grassy cape had its joyous

group of naked children, the boys to themselves and the girls to themselves, the latter usually in care of some

motherly dame who sat in the shade of a tree with her knitting. The little boys swam out to us, sometimes, but

the little maids stood kneedeep in the water and stopped their splashing and frolicking to inspect the raft

with their innocent eyes as it drifted by. Once we turned a corner suddenly and surprised a slender girl of

twelve years or upward, just stepping into the water. She had not time to run, but she did what answered just

as well; she promptly drew a lithe young willow bough athwart her white body with one hand, and then

contemplated us with a simple and untroubled interest. Thus she stood while we glided by. She was a pretty

creature, and she and her willow bough made a very pretty picture, and one which could not offend the

modesty of the most fastidious spectator. Her white skin had a low bank of fresh green willows for

background and effective contrastfor she stood against themand above and out of them projected the

We ran forward to see the vessel. It proved to be a steamboatfor they had begun to run a steamer up the

Neckar, for the first time in May. She was a tug, and one of a very peculiar build and aspect. I had often

watched her from the hotel, and wondered how she propelled herself, for apparently she had no propeller or

paddles. She came churning along, now, making a deal of noise of one kind or another, and aggravating it

every now and then by blowing a hoarse whistle. She had nine keelboats hitched on behind and following

after her in a long, slender rank. We met her in a narrow place, between dikes, and there was hardly room for

us both in the cramped passage. As she went grinding and groaning by, we perceived the secret of her moving

impulse. She did not drive herself up the river with paddles or propeller, she pulled herself by hauling on a

great chain. This chain is laid in the bed of the river and is only fastened at the two ends. It is seventy miles

long. It comes in over the boat's bow, passes around a drum, and is payed out astern. She pulls on that chain,

and so drags herself up the river or down it. She has neither bow or stern, strictly speaking, for she has a

longbladed rudder on each end and she never turns around. She uses both rudders all the time, and they are

powerful enough to enable her to turn to the right or the left and steer around curves, in spite of the strong

resistance of the chain. I would not have believed that that impossible thing could be done; but I saw it done,

and therefore I know that there is one impossible thing which CAN be done. What miracle will man attempt

We met many big keelboats on their way up, using sails, mule power, and profanitya tedious and

laborious business. A wire rope led from the foretopmast to the file of mules on the towpath a hundred yards

ahead, and by dint of much banging and swearing and urging, the detachment of drivers managed to get a

speed of two or three miles an hour out of the mules against the stiff current. The Neckar has always been

used as a canal, and thus has given employment to a great many men and animals; but now that this

steamboat is able, with a small crew and a bushel or so of coal, to take nine keelboats farther up the river in

one hour than thirty men and thirty mules can do it in two, it is believed that the oldfashioned towing

industry is on its deathbed. A second steamboat began work in the Neckar three months after the first one

At noon we stepped ashore and bought some bottled beer and got some chickens cooked, while the raft

waited; then we immediately put to sea again, and had our dinner while the beer was cold and the chickens

hot. There is no pleasanter place for such a meal than a raft that is gliding down the winding Neckar past

green meadows and wooded hills, and slumbering villages, and craggy heights graced with crumbling towers

In one place we saw a nicely dressed German gentleman without any spectacles. Before I could come to

anchor he had got underway. It was a great pity. I so wanted to make a sketch of him. The captain comforted

me for my loss, however, by saying that the man was without any doubt a fraud who had spectacles, but kept

Below Hassmersheim we passed Hornberg, Go"tz von Berlichingen's old castle. It stands on a bold elevation

two hundred feet above the surface of the river; it has high vineclad walls enclosing trees, and a peaked

tower about seventyfive feet high. The steep hillside, from the castle clear down to the water's edge, is

terraced, and clothed thick with grape vines. This is like farming a mansard roof. All the steeps along that

part of the river which furnish the proper exposure, are given up to the grape. That region is a great producer

of Rhine wines. The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall, slender bottles,

and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.

The Hornberg hill is to be tunneled, and the new railway will pass under the castle.

Two miles below Hornberg castle is a cave in a low cliff, which the captain of the raft said had once been

occupied by a beautiful heiress of Hornbergthe Lady Gertrude in the old times. It was seven hundred

years ago. She had a number of rich and noble lovers and one poor and obscure one, Sir Wendel Lobenfeld.

With the native chuckleheadedness of the heroine of romance, she preferred the poor and obscure lover. With

the native sound judgment of the father of a heroine of romance, the von Berlichingen of that day shut his

daughter up in his donjon keep, or his oubliette, or his culverin, or some such place, and resolved that she

should stay there until she selected a husband from among her rich and noble lovers. The latter visited her

and persecuted her with their supplications, but without effect, for her heart was true to her poor despised

Crusader, who was fighting in the Holy Land. Finally, she resolved that she would endure the attentions of

the rich lovers no longer; so one stormy night she escaped and went down the river and hid herself in the cave

on the other side. Her father ransacked the country for her, but found not a trace of her. As the days went by,

and still no tidings of her came, his conscience began to torture him, and he caused proclamation to be made

that if she were yet living and would return, he would oppose her no longer, she might marry whom she

would. The months dragged on, all hope forsook the old man, he ceased from his customary pursuits and

pleasures, he devoted himself to pious works, and longed for the deliverance of death.

Now just at midnight, every night, the lost heiress stood in the mouth of her cave, arrayed in white robes, and

sang a little love ballad which her Crusader had made for her. She judged that if he came home alive the

superstitious peasants would tell him about the ghost that sang in the cave, and that as soon as they described

the ballad he would know that none but he and she knew that song, therefore he would suspect that she was

alive, and would come and find her. As time went on, the people of the region became sorely distressed about

the Specter of the Haunted Cave. It was said that ill luck of one kind or another always overtook any one who

had the misfortune to hear that song. Eventually, every calamity that happened thereabouts was laid at the

door of that music. Consequently, no boatmen would consent to pass the cave at night; the peasants shunned

But the faithful girl sang on, night after night, month after month, and patiently waited; her reward must

come at last. Five years dragged by, and still, every night at midnight, the plaintive tones floated out over the

silent land, while the distant boatmen and peasants thrust their fingers into their ears and shuddered out a

And now came the Crusader home, bronzed and battlescarred, but bringing a great and splendid fame to lay

at the feet of his bride. The old lord of Hornberg received him as his son, and wanted him to stay by him and

be the comfort and blessing of his age; but the tale of that young girl's devotion to him and its pathetic

consequences made a changed man of the knight. He could not enjoy his wellearned rest. He said his heart

was broken, he would give the remnant of his life to high deeds in the cause of humanity, and so find a

worthy death and a blessed reunion with the brave true heart whose love had more honored him than all his

When the people heard this resolve of his, they came and told him there was a pitiless dragon in human

disguise in the Haunted Cave, a dread creature which no knight had yet been bold enough to face, and begged

him to rid the land of its desolating presence. He said he would do it. They told him about the song, and when

he asked what song it was, they said the memory of it was gone, for nobody had been hardy enough to listen

Toward midnight the Crusader came floating down the river in a boat, with his trusty crossbow in his hands.

He drifted silently through the dim reflections of the crags and trees, with his intent eyes fixed upon the low

cliff which he was approaching. As he drew nearer, he discerned the black mouth of the cave. Nowis that a

white figure? Yes. The plaintive song begins to well forth and float away over meadow and riverthe

crossbow is slowly raised to position, a steady aim is taken, the bolt flies straight to the markthe figure

sinks down, still singing, the knight takes the wool out of his ears, and recognizes the old balladtoo late!

The Crusader went away to the wars again, and presently fell in battle, fighting for the Cross. Tradition says

that during several centuries the spirit of the unfortunate girl sang nightly from the cave at midnight, but the

music carried no curse with it; and although many listened for the mysterious sounds, few were favored, since

only those could hear them who had never failed in a trust. It is believed that the singing still continues, but it

The last legend reminds one of the "Lorelei"a legend of the Rhine. There is a song called "The Lorelei."

Germany is rich in folksongs, and the words and airs of several of them are peculiarly beautifulbut "The

Lorelei" is the people's favorite. I could not endure it at first, but by and by it began to take hold of me, and

It is not possible that it is much known in America, else I should have heard it there. The fact that I never

heard it there, is evidence that there are others in my country who have fared likewise; therefore, for the sake

of these, I mean to print the words and music in this chapter. And I will refresh the reader's memory by

printing the legend of the Lorelei, too. I have it by me in the LEGENDS OF THE RHINE, done into English

by the wildly gifted Garnham, Bachelor of Arts. I print the legend partly to refresh my own memory, too, for

Lore (two syllables) was a water nymph who used to sit on a high rock called the Ley or Lei (pronounced like

our word LIE) in the Rhine, and lure boatmen to destruction in a furious rapid which marred the channel at

that spot. She so bewitched them with her plaintive songs and her wonderful beauty that they forgot

everything else to gaze up at her, and so they presently drifted among the broken reefs and were lost.

In those old, old times, the Count Bruno lived in a great castle near there with his son, the Count Hermann, a

youth of twenty. Hermann had heard a great deal about the beautiful Lore, and had finally fallen very deeply

in love with her without having seen her. So he used to wander to the neighborhood of the Lei, evenings, with

his Zither and "Express his Longing in low Singing," as Garnham says. On one of these occasions, "suddenly

there hovered around the top of the rock a brightness of unequaled clearness and color, which, in increasingly

"An unintentional cry of Joy escaped the Youth, he let his Zither fall, and with extended arms he called out

the name of the enigmatical Being, who seemed to stoop lovingly to him and beckon to him in a friendly

manner; indeed, if his ear did not deceive him, she called his name with unutterable sweet Whispers, proper

to love. Beside himself with delight the youth lost his Senses and sank senseless to the earth."

After that he was a changed person. He went dreaming about, thinking only of his fairy and caring for naught

else in the world. "The old count saw with affliction this changement in his son," whose cause he could not

divine, and tried to divert his mind into cheerful channels, but to no purpose. Then the old count used

authority. He commanded the youth to betake himself to the camp. Obedience was promised. Garnham says:

"It was on the evening before his departure, as he wished still once to visit the Lei and offer to the Nymph of

the Rhine his Sighs, the tones of his Zither, and his Songs. He went, in his boat, this time accompanied by a

faithful squire, down the stream. The moon shed her silvery light over the whole country; the steep bank

mountains appeared in the most fantastical shapes, and the high oaks on either side bowed their Branches on

Hermann's passing. As soon as he approached the Lei, and was aware of the surfwaves, his attendant was

seized with an inexpressible Anxiety and he begged permission to land; but the Knight swept the strings of

"Once I saw thee in dark night, In supernatural Beauty bright; Of Lightrays, was the Figure wove, To share

"Thy Garment color wavedove By thy hand the sign of love, Thy eyes sweet enchantment, Raying to me,

"O, wert thou but my sweetheart, How willingly thy love to part! With delight I should be bound To thy

That Hermann should have gone to that place at all, was not wise; that he should have gone with such a song

as that in his mouth was a most serious mistake. The Lorelei did not "call his name in unutterable sweet

Whispers" this time. No, that song naturally worked an instant and thorough "changement" in her; and not

only that, but it stirred the bowels of the whole afflicted region around about therefor

"Scarcely had these tones sounded, everywhere there began tumult and sound, as if voices above and below

the water. On the Lei rose flames, the Fairy stood above, at that time, and beckoned with her right hand

clearly and urgently to the infatuated Knight, while with a staff in her left hand she called the waves to her

service. They began to mount heavenward; the boat was upset, mocking every exertion; the waves rose to the

gunwale, and splitting on the hard stones, the Boat broke into Pieces. The youth sank into the depths, but the

The bitterest things have been said about the Lorelei during many centuries, but surely her conduct upon this

occasion entitles her to our respect. One feels drawn tenderly toward her and is moved to forget her many

"The Fairy was never more seen; but her enchanting tones have often been heard. In the beautiful, refreshing,

still nights of spring, when the moon pours her silver light over the Country, the listening shipper hears from

the rushing of the waves, the echoing Clang of a wonderfully charming voice, which sings a song from the

crystal castle, and with sorrow and fear he thinks on the young Count Hermann, seduced by the Nymph."

Here is the music, and the German words by Heinrich Heine. This song has been a favorite in Germany for

I have a prejudice against people who print things in a foreign language and add no translation. When I am

the reader, and the author considers me able to do the translating myself, he pays me quite a nice

complimentbut if he would do the translating for me I would try to get along without the compliment.

If I were at home, no doubt I could get a translation of this poem, but I am abroad and can't; therefore I will

make a translation myself. It may not be a good one, for poetry is out of my line, but it will serve my

purposewhich is, to give the unGerman young girl a jingle of words to hang the tune on until she can get

hold of a good version, made by some one who is a poet and knows how to convey a poetical thought from

I cannot divine what it meaneth, This haunting nameless pain: A tale of the bygone ages Keeps brooding

The faint air cools in the glooming, And peaceful flows the Rhine, The thirsty summits are drinking The

The loveliest maiden is sitting Highthroned in yon blue air, Her golden jewels are shining, She combs her

She combs with a comb that is golden, And sings a weird refrain That steeps in a deadly enchantment The

The doomed in his drifting shallop, Is tranced with the sad sweet tone, He sees not the yawning breakers, He

The pitiless billows engulf him!So perish sailor and bark; And this, with her baleful singing, Is the

I have a translation by Garnham, Bachelor of Arts, in the LEGENDS OF THE RHINE, but it would not

answer the purpose I mentioned above, because the measure is too nobly irregular; it don't fit the tune snugly

enough; in places it hangs over at the ends too far, and in other places one runs out of words before he gets to

the end of a bar. Still, Garnham's translation has high merits, and I am not dreaming of leaving it out of my

book. I believe this poet is wholly unknown in America and England; I take peculiar pleasure in bringing him

I do not know what it signifies. That I am so sorrowful? A fable of old Times so terrifies, Leaves my heart so

The air is cool and it darkens, And calmly flows the Rhine; The summit of the mountain hearkens In evening

The most beautiful Maiden entrances Above wonderfully there, Her beautiful golden attire glances, She

With golden comb so lustrous, And thereby a song sings, It has a tone so wondrous, That powerful melody

The shipper in the little ship It effects with woe sad might; He does not see the rocky slip, He only regards

I believe the turbulent waves Swallow the last shipper and boat; She with her singing craves All to visit her

No translation could be closer. He has got in all the facts; and in their regular order, too. There is not a

statistic wanting. It is as succinct as an invoice. That is what a translation ought to be; it should exactly reflect

the thought of the original. You can't SING "Above wonderfully there," because it simply won't go to the

tune, without damaging the singer; but it is a most clingingly exact translation of DORT OBEN

WUNDERBARfits it like a blister. Mr. Garnham's reproduction has other meritsa hundred of

No one with a specialty can hope to have a monopoly of it. Even Garnham has a rival. Mr. X had a small

pamphlet with him which he had bought while on a visit to Munich. It was entitled A CATALOGUE OF

PICTURES IN THE OLD PINACOTEK, and was written in a peculiar kind of English. Here are a few

"It is not permitted to make use of the work in question to a publication of the same contents as well as to the

"An evening landscape. In the foreground near a pond and a group of white beeches is leading a footpath

"Portrait of a young man. A long while this picture was thought to be Bindi Altoviti's portrait; now somebody

"Susan bathing, surprised by the two old man. In the background the lapidation of the condemned."

"St. Rochus sitting in a landscape with an angel who looks at his plaguesore, whilst the dog the bread in his

"Spring. The Goddess Flora, sitting. Behind her a fertile valley perfused by a river."

"A warrior in armor with a gypseous pipe in his hand leans against a table and blows the smoke far away of

"A Dutch landscape along a navigable river which perfuses it till to the background."

"A young man of the Riccio family, his hair cut off right at the end, dressed in black with the same cap.

"The Virgin holding the Infant. It is very painted in the manner of Sassoferrato."

"A Larder with greens and dead game animated by a cookmaid and two kitchenboys."

However, the English of this catalogue is at least as happy as that which distinguishes an inscription upon a

A mile or two above Eberbach we saw a peculiar ruin projecting above the foliage which clothed the peak of

a high and very steep hill. This ruin consisted of merely a couple of crumbling masses of masonry which bore

a rude resemblance to human faces; they leaned forward and touched foreheads, and had the look of being

absorbed in conversation. This ruin had nothing very imposing or picturesque about it, and there was no great

The captain of the raft, who was as full of history as he could stick, said that in the Middle Ages a most

prodigious firebreathing dragon used to live in that region, and made more trouble than a taxcollector. He

was as long as a railwaytrain, and had the customary impenetrable green scales all over him. His breath bred

pestilence and conflagration, and his appetite bred famine. He ate men and cattle impartially, and was

exceedingly unpopular. The German emperor of that day made the usual offer: he would grant to the

destroyer of the dragon, any one solitary thing he might ask for; for he had a surplusage of daughters, and it

So the most renowned knights came from the four corners of the earth and retired down the dragon's throat

one after the other. A panic arose and spread. Heroes grew cautious. The procession ceased. The dragon

became more destructive than ever. The people lost all hope of succor, and fled to the mountains for refuge.

At last Sir Wissenschaft, a poor and obscure knight, out of a far country, arrived to do battle with the

monster. A pitiable object he was, with his armor hanging in rags about him, and his strangeshaped

knapsack strapped upon his back. Everybody turned up their noses at him, and some openly jeered him. But

he was calm. He simply inquired if the emperor's offer was still in force. The emperor said it wasbut

charitably advised him to go and hunt hares and not endanger so precious a life as his in an attempt which had

But this tramp only asked"Were any of these heroes men of science?" This raised a laugh, of course, for

science was despised in those days. But the tramp was not in the least ruffled. He said he might be a little in

advance of his age, but no matterscience would come to be honored, some time or other. He said he would

march against the dragon in the morning. Out of compassion, then, a decent spear was offered him, but he

declined, and said, "spears were useless to men of science." They allowed him to sup in the servants' hall, and

When he started forth in the morning, thousands were gathered to see. The emperor said:

The dragon was waiting and ready. He was breathing forth vast volumes of sulphurous smoke and lurid blasts

of flame. The ragged knight stole warily to a good position, then he unslung his cylindrical knapsackwhich

was simply the common fireextinguisher known to modern times and the first chance he got he turned on

his hose and shot the dragon square in the center of his cavernous mouth. Out went the fires in an instant, and

This man had brought brains to his aid. He had reared dragons from the egg, in his laboratory, he had

watched over them like a mother, and patiently studied them and experimented upon them while they grew.

Thus he had found out that fire was the life principle of a dragon; put out the dragon's fires and it could make

steam no longer, and must die. He could not put out a fire with a spear, therefore he invented the

extinguisher. The dragon being dead, the emperor fell on the hero's neck and said:

"Deliverer, name your request," at the same time beckoning out behind with his heel for a detachment of his

daughters to form and advance. But the tramp gave them no observance. He simply said:

"My request is, that upon me be conferred the monopoly of the manufacture and sale of spectacles in

"This transcends all the impudence I ever heard! A modest demand, by my halidome! Why didn't you ask for

But the monarch had given his word, and he kept it. To everybody's surprise, the unselfish monopolist

immediately reduced the price of spectacles to such a degree that a great and crushing burden was removed

from the nation. The emperor, to commemorate this generous act, and to testify his appreciation of it, issued a

decree commanding everybody to buy this benefactor's spectacles and wear them, whether they needed them

So originated the widespread custom of wearing spectacles in Germany; and as a custom once established in

these old lands is imperishable, this one remains universal in the empire to this day. Such is the legend of the

monopolist's once stately and sumptuous castle, now called the "Spectacular Ruin."

On the right bank, two or three miles below the Spectacular Ruin, we passed by a noble pile of castellated

buildings overlooking the water from the crest of a lofty elevation. A stretch of two hundred yards of the high

front wall was heavily draped with ivy, and out of the mass of buildings within rose three picturesque old

towers. The place was in fine order, and was inhabited by a family of princely rank. This castle had its

legend, too, but I should not feel justified in repeating it because I doubted the truth of some of its minor

Along in this region a multitude of Italian laborers were blasting away the frontage of the hills to make room

for the new railway. They were fifty or a hundred feet above the river. As we turned a sharp corner they

began to wave signals and shout warnings to us to look out for the explosions. It was all very well to warn us,

but what could WE do? You can't back a raft upstream, you can't hurry it downstream, you can't scatter out to

one side when you haven't any room to speak of, you won't take to the perpendicular cliffs on the other shore

when they appear to be blasting there, too. Your resources are limited, you see. There is simply nothing for it

For some hours we had been making three and a half or four miles an hour and we were still making that. We

had been dancing right along until those men began to shout; then for the next ten minutes it seemed to me

that I had never seen a raft go so slowly. When the first blast went off we raised our sunumbrellas and

waited for the result. No harm done; none of the stones fell in the water. Another blast followed, and another

We ran that whole battery of nine blasts in a row, and it was certainly one of the most exciting and

uncomfortable weeks I ever spent, either aship or ashore. Of course we frequently manned the poles and

shoved earnestly for a second or so, but every time one of those spurts of dust and debris shot aloft every man

dropped his pole and looked up to get the bearings of his share of it. It was very busy times along there for a

while. It appeared certain that we must perish, but even that was not the bitterest thought; no, the abjectly

unheroic nature of the deaththat was the stingthat and the bizarre wording of the resulting obituary:

"SHOT WITH A ROCK, ON A RAFT." There would be no poetry written about it. None COULD be written

No poet who valued his reputation would touch such a theme as that. I should be distinguished as the only

But we escaped, and I have never regretted it. The last blast was peculiarly strong one, and after the small

rubbish was done raining around us and we were just going to shake hands over our deliverance, a later and

larger stone came down amongst our little group of pedestrians and wrecked an umbrella. It did no other

It seems that the heavy work in the quarries and the new railway gradings is done mainly by Italians. That

was a revelation. We have the notion in our country that Italians never do heavy work at all, but confine

themselves to the lighter arts, like organgrinding, operatic singing, and assassination. We have blundered,

All along the river, near every village, we saw little stationhouses for the future railway. They were finished

and waiting for the rails and business. They were as trim and snug and pretty as they could be. They were

always of brick or stone; they were of graceful shape, they had vines and flowers about them already, and

around them the grass was bright and green, and showed that it was carefully looked after. They were a

decoration to the beautiful landscape, not an offense. Wherever one saw a pile of gravel or a pile of broken

stone, it was always heaped as trimly and exactly as a new grave or a stack of cannonballs; nothing about

those stations or along the railroad or the wagonroad was allowed to look shabby or be unornamental. The

keeping a country in such beautiful order as Germany exhibits, has a wise practical side to it, too, for it keeps

thousands of people in work and bread who would otherwise be idle and mischievous.

As the night shut down, the captain wanted to tie up, but I thought maybe we might make Hirschhorn, so we

went on. Presently the sky became overcast, and the captain came aft looking uneasy. He cast his eye aloft,

then shook his head, and said it was coming on to blow. My party wanted to land at oncetherefore I wanted

to go on. The captain said we ought to shorten sail anyway, out of common prudence. Consequently, the

larboard watch was ordered to lay in his pole. It grew quite dark, now, and the wind began to rise. It wailed

through the swaying branches of the trees, and swept our decks in fitful gusts. Things were taking on an ugly

"Shoal, sir. Two foot large, on the stabboard, two and a half scant on the labboard!"

"Forward, men, all of you! Lively, now! Stand by to crowd her round the weather corner!"

Then followed a wild running and trampling and hoarse shouting, but the forms of the men were lost in the

darkness and the sounds were distorted and confused by the roaring of the wind through the shinglebundles.

By this time the sea was running inches high, and threatening every moment to engulf the frail bark. Now

came the mate, hurrying aft, and said, close to the captain's ear, in a low, agitated voice:

"Nothing but a miracle can save us! Don't let the men know, or there will be a panic and mutiny! Lay her in

shore and stand by to jump with the sternline the moment she touches. Gentlemen, I must look to you to

second my endeavors in this hour of peril. You have hatsgo forward and bail for your lives!"

Down swept another mighty blast of wind, clothed in spray and thick darkness. At such a moment as this,

came from away forward that most appalling of all cries that are ever heard at sea:

We had groped our slippery way forward, and were now bailing with the frenzy of despair, when we heard

"Saved!" cried the captain. "Jump ashore and take a turn around a tree and pass the bight aboard!"

The next moment we were all on shore weeping and embracing for joy, while the rain poured down in

torrents. The captain said he had been a mariner for forty years on the Neckar, and in that time had seen

storms to make a man's cheek blanch and his pulses stop, but he had never, never seen a storm that even

approached this one. How familiar that sounded! For I have been at sea a good deal and have heard that

We framed in our minds the usual resolution of thanks and admiration and gratitude, and took the first

opportunity to vote it, and put it in writing and present it to the captain, with the customary speech. We

tramped through the darkness and the drenching summer rain full three miles, and reached "The Naturalist

Tavern" in the village of Hirschhorn just an hour before midnight, almost exhausted from hardship, fatigue,

The landlord was rich, and therefore could afford to be crusty and disobliging; he did not at all like being

turned out of his warm bed to open his house for us. But no matter, his household got up and cooked a quick

supper for us, and we brewed a hot punch for ourselves, to keep off consumption. After supper and punch we

had an hour's soothing smoke while we fought the naval battle over again and voted the resolutions; then we

retired to exceedingly neat and pretty chambers upstairs that had clean, comfortable beds in them with

Such rooms and beds and embroidered linen are as frequent in German village inns as they are rare in ours.

Our villages are superior to German villages in more merits, excellences, conveniences, and privileges than I

"The Naturalist Tavern" was not a meaningless name; for all the halls and all the rooms were lined with large

glass cases which were filled with all sorts of birds and animals, glasseyed, ably stuffed, and set up in the

most natural eloquent and dramatic attitudes. The moment we were abed, the rain cleared away and the moon

came out. I dozed off to sleep while contemplating a great white stuffed owl which was looking intently

down on me from a high perch with the air of a person who thought he had met me before, but could not

But young Z did not get off so easily. He said that as he was sinking deliciously to sleep, the moon lifted

away the shadows and developed a huge cat, on a bracket, dead and stuffed, but crouching, with every muscle

tense, for a spring, and with its glittering glass eyes aimed straight at him. It made Z uncomfortable. He tried

closing his own eyes, but that did not answer, for a natural instinct kept making him open them again to see if

the cat was still getting ready to launch at himwhich she always was. He tried turning his back, but that

was a failure; he knew the sinister eyes were on him still. So at last he had to get up, after an hour or two of

In the morning we took breakfast in the garden, under the trees, in the delightful German summer fashion.

The air was filled with the fragrance of flowers and wild animals; the living portion of the menagerie of the

"Naturalist Tavern" was all about us. There were great cages populous with fluttering and chattering foreign

birds, and other great cages and greater wire pens, populous with quadrupeds, both native and foreign. There

were some free creatures, too, and quite sociable ones they were. White rabbits went loping about the place,

and occasionally came and sniffed at our shoes and shins; a fawn, with a red ribbon on its neck, walked up

and examined us fearlessly; rare breeds of chickens and doves begged for crumbs, and a poor old tailless

raven hopped about with a humble, shamefaced mein which said, "Please do not notice my exposurethink

how you would feel in my circumstances, and be charitable." If he was observed too much, he would retire

behind something and stay there until he judged the party's interest had found another object. I never have

seen another dumb creature that was so morbidly sensitive. Bayard Taylor, who could interpret the dim

reasonings of animals, and understood their moral natures better than most men, would have found some way

to make this poor old chap forget his troubles for a while, but we have not his kindly art, and so had to leave

After breakfast we climbed the hill and visited the ancient castle of Hirschhorn, and the ruined church near it.

There were some curious old basreliefs leaning against the inner walls of the churchsculptured lords of

Hirschhorn in complete armor, and ladies of Hirschhorn in the picturesque court costumes of the Middle

Ages. These things are suffering damage and passing to decay, for the last Hirschhorn has been dead two

hundred years, and there is nobody now who cares to preserve the family relics. In the chancel was a twisted

stone column, and the captain told us a legend about it, of course, for in the matter of legends he could not

seem to restrain himself; but I do not repeat his tale because there was nothing plausible about it except that

the Hero wrenched this column into its present screwshape with his hands just one single wrench. All the

But Hirschhorn is best seen from a distance, down the river. Then the clustered brown towers perched on the

green hilltop, and the old battlemented stone wall, stretching up and over the grassy ridge and disappearing in

the leafy sea beyond, make a picture whose grace and beauty entirely satisfy the eye.

We descended from the church by steep stone stairways which curved this way and that down narrow alleys

between the packed and dirty tenements of the village. It was a quarter well stocked with deformed, leering,

unkempt and uncombed idiots, who held out hands or caps and begged piteously. The people of the quarter

were not all idiots, of course, but all that begged seemed to be, and were said to be.

I was thinking of going by skiff to the next town, Necharsteinach; so I ran to the riverside in advance of the

party and asked a man there if he had a boat to hire. I suppose I must have spoken High GermanCourt

GermanI intended it for that, anywayso he did not understand me. I turned and twisted my question

around and about, trying to strike that man's average, but failed. He could not make out what I wanted. Now

Mr. X arrived, faced this same man, looked him in the eye, and emptied this sentence on him, in the most glib

The mariner promptly understood and promptly answered. I can comprehend why he was able to understand

that particular sentence, because by mere accident all the words in it except "get" have the same sound and

the same meaning in German that they have in English; but how he managed to understand Mr. X's next

remark puzzled me. I will insert it, presently. X turned away a moment, and I asked the mariner if he could

not find a board, and so construct an additional seat. I spoke in the purest German, but I might as well have

spoken in the purest Choctaw for all the good it did. The man tried his best to understand me; he tried, and

kept on trying, harder and harder, until I saw it was really of no use, and said:

I wish my epitaph may tell the truth about me if the man did not answer up at once, and say he would go and

We changed our mind about taking a boat, so we did not have to go. I have given Mr. X's two remarks just as

he made them. Four of the five words in the first one were English, and that they were also German was only

accidental, not intentional; three out of the five words in the second remark were English, and English only,

and the two German ones did not mean anything in particular, in such a connection.

X always spoke English to Germans, but his plan was to turn the sentence wrong end first and upside down,

according to German construction, and sprinkle in a German word without any essential meaning to it, here

and there, by way of flavor. Yet he always made himself understood. He could make those dialectspeaking

raftsmen understand him, sometimes, when even young Z had failed with them; and young Z was a pretty

good German scholar. For one thing, X always spoke with such confidenceperhaps that helped. And

possibly the raftsmen's dialect was what is called PLATTDEUTSCH, and so they found his English more

familiar to their ears than another man's German. Quite indifferent students of German can read Fritz Reuter's

charming plattDeutch tales with some little facility because many of the words are English. I suppose this is

the tongue which our Saxon ancestors carried to England with them. By and by I will inquire of some other

However, in the mean time it had transpired that the men employed to calk the raft had found that the leak

was not a leak at all, but only a crack between the logsa crack that belonged there, and was not dangerous,

but had been magnified into a leak by the disordered imagination of the mate. Therefore we went aboard

again with a good degree of confidence, and presently got to sea without accident. As we swam smoothly

along between the enchanting shores, we fell to swapping notes about manners and customs in Germany and

As I write, now, many months later, I perceive that each of us, by observing and noting and inquiring,

diligently and day by day, had managed to lay in a most varied and opulent stock of misinformation. But this

is not surprising; it is very difficult to get accurate details in any country. For example, I had the idea once, in

Heidelberg, to find out all about those five studentcorps. I started with the White Cap corps. I began to

1. It is called the Prussian Corps, because none but Prussians are admitted to it.

2. It is called the Prussian Corps for no particular reason. It has simply pleased each corps to name itself after

9. No student can belong to it who cannot show three full generations of noble descent.

I got some of this information from students themselves students who did not belong to the corps.

I finally went to headquartersto the White Capswhere I would have gone in the first place if I had been

acquainted. But even at headquarters I found difficulties; I perceived that there were things about the White

Cap Corps which one member knew and another one didn't. It was natural; for very few members of any

organization know ALL that can be known about it. I doubt there is a man or a woman in Heidelberg who

would not answer promptly and confidently three out of every five questions about the White Cap Corps

which a stranger might ask; yet it is a very safe bet that two of the three answers would be incorrect every

There is one German custom which is universalthe bowing courteously to strangers when sitting down at

table or rising up from it. This bow startles a stranger out of his selfpossession, the first time it occurs, and

he is likely to fall over a chair or something, in his embarrassment, but it pleases him, nevertheless. One soon

learns to expect this bow and be on the lookout and ready to return it; but to learn to lead off and make the

initial bow one's self is a difficult matter for a diffident man. One thinks, "If I rise to go, and tender my box,

and these ladies and gentlemen take it into their heads to ignore the custom of their nation, and not return it,

how shall I feel, in case I survive to feel anything." Therefore he is afraid to venture. He sits out the dinner,

and makes the strangers rise first and originate the bowing. A table d'ho^te dinner is a tedious affair for a man

who seldom touches anything after the three first courses; therefore I used to do some pretty dreary waiting

because of my fears. It took me months to assure myself that those fears were groundless, but I did assure

myself at last by experimenting diligently through my agent. I made Harris get up and bow and leave;

Thus my education proceeded easily and comfortably for me, but not for Harris. Three courses of a table

Even after I had acquired full confidence, and no longer needed the agent's help, I sometimes encountered

difficulties. Once at BadenBaden I nearly lost a train because I could not be sure that three young ladies

opposite me at table were Germans, since I had not heard them speak; they might be American, they might be

English, it was not safe to venture a bow; but just as I had got that far with my thought, one of them began a

German remark, to my great relief and gratitude; and before she got out her third word, our bows had been

There is a friendly something about the German character which is very winning. When Harris and I were

making a pedestrian tour through the Black Forest, we stopped at a little country inn for dinner one day; two

young ladies and a young gentleman entered and sat down opposite us. They were pedestrians, too. Our

knapsacks were strapped upon our backs, but they had a sturdy youth along to carry theirs for them. All

parties were hungry, so there was no talking. By and by the usual bows were exchanged, and we separated.

As we sat at a late breakfast in the hotel at Allerheiligen, next morning, these young people and took places

near us without observing us; but presently they saw us and at once bowed and smiled; not ceremoniously,

but with the gratified look of people who have found acquaintances where they were expecting strangers.

Then they spoke of the weather and the roads. We also spoke of the weather and the roads. Next, they said

they had had an enjoyable walk, notwithstanding the weather. We said that that had been our case, too. Then

they said they had walked thirty English miles the day before, and asked how many we had walked. I could

not lie, so I told Harris to do it. Harris told them we had made thirty English miles, too. That was true; we had

After breakfast they found us trying to blast some information out of the dumb hotel clerk about routes, and

observing that we were not succeeding pretty well, they went and got their maps and things, and pointed out

and explained our course so clearly that even a New York detective could have followed it. And when we

started they spoke out a hearty goodby and wished us a pleasant journey. Perhaps they were more generous

with us than they might have been with native wayfarers because we were a forlorn lot and in a strange land;

Very well, I took an American young lady to one of the fine balls in BadenBaden, one night, and at the

entrancedoor upstairs we were halted by an officialsomething about Miss Jones's dress was not according

to rule; I don't remember what it was, now; something was wantingher back hair, or a shawl, or a fan, or a

shovel, or something. The official was ever so polite, and every so sorry, but the rule was strict, and he could

not let us in. It was very embarrassing, for many eyes were on us. But now a richly dressed girl stepped out of

the ballroom, inquired into the trouble, and said she could fix it in a moment. She took Miss Jones to the

robingroom, and soon brought her back in regulation trim, and then we entered the ballroom with this

Being safe, now, I began to puzzle through my sincere but ungrammatical thanks, when there was a sudden

mutual recognition the benefactress and I had met at Allerheiligen. Two weeks had not altered her good

face, and plainly her heart was in the right place yet, but there was such a difference between these clothes

and the clothes I had seen her in before, when she was walking thirty miles a day in the Black Forest, that it

was quite natural that I had failed to recognize her sooner. I had on MY other suit, too, but my German would

betray me to a person who had heard it once, anyway. She brought her brother and sister, and they made our

Wellmonths afterward, I was driving through the streets of Munich in a cab with a German lady, one day,

Everybody was bowing to themcabmen, little children, and everybody elseand they were returning all

the bows and overlooking nobody, when a young lady met them and made a deep courtesy.

"She is an honor to it, then. I know her. I don't know her name, but I know HER. I have known her at

Allerheiligen and BadenBaden. She ought to be an Empress, but she may be only a Duchess; it is the way

If one asks a German a civil question, he will be quite sure to get a civil answer. If you stop a German in the

street and ask him to direct you to a certain place, he shows no sign of feeling offended. If the place be

difficult to find, ten to one the man will drop his own matters and go with you and show you.

In London, too, many a time, strangers have walked several blocks with me to show me my way.

There is something very real about this sort of politeness. Quite often, in Germany, shopkeepers who could

not furnish me the article I wanted have sent one of their employees with me to show me a place where it

However, I wander from the raft. We made the port of Necharsteinach in good season, and went to the hotel

and ordered a trout dinner, the same to be ready against our return from a twohour pedestrian excursion to

the village and castle of Dilsberg, a mile distant, on the other side of the river. I do not mean that we proposed

to be two hours making two milesno, we meant to employ most of the time in inspecting Dilsberg.

For Dilsberg is a quaint place. It is most quaintly and picturesquely situated, too. Imagine the beautiful river

before you; then a few rods of brilliant green sward on its opposite shore; then a sudden hillno preparatory

gently rising slopes, but a sort of instantaneous hill a hill two hundred and fifty or three hundred feet high,

as round as a bowl, with the same taper upward that an inverted bowl has, and with about the same relation of

height to diameter that distinguishes a bowl of good honest deptha hill which is thickly clothed with green

bushesa comely, shapely hill, rising abruptly out of the dead level of the surrounding green plains, visible

from a great distance down the bends of the river, and with just exactly room on the top of its head for its

steepled and turreted and roofclustered cap of architecture, which same is tightly jammed and compacted

There is no house outside the wall on the whole hill, or any vestige of a former house; all the houses are

inside the wall, but there isn't room for another one. It is really a finished town, and has been finished a very

long time. There is no space between the wall and the first circle of buildings; no, the village wall is itself the

rear wall of the first circle of buildings, a nd the roofs jut a little over the wall a nd thus furnish it with eaves.

The general level of the massed roofs is gracefully broken and relieved by the dominating towers of the

ruined castle and the tall spires of a couple of churches; so, from a distance Dilsberg has rather more the look

of a king's crown than a cap. That lofty green eminence and its quaint coronet form quite a striking picture,

We crossed over in a boat and began the ascent by a narrow, steep path which plunged us at once into the

leafy deeps of the bushes. But they were not cool deeps by any means, for the sun's rays were weltering hot

and there was little or no breeze to temper them. As we panted up the sharp ascent, we met brown,

bareheaded and barefooted boys and girls, occasionally, and sometimes men; they came upon us without

warning, they gave us good day, flashed out of sight in the bushes, and were gone as suddenly and

mysteriously as they had come. They were bound for the other side of the river to work. This path had been

traveled by many generations of these people. They have always gone down to the valley to earn their bread,

but they have always climbed their hill again to eat it, and to sleep in their snug town.

It is said the the Dilsbergers do not emigrate much; they find that living up there above the world, in their

peaceful nest, is pleasanter than living down in the troublous world. The seven hundred inhabitants are all

bloodkin to each other, too; they have always been bloodkin to each other for fifteen hundred years; they

are simply one large family, and they like the home folks better than they like strangers, hence they

persistently stay at home. It has been said that for ages Dilsberg has been merely a thriving and diligent

idiotfactory. I saw no idiots there, but the captain said, "Because of late years the government has taken to

lugging them off to asylums and otherwheres; and government wants to cripple the factory, too, and is trying

The captain probably imagined all this, as modern science denies that the intermarrying of relatives

Arrived within the wall, we found the usual village sights and life. We moved along a narrow, crooked lane

which had been paved in the Middle Ages. A strapping, ruddy girl was beating flax or some such stuff in a

little bit of a goodbox of a barn, and she swung her flail with a willif it was a flail; I was not farmer

enough to know what she was at; a frowsy, barelegged girl was herding half a dozen geese with a

stickdriving them along the lane and keeping them out of the dwellings; a cooper was at work in a shop

which I know he did not make so large a thing as a hogshead in, for there was not room. In the front rooms of

dwellings girls and women were cooking or spinning, and ducks and chickens were waddling in and out, over

the threshold, picking up chance crumbs and holding pleasant converse; a very old and wrinkled man sat

asleep before his door, with his chin upon his breast and his extinguished pipe in his lap; soiled children were

Except the sleeping old man, everybody was at work, but the place was very still and peaceful, nevertheless;

so still that the distant cackle of the successful hen smote upon the ear but little dulled by intervening sounds.

That commonest of village sights was lacking herethe public pump, with its great stone tank or trough of

limpid water, and its group of gossiping pitcherbearers; for there is no well or fountain or spring on this tall

Our alpenstocks and muslin tails compelled attention, and as we moved through the village we gathered a

considerable procession of little boys and girls, and so went in some state to the castle. It proved to be an

extensive pile of crumbling walls, arches, and towers, massive, properly grouped for picturesque effect,

weedy, grassgrown, and satisfactory. The children acted as guides; they walked us along the top of the

highest walls, then took us up into a high tower and showed us a wide and beautiful landscape, made up of

wavy distances of woody hills, and a nearer prospect of undulating expanses of green lowlands, on the one

hand, and castlegraced crags and ridges on the other, with the shining curves of the Neckar flowing

between. But the principal show, the chief pride of the children, was the ancient and empty well in the

grassgrown court of the castle. Its massive stone curb stands up three or four feet aboveground, and is

whole and uninjured. The children said that in the Middle Ages this well was four hundred feet deep, and

furnished all the village with an abundant supply of water, in war and peace. They said that in the old day its

bottom was below the level of the Neckar, hence the watersupply was inexhaustible.

But there were some who believed it had never been a well at all, and was never deeper than it is

noweighty feet; that at that depth a subterranean passage branched from it and descended gradually to a

remote place in the valley, where it opened into somebody's cellar or other hidden recess, and that the secret

of this locality is now lost. Those who hold this belief say that herein lies the explanation that Dilsberg,

besieged by Tilly and many a soldier before him, was never taken: after the longest and closest sieges the

besiegers were astonished to perceive that the besieged were as fat and hearty as ever, and were well

furnished with munitions of wartherefore it must be that the Dilsbergers had been bringing these things in

The children said that there was in truth a subterranean outlet down there, and they would prove it. So they

set a great truss of straw on fire and threw it down the well, while we leaned on the curb and watched the

glowing mass descend. It struck bottom and gradually burned out. No smoke came up. The children clapped

"You see! Nothing makes so much smoke as burning strawnow where did the smoke go to, if there is no

So it seemed quite evident that the subterranean outlet indeed existed. But the finest thing within the ruin's

limits was a noble linden, which the children said was four hundred years old, and no doubt it was. It had a

mighty trunk and a mighty spread of limb and foliage. The limbs near the ground were nearly the thickness of

That tree had witnessed the assaults of men in mail how remote such a time seems, and how ungraspable is

the fact that real men ever did fight in real armor!and it had seen the time when these broken arches and

crumbling battlements were a trim and strong and stately fortress, fluttering its gay banners in the sun, and

peopled with vigorous humanityhow impossibly long ago that seems!and here it stands yet, and

possibly may still be standing here, sunning itself and dreaming its historical dreams, when today shall have

Well, we sat down under the tree to smoke, and the captain delivered himself of his legend:

It was to this effect. In the old times there was once a great company assembled at the castle, and festivity ran

high. Of course there was a haunted chamber in the castle, and one day the talk fell upon that. It was said that

whoever slept in it would not wake again for fifty years. Now when a young knight named Conrad von

Geisberg heard this, he said that if the castle were his he would destroy that chamber, so that no foolish

person might have the chance to bring so dreadful a misfortune upon himself and afflict such as loved him

with the memory of it. Straightway, the company privately laid their heads together to contrive some way to

And they succeededin this way. They persuaded his betrothed, a lovely mischievous young creature, niece

of the lord of the castle, to help them in their plot. She presently took him aside and had speech with him. She

used all her persuasions, but could not shake him; he said his belief was firm, that if he should sleep there he

would wake no more for fifty years, and it made him shudder to think of it. Catharina began to weep. This

was a better argument; Conrad could not out against it. He yielded and said she should have her wish if she

would only smile and be happy again. She flung her arms about his neck, and the kisses she gave him showed

that her thankfulness and her pleasure were very real. Then she flew to tell the company her success, and the

applause she received made her glad and proud she had undertaken her mission, since all alone she had

At midnight, that night, after the usual feasting, Conrad was taken to the haunted chamber and left there. He

When he awoke again and looked about him, his heart stood still with horror! The whole aspect of the

chamber was changed. The walls were moldy and hung with ancient cobwebs; the curtains and beddings were

rotten; the furniture was rickety and ready to fall to pieces. He sprang out of bed, but his quaking knees sunk

He rose and sought his clothing. It was clothing no longer. The colors were gone, the garments gave way in

many places while he was putting them on. He fled, shuddering, into the corridor, and along it to the great

hall. Here he was met by a middleaged stranger of a kind countenance, who stopped and gazed at him with

The stranger called"Wilhelm!" A young servingman came, and the stranger said to him:

Conrad sank upon a bench and covered his face with his hands while he rocked his body to and fro and

In a moment several people came, and grouped themselves about, talking in whispers. Conrad looked up and

"No, there is none among ye that I know. I am old and alone in the world. They are dead and gone these

many years that cared for me. But sure, some of these aged ones I see about me can tell me some little word

Several bent and tottering men and women came nearer and answered his questions about each former friend

as he mentioned the names. This one they said had been dead ten years, that one twenty, another thirty. Each

"Ah, I knew her well, poor soul. A misfortune overtook her lover, and she died of sorrow nearly fifty years

"Ah, why did I ever wake! And so she died of grief for me, poor child. So young, so sweet, so good! She

never wittingly did a hurtful thing in all the little summer of her life. Her loving debt shall be repaidfor I

His head drooped upon his breast. In the moment there was a wild burst of joyous laughter, a pair of round

"There, Conrad mine, thy kind words kill methe farce shall go no further! Look up, and laugh with

And he did look up, and gazed, in a dazed wonderment for the disguises were stripped away, and the aged

men and women were bright and young and gay again. Catharina's happy tongue ran on:

"'Twas a marvelous jest, and bravely carried out. They gave you a heavy sleepingdraught before you went to

bed, and in the night they bore you to a ruined chamber where all had fallen to decay, and placed these rags

of clothing by you. And when your sleep was spent and you came forth, two strangers, well instructed in their

parts, were here to meet you; and all we, your friends, in our disguises, were close at hand, to see and hear,

you may be sure. Ah, 'twas a gallant jest! Come, now, and make thee ready for the pleasures of the day. How

real was thy misery for the moment, thou poor lad! Look up and have thy laugh, now!"

He looked up, searched the merry faces about him in a dreamy way, then sighed and said:

All the smile vanished away, every cheek blanched, Catharina sunk to the ground in a swoon.

All day the people went about the castle with troubled faces, and communed together in undertones. A

painful hush pervaded the place which had lately been so full of cheery life. Each in his turn tried to arouse

Conrad out of his hallucination and bring him to himself; but all the answer any got was a meek, bewildered

"Good stranger, I have no friends, all are at rest these many years; ye speak me fair, ye mean me well, but I

During two years Conrad spent his days, from the early morning till the night, under the linden tree,

mourning over the imaginary grave of his Catharina. Catharina was the only company of the harmless

madman. He was very friendly toward her because, as he said, in some ways she reminded him of his

"She was so gay, so happyheartedbut you never smile; and always when you think I am not looking, you

When Conrad died, they buried him under the linden, according to his directions, so that he might rest "near

his poor Catharina." Then Catharina sat under the linden alone, every day and all day long, a great many

years, speaking to no one, and never smiling; and at last her long repentance was rewarded with death, and

Harris pleased the captain by saying it was good legend; and pleased him further by adding:

"Now that I have seen this mighty tree, vigorous with its four hundred years, I feel a desire to believe the

legend for ITS sake; so I will humor the desire, and consider that the tree really watches over those poor

We returned to Necharsteinach, plunged our hot heads into the trough at the town pump, and then went to the

hotel and ate our trout dinner in leisurely comfort, in the garden, with the beautiful Neckar flowing at our

feet, the quaint Dilsberg looming beyond, and the graceful towers and battlements of a couple of medieval

castles (called the "Swallow's Nest" [1] and "The Brothers.") assisting the rugged scenery of a bend of the

river down to our right. We got to sea in season to make the eightmile run to Heidelberg before the night

shut down. We sailed by the hotel in the mellow glow of sunset, and came slashing down with the mad

current into the narrow passage between the dikes. I believed I could shoot the bridge myself, and I went to

the forward triplet of logs and relieved the pilot of his pole and his responsibility.

We went tearing along in a most exhilarating way, and I performed the delicate duties of my office very well

indeed for a first attempt; but perceiving, presently, that I really was going to shoot the bridge itself instead of

the archway under it, I judiciously stepped ashore. The next moment I had my longcoveted desire: I saw a

raft wrecked. It hit the pier in the center and went all to smash and scatteration like a box of matches struck

I was the only one of our party who saw this grand sight; the others were attitudinizing, for the benefit of the

long rank of young ladies who were promenading on the bank, and so they lost it. But I helped to fish them

out of the river, down below the bridge, and then described it to them as well as I could.

They were not interested, though. They said they were wet and felt ridiculous and did not care anything for

descriptions of scenery. The young ladies, and other people, crowded around and showed a great deal of

sympathy, but that did not help matters; for my friends said they did not want sympathy, they wanted a back

Next morning brought good newsour trunks had arrived from Hamburg at last. Let this be a warning to the

reader. The Germans are very conscientious, and this trait makes them very particular. Therefore if you tell a

German you want a thing done immediately, he takes you at your word; he thinks you mean what you say; so

he does that thing immediatelyaccording to his idea of immediately which is about a week; that is, it is a

week if it refers to the building of a garment, or it is an hour and a half if it refers to the cooking of a trout.

Very well; if you tell a German to send your trunk to you by "slow freight," he takes you at your word; he

sends it by "slow freight," and you cannot imagine how long you will go on enlarging your admiration of the

expressiveness of that phrase in the German tongue, before you get that trunk. The hair on my trunk was soft

and thick and youthful, when I got it ready for shipment in Hamburg; it was baldheaded when it reached

Heidelberg. However, it was still sound, that was a comfort, it was not battered in the least; the baggagemen

seemed to be conscientiously careful, in Germany, of the baggage entrusted to their hands. There was nothing

Naturally my chief solicitude was about my collection of Ceramics. Of course I could not take it with me, that

would be inconvenient, and dangerous besides. I took advice, but the best brickabrackers were divided as

to the wisest course to pursue; some said pack the collection and warehouse it; others said try to get it into the

Grand Ducal Museum at Mannheim for safe keeping. So I divided the collection, and followed the advice of

both parties. I set aside, for the Museum, those articles which were the most frail and precious.

Among these was my Etruscan tearjug. I have made a little sketch of it here; [Figure 6] that thing creeping

up the side is not a bug, it is a hole. I bought this tearjug of a dealer in antiquities for four hundred and fifty

dollars. It is very rare. The man said the Etruscans used to keep tears or something in these things, and that it

was very hard to get hold of a broken one, now. I also set aside my Henri II. plate. See sketch from my

pencil; [Figure 7] it is in the main correct, though I think I have foreshortened one end of it a little too much,

perhaps. This is very fine and rare; the shape is exceedingly beautiful and unusual. It has wonderful

decorations on it, but I am not able to reproduce them. It cost more than the tearjug, as the dealer said there

was not another plate just like it in the world. He said there was much false Henri II ware around, but that the

genuineness of this piece was unquestionable. He showed me its pedigree, or its history, if you please; it was

a document which traced this plate's movements all the way down from its birthshowed who bought it,

from whom, and what he paid for itfrom the first buyer down to me, whereby I saw that it had gone

steadily up from thirtyfive cents to seven hundred dollars. He said that the whole Ceramic world would be

informed that it was now in my possession and would make a note of it, with the price paid. [Figure 8]

There were Masters in those days, but, alasit is not so now. Of course the main preciousness of this piece

lies in its color; it is that old sensuous, pervading, ramifying, interpolating, transboreal blue which is the

despair of modern art. The little sketch which I have made of this gem cannot and does not do it justice, since

I have been obliged to leave out the color. But I've got the expression, though.

However, I must not be frittering away the reader's time with these details. I did not intend to go into any

detail at all, at first, but it is the failing of the true ceramiker, or the true devotee in any department of

brickabrackery, that once he gets his tongue or his pen started on his darling theme, he cannot well stop

until he drops from exhaustion. He has no more sense of the flight of time than has any other lover when

talking of his sweetheart. The very "marks" on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me

into a gibbering ecstasy; and I could forsake a drowning relative to help dispute about whether the stopple of

Many people say that for a male person, bricabrac hunting is about as robust a business as making

dollclothes, or decorating Japanese pots with decalcomanie butterflies would be, and these people fling mud

at the elegant Englishman, Byng, who wrote a book called THE BRICABRAC HUNTER, and make fun

of him for chasing around after what they choose to call "his despicable trifles"; and for "gushing" over these

trifles; and for exhibiting his "deep infantile delight" in what they call his "tuppenny collection of beggarly

trivialities"; and for beginning his book with a picture of himself seated, in a "sappy, selfcomplacent

It is easy to say these things; it is easy to revile us, easy to despise us; therefore, let these people rail on; they

cannot feel as Byng and I feelit is their loss, not ours. For my part I am content to be a brickabracker

and a ceramikermore, I am proud to be so named. I am proud to know that I lose my reason as

immediately in the presence of a rare jug with an illustrious mark on the bottom of it, as if I had just emptied

that jug. Very well; I packed and stored a part of my collection, and the rest of it I placed in the care of the

Grand Ducal Museum i n Mannheim, by permission. My Old Blue China Cat remains there yet. I presented it

I had but one misfortune with my things. An egg which I had kept back from breakfast that morning, was

broken in packing. It was a great pity. I had shown it to the best connoisseurs in Heidelberg, and they all said

it was an antique. We spent a day or two in farewell visits, and then left for BadenBaden. We had a pleasant

trip to it, for the Rhine valley is always lovely. The only trouble was that the trip was too short. If I remember

rightly it only occupied a couple of hours, therefore I judge that the distance was very little, if any, over fifty

miles. We quitted the train at Oos, and walked the entire remaining distance to BadenBaden, with the

exception of a lift of less than an hour which we got on a passing wagon, the weather being exhaustingly

One of the first persons we encountered, as we walked up the street, was the Rev. Mr. , an old friend

from Americaa lucky encounter, indeed, for his is a most gentle, refined, and sensitive nature, and his

company and companionship are a genuine refreshment. We knew he had been in Europe some time, but

were not at all expecting to run across him. Both parties burst forth into loving enthusiasms, and Rev. Mr.

"I have got a brimful reservoir of talk to pour out on you, and an empty one ready and thirsting to receive

what you have got; we will sit up till midnight and have a good satisfying interchange, for I leave here early

I had been vaguely conscious, for a while, of a person who was walking in the street abreast of us; I had

glanced furtively at him once or twice, and noticed that he was a fine, large, vigorous young fellow, with an

open, independent countenance, faintly shaded with a pale and even almost imperceptible crop of early down,

and that he was clothed from head to heel in cool and enviable snowwhite linen. I thought I had also noticed

that his head had a sort of listening tilt to it. Now about this time the Rev. Mr. said:

"The sidewalk is hardly wide enough for three, so I will walk behind; but keep the talk going, keep the talk

going, there's no time to lose, and you may be sure I will do my share." He ranged himself behind us, and

straightway that stately snowwhite young fellow closed up to the sidewalk alongside him, fetched him a

cordial slap on the shoulder with his broad palm, and sung out with a hearty cheeriness:

He held out his Sahara of his palm, and the Reverend laid his diminutive hand in it, and got so cordial a shake

"Sho! I spotted you for MY kind the minute I heard your clack. You been over here long?"

"LONG? Well, I should say so! Going on two YEARS, by geeminy! Say, are you homesick?"

The Reverend shrunk a little, in his clothes, and we were aware, rather by instinct than otherwise, that he was

throwing out signals of distress to us; but we did not interfere or try to succor him, for we were quite happy.

The young fellow hooked his arm into the Reverend's, now, with the confiding and grateful air of a waif who

has been longing for a friend, and a sympathetic ear, and a chance to lisp once more the sweet accents of the

mothertongueand then he limbered up the muscles of his mouth and turned himself looseand with such

a relish! Some of his words were not Sundayschool words, so I am obliged to put blanks where they occur.

"Yes indeedy! If _I_ ain't an American there AIN'T any Americans, that's all. And when I heard you fellows

gassing away in the good old American language, I'm if it wasn't all I could do to keep from hugging

you! My tongue's all warped with trying to curl it around these forsaken windgalled ninejointed

German words here; now I TELL you it's awful good to lay it over a Christian word once more and kind of

let the old taste soak it. I'm from western New York. My name is Cholley Adams. I'm a student, you know.

Been here going on two years. I'm learning to be a horsedoctor! I LIKE that part of it, you know, but

these people, they won't learn a fellow in his own language, they make him learn in German; so

before I could tackle the horsedoctoring I had to tackle this miserable language.

"First off, I thought it would certainly give me the botts, but I don't mind now. I've got it where the hair's

short, I think; and dontchuknow, they made me learn Latin, too. Now between you and me, I wouldn't give a

for all the Latin that was ever jabbered; and the first thing _I_ calculate to do when I get through, is

to just sit down and forget it. 'Twon't take me long, and I don't mind the time, anyway. And I tell you what!

the difference between schoolteaching over yonder and schoolteaching over heresho! WE don't know

anything about it! Here you're got to peg and peg and peg and there just ain't any letupand what you learn

here, you've got to KNOW, dontchuknow or else you'll have one of these spavined, spectacles,

ringboned, knockkneed old professors in your hair. I've been here long ENOUGH, and I'm getting blessed

tired of it, mind I TELL you. The old man wrote me that he was coming over in June, and said he'd take me

home in August, whether I was done with my education or not, but durn him, he didn't come; never said why;

just sent me a hamper of Sundayschool books, and told me to be good, and hold on a while. I don't take to

Sundayschool books, dontchuknowI don't hanker after them when I can get piebut I READ them,

anyway, because whatever the old man tells me to do, that's the thing that I'm agoing to DO, or tear

something, you know. I buckled in and read all those books, because he wanted me to; but that kind of thing

don't excite ME, I like something HEARTY. But I'm awful homesick. I'm homesick from earsocket to

crupper, and from crupper to hockjoint; but it ain't any use, I've got to stay here, till the old man drops the

rag and give the wordyes, SIR, right here in this country I've got to linger till the old man says

COME!and you bet your bottom dollar, Johnny, it AIN'T just as easy as it is for a cat to have twins!"

At the end of this profane and cordial explosion he fetched a prodigious "WHOOSH!" to relieve his lungs

and make recognition of the heat, and then he straightway dived into his narrative again for "Johnny's"

benefit, beginning, "Well, it ain't any use talking, some of those old American words DO have a kind

of a bully swing to them; a man can EXPRESS himself with 'ema man can get at what he wants to SAY,

When we reached our hotel and it seemed that he was about to lose the Reverend, he showed so much

sorrow, and begged so hard and so earnestly that the Reverend's heart was not hard enough to hold out

against the pleadings so he went away with the parenthonoring student, like a right Christian, and took

supper with him in his lodgings, and sat in the surfbeat of his slang and profanity till near midnight, and

then left himleft him pretty well talked out, but grateful "clear down to his frogs," as he expressed it. The

Reverend said it had transpired during the interview that "Cholley" Adams's father was an extensive dealer in

horses in western New York; this accounted for Cholley's choice of a profession. The Reverend brought away

a pretty high opinion of Cholley as a manly young fellow, with stuff in him for a useful citizen; he considered

BadenBaden sits in the lap of the hills, and the natural and artificial beauties of the surroundings are

combined effectively and charmingly. The level strip of ground which stretches through and beyond the town

is laid out in handsome pleasure grounds, shaded by noble trees and adorned at intervals with lofty and

sparkling fountainjets. Thrice a day a fine band makes music in the public promenade before the

Conversation House, and in the afternoon and evening that locality is populous with fashionably dressed

people of both sexes, who march back and forth past the great musicstand and look very much bored,

though they make a show of feeling otherwise. It seems like a rather aimless and stupid existence. A good

many of these people are there for a real purpose, however; they are racked with rheumatism, and they are

there to stew it out in the hot baths. These invalids looked melancholy enough, limping about on their canes

and crutches, and apparently brooding over all sorts of cheerless things. People say that Germany, with her

damp stone houses, is the home of rheumatism. If that is so, Providence must have foreseen that it would be

so, and therefore filled the land with the healing baths. Perhaps no other country is so generously supplied

with medicinal springs as Germany. Some of these baths are good for one ailment, some for another; and

again, peculiar ailments are conquered by combining the individual virtues of several different baths. For

instance, for some forms of disease, the patient drinks the native hot water of BadenBaden, with a spoonful

of salt from the Carlsbad springs dissolved in it. That is not a dose to be forgotten right away.

They don't SELL this hot water; no, you go into the great Trinkhalle, and stand around, first on one foot and

then on the other, while two or three young girls sit pottering at some sort of ladylike sewingwork in your

neighborhood and can't seem to see you polite as threedollar clerks in government offices.

By and by one of these rises painfully, and "stretches"stretches fists and body heavenward till she raises

her heels from the floor, at the same time refreshing herself with a yawn of such comprehensiveness that the

bulk of her face disappears behind her upper lip and one is able to see how she is constructed insidethen

she slowly closes her cavern, brings down her fists and her heels, comes languidly forward, contemplates you

contemptuously, draws you a glass of hot water and sets it down where you can get it by reaching for it. You

This thing of using the common beggar's trick and the common beggar's shibboleth to put you on your

liberality when you were expecting a simple straightforward commercial transaction, adds a little to your

You are getting angry, but you are trying not to show it; you resolve to keep on asking your question till she

changes her answer, or at least her annoyingly indifferent manner. Therefore, if your case be like mine, you

two fools stand there, and without perceptible emotion of any kind, or any emphasis on any syllable, you look

I do not know what another person would have done, but at this point I gave up; that castiron indifference,

that tranquil contemptuousness, conquered me, and I struck my colors. Now I knew she was used to receiving

about a penny from manly people who care nothing about the opinions of scullerymaids, and about

tuppence from moral cowards; but I laid a silver twentyfive cent piece within her reach and tried to shrivel

"If it isn't enough, will you stoop sufficiently from your official dignity to say so?"

She did not shrivel. Without deigning to look at me at all, she languidly lifted the coin and bit it!to see if it

was good. Then she turned her back and placidly waddled to her former roost again, tossing the money into

I have enlarged upon the ways of this girl because they are typical; her manners are the manners of a goodly

number of the BadenBaden shopkeepers. The shopkeeper there swindles you if he can, and insults you

whether he succeeds in swindling you or not. The keepers of baths also take great and patient pains to insult

you. The frowsy woman who sat at the desk in the lobby of the great Friederichsbad and sold bath tickets, not

only insulted me twice every day, with rigid fidelity to her great trust, but she took trouble enough to cheat

me out of a shilling, one day, to have fairly entitled her to ten. BadenBaden's splendid gamblers are gone,

"If you could disguise your nationality, you would not find any insolence here. These shopkeepers detest the

English and despise the Americans; they are rude to both, more especially to ladies of your nationality and

mine. If these go shopping without a gentleman or a manservant, they are tolerably sure to be subjected to

petty insolences insolences of manner and tone, rather than word, though words that are hard to bear are

not always wanting. I know of an instance where a shopkeeper tossed a coin back to an American lady with

the remark, snappishly uttered, 'We don't take French money here.' And I know of a case where an English

lady said to one of these shopkeepers, 'Don't you think you ask too much for this article?' and he replied with

the question, 'Do you think you are obliged to buy it?' However, these people are not impolite to Russians or

Germans. And as to rank, they worship that, for they have long been used to generals and nobles. If you wish

to see what abysses servility can descend, present yourself before a BadenBaden shopkeeper in the character

It is an inane town, filled with sham, and petty fraud, and snobbery, but the baths are good. I spoke with

many people, and they were all agreed in that. I had the twinges of rheumatism unceasingly during three

years, but the last one departed after a fortnight's bathing there, and I have never had one since. I fully believe

I left my rheumatism in BadenBaden. BadenBaden is welcome to it. It was little, but it was all I had to

give. I would have preferred to leave something that was catching, but it was not in my power.

There are several hot springs there, and during two thousand years they have poured forth a

neverdiminishing abundance of the healing water. This water is conducted in pipe to the numerous

bathhouses, and is reduced to an endurable temperature by the addition of cold water. The new

Friederichsbad is a very large and beautiful building, and in it one may have any sort of bath that has ever

been invented, and with all the additions of herbs and drugs that his ailment may need or that the physician of

the establishment may consider a useful thing to put into the water. You go there, enter the great door, get a

bow graduated to your style and clothes from the gorgeous portier, and a bath ticket and an insult from the

frowsy woman for a quarter; she strikes a bell and a servingman conducts you down a long hall and shuts

you into a commodious room which has a washstand, a mirror, a bootjack, and a sofa in it, and there you

The room is divided by a great curtain; you draw this curtain aside, and find a large white marble bathtub,

with its rim sunk to the level of the floor, and with three white marble steps leading down to it. This tub is

full of water which is as clear as crystal, and is tempered to 28 degrees Re'aumur (about 95 degrees

Fahrenheit). Sunk into the floor, by the tub, is a covered copper box which contains some warm towels and a

sheet. You look fully as white as an angel when you are stretched out in that limpid bath. You remain in it ten

minutes, the first time, and afterward increase the duration from day to day, till you reach twentyfive or

thirty minutes. There you stop. The appointments of the place are so luxurious, the benefit so marked, the

price so moderate, and the insults so sure, that you very soon find yourself adoring the Friederichsbad and

We had a plain, simple, unpretending, good hotel, in BadenBadenthe Ho^tel de Franceand alongside

my room I had a giggling, cackling, chattering family who always went to bed just two hours after me and

always got up two hours ahead of me. But this is common in German hotels; the people generally go to bed

long after eleven and get up long before eight. The partitions convey sound like a drumhead, and everybody

knows it; but no matter, a German family who are all kindness and consideration in the daytime make

apparently no effort to moderate their noises for your benefit at night. They will sing, laugh, and talk loudly,

and bang furniture around in a most pitiless way. If you knock on your wall appealingly, they will quiet down

and discuss the matter softly among themselves for a momentthen, like the mice, they fall to persecuting

you again, and as vigorously as before. They keep cruelly late and early hours, for such noisy folk.

Of course, when one begins to find fault with foreign people's ways, he is very likely to get a reminder to

look nearer home, before he gets far with it. I open my notebook to see if I can find some more information

"BADENBADEN (no date). Lot of vociferous Americans at breakfast this morning. Talking AT everybody,

while pretending to talk among themselves. On their first travels, manifestly. Showing off. The usual

signsairy, easygoing references to grand distances and foreign places. 'Well GOODby, old fellow if I

"The fact that a band of 6,000 Indians are now murdering our frontiersmen at their impudent leisure, and that

we are only able to send 1,200 soldiers against them, is utilized here to discourage emigration to America.

This is a new and peculiar argument against keeping our army down to a ridiculous figure in the matter of

numbers. It is rather a striking one, too. I have not distorted the truth in saying that the facts in the above

item, about the army and the Indians, are made use of to discourage emigration to America. That the common

people should be rather foggy in their geography, and foggy as to the location of the Indians, is a matter for

There is an interesting old cemetery in BadenBaden, and we spent several pleasant hours in wandering

through it and spelling out the inscriptions on the aged tombstones. Apparently after a man has laid there a

century or two, and has had a good many people buried on top of him, it is considered that his tombstone is

not needed by him any longer. I judge so from the fact that hundreds of old gravestones have been removed

from the graves and placed against the inner walls of the cemetery. What artists they had in the old times!

They chiseled angels and cherubs and devils and skeletons on the tombstones in the most lavish and generous

wayas to supplybut curiously grotesque and outlandish as to form. It is not always easy to tell which of

the figures belong among the blest and which of them among the opposite party. But there was an inscription,

in French, on one of those old stones, which was quaint and pretty, and was plainly not the work of any other

We made several excursions on foot to the neighboring villages, over winding and beautiful roads and

through enchanting woodland scenery. The woods and roads were similar to those at Heidelberg, but not so

bewitching. I suppose that roads and woods which are up to the Heidelberg mark are rare in the world.

Once we wandered clear away to La Favorita Palace, which is several miles from BadenBaden. The grounds

about the palace were fine; the palace was a curiosity. It was built by a Margravine in 1725, and remains as

she left it at her death. We wandered through a great many of its rooms, and they all had striking peculiarities

of decoration. For instance, the walls of one room were pretty completely covered with small pictures of the

Margravine in all conceivable varieties of fanciful costumes, some of them male.

The walls of another room were covered with grotesquely and elaborately figured handwrought tapestry.

The musty ancient beds remained in the chambers, and their quilts and curtains and canopies were decorated

with curious handwork, and the walls and ceilings frescoed with historical and mythological scenes in glaring

colors. There was enough crazy and rotten rubbish in the building to make a true brickabracker green with

envy. A painting in the dininghall verged upon the indelicate but then the Margravine was herself a trifle

It is in every way a wildly and picturesquely decorated house, and brimful of interest as a reflection of the

In the grounds, a few rods from the palace, stands the Margravine's chapel, just as she left ita coarse

wooden structure, wholly barren of ornament. It is said that the Margravine would give herself up to

debauchery and exceedingly fast living for several months at a time, and then retire to this miserable wooden

den and spend a few months in repenting and getting ready for another good time. She was a devoted

Catholic, and was perhaps quite a model sort of a Christian as Christians went then, in high life.

Tradition says she spent the last two years of her life in the strange den I have been speaking of, after having

indulged herself in one final, triumphant, and satisfying spree. She shut herself up there, without company,

and without even a servant, and so abjured and forsook the world. In her little bit of a kitchen she did her own

cooking; she wore a hair shirt next the skin, and castigated herself with whipsthese aids to grace are

exhibited there yet. She prayed and told her beads, in another little room, before a waxen Virgin niched in a

In another small room is an unpainted wooden table, and behind it sit halflifesize waxen figures of the

Holy Family, made by the very worst artist that ever lived, perhaps, and clothed in gaudy, flimsy drapery. [1]

The margravine used to bring her meals to this table and DINE WITH THE HOLY FAMILY. What an idea

that was! What a grisly spectacle it must have been! Imagine it: Those rigid, shockheaded figures, with

corpsy complexions and fish glass eyes, occupying one side of the table in the constrained attitudes and dead

fixedness that distinquish all men that are born of wax, and this wrinkled, smoldering old fireeater

occupying the other side, mumbling her prayers and munching her sausages in the ghostly stillness and

shadowy indistinctness of a winter twilight. It makes one feel crawly even to think of it.

In this sordid place, and clothed, bedded, and fed like a pauper, this strange princess lived and worshiped

during two years, and in it she died. Two or three hundred years ago, this would have made the poor den holy

ground; and the church would have set up a miraclefactory there and made plenty of money out of it. The

den could be moved into some portions of France and made a good property even now.

From BadenBaden we made the customary trip into the Black Forest. We were on foot most of the time.

One cannot describe those noble woods, nor the feeling with which they inspire him. A feature of the feeling,

however, is a deep sense of contentment; another feature of it is a buoyant, boyish gladness; and a third and

very conspicuous feature of it is one's sense of the remoteness of the workday world and his entire

Those woods stretch unbroken over a vast region; and everywhere they are such dense woods, and so still,

and so piney and fragrant. The stems of the trees are trim and straight, and in many places all the ground is

hidden for miles under a thick cushion of moss of a vivid green color, with not a decayed or ragged spot in its

surface, and not a fallen leaf or twig to mar its immaculate tidiness. A rich cathedral gloom pervades the

pillared aisles; so the stray flecks of sunlight that strike a trunk here and a bough yonder are strongly

accented, and when they strike the moss they fairly seem to burn. But the weirdest effect, and the most

enchanting is that produced by the diffused light of the low afternoon sun; no single ray is able to pierce its

way in, then, but the diffused light takes color from moss and foliage, and pervades the place like a faint,

greettinted mist, the theatrical fire of fairyland. The suggestion of mystery and the supernatural which

We found the Black Forest farmhouses and villages all that the Black Forest stories have pictured them. The

first genuine specimen which we came upon was the mansion of a rich farmer and member of the Common

Council of the parish or district. He was an important personage in the land and so was his wife also, of

course. His daughter was the "catch" of the region, and she may be already entering into immortality as the

heroine of one of Auerbach's novels, for all I know. We shall see, for if he puts her in I shall recognize her by

her Black Forest clothes, and her burned complexion, her plump figure, her fat hands, her dull expression, her

gentle spirit, her generous feet, her bonnetless head, and the plaited tails of hempcolored hair hanging down

The house was big enough for a hotel; it was a hundred feet long and fifty wide, and ten feet high, from

ground to eaves; but from the eaves to the comb of the mighty roof was as much as forty feet, or maybe even

more. This roof was of ancient mudcolored straw thatch a foot thick, and was covered all over, except in a

few trifling spots, with a thriving and luxurious growth of green vegetation, mainly moss. The mossless spots

were places where repairs had been made by the insertion of bright new masses of yellow straw. The eaves

projected far down, like sheltering, hospitable wings. Across the gable that fronted the road, and about ten

feet above the ground, ran a narrow porch, with a wooden railing; a row of small windows filled with very

small panes looked upon the porch. Above were two or three other little windows, one clear up under the

sharp apex of the roof. Before the groundfloor door was a huge pile of manure. The door of the

secondstory room on the side of the house was open, and occupied by the rear elevation of a cow. Was this

probably the drawingroom? All of the front half of the house from the ground up seemed to be occupied by

the people, the cows, and the chickens, and all the rear half by draughtanimals and hay. But the chief

We became very familiar with the fertilizer in the Forest. We fell unconsciously into the habit of judging of a

man's station in life by this outward and eloquent sign. Sometimes we said, "Here is a poor devil, this is

manifest." When we saw a stately accumulation, we said, "Here is a banker." When we encountered a

countryseat surrounded by an Alpine pomp of manure, we said, "Doubtless a duke lives here."

The importance of this feature has not been properly magnified in the Black Forest stories. Manure is

evidently the BlackForester's main treasurehis coin, his jewel, his pride, his Old Master, his ceramics, his

bricabrac, his darling, his title to public consideration, envy, veneration, and his first solicitude when he

gets ready to make his will. The true Black Forest novel, if it is ever written, will be skeletoned somewhat in

Rich old farmer, named Huss. Has inherited great wealth of manure, and by diligence has added to it. It is

doublestarred in Baedeker. [1] The Black forest artist paints ithis masterpiece. The king comes to see it.

Gretchen Huss, daughter and heiress. Paul Hoch, young neighbor, suitor for Gretchen's handostensibly; he

really wants the manure. Hoch has a good many cartloads of the Black Forest currency himself, and

therefore is a good catch; but he is sordid, mean, and without sentiment, whereas Gretchen is all sentiment

and poetry. Hans Schmidt, young neighbor, full of sentiment, full of poetry, loves Gretchen, Gretchen loves

him. But he has no manure. Old Huss forbids him in the house. His heart breaks, he goes away to die in the

woods, far from the cruel worldfor he says, bitterly, "What is man, without manure?"

Paul Hoch comes to old Huss and says, "I am at last as rich as you requiredcome and view the pile." Old

Huss views it and says, "It is sufficienttake her and be happy,"meaning Gretchen.

Wedding party assembled in old Huss's drawingroom. Hoch placid and content, Gretchen weeping over her

hard fate. Enter old Huss's head bookkeeper. Huss says fiercely, "I gave you three weeks to find out why your

books don't balance, and to prove that you are not a defaulter; the time is upfind me the missing property

or you go to prison as a thief." Bookkeeper: "I have found it." "Where?" Bookkeeper (sternlytragically):

"In the bridegroom's pile!behold the thiefsee him blench and tremble!" [Sensation.] Paul Hoch: Lost,

lost!"falls over the cow in a swoon and is handcuffed. Gretchen: "Saved!" Falls over the calf in a swoon of

joy, but is caught in the arms of Hans Schmidt, who springs in at that moment. Old Huss: "What, you here,

varlet? Unhand the maid and quit the place." Hans (still supporting the insensible girl): "Never! Cruel old

Hans: "Listen then. The world has forsaken me, I forsook the world, I wandered in the solitude of the forest,

longing for death but finding none. I fed upon roots, and in my bitterness I dug for the bitterest, loathing the

sweeter kind. Digging, three days agone, I struck a manure mine!a Golconda, a limitless Bonanza, of solid

manure! I can buy you ALL, and have mountain ranges of manure left! Haha, NOW thou smilest a smile!"

[Immense sensation.] Exhibition of specimens from the mine. Old Huss (enthusiastically): "Wake her up,

shake her up, noble young man, she is yours!" Wedding takes place on the spot; bookkeeper restored to his

office and emoluments; Paul Hoch led off to jail. The Bonanza king of the Black Forest lives to a good old

age, blessed with the love of his wife and of his twentyseven children, and the still sweeter envy of

We took our noon meal of fried trout one day at the Plow Inn, in a very pretty village (Ottenho"fen), and then

went into the public room to rest and smoke. There we found nine or ten Black Forest grandees assembled

around a table. They were the Common Council of the parish. They had gathered there at eight o'clock that

morning to elect a new member, and they had now been drinking beer four hours at the new member's

expense. They were men of fifty or sixty years of age, with grave goodnatures faces, and were all dressed in

the costume made familiar to us by the Black Forest stories; broad, roundtopped black felt hats with the

brims curled up all round; long red waistcoats with large metal buttons, black alpaca coats with the waists up

between the shoulders. There were no speeches, there was but little talk, there were no frivolities; the Council

filled themselves gradually, steadily, but surely, with beer, and conducted themselves with sedate decorum, as

We had a hot afternoon tramp up the valley, along the grassy bank of a rushing stream of clear water, past

farmhouses, watermills, and no end of wayside crucifixes and saints and Virgins. These crucifixes, etc., are

set up in memory of departed friends, by survivors, and are almost as frequent as telegraphpoles are in other

We followed the carriageroad, and had our usual luck; we traveled under a beating sun, and always saw the

shade leave the shady places before we could get to them. In all our wanderings we seldom managed to strike

a piece of road at its time for being shady. We had a particularly hot time of it on that particular afternoon,

and with no comfort but what we could get out of the fact that the peasants at work away up on the steep

mountainsides above our heads were even worse off than we were. By and by it became impossible to endure

the intolerable glare and heat any longer; so we struck across the ravine and entered the deep cool twilight of

We found an old road, and it proved eventually to be the right one, though we followed it at the time with the

conviction that it was the wrong one. If it was the wrong one there could be no use in hurrying; therefore we

did not hurry, but sat down frequently on the soft moss and enjoyed the restful quiet and shade of the forest

solitudes. There had been distractions in the carriageroad schoolchildren, peasants, wagons, troops of

pedestrianizing students from all over Germany but we had the old road to ourselves.

Now and then, while we rested, we watched the laborious ant at his work. I found nothing new in

himcertainly nothing to change my opinion of him. It seems to me that in the matter of intellect the ant

must be a strangely overrated bird. During many summers, now, I have watched him, when I ought to have

been in better business, and I have not yet come across a living ant that seemed to have any more sense than a

dead one. I refer to the ordinary ant, of course; I have had no experience of those wonderful Swiss and

African ones which vote, keep drilled armies, hold slaves, and dispute about religion. Those particular ants

may be all that the naturalist paints them, but I am persuaded that the average ant is a sham. I admit his

industry, of course; he is the hardestworking creature in the worldwhen anybody is lookingbut his

leatherheadedness is the point I make against him. He goes out foraging, he makes a capture, and then what

does he do? Go home? Nohe goes anywhere but home. He doesn't know where home is. His home may be

only three feet awayno matter, he can't find it. He makes his capture, as I have said; it is generally

something which can be of no sort of use to himself or anybody else; it is usually seven times bigger than it

ought to be; he hunts out the awkwardest place to take hold of it; he lifts it bodily up in the air by main force,

and starts; not toward home, but in the opposite direction; not calmly and wisely, but with a frantic haste

which is wasteful of his strength; he fetches up against a pebble, and instead of going around it, he climbs

over it backward dragging his booty after him, tumbles down on the other side, jumps up in a passion, kicks

the dust off his clothes, moistens his hands, grabs his property viciously, yanks it this way, then that, shoves it

ahead of him a moment, turns tail and lugs it after him another moment, gets madder and madder, then

presently hoists it into the air and goes tearing away in an entirely new direction; comes to a weed; it never

occurs to him to go around it; no, he must climb it; and he does climb it, dragging his worthless property to

the topwhich is as bright a thing to do as it would be for me to carry a sack of flour from Heidelberg to

Paris by way of Strasburg steeple; when he gets up there he finds that that is not the place; takes a cursory

glance at the scenery and either climbs down again or tumbles down, and starts off once moreas usual, in a

new direction. At the end of half an hour, he fetches up within six inches of the place he started from and lays

his burden down; meantime he as been over all the ground for two yards around, and climbed all the weeds

and pebbles he came across. Now he wipes the sweat from his brow, strokes his limbs, and then marches

aimlessly off, in as violently a hurry as ever. He does not remember to have ever seen it before; he looks

around to see which is not the way home, grabs his bundle and starts; he goes through the same adventures he

had before; finally stops to rest, and a friend comes along. Evidently the friend remarks that a last year's

grasshopper leg is a very noble acquisition, and inquires where he got it. Evidently the proprietor does not

remember exactly where he did get it, but thinks he got it "around here somewhere." Evidently the friend

contracts to help him freight it home. Then, with a judgment peculiarly antic (pun not intended), then take

hold of opposite ends of that grasshopper leg a nd begin to tug with all their might in opposite directions.

Presently they take a rest and confer together. They decide that something is wrong, they can't make out

what. Then they go at it again, just as before. Same result. Mutual recriminations follow. Evidently each

accuses the other of being an obstructionist. They lock themselves together and chew each other's jaws for a

while; then they roll and tumble on the ground till one loses a horn or a leg and has to haul off for repairs.

They make up and go to work again in the same old insane way, but the crippled ant is at a disadvantage; tug

as he may, the other one drags off the booty and him at the end of it. Instead of giving up, he hangs on, and

gets his shins bruised against every obstruction that comes in the way. By and by, when that grasshopper leg

has been dragged all over the same old ground once more, it is finally dumped at about the spot where it

originally lay, the two perspiring ants inspect it thoughtfully and decide that dried grasshopper legs are a poor

sort of property after all, and then each starts off in a different direction to see if he can't find an old nail or

something else that is heavy enough to afford entertainment and at the same time valueless enough to make

There in the Black Forest, on the mountainside, I saw an ant go through with such a performance as this with

a dead spider of fully ten times his own weight. The spider was not quite dead, but too far gone to resist. He

had a round body the size of a pea. The little ant observing that I was noticingturned him on his back,

sunk his fangs into his throat, lifted him into the air and started vigorously off with him, stumbling over little

pebbles, stepping on the spider's legs and tripping himself up, dragging him backward, shoving him bodily

ahead, dragging him up stones six inches high instead of going around them, climbing weeds twenty times

his own height and jumping from their summitsand finally leaving him in the middle of the road to be

confiscated by any other fool of an ant that wanted him. I measured the ground which this ass traversed, and

arrived at the conclusion that what he had accomplished inside of twenty minutes would constitute some such

job as thisrelatively speakingfor a man; to wit: to strap two eighthundredpound horses together, carry

them eighteen hundred feet, mainly over (not around) boulders averaging six feet high, and in the course of

the journey climb up and jump from the top of one precipice like Niagara, and three steeples, each a hundred

and twenty feet high; and then put the horses down, in an exposed place, without anybody to watch them, and

Science has recently discovered that the ant does not lay up anything for winter use. This will knock him out

of literature, to some extent. He does not work, except when people are looking, and only then when the

observer has a green, naturalistic look, and seems to be taking notes. This amounts to deception, and will

injure him for the Sundayschools. He has not judgment enough to know what is good to eat from what isn't.

This amounts to ignorance, and will impair the world's respect for him. He cannot stroll around a stump and

find his way home again. This amounts to idiocy, and once the damaging fact is established, thoughtful

people will cease to look up to him, the sentimental will cease to fondle him. His vaunted industry is but a

vanity and of no effect, since he never gets home with anything he starts with. This disposes of the last

remnant of his reputation and wholly destroys his main usefulness as a moral agent, since it will make the

sluggard hesitate to go to him any more. It is strange, beyond comprehension, that so manifest a humbug as

the ant has been able to fool so many nations and keep it up so many ages without being found out.

The ant is strong, but we saw another strong thing, where we had not suspected the presence of much

muscular power before. A toadstoolthat vegetable which springs to full growth in a single nighthad torn

loose and lifted a matted mass of pine needles and dirt of twice its own bulk into the air, and supported it

there, like a column supporting a shed. Ten thousand toadstools, with the right purchase, could lift a man, I

All our afternoon's progress had been uphill. About five or half past we reached the summit, and all of a

sudden the dense curtain of the forest parted and we looked down into a deep and beautiful gorge and out

over a wide panorama of wooded mountains with their summits shining in the sun and their gladefurrowed

sides dimmed with purple shade. The gorge under our feetcalled Allerheiligenafforded room in the

grassy level at its head for a cozy and delightful human nest, shut away from the world and its botherations,

and consequently the monks of the old times had not failed to spy it out; and here were the brown and comely

ruins of their church and convent to prove that priests had as fine an instinct seven hundred years ago in

A big hotel crowds the ruins a little, now, and drives a brisk trade with summer tourists. We descended into

the gorge and had a supper which would have been very satisfactory if the trout had not been boiled. The

Germans are pretty sure to boil a trout or anything else if left to their own devices. This is an argument of

some value in support of the theory that they were the original colonists of the wild islands of the coast of

Scotland. A schooner laden with oranges was wrecked upon one of those islands a few years ago, and the

gentle savages rendered the captain such willing assistance that he gave them as many oranges as they

wanted. Next day he asked them how they liked them. They shook their heads and said:

"Baked, they were tough; and even boiled, they warn't things for a hungry man to hanker after."

We went down the glen after supper. It is beautifula mixture of sylvan loveliness and craggy wildness. A

limpid torrent goes whistling down the glen, and toward the foot of it winds through a narrow cleft between

lofty precipices and hurls itself over a succession of falls. After one passes the last of these he has a backward

glimpse at the falls which is very pleasingthey rise in a sevenstepped stairway of foamy and glittering

We were satisfied that we could walk to Oppenau in one day, now that we were in practice; so we set out the

next morning after breakfast determined to do it. It was all the way downhill, and we had the loveliest

summer weather for it. So we set the pedometer and then stretched away on an easy, regular stride, down

through the cloven forest, drawing in the fragrant breath of the morning in deep refreshing draughts, and

wishing we might never have anything to do forever but walk to Oppenau and keep on doing it and then

Now, the true charm of pedestrianism does not lie in the walking, or in the scenery, but in the talking. The

walking is good to time the movement of the tongue by, and to keep the blood and the brain stirred up and

active; the scenery and the woodsy smells are good to bear in upon a man an unconscious and unobtrusive

charm and solace to eye and soul and sense; but the supreme pleasure comes from the talk. It is no matter

whether one talks wisdom or nonsense, the case is the same, the bulk of the enjoyment lies in the wagging of

And what motley variety of subjects a couple of people will casually rake over in the course of a day's tramp!

There being no constraint, a change of subject is always in order, and so a body is not likely to keep pegging

at a single topic until it grows tiresome. We discussed everything we knew, during the first fifteen or twenty

minutes, that morning, and then branched out into the glad, free, boundless realm of the things we were not

Harris said that if the best writer in the world once got the slovenly habit of doubling up his "haves" he could

never get rid of it while he lived. That is to say, if a man gets the habit of saying "I should have liked to have

known more about it" instead of saying simply and sensibly, "I should have liked to know more about it," that

man's disease is incurable. Harris said that his sort of lapse is to be found in every copy of every newspaper

that has ever been printed in English, and in almost all of our books. He said he had observed it in Kirkham's

grammar and in Macaulay. Harris believed that milkteeth are commoner in men's mouths than those

That changed the subject to dentistry. I said I believed the average man dreaded toothpulling more than

amputation, and that he would yell quicker under the former operation than he would under the latter. The

philosopher Harris said that the average man would not yell in either case if he had an audience. Then he

"When our brigade first went into camp on the Potomac, we used to be brought up standing, occasionally, by

an earsplitting howl of anguish. That meant that a soldier was getting a tooth pulled in a tent. But the

surgeons soon changed that; they instituted openair dentistry. There never was a howl afterwardthat is,

from the man who was having the tooth pulled. At the daily dental hour there would always be about five

hundred soldiers gathered together in the neighborhood of that dental chair waiting to see the

performanceand help; and the moment the surgeon took a grip on the candidate's tooth and began to lift,

every one of those five hundred rascals would clap his hand to his jaw and begin to hop around on one leg

and howl with all the lungs he had! It was enough to raise your hair to hear that variegated and enormous

unanimous caterwaul burst out! With so big and so derisive an audience as that, a suffer wouldn't emit a

sound though you pulled his head off. The surgeons said that pretty often a patient was compelled to laugh, in

the midst of his pangs, but that had never caught one crying out, after the openair exhibition was instituted."

Dental surgeons suggested doctors, doctors suggested death, death suggested skeletonsand so, by a logical

process the conversation melted out of one of these subjects and into the next, until the topic of skeletons

raised up Nicodemus Dodge out of the deep grave in my memory where he had lain buried and forgotten for

twentyfive years. When I was a boy in a printingoffice in Missouri, a loosejointed, longlegged,

towheaded, jeansclad countrified cub of about sixteen lounged in one day, and without removing his hands

from the depths of his trousers pockets or taking off his faded ruin of a slouch hat, whose broken rim hung

limp and ragged about his eyes and ears like a bugeaten cabbage leaf, stared indifferently around, then

leaned his hip against the editor's table, crossed his mighty brogans, aimed at a distant fly from a crevice in

"I am the boss," said the editor, following this curious bit of architecture wonderingly along up to its

"Pap's so po' he cain't run me no mo', so I want to git a show somers if I kin, 'taint no diffunce whatI'm

"Well, I don't re'ly k'yer a durn what I DO learn, so's I git a chance fur to make my way. I'd jist as soon learn

"Not good enough to keep store, I don't reckon, but up as fur as twelvetimestwelve I ain't no slouch.

"No, no, you don't get my meaning yet. What I mean is, does he belong to any CHURCH?"

"NOW you're talkin'! Couldn't make out what you was atryin' to git through yo' head no way. B'long to a

CHURCH! Why, boss, he's ben the pizenest kind of Freewill Babtis' for forty year. They ain't no pizener

ones 'n what HE is. Mighty good man, pap is. Everybody says that. If they said any diffrunt they wouldn't say

"Well, boss, you've kind o' got me, thereand yit you hain't got me so mighty much, nuther. I think 't if a

feller he'ps another feller when he's in trouble, and don't cuss, and don't do no mean things, nur noth'n' he ain'

no business to do, and don't spell the Saviour's name with a little g, he ain't runnin' no reskshe's about as

"Well, if he done it apurpose, I reckon he wouldn't stand no chancehe OUGHTN'T to have no chance,

So, within ten minutes after we had first glimpsed this nondescript he was one of us, and with his coat off and

Beyond that end of our establishment which was furthest from the street, was a deserted garden, pathless, and

thickly grown with the bloomy and villainous "jimpson" weed and its common friend the stately sunflower.

In the midst of this mournful spot was a decayed and aged little "frame" house with but one room, one

window, and no ceilingit had been a smokehouse a generation before. Nicodemus was given this lonely

The village smarties recognized a treasure in Nicodemus, right awaya butt to play jokes on. It was easy to

see that he was inconceivably green and confiding. George Jones had the glory of perpetrating the first joke

on him; he gave him a cigar with a firecracker in it and winked to the crowd to come; the thing exploded

presently and swept away the bulk of Nicodemus's eyebrows and eyelashes. He simply said:

"I consider them kind of seeg'yars dangersome,"and seemed to suspect nothing. The next evening

One day, while Nicodemus was in swimming, Tom McElroy "tied" his clothes. Nicodemus made a bonfire of

A third joke was played upon Nicodemus a day or two laterhe walked up the middle aisle of the village

church, Sunday night, with a staring handbill pinned between his shoulders. The joker spent the remainder of

the night, after church, in the cellar of a deserted house, and Nicodemus sat on the cellar door till toward

breakfasttime to make sure that the prisoner remembered that if any noise was made, some rough treatment

would be the consequence. The cellar had two feet of stagnant water in it, and was bottomed with six inches

But I wander from the point. It was the subject of skeletons that brought this boy back to my recollection.

Before a very long time had elapsed, the village smarties began to feel an uncomfortable consciousness of not

having made a very shining success out of their attempts on the simpleton from "old Shelby." Experimenters

grew scarce and chary. Now the young doctor came to the rescue. There was delight and applause when he

proposed to scare Nicodemus to death, and explained how he was going to do it. He had a noble new

skeletonthe skeleton of the late and only local celebrity, Jimmy Finn, the village drunkarda grisly piece

of property which he had bought of Jimmy Finn himself, at auction, for fifty dollars, under great competition,

when Jimmy lay very sick in the tanyard a fortnight before his death. The fifty dollars had gone promptly

for whiskey and had considerably hurried up the change of ownership in the skeleton. The doctor would put

This was doneabout half past ten in the evening. About Nicodemus's usual bedtimemidnightthe

village jokers came creeping stealthily through the jimpson weeds and sunflowers toward the lonely frame

den. They reached the window and peeped in. There sat the longlegged pauper, on his bed, in a very short

shirt, and nothing more; he was dangling his legs contentedly back and forth, and wheezing the music of

"Camptown Races" out of a paperoverlaid comb which he was pressing against his mouth; by him lay a new

jewsharp, a new top, and solid indiarubber ball, a handful of painted marbles, five pounds of "store" candy,

and a wellgnawed slab of gingerbread as big and as thick as a volume of sheetmusic. He had sold the

Just as we had finished talking about skeletons and were drifting into the subject of fossils, Harris and I heard

a shout, and glanced up the steep hillside. We saw men and women standing away up there looking

frightened, and there was a bulky object tumbling and floundering down the steep slope toward us. We got

out of the way, and when the object landed in the road it proved to be a boy. He had tripped and fallen, and

When one starts to roll down a place like that, there is no stopping till the bottom is reached. Think of people

FARMING on a slant which is so steep that the best you can say of itif you want to be fastidiously

accurateis, that it is a little steeper than a ladder and not quite so steep as a mansard roof. But that is what

they do. Some of the little farms on the hillside opposite Heidelberg were stood up "edgeways." The boy was

wonderfully jolted up, and his head was bleeding, from cuts which it had got from small stones on the way.

Harris and I gathered him up and set him on a stone, and by that time the men and women had scampered

Men, women, and children flocked out from neighboring cottages and joined the crowd; the pale boy was

petted, and stared at, and commiserated, and water was brought for him to drink and bathe his bruises in. And

such another clatter of tongues! All who had seen the catastrophe were describing it at once, and each trying

to talk louder than his neighbor; and one youth of a superior genius ran a little way up the hill, called

attention, tripped, fell, rolled down among us, and thus triumphantly showed exactly how the thing had been

Harris and I were included in all the descriptions; how we were coming along; how Hans Gross shouted; how

we looked up startled; how we saw Peter coming like a cannonshot; how judiciously we got out of the way,

and let him come; and with what presence of mind we picked him up and brushed him off and set him on a

rock when the performance was over. We were as much heroes as anybody else, except Peter, and were so

recognized; we were taken with Peter and the populace to Peter's mother's cottage, and there we ate bread and

cheese, and drank milk and beer with everybody, and had a most sociable good time; and when we left we

had a handshake all around, and were receiving and shouting back LEB' WOHL's until a turn in the road

We accomplished our undertaking. At half past eight in the evening we stepped into Oppenau, just eleven

hours and a half out of Allerheiligenone hundred and fortysix miles. This is the distance by pedometer;

the guidebook and the Imperial Ordinance maps make it only ten and a quartera surprising blunder, for

these two authorities are usually singularly accurate in the matter of distances.

That was a thoroughly satisfactory walkand the only one we were ever to have which was all the way

downhill. We took the train next morning and returned to BadenBaden through fearful fogs of dust. Every

seat was crowded, too; for it was Sunday, and consequently everybody was taking a "pleasure" excursion.

Hot! the sky was an ovenand a sound one, too, with no cracks in it to let in any air. An odd time for a

Sunday is the great day on the continentthe free day, the happy day. One can break the Sabbath in a

We do not work on Sunday, because the commandment forbids it; the Germans do not work on Sunday,

because the commandment forbids it. We rest on Sunday, because the commandment requires it; the Germans

rest on Sunday because the commandment requires it. But in the definition of the word "rest" lies all the

difference. With us, its Sunday meaning is, stay in the house and keep still; with the Germans its Sunday and

weekday meanings seem to be the samerest the TIRED PART, and never mind the other parts of the

frame; rest the tired part, and use the means best calculated to rest that particular part. Thus: If one's duties

have kept him in the house all the week, it will rest him to be out on Sunday; if his duties have required him

to read weighty and serious matter all the week, it will rest him to read light matter on Sunday; if his

occupation has busied him with death and funerals all the week, it will rest him to go to the theater Sunday

night and put in two or three hours laughing at a comedy; if he is tired with digging ditches or felling trees all

the week, it will rest him to lie quiet in the house on Sunday; if the hand, the arm, the brain, the tongue, or

any other member, is fatigued with inanition, it is not to be rested by added a day's inanition; but if a member

is fatigued with exertion, inanition is the right rest for it. Such is the way in which the Germans seem to

define the word "rest"; that is to say, they rest a member by recreating, recuperating, restore its forces. But

our definition is less broad. We all rest alike on Sundayby secluding ourselves and keeping still, whether

that is the surest way to rest the most of us or not. The Germans make the actors, the preachers, etc., work on

Sunday. We encourage the preachers, the editors, the printers, etc., to work on Sunday, and imagine that none

of the sin of it falls upon us; but I do not know how we are going to get around the fact that if it is wrong for

the printer to work at his trade on Sunday it must be equally wrong for the preacher to work at his, since the

commandment has made no exception in his favor. We buy Monday morning's paper and read it, and thus

The Germans remember the Sabbathday to keep it holy, by abstaining from work, as commanded; we keep

it holy by abstaining from work, as commanded, and by also abstaining from play, which is not commanded.

Perhaps we constructively BREAK the command to rest, because the resting we do is in most cases only a

These reasonings have sufficed, in a measure, to mend the rent in my conscience which I made by traveling

to BadenBaden that Sunday. We arrived in time to furbish up and get to the English church before services

began. We arrived in considerable style, too, for the landlord had ordered the first carriage that could be

found, since there was no time to lose, and our coachman was so splendidly liveried that we were probably

mistaken for a brace of stray dukes; why else were we honored with a pew all to ourselves, away up among

the very elect at the left of the chancel? That was my first thought. In the pew directly in front of us sat an

elderly lady, plainly and cheaply dressed; at her side sat a young lady with a very sweet face, and she also

was quite simply dressed; but around us and about us were clothes and jewels which it would do anybody's

I thought it was pretty manifest that the elderly lady was embarrassed at finding herself in such a conspicuous

place arrayed in such cheap apparel; I began to feel sorry for her and troubled about her. She tried to seem

very busy with her prayerbook and her responses, and unconscious that she was out of place, but I said to

myself, "She is not succeedingthere is a distressed tremulousness in her voice which betrays increasing

embarrassment." Presently the Savior's name was mentioned, and in her flurry she lost her head completely,

and rose and courtesied, instead of making a slight nod as everybody else did. The sympathetic blood surged

to my temples and I turned and gave those fine birds what I intended to be a beseeching look, but my feelings

got the better of me and changed it into a look which said, "If any of you pets of fortune laugh at this poor

soul, you will deserve to be flayed for it." Things went from bad to worse, and I shortly found myself

mentally taking the unfriended lady under my protection. My mind was wholly upon her. I forgot all about

the sermon. Her embarrassment took stronger and stronger hold upon her; she got to snapping the lid of her

smellingbottleit made a loud, sharp sound, but in her trouble she snapped and snapped away, unconscious

of what she was doing. The last extremity was reached when the collectionplate began its rounds; the

moderate people threw in pennies, the nobles and the rich contributed silver, but she laid a twentymark gold

piece upon the bookrest before her with a sounding slap! I said to myself, "She has parted with all her little

hoard to buy the consideration of these unpitying peopleit is a sorrowful spectacle." I did not venture to

look around this time; but as the service closed, I said to myself, "Let them laugh, it is their opportunity; but

at the door of this church they shall see her step into our fine carriage with us, and our gaudy coachman shall

Then she roseand all the congregation stood while she walked down the aisle. She was the Empress of

Noshe had not been so much embarrassed as I had supposed. My imagination had got started on the wrong

scent, and that is always hopeless; one is sure, then, to go straight on misinterpreting everything, clear

through to the end. The young lady with her imperial Majesty was a maid of honorand I had been taking

This is the only time I have ever had an Empress under my personal protection; and considering my

inexperience, I wonder I got through with it so well. I should have been a little embarrassed myself if I had

We found that the Empress had been in BadenBaden several days. It is said that she never attends any but

I lay abed and read and rested from my journey's fatigues the remainder of that Sunday, but I sent my agent to

represent me at the afternoon service, for I never allow anything to interfere with my habit of attending

There was a vast crowd in the public grounds that night to hear the band play the "Fremersberg." This piece

tells one of the old legends of the region; how a great noble of the Middle Ages got lost in the mountains, and

wandered about with his dogs in a violent storm, until at last the faint tones of a monastery bell, calling the

monks to a midnight service, caught his ear, and he followed the direction the sounds came from and was

saved. A beautiful air ran through the music, without ceasing, sometimes loud and strong, sometimes so soft

that it could hardly be distinguishedbut it was always there; it swung grandly along through the shrill

whistling of the stormwind, the rattling patter of the rain, and the boom and crash of the thunder; it wound

soft and low through the lesser sounds, the distant ones, such as the throbbing of the convent bell, the

melodious winding of the hunter's horn, the distressed bayings of his dogs, and the solemn chanting of the

monks; it rose again, with a jubilant ring, and mingled itself with the country songs and dances of the

peasants assembled in the convent hall to cheer up the rescued huntsman while he ate his supper. The

instruments imitated all these sounds with a marvelous exactness. More than one man started to raise his

umbrella when the storm burst forth and the sheets of mimic rain came driving by; it was hardly possible to

keep from putting your hand to your hat when the fierce wind began to rage and shriek; and it was NOT

possible to refrain from starting when those sudden and charmingly real thundercrashes were let loose.

I suppose the "Fremersberg" is a very lowgrade music; I know, indeed, that it MUST be lowgrade music,

because it delighted me, warmed me, moved me, stirred me, uplifted me, enraptured me, that I was full of cry

all the time, and mad with enthusiasm. My soul had never had such a scouring out since I was born. The

solemn and majestic chanting of the monks was not done by instruments, but by men's voices; and it rose and

fell, and rose again in that rich confusion of warring sounds, and pulsing bells, and the stately swing of that

everpresent enchanting air, and it seemed to me that nothing but the very lowest of lowgrade music

COULD be so divinely beautiful. The great crowd which the "Fremersberg" had called out was another

evidence that it was lowgrade music; for only the few are educated up to a point where highgrade music

gives pleasure. I have never heard enough classic music to be able to enjoy it. I dislike the opera because I

I suppose there are two kinds of musicone kind which one feels, just as an oyster might, and another sort

which requires a higher faculty, a faculty which must be assisted and developed by teaching. Yet if base

music gives certain of us wings, why should we want any other? But we do. We want it because the higher

and better like it. We want it without giving it the necessary time and trouble; so we climb into that upper

tier, that dresscircle, by a lie; we PRETEND we like it. I know several of that sort of peopleand I propose

And then there is painting. What a red rag is to a bull, Turner's "Slave Ship" was to me, before I studied art.

Mr. Ruskin is educated in art up to a point where that picture throws him into as mad an ecstasy of pleasure

as it used to throw me into one of rage, last year, when I was ignorant. His cultivation enables himand me,

nowto see water in that glaring yellow mud, and natural effects in those lurid explosions of mixed smoke

and flame, and crimson sunset glories; it reconciles himand me, nowto the floating of iron cablechains

and other unfloatable things; it reconciles us to fishes swimming around on top of the mudI mean the

water. The most of the picture is a manifest impossibilitythat is to say, a lie; and only rigid cultivation can

enable a man to find truth in a lie. But it enabled Mr. Ruskin to do it, and it has enabled me to do it, and I am

thankful for it. A Boston newspaper reporter went and took a look at the Slave Ship floundering about in that

fierce conflagration of reds and yellows, and said it reminded him of a tortoiseshell cat having a fit in a

platter of tomatoes. In my then uneducated state, that went home to my noncultivation, and I thought here is

a man with an unobstructed eye. Mr. Ruskin would have said: This person is an ass. That is what I would say,

However, our business in BadenBaden this time, was to join our courier. I had thought it best to hire one, as

we should be in Italy, by and by, and we did not know the language. Neither did he. We found him at the

hotel, ready to take charge of us. I asked him if he was "all fixed." He said he was. That was very true. He

had a trunk, two small satchels, and an umbrella. I was to pay him fiftyfive dollars a month and railway

fares. On the continent the railway fare on a trunk is about the same it is on a man. Couriers do not have to

pay any board and lodging. This seems a great saving to the touristat first. It does not occur to the tourist

that SOMEBODY pays that man's board and lodging. It occurs to him by and by, however, in one of his lucid

Next morning we left in the train for Switzerland, and reached Lucerne about ten o'clock at night. The first

discovery I made was that the beauty of the lake had not been exaggerated. Within a day or two I made

another discovery. This was, that the lauded chamois is not a wild goat; that it is not a horned animal; that it

is not shy; that it does not avoid human society; and that there is no peril in hunting it. The chamois is a black

or brown creature no bigger than a mustard seed; you do not have to go after it, it comes after you; it arrives

in vast herds and skips and scampers all over your body, inside your clothes; thus it is not shy, but extremely

sociable; it is not afraid of man, on the contrary, it will attack him; its bite is not dangerous, but neither is it

pleasant; its activity has not been overstated if you try to put your finger on it, it will skip a thousand times

its own length at one jump, and no eye is sharp enough to see where it lights. A great deal of romantic

nonsense has been written about the Swiss chamois and the perils of hunting it, whereas the truth is that even

women and children hunt it, and fearlessly; indeed, everybody hunts it; the hunting is going on all the time,

day and night, in bed and out of it. It is poetic foolishness to hunt it with a gun; very few people do that; there

is not one man in a million who can hit it with a gun. It is much easier to catch it that it is to shoot it, and only

the experienced chamoishunter can do either. Another common piece of exaggeration is that about the

"scarcity" of the chamois. It is the reverse of scarce. Droves of one hundred million chamois are not unusual

in the Swiss hotels. Indeed, they are so numerous as to be a great pest. The romancers always dress up the

chamoishunter in a fanciful and picturesque costume, whereas the best way to hut this game is to do it

without any costume at all. The article of commerce called chamoisskin is another fraud; nobody could skin

a chamois, it is too small. The creature is a humbug in every way, and everything which has been written

about it is sentimental exaggeration. It was no pleasure to me to find the chamois out, for he had been one of

my pet illusions; all my life it had been my dream to see him in his native wilds some day, and engage in the

adventurous sport of chasing him from cliff to cliff. It is no pleasure to me to expose him, now, and destroy

the reader's delight in him and respect for him, but still it must be done, for when an honest writer discovers

an imposition it is his simple duty to strip it bare and hurl it down from its place of honor, no matter who

suffers by it; any other course would render him unworthy of the public confidence.

Lucerne is a charming place. It begins at the water's edge, with a fringe of hotels, and scrambles up and

spreads itself over two or three sharp hills in a crowded, disorderly, but picturesque way, offering to the eye a

heapedup confusion of red roofs, quaint gables, dormer windows, toothpick steeples, with here and there a

bit of ancient embattled wall bending itself over the ridges, wormfashion, and here and there an old square

tower of heavy masonry. And also here and there a town clock with only one handa hand which stretches

across the dial and has no joint in it; such a clock helps out the picture, but you cannot tell the time of day by

it. Between the curving line of hotels and the lake is a broad avenue with lamps and a double rank of low

shade trees. The lakefront is walled with masonry like a pier, and has a railing, to keep people from walking

overboard. All day long the vehicles dash along the avenue, and nurses, children, and tourists sit in the shade

of the trees, or lean on the railing and watch the schools of fishes darting about in the clear water, or gaze out

over the lake at the stately border of snowhooded mountains peaks. Little pleasure steamers, black with

people, are coming and going all the time; and everywhere one sees young girls and young men paddling

about in fanciful rowboats, or skimming along by the help of sails when there is any wind. The front rooms of

the hotels have little railed balconies, where one may take his private luncheon in calm, cool comfort and

look down upon this busy and pretty scene and enjoy it without having to do any of the work connected with

Most of the people, both male and female, are in walking costume, and carry alpenstocks. Evidently, it is not

considered safe to go about in Switzerland, even in town, without an alpenstock. If the tourist forgets and

comes down to breakfast without his alpenstock he goes back and gets it, and stands it up in the corner. When

his touring in Switzerland is finished, he does not throw that broomstick away, but lugs it home with him, to

the far corners of the earth, although this costs him more trouble and bother than a baby or a courier could.

You see, the alpenstock is his trophy; his name is burned upon it; and if he has climbed a hill, or jumped a

brook, or traversed a brickyard with it, he has the names of those places burned upon it, too. Thus it is his

regimental flag, so to speak, and bears the record of his achievements. It is worth three francs when he buys

it, but a bonanza could not purchase it after his great deeds have been inscribed upon it. There are artisans all

about Switzerland whose trade it is to burn these things upon the alpenstock of the tourist. And observe, a

man is respected in Switzerland according to his alpenstock. I found I could get no attention there, while I

carried an unbranded one. However, branding is not expected, so I soon remedied that. The effect upon the

Half of the summer horde in Switzerland is made up of English people; the other half is made up of many

nationalities, the Germans leading and the Americans coming next. The Americans were not as numerous as I

The seventhirty table d'ho^te at the great Schweitzerhof furnished a mighty array and variety of

nationalities, but it offered a better opportunity to observe costumes than people, for the multitude sat at

immensely long tables, and therefore the faces were mainly seen in perspective; but the breakfasts were

served at small round tables, and then if one had the fortune to get a table in the midst of the assemblage he

could have as many faces to study as he could desire. We used to try to guess out the nationalities, and

generally succeeded tolerably well. Sometimes we tried to guess people's names; but that was a failure; that is

a thing which probably requires a good deal of practice. We presently dropped it and gave our efforts to less

I named one state, Harris named another. We agreed upon one thing, howeverthat the young girl with the

party was very beautiful, and very tastefully dressed. But we disagreed as to her age. I said she was eighteen,

Harris said she was twenty. The dispute between us waxed warm, and I finally said, with a pretense of being

Harris said, sarcastically, "Certainly, that is the thing to do. All you need to do is to use the common formula

over here: go and say, 'I'm an American!' Of course she will be glad to see you."

Then he hinted that perhaps there was no great danger of my venturing to speak to her.

I said, "I was only talkingI didn't intend to approach her, but I see that you do not know what an intrepid

person I am. I am not afraid of any woman that walks. I will go and speak to this young girl."

The thing I had in my mind was not difficult. I meant to address her in the most respectful way and ask her to

pardon me if her strong resemblance to a former acquaintance of mine was deceiving me; and when she

should reply that the name I mentioned was not the name she bore, I meant to beg pardon again, most

respectfully, and retire. There would be no harm done. I walked to her table, bowed to the gentleman, then

"I KNEW I wasn't mistakenI told John it was you! John said it probably wasn't, but I knew I was right. I

said you would recognize me presently and come over; and I'm glad you did, for I shouldn't have felt much

flattered if you had gone out of this room without recognizing me. Sit down, sit downhow odd it isyou

This was a stupefying surprise. It took my wits clear away, for an instant. However, we shook hands cordially

all around, and I sat down. But truly this was the tightest place I ever was in. I seemed to vaguely remember

the girl's face, now, but I had no idea where I had seen it before, or what named belonged with it. I

immediately tried to get up a diversion about Swiss scenery, to keep her from launching into topics that might

betray that I did not know her, but it was of no use, she went right along upon matters which interested her

"Oh dear, what a night that was, when the sea washed the forward boats awaydo you remember it?"

"Oh, DON'T I!" said Ibut I didn't. I wished the sea had washed the rudder and the smokestack and the

I fervently wished it WOULD come backbut my memory was a blank. The wise way would have been to

frankly own up; but I could not bring myself to do that, after the young girl had praised me so for recognizing

her; so I went on, deeper and deeper into the mire, hoping for a chance clue but never getting one. The

"Indeed he did. He said he did not believe she was half as much to blame as her father was, and I thought he

"Oh, no, not that summer. No, you are perfectly right about that. It was the following winter that I said it."

"Well, as it turned out, Mary was not in the least to blame it was all her father's faultat least his and old

"So he was, but then they always had a great affection for him, although he had so many eccentricities. You

remember that when the weather was the least cold, he would try to come into the house."

I was rather afraid to proceed. Evidently Darley wa not a manhe must be some other kind of

animalpossibly a dog, maybe an elephant. However, tails are common to all animals, so I ventured to say:

It was getting pretty sultry for me. I said to myself, "Is it possible she is going to stop there, and wait for me

to speak? If she does, the conversation is blocked. A negro with a thousand tails is a topic which a person

cannot talk upon fluently and instructively without more or less preparation. As to diving rashly into such a

"Yes, when it came to tales of his crazy woes, there was simply no end to them if anybody would listen. His

own quarters were comfortable enough, but when the weather was cold, the family were sure to have his

companynothing could keep him out of the house. But they always bore it kindly because he had saved

It appeared to me that the ice was getting pretty thin, here. I would have given something to know what the

child's was. However, I had the good luck to think of a name that would fit either sexso I brought it out:

"From a relative, I suppose? But you named the one that died, tooone that I never saw. What did you call

I was out of neutral names, but as the child was dead and she had never seen it, I thought I might risk a name

I sat still and let the cold sweat run down. I was in a good deal of trouble, but I believed I could worry

through if she wouldn't ask me to name any more children. I wondered where the lightning was going to

strike next. She was still ruminating over that last child's title, but presently she said:

"I have always been sorry you were away at the timeI would have had you name my child."

"It seems incredibleeven impossible. I do not mean any harm by it, but would you mind telling me if you

"I was just nineteen the day of the storm we were talking about. That was my birthday."

That did not help matters, much, as I did not know the date of the storm. I tried to think of some

noncommittal thing to say, to keep up my end of the talk, and render my poverty in the matter of

reminiscences as little noticeable as possible, but I seemed to be about out of noncommittal things. I was

about to say, "You haven't changed a bit since then"but that was risky. I thought of saying, "You have

improved ever so much since then"but that wouldn't answer, of course. I was about to try a shy at the

"I never have spent such a halfhour in all my life before!" said I, with emotion; and I could have added, with

a near approach to truth, "and I would rather be scalped than spend another one like it." I was holily grateful

to be through with the ordeal, and was about to make my goodbys and get out, when the girl said:

Here was another balmy place to be in: I had forgotten the child's name; I hadn't imagined it would be needed

"O yesI was thinking of another child that I namedI have named a great many, and I get them

"Thomas Henryyes, Thomas Henry was the poor child's name. I named him for ThomaserThomas

Carlyle, the great author, you knowand HenryererHenry the Eight. The parents were very grateful

"Because when the parents speak of that child now, they always call it Susan Amelia."

That spiked my gun. I could not say anything. I was entirely out of verbal obliquities; to go further would be

to lie, and that I would not do; so I simply sat still and suffered sat mutely and resignedly there, and

sizzledfor I was being slowly fried to death in my own blushes. Presently the enemy laughed a happy

"I HAVE enjoyed this talk over old times, but you have not. I saw very soon that you were only pretending to

know me, and so as I had wasted a compliment on you in the beginning, I made up my mind to punish you.

And I have succeeded pretty well. I was glad to see that you knew George and Tom and Darley, for I had

never heard of them before and therefore could not be sure that you had; and I was glad to learn the names of

those imaginary children, too. One can get quite a fund of information out of you if one goes at it cleverly.

Mary and the storm, and the sweeping away of the forward boats, were factsall the rest was fiction. Mary

"Yes," I said, "I do remember you now; and you are as hardheaded as you were thirteen years ago in that

ship, else you wouldn't have punished me so. You haven't change your nature nor your person, in any way at

all; you look as young as you did then, you are just as beautiful as you were then, and you have transmitted a

deal of your comeliness to this fine boy. Thereif that speech moves you any, let's fly the flag of truce, with

All of which was agreed to and accomplished, on the spot. When I went back to Harris, I said:

"Excuse me, I see what a person of colossal ignorance and simplicity can do. The idea of your going and

intruding on a party of strangers, that way, and talking for half an hour; why I never heard of a man in his

"I don't doubt it. Upon my word I don't. I think you were capable of it. It was stupid in me to let you go over

there and make such an exhibition of yourself. But you know I couldn't really believe you would do such an

inexcusable thing. What will those people think of us? But how did you say it?I mean the manner of it. I

"No, I was careful about that. I said, 'My friend and I would like to know what your name is, if you don't

"No, that was not abrupt. There is a polish about it that does you infinite credit. And I am glad you put me in;

that was a delicate attention which I appreciate at its full value. What did she do?"

"Well, now I come to think, she did show something; maybe it was surprise; I hadn't thought of thatI took

"Oh, undoubtedly you were right; it must have been gratification; it could not be otherwise than gratifying to

"I saw it! I did not believe my own eyes, at the time. Did the gentleman say anything about cutting your

"And do you know, I believe they were. I think they said to themselves, 'Doubtless this curiosity has got

away from his keeperlet us amuse ourselves with him.' There is no other way of accounting for their facile

"UNdoubtedly. Your delicacy is beyond praise. Go on, go ondon't mind my apparent miseryI always

look so when I am steeped in a profound and reverent joy. Go onshe told you her age?"

"Yes, she told me her age, and all about her mother, and her grandmother, and her other relations, and all

"This is divine. Go onit is not possible that you forgot to inquire into her politics?"

"No, I thought of that. She is a democrat, her husband is a republican, and both of them are Baptists."

"She is not a child. She is married, and that is her husband who is there with her."

"Well, but seven and a HALF? How do you make out the half? Where does the half come in?"

"There is a child which she had by another husband not this one but another oneso it is a stepchild, and

"I don't believe a word of it. It is impossible, upon its face. Is that boy there her brother?"

"No, that is her son. He is her youngest. He is not as old as he looked; he is only eleven and a half."

"These things are all manifestly impossible. This is a wretched business. It is a plain case: they simply took

your measure, and concluded to fill you up. They seem to have succeeded. I am glad I am not in the mess;

they may at least be charitable enough to think there ain't a pair of us. Are they going to stay here long?"

"There is one man who is deeply grateful for that. How did you find out? You asked, I suppose?"

"No, along at first I inquired into their plans, in a general way, and they said they were going to be here a

week, and make trips round about; but toward the end of the interview, when I said you and I would tour

around with them with pleasure, and offered to bring you over and introduce you, they hesitated a little, and

asked if you were from the same establishment that I was. I said you were, and then they said they had

changed their mind and considered it necessary to start at once and visit a sick relative in Siberia."

"Ah, me, you struck the summit! You struck the loftiest altitude of stupidity that human effort has ever

reached. You shall have a monument of jackasses' skulls as high as the Strasburg spire if you die before I do.

They wanted to know I was from the same 'establishment' that you hailed from, did they? What did they

"Well _I_ know. they meant an asyluman IDIOT asylum, do you understand? So they DO think there's a

"Well, I don't know. I didn't know I was doing any harm; I didn't MEAN to do any harm. They were very

Harris made some rude remarks and left for his bedroom to break some furniture, he said. He was a

I had been well scorched by the young woman, but no matter, I took it out on Harris. One should always "get

The Hofkirche is celebrated for its organ concerts. All summer long the tourists flock to that church about six

o'clock in the evening, and pay their franc, and listen to the noise. They don't stay to hear all of it, but get up

and tramp out over the sounding stone floor, meeting late comers who tramp in in a sounding and vigorous

way. This tramping back and forth is kept up nearly all the time, and is accented by the continuous slamming

of the door, and the coughing and barking and sneezing of the crowd. Meantime, the big organ is booming

and crashing and thundering away, doing its best to prove that it is the biggest and best organ in Europe, and

that a tight little box of a church is the most favorable place to average and appreciate its powers in. It is true,

there were some soft and merciful passages occasionally, but the tramptramp of the tourists only allowed

one to get fitful glimpses of them, so to speak. Then right away the organist would let go another avalanche.

The commerce of Lucerne consists mainly in gimcrackery of the souvenir sort; the shops are packed with

Alpine crystals, photographs of scenery, and wooden and ivory carvings. I will not conceal the fact that

miniature figures of the Lion of Lucerne are to be had in them. Millions of them. But they are libels upon

him, every one of them. There is a subtle something about the majestic pathos of the original which the

copyist cannot get. Even the sun fails to get it; both the photographer and the carver give you a dying lion,

and that is all. The shape is right, the attitude is right, the proportions are right, but that indescribable

something which makes the Lion of Lucerne the most mournful and moving piece of stone in the world, is

The Lion lies in his lair in the perpendicular face of a low clifffor he is carved from the living rock of the

cliff. His size is colossal, his attitude is noble. How head is bowed, the broken spear is sticking in his

shoulder, his protecting paw rests upon the lilies of France. Vines hang down the cliff and wave in the wind,

and a clear stream trickles from above and empties into a pond at the base, and in the smooth surface of the

Around about are green trees and grass. The place is a sheltered, reposeful woodland nook, remote from noise

and stir and confusionand all this is fitting, for lions do die in such places, and not on granite pedestals in

public squares fenced with fancy iron railings. The Lion of Lucerne would be impressive anywhere, but

Martyrdom is the luckiest fate that can befall some people. Louis XVI did not die in his bed, consequently

history is very gentle with him; she is charitable toward his failings, and she finds in him high virtues which

are not usually considered to be virtues when they are lodged in kings. She makes him out to be a person with

a meek and modest spirit, the heart of a female saint, and a wrong head. None of these qualities are kingly but

the last. Taken together they make a character which would have fared harshly at the hands of history if its

owner had had the ill luck to miss martyrdom. With the best intentions to do the right thing, he always

managed to do the wrong one. Moreover, nothing could get the female saint out of him. He knew, well

enough, that in national emergencies he must not consider how he ought to act, as a man, but how he ought to

act as a king; so he honestly tried to sink the man and be the kingbut it was a failure, he only succeeded in

being the female saint. He was not instant in season, but out of season. He could not be persuaded to do a

thing while it could do any goodhe was iron, he was adamant in his stubbornness thenbut as soon as the

thing had reached a point where it would be positively harmful to do it, do it he would, and nothing could

stop him. He did not do it because it would be harmful, but because he hoped it was not yet too late to

achieve by it the good which it would have done if applied earlier. His comprehension was always a train or

two behindhand. If a national toe required amputating, he could not see that it needed anything more than

poulticing; when others saw that the mortification had reached the knee, he first perceived that the toe needed

cutting offso he cut it off; and he severed the leg at the knee when others saw that the disease had reached

the thigh. He was good, and honest, and well meaning, in the matter of chasing national diseases, but he

never could overtake one. As a private man, he would have been lovable; but viewed as a king, he was

His was a most unroyal career, but the most pitiable spectacle in it was his sentimental treachery to his Swiss

guard on that memorable 10th of August, when he allowed those heroes to be massacred in his cause, and

forbade them to shed the "sacred French blood" purporting to be flowing in the veins of the redcapped mob

of miscreants that was raging around the palace. He meant to be kingly, but he was only the female saint once

more. Some of his biographers think that upon this occasion the spirit of Saint Louis had descended upon

him. It must have found pretty cramped quarters. If Napoleon the First had stood in the shoes of Louis XVI

that day, instead of being merely a casual and unknown lookeron, there would be no Lion of Lucerne, now,

but there would be a wellstocked Communist graveyard in Paris which would answer just as well to

Martyrdom made a saint of Mary Queen of Scots three hundred years ago, and she has hardly lost all of her

saintship yet. Martyrdom made a saint of the trivial and foolish Marie Antoinette, and her biographers still

keep her fragrant with the odor of sanctity to this day, while unconsciously proving upon almost every page

they write that the only calamitous instinct which her husband lacked, she suppliedthe instinct to root out

and get rid of an honest, able, and loyal official, wherever she found him. The hideous but beneficent French

Revolution would have been deferred, or would have fallen short of completeness, or even might not have

happened at all, if Marie Antoinette had made the unwise mistake of not being born. The world owes a great

deal to the French Revolution, and consequently to its two chief promoters, Louis the Poor in Spirit and his

We did not buy any wooden images of the Lion, nor any ivory or ebony or marble or chalk or sugar or

chocolate ones, or even any photographic slanders of him. The truth is, these copies were so common, so

universal, in the shops and everywhere, that they presently became as intolerable to the wearied eye as the

latest popular melody usually becomes to the harassed ear. In Lucerne, too, the wood carvings of other sorts,

which had been so pleasant to look upon when one saw them occasionally at home, soon began to fatigue us.

We grew very tired of seeing wooden quails and chickens picking and struting around clockfaces, and still

more tired of seeing wooden images of the alleged chamois skipping about wooden rocks, or lying upon them

in family groups, or peering alertly up from behind them. The first day, I would have bought a hundred and

fifty of these clocks if I had the moneyand I did buy three but on the third day the disease had run its

course, I had convalesced, and was in the market once moretrying to sell. However, I had no luck; which

was just as well, for the things will be pretty enough, no doubt, when I get them home.

For years my pet aversion had been the cuckoo clock; now here I was, at last, right in the creature's home; so

wherever I went that distressing "HOO'hoo! HOO'hoo! HOO'hoo!" was always in my ears. For a nervous

man, this was a fine state of things. Some sounds are hatefuler than others, but no sound is quite so inane, and

silly, and aggravating as the "HOO'hoo" of a cuckoo clock, I think. I bought one, and am carrying it home to

a certain person; for I have always said that if the opportunity ever happened, I would do that man an ill turn.

What I meant, was, that I would break one of his legs, or something of that sort; but in Lucerne I instantly

saw that I could impair his mind. That would be more lasting, and more satisfactory every way. So I bought

the cuckoo clock; and if I ever get home with it, he is "my meat," as they say in the mines. I thought of

another candidatea bookreviewer whom I could name if I wanted tobut after thinking it over, I didn't

We visited the two long, covered wooden bridges which span the green and brilliant Reuss just below where

it goes plunging and hurrahing out of the lake. These rambling, swaybacked tunnels are very attractive

things, with their alcoved outlooks upon the lovely and inspiriting water. They contain two or three hundred

queer old pictures, by old Swiss mastersold boss signpainters, who flourished before the decadence of art.

The lake is alive with fishes, plainly visible to the eye, for the water is very clear. The parapets in front of the

hotels were usually fringed with fishers of all ages. One day I thought I would stop and see a fish caught. The

result brought back to my mind, very forcibly, a circumstance which I had not thought of before for twelve

When my odd friend Riley and I were newspaper correspondents in Washington, in the winter of '67, we

were coming down Pennsylvania Avenue one night, near midnight, in a driving storm of snow, when the

flash of a streetlamp fell upon a man who was eagerly tearing along in the opposite direction. This is lucky!

Riley was the most selfpossessed and solemnly deliberate person in the republic. He stopped, looked his

"That's just what I was doing," said the man, joyously, "and it's the biggest luck in the world that I've found

you. My name is Lykins. I'm one of the teachers of the high schoolSan Francisco. As soon as I heard the

San Francisco postmastership was vacant, I made up my mind to get itand here I am."

"Yes," said Riley, slowly, "as you have remarked ... Mr. Lykins ... here you are. And have you got it?"

"Well, not exactly GOT it, but the next thing to it. I've brought a petition, signed by the Superintendent of

Public Instruction, and all the teachers, and by more than two hundred other people. Now I want you, if you'll

be so good, to go around with me to the Pacific delegation, for I want to rush this thing through and get along

"If the matter is so pressing, you will prefer that we visit the delegation tonight," said Riley, in a voice which

"Oh, tonight, by all means! I haven't got any time to fool around. I want their promise before I go to bed I

"DO! Why, I've got to go to the President with the petition and the delegation, and get the appointment,

"Executive session of the Senate at 2 P.M.got to get the appointment confirmedI reckon you'll grant

"Yes ... yes," said Riley, meditatively, "you are right again. Then you take the train for New York in the

"Bless your soul, no! It's not my style. I ain't a man to go fooling aroundI'm a man that DOES things, I tell

The storm was raging, the thick snow blowing in gusts. Riley stood silent, apparently deep in a reverie,

"Have you ever heard about that man who put up at Gadsby's, once? ... But I see you haven't."

He backed Mr. Lykins against an iron fence, buttonholed him, fastened him with his eye, like the Ancient

Mariner, and proceeded to unfold his narrative as placidly and peacefully as if we were all stretched

comfortably in a blossomy summer meadow instead of being persecuted by a wintry midnight tempest:

"I will tell you about that man. It was in Jackson's time. Gadsby's was the principal hotel, then. Well, this man

arrived from Tennessee about nine o'clock, one morning, with a black coachman and a splendid fourhorse

carriage and an elegant dog, which he was evidently fond of and proud of; he drove up before Gadsby's, and

the clerk and the landlord and everybody rushed out to take charge of him, but he said, 'Never mind,' and

jumped out and told the coachman to waitsaid he hadn't time to take anything to eat, he only had a little

claim against the government to collect, would run across the way, to the Treasury, and fetch the money, and

"Well, about eleven o'clock that night he came back and ordered a bed and told them to put the horses

upsaid he would collect the claim in the morning. This was in January, you understandJanuary, 1834

"Well, on the 5th of February, he sold the fine carriage, and bought a cheap secondhand onesaid it would

"On the 11th of August he sold a pair of the fine horses said he'd often thought a pair was better than four,

to go over the rough mountain roads with where a body had to be careful about his drivingand there wasn't

"On the 13th of December he sold another horsesaid two warn't necessary to drag that old light vehicle

within fact, one could snatch it along faster than was absolutely necessary, now that it was good solid

"On the 17th of February, 1835, he sold the old carriage and bought a cheap secondhand buggysaid a

buggy was just the trick to skim along mushy, slushy early spring roads with, and he had always wanted to

"On the 1st August he sold the buggy and bought the remains of an old sulkysaid he just wanted to see

those green Tennesseans stare and gawk when they saw him come aripping along in a sulkydidn't believe

"Well, on the 29th of August he sold his colored coachmansaid he didn't need a coachman for a sulky

wouldn't be room enough for two in it anywayand, besides, it wasn't every day that Providence sent a man

a fool who was willing to pay nine hundred dollars for such a thirdrate negro as thatbeen wanting to get

"Eighteen months laterthat is to say, on the 15th of February, 1837he sold the sulky and bought a

saddlesaid horsebackriding was what the doctor had always recommended HIM to take, and dog'd if he

wanted to risk HIS neck going over those mountain roads on wheels in the dead of winter, not if he knew

"On the 9th of April he sold the saddlesaid he wasn't going to risk HIS life with any perishable

saddlegirth that ever was made, over a rainy, miry April road, while he could ride bareback and know and

"On the 24th of April he sold his horsesaid 'I'm just fiftyseven today, hale and heartyit would be a

PRETTY howdydo for me to be wasting such a trip as that and such weather as this, on a horse, when there

ain't anything in the world so splendid as a tramp on foot through the fresh spring woods and over the cheery

mountains, to a man that IS a manand I can make my dog carry my claim in a little bundle, anyway, when

it's collected. So tomorrow I'll be up bright and early, make my little old collection, and mosey off to

"On the 22d of June he sold his dogsaid 'Dern a dog, anyway, where you're just starting off on a rattling

bully pleasure tramp through the summer woods and hillsperfect nuisancechases the squirrels, barks at

everything, goes acapering and splattering around in the fords man can't get any chance to reflect and

enjoy nature and I'd a blamed sight ruther carry the claim myself, it's a mighty sight safer; a dog's mighty

uncertain in a financial way always noticed itwell, GOODby, boyslast callI'm off for Tennessee

There was a pause and a silenceexcept the noise of the wind and the pelting snow. Mr. Lykins said,

"I'm great friends with that old patriarch. He comes every evening to tell me goodby. I saw him an hour

ago he's off for Tennessee early tomorrow morningas usual; said he calculated to get his claim through

and be off before nightowls like me have turned out of bed. The tears were in his eyes, he was so glad he

"Well, for the TIME of night, and the KIND of night, it seems to me the story was full long enough. But

"Oh, there isn't any particular point to it. Only, if you are not in TOO much of a hurry to rush off to San

Francisco with that postoffice appointment, Mr. Lykins, I'd advise you to 'PUT UP AT GADSBY'S' for a

So saying, Riley blandly turned on his heel and left the astonished schoolteacher standing there, a musing

To go back to Lucerne and its fishers, I concluded, after about nine hours' waiting, that the man who proposes

to tarry till he sees something hook one of those wellfed and experienced fishes will find it wisdom to "put

up at Gadsby's" and take it easy. It is likely that a fish has not been caught on that lake pier for forty years;

but no matter, the patient fisher watches his cork there all the day long, just the same, and seems to enjoy it.

One may see the fisherloafers just as thick and contented and happy and patient all along the Seine at Paris,

but tradition says that the only thing ever caught there in modern times is a thing they don't fish for at

Close by the Lion of Lucerne is what they call the "Glacier Garden"and it is the only one in the world. It is

on high ground. Four or five years ago, some workmen who were digging foundations for a house came upon

this interesting relic of a longdeparted age. Scientific men perceived in it a confirmation of their theories

concerning the glacial period; so through their persuasions the little tract of ground was bought and

permanently protected against being built upon. The soil was removed, and there lay the rasped and guttered

track which the ancient glacier had made as it moved along upon its slow and tedious journey. This track was

perforated by huge potshaped holes in the bedrock, formed by the furious washingaround in them of

boulders by the turbulent torrent which flows beneath all glaciers. These huge round boulders still remain in

the holes; they and the walls of the holes are worn smooth by the longcontinued chafing which they gave

each other in those old days. It took a mighty force to churn these big lumps of stone around in that vigorous

way. The neighboring country had a very different shape, at that timethe valleys have risen up and become

hills, since, and the hills have become valleys. The boulders discovered in the pots had traveled a great

For some days we were content to enjoy looking at the blue lake Lucerne and at the piledup masses of

snowmountains that border it all aroundan enticing spectacle, this last, for there is a strange and

fascinating beauty and charm about a majestic snowpeak with the sun blazing upon it or the moonlight

softly enriching itbut finally we concluded to try a bit of excursioning around on a steamboat, and a dash

on foot at the Rigi. Very well, we had a delightful trip to Fluelen, on a breezy, sunny day. Everybody sat on

the upper deck, on benches, under an awning; everybody talked, laughed, and exclaimed at the wonder

scenery; in truth, a trip on that lake is almost the perfection of pleasuring. The mountains were a

neverceasing marvel. Sometimes they rose straight up out of the lake, and towered aloft and overshadowed

our pygmy steamer with their prodigious bulk in the most impressive way. Not snowclad mountains, these,

yet they climbed high enough toward the sky to meet the clouds and veil their foreheads in them. They were

not barren and repulsive, but clothed in green, and restful and pleasant to the eye. And they were so almost

straightupanddown, sometimes, that one could not imagine a man being able to keep his footing upon

such a surface, yet there are paths, and the Swiss people go up and down them every day.

Sometimes one of these monster precipices had the slight inclination of the huge shiphouses in dockyards

then high aloft, toward the sky, it took a little stronger inclination, like that of a mansard roofand perched

on this dizzy mansard one's eye detected little things like martin boxes, and presently perceived that these

were the dwellings of peasantsan airy place for a home, truly. And suppose a peasant should walk in his

sleep, or his child should fall out of the front yard?the friends would have a tedious long journey down out

of those cloudheights before they found the remains. And yet those faraway homes looked ever so

seductive, they were so remote from the troubled world, they dozed in such an atmosphere of peace and

dreamssurely no one who has learned to live up there would ever want to live on a meaner level.

We swept through the prettiest little curving arms of the lake, among these colossal green walls, enjoying

new delights, always, as the stately panorama unfolded itself before us and rerolled and hid itself behind us;

and now and then we had the thrilling surprise of bursting suddenly upon a tremendous white mass like the

distant and dominating Jungfrau, or some kindred giant, looming head and shoulders above a tumbled waste

Once, while I was hungrily taking in one of these surprises, and doing my best to get all I possibly could of it

He was about eighteen, or possibly nineteen; slender and of medium height; open, frank, happy face; a

restless but independent eye; a snub nose, which had the air of drawing back with a decent reserve from the

silky newborn mustache below it until it should be introduced; a loosely hung jaw, calculated to work easily

in the sockets. He wore a lowcrowned, narrowbrimmed straw hat, with a broad blue ribbon around it

which had a white anchor embroidered on it in front; nobby shorttailed coat, pantaloons, vest, all trim and

neat and up with the fashion; redstriped stockings, very lowquarter patentleather shoes, tied with black

ribbon; blue ribbon around his neck, wideopen collar; tiny diamond studs; wrinkleless kids; projecting cuffs,

fastened with large oxidized silver sleevebuttons, bearing the device of a dog's faceEnglish pug. He

carries a slim cane, surmounted with an English pug's head with red glass eyes. Under his arm he carried a

German grammarOtto's. His hair was short, straight, and smooth, and presently when he turned his head a

moment, I saw that it was nicely parted behind. He took a cigarette out of a dainty box, stuck it into a

meerschaum holder which he carried in a morocco case, and reached for my cigar. While he was lighting, I

"Our whole family's along. It's awful slow, going around alonedon't you think so?"

"I haven't. My first trip. But we've been all aroundParis and everywhere. I'm to enter Harvard next year.

Studying German all the time, now. Can't enter till I know German. I know considerable FrenchI get along

pretty well in Paris, or anywhere where they speak French. What hotel are you stopping at?"

"No! is that so? I never see you in the receptionroom. I go to the receptionroom a good deal of the time,

because there's so many Americans there. I make lots of acquaintances. I know an American as soon as I see

himand so I speak to him and make his acquaintance. I like to be always making acquaintancesdon't

"You see it breaks up a trip like this, first rate. I never got bored on a trip like this, if I can make

acquaintances and have somebody to talk to. But I think a trip like this would be an awful bore, if a body

couldn't find anybody to get acquainted with and talk to on a trip like this. I'm fond of talking, ain't you?

"That's it!you see you ought to go around and get acquainted, and talk. That's my way. That's the way I

always doI just go 'round, 'round, 'round and talk, talk, talkI never get bored. You been up the Rigi yet?"

"Three. You stop at the Schreiberyou'll find it full of Americans. What ship did you say you came over

"Don't you do it! No Americans there! You stop at one of those big hotels over the bridgethey're packed

"Why, hang it, you won't get along in GenevaTHEY don't speak Arabic, they speak French. What hotel are

"Sho, you ought to stop at the Schweitzerhof. Didn't you know the Schweitzerhof was the best hotel in

"No Americans! Why, bless your soul, it's just alive with them! I'm in the great receptionroom most all the

time. I make lots of acquaintances there. Not as many as I did at first, because now only the new ones stop in

"Is that so? I'm from New EnglandNew Bloomfield's my town when I'm at home. I'm having a mighty

"That's what I call it. I like this knocking around, loose and easy, and making acquaintances and talking. I

know an American, soon as I see him; so I go and speak to him and make his acquaintance. I ain't ever bored,

on a trip like this, if I can make new acquaintances and talk. I'm awful fond of talking when I can get hold of

"That's my notion, too. Now some people like to take a book and sit down and read, and read, and read, or

moon around yawping at the lake or these mountains and things, but that ain't my way; no, sir, if they like it,

let 'em do it, I don't object; but as for me, talking's what _I_ like. You been up the Rigi?"

"That's the place!I stopped there too. FULL of Americans, WASN'T it? It always isalways is. That's

"French, I reckon. What kind of a passage did ... excuse me a minute, there's some Americans I haven't seen

And away he went. He went uninjured, tooI had the murderous impulse to harpoon him in the back with

my alpenstock, but as I raised the weapon the disposition left me; I found I hadn't the heart to kill him, he was

Half an hour later I was sitting on a bench inspecting, with strong interest, a noble monolith which we were

skimming bya monolith not shaped by man, but by Nature's free great handa massy pyramidal rock

eighty feet high, devised by Nature ten million years ago against the day when a man worthy of it should

need it for his monument. The time came at last, and now this grand remembrancer bears Schiller's name in

huge letters upon its face. Curiously enough, this rock was not degraded or defiled in any way. It is said that

two years ago a stranger let himself down from the top of it with ropes and pulleys, and painted all over it, in

"Try Sozodont;" "Buy Sun Stove Polish;" "Helmbold's Buchu;" "Try Benzaline for the Blood."

He was captured and it turned out that he was an American. Upon his trial the judge said to him:

"You are from a land where any insolent that wants to is privileged to profane and insult Nature, and, through

her, Nature's God, if by so doing he can put a sordid penny in his pocket. But here the case is different.

Because you are a foreigner and ignorant, I will make your sentence light; if you were a native I would deal

strenuously with you. Hear and obey: You will immediately remove every trace of your offensive work

from the Schiller monument; you pay a fine of ten thousand francs; you will suffer two years' imprisonment

at hard labor; you will then be horsewhipped, tarred and feathered, deprived of your ears, ridden on a rail to

the confines of the canton, and banished forever. The severest penalties are omitted in your casenot as a

grace to you, but to that great republic which had the misfortune to give you birth."

The steamer's benches were ranged back to back across the deck. My back hair was mingling innocently with

the back hair of a couple of ladies. Presently they were addressed by some one and I overheard this

"Oh, yesInman line. We came in the BATAVIACunard you know. What kind of a passage did you

"That was luck. We had it awful rough. Captain said he'd hardly seen it rougher. Where are you from?"

"So'm I. NoI didn't mean that; I'm from New England. New Bloomfield's my place. These your

"Our whole family's along. It's awful slow, going around alonedon't you think so?"

"Hi, there's Mount Pilatus coming in sight again. Named after Pontius Pilate, you know, that shot the apple

off of William Tell's head. Guidebook tells all about it, they say. I didn't read itan American told me. I

don't read when I'm knocking around like this, having a good time. Did you ever see the chapel where

"Oh, yes, he did. That American told me so. He don't ever shut up his guidebook. He knows more about this

lake than the fishes in it. Besides, they CALL it 'Tell's Chapel'you know that yourself. You ever been over

"I haven't. It's my first trip. But we've been all around Paris and everywhere. I'm to enter Harvard next

year. Studying German all the time now. Can't enter till I know German. This book's Otto's grammar. It's a

mighty good book to get the ICH HABE GEHABT HABEN's out of. But I don't really study when I'm

knocking around this way. If the notion takes me, I just run over my little old ICH HAVE GEHABT, DU

GEHABT kind of 'NowIlaymedowntosleep' fashion, you know, and after that, maybe I don't

buckle to it for three days. It's awful undermining to the intellect, German is; you want to take it in small

doses, or first you know your brains all run together, and you feel them sloshing around in your head same as

so much drawn butter. But French is different; FRENCH ain't anything. I ain't any more afraid of French than

a tramp's afraid of pie; I can rattle off my little J'AI, TU AS, IL A, and the rest of it, just as easy as abc. I

get along pretty well in Paris, or anywhere where they speak French. What hotel are you stopping at?"

"No! is that so? I never see you in the big receptionroom. I go in there a good deal of the time, because

there's so many Americans there. I make lots of acquaintances. You been up the Rigi yet?"

"Well, then you stop at the Schreiberit's full of Americans. What ship did you come over in?"

"Oh, yes, I remember I asked you that before. But I always ask everybody what ship they came over in, and

"I don't hardly believe you'll like that; there's very few Americans in the pensions. What hotel are you

"Oh, yes. I asked you that before, too. But I always ask everybody what hotel they're stopping at, and so I've

got my head all mixed up with hotels. But it makes talk, and I love to talk. It refreshes me up sodon't it

"Well, it does me, too. As long as I'm talking I never feel boredain't that the way with you?"

"Oh, of course. _I_ don't care to talk to everybody, MYSELF. If a person starts in to jabberjabberjabber

about scenery, and history, and pictures, and all sorts of tiresome things, I get the fantods mighty soon. I say

'Well, I must be going nowhope I'll see you again'and then I take a walk. Where you from?"

"Why, bother it all, I asked you THAT before, too. Have you seen the Lion of Lucerne?"

"Nor I, either. But the man who told me about Mount Pilatus says it's one of the things to see. It's

twentyeight feet long. It don't seem reasonable, but he said so, anyway. He saw it yesterday; said it was

dying, then, so I reckon it's dead by this time. But that ain't any matter, of course they'll stuff it. Did you say

"Oh, so you did. Are you going up the ... no, I asked you that. What ship ... no, I asked you that, too. What

hotel are you ... no, you told me that. Let me see ... um .... Oh, what kind of voy ... no, we've been over that

ground, too. Um ... um ... well, I believe that is all. BONJOURI am very glad to have made your

The RigiKulm is an imposing Alpine mass, six thousand feet high, which stands by itself, and commands a

mighty prospect of blue lakes, green valleys, and snowy mountains a compact and magnificent picture

three hundred miles in circumference. The ascent is made by rail, or horseback, or on foot, as one may prefer.

I and my agent panoplied ourselves in walkingcostume, one bright morning, and started down the lake on

the steamboat; we got ashore at the village of Wa"ggis; threequarters of an hour distant from Lucerne. This

We were soon tramping leisurely up the leafy mulepath, and then the talk began to flow, as usual. It was

twelve o'clock noon, and a breezy, cloudless day; the ascent was gradual, and the glimpses, from under the

curtaining boughs, of blue water, and tiny sailboats, and beetling cliffs, were as charming as glimpses of

dreamland. All the circumstances were perfectand the anticipations, too, for we should soon be enjoying,

for the first time, that wonderful spectacle, an Alpine sunrisethe object of our journey. There was

(apparently) no real need for hurry, for the guidebook made the walkingdistance from Wa"ggis to the

summit only three hours and a quarter. I say "apparently," because the guidebook had already fooled us

onceabout the distance from Allerheiligen to Oppenauand for aught I knew it might be getting ready to

fool us again. We were only certain as to the altitudes we calculated to find out for ourselves how many

hours it is from the bottom to the top. The summit is six thousand feet above the sea, but only fortyfive

hundred feet above the lake. When we had walked half an hour, we were fairly into the swing and humor of

the undertaking, so we cleared for action; that is to say, we got a boy whom we met to carry our alpenstocks

and satchels and overcoats and things for us; that left us free for business. I suppose we must have stopped

oftener to stretch out on the grass in the shade and take a bit of a smoke than this boy was used to, for

presently he asked if it had been our idea to hire him by the job, or by the year? We told him he could move

along if he was in a hurry. He said he wasn't in such a very particular hurry, but he wanted to get to the top

while he was young. We told him to clear out, then, and leave the things at the uppermost hotel and say we

should be along presently. He said he would secure us a hotel if he could, but if they were all full he would

ask them to build another one and hurry up and get the paint and plaster dry against we arrived. Still gently

chaffing us, he pushed ahead, up the trail, and soon disappeared. By six o'clock we were pretty high up in the

air, and the view of lake and mountains had greatly grown in breadth and interest. We halted awhile at a little

public house, where we had bread and cheese and a quart or two of fresh milk, out on the porch, with the big

Ten minutes afterward we met a hot, redfaced man plunging down the mountain, making mighty strides,

swinging his alpenstock ahead of him, and taking a grip on the ground with its iron point to support these big

strides. He stopped, fanned himself with his hat, swabbed the perspiration from his face and neck with a red

handkerchief, panted a moment or two, and asked how far to Wa"ggis. I said three hours. He looked

"Why, it seems as if I could toss a biscuit into the lake from here, it's so close by. Is that an inn, there?"

"Well," said he, "I can't stand another three hours, I've had enough today; I'll take a bed there."

I said we would put up at the inn, too. So we turned back and ordered a hot supper, and had quite a jolly

The German landlady gave us neat rooms and nice beds, and when I and my agent turned in, it was with the

resolution to be up early and make the utmost of our first Alpine sunrise. But of course we were dead tired,

and slept like policemen; so when we awoke in the morning and ran to the window it was already too late,

because it was half past eleven. It was a sharp disappointment. However, we ordered breakfast and told the

landlady to call the Englishman, but she said he was already up and off at daybreakand swearing like mad

about something or other. We could not find out what the matter was. He had asked the landlady the altitude

of her place above the level of the lake, and she told him fourteen hundred and ninetyfive feet. That was all

that was said; then he lost his temper. He said that between fools and guidebooks, a man could

acquire ignorance enough in twentyfour hours in a country like this to last him a year. Harris believed our

boy had been loading him up with misinformation; and this was probably the case, for his epithet described

We got under way about the turn of noon, and pulled out for the summit again, with a fresh and vigorous

step. When we had gone about two hundred yards, and stopped to rest, I glanced to the left while I was

lighting my pipe, and in the distance detected a long worm of black smoke crawling lazily up the steep

mountain. Of course that was the locomotive. We propped ourselves on our elbows at once, to gaze, for we

had never seen a mountain railway yet. Presently we could make out the train. It seemed incredible that that

thing should creep straight up a sharp slant like the roof of a housebut there it was, and it was doing that

In the course of a couple hours we reached a fine breezy altitude where the little shepherd huts had big stones

all over their roofs to hold them down to the earth when the great storms rage. The country was wild and

Away off on the opposite shore of the lake we could see some villages, and now for the first time we could

observe the real difference between their proportions and those of the giant mountains at whose feet they

slept. When one is in one of those villages it seems spacious, and its houses seem high and not out of

proportion to the mountain that overhands thembut from our altitude, what a change! The mountains were

bigger and grander than ever, as they stood there thinking their solemn thoughts with their heads in the

drifting clouds, but the villages at their feetwhen the painstaking eye could trace them up and find

themwere so reduced, almost invisible, and lay so flat against the ground, that the exactest simile I can

devise is to compare them to antdeposits of granulated dirt overshadowed by the huge bulk of a cathedral.

The steamboats skimming along under the stupendous precipices were diminished by distance to the daintiest

little toys, the sailboats and rowboats to shallops proper for fairies that keep house in the cups of lilies and

Presently we came upon half a dozen sheep nibbling grass in the spray of a stream of clear water that sprang

from a rock wall a hundred feet high, and all at once our ears were startled with a melodious "Lul ... l ... l l l

llullulLAheeooo!" pealing joyously from a near but invisible source, and recognized that we were

hearing for the first time the famous Alpine JODEL in its own native wilds. And we recognized, also, that it

was that sort of quaint commingling of baritone and falsetto which at home we call "Tyrolese warbling."

The jodeling (pronounced yOdlingemphasis on the O) continued, and was very pleasant and inspiriting to

hear. Now the jodeler appeareda shepherd boy of sixteen and in our gladness and gratitude we gave him

a franc to jodel some more. So he jodeled and we listened. We moved on, presently, and he generously

jodeled us out of sight. After about fifteen minutes we came across another shepherd boy who was jodeling,

and gave him half a franc to keep it up. He also jodeled us out of sight. After that, we found a jodeler every

ten minutes; we gave the first one eight cents, the second one six cents, the third one four, the fourth one a

penny, contributed nothing to Nos. 5, 6, and 7, and during the remainder of the day hired the rest of the

jodelers, at a franc apiece, not to jodel any more. There is somewhat too much of the jodeling in the Alps.

About the middle of the afternoon we passed through a prodigious natural gateway called the Felsenthor,

formed by two enormous upright rocks, with a third lying across the top. There was a very attractive little

Three hours afterward we came to the railwaytrack. It was planted straight up the mountain with the slant of

a ladder that leans against a house, and it seemed to us that man would need good nerves who proposed to

During the latter part of the afternoon we cooled our roasting interiors with icecold water from clear

streams, the only really satisfying water we had tasted since we left home, for at the hotels on the continent

they merely give you a tumbler of ice to soak your water in, and that only modifies its hotness, doesn't make

it cold. Water can only be made cold enough for summer comfort by being prepared in a refrigerator or a

closed icepitcher. Europeans say icewater impairs digestion. How do they know?they never drink any.

At ten minutes past six we reached the Kaltbad station, where there is a spacious hotel with great verandas

which command a majestic expanse of lake and mountain scenery. We were pretty well fagged out, now, but

as we did not wish to miss the Alpine sunrise, we got through our dinner as quickly as possible and hurried

off to bed. It was unspeakably comfortable to stretch our weary limbs between the cool, damp sheets. And

In the morning we both awoke and leaped out of bed at the same instant and ran and stripped aside the

windowcurtains; but we suffered a bitter disappointment again: it was already half past three in the

We dressed sullenly and in ill spirits, each accusing the other of oversleeping. Harris said if we had brought

the courier along, as we ought to have done, we should not have missed these sunrises. I said he knew very

well that one of us would have to sit up and wake the courier; and I added that we were having trouble

enough to take care of ourselves, on this climb, without having to take care of a courier besides.

During breakfast our spirits came up a little, since we found by this guidebook that in the hotels on the

summit the tourist is not left to trust to luck for his sunrise, but is roused betimes by a man who goes through

the halls with a great Alpine horn, blowing blasts that would raise the dead. And there was another consoling

thing: the guidebook said that up there on the summit the guests did not wait to dress much, but seized a red

bed blanket and sailed out arrayed like an Indian. This was good; this would be romantic; two hundred and

fifty people grouped on the windy summit, with their hair flying and their red blankets flapping, in the

solemn presence of the coming sun, would be a striking and memorable spectacle. So it was good luck, not ill

We were informed by the guidebook that we were now 3,228 feet above the level of the laketherefore full

twothirds of our journey had been accomplished. We got away at a quarter past four, P.M.; a hundred yards

above the hotel the railway divided; one track went straight up the steep hill, the other one turned square off

to the right, with a very slight grade. We took the latter, and followed it more than a mile, turned a rocky

corner, and came in sight of a handsome new hotel. If we had gone on, we should have arrived at the summit,

but Harris preferred to ask a lot of questionsas usual, of a man who didn't know anythingand he told us

to go back and follow the other route. We did so. We could ill afford this loss of time.

We climbed and climbed; and we kept on climbing; we reached about forty summits, but there was always

another one just ahead. It came on to rain, and it rained in dead earnest. We were soaked through and it was

bitter cold. Next a smoky fog of clouds covered the whole region densely, and we took to the railwayties to

keep from getting lost. Sometimes we slopped along in a narrow path on the lefthand side of the track, but

by and by when the fog blew as aside a little and we saw that we were treading the rampart of a precipice and

that our left elbows were projecting over a perfectly boundless and bottomless vacancy, we gasped, and

The night shut down, dark and drizzly and cold. About eight in the evening the fog lifted and showed us a

wellworn path which led up a very steep rise to the left. We took it, and as soon as we had got far enough

from the railway to render the finding it again an impossibility, the fog shut down on us once more.

We were in a bleak, unsheltered place, now, and had to trudge right along, in order to keep warm, though we

rather expected to go over a precipice, sooner or later. About nine o'clock we made an important discovery

that we were not in any path. We groped around a while on our hands and knees, but we could not find it; so

We were terrified into this by being suddenly confronted with a vast body which showed itself vaguely for an

instant and in the next instant was smothered in the fog again. It was really the hotel we were after,

monstrously magnified by the fog, but we took it for the face of a precipice, and decided not to try to claw up

We sat there an hour, with chattering teeth and quivering bodies, and quarreled over all sorts of trifles, but

gave most of our attention to abusing each other for the stupidity of deserting the railwaytrack. We sat with

our backs to the precipice, because what little wind there was came from that quarter. At some time or other

the fog thinned a little; we did not know when, for we were facing the empty universe and the thinness could

not show; but at last Harris happened to look around, and there stood a huge, dim, spectral hotel where the

precipice had been. One could faintly discern the windows and chimneys, and a dull blur of lights. Our first

emotion was deep, unutterable gratitude, our next was a foolish rage, born of the suspicion that possibly the

hotel had been visible threequarters of an hour while we sat there in those cold puddles quarreling.

Yes, it was the RigiKulm hotelthe one that occupies the extreme summit, and whose remote little sparkle

of lights we had often seen glinting high aloft among the stars from our balcony away down yonder in

Lucerne. The crusty portier and the crusty clerks gave us the surly reception which their kind deal out in

prosperous times, but by mollifying them with an extra display of obsequiousness and servility we finally got

We got into some dry clothing, and while our supper was preparing we loafed forsakenly through a couple of

vast cavernous drawingrooms, one of which had a stove in it. This stove was in a corner, and densely walled

around with people. We could not get near the fire, so we moved at large in the artic spaces, among a

multitude of people who sat silent, smileless, forlorn, and shiveringthinking what fools they were to come,

perhaps. There were some Americans and some Germans, but one could see that the great majority were

We lounged into an apartment where there was a great crowd, to see what was going on. It was a

mementomagazine. The tourists were eagerly buying all sorts and styles of papercutters, marked "Souvenir

of the Rigi," with handles made of the little curved horn of the ostensible chamois; there were all manner of

wooden goblets and such things, similarly marked. I was going to buy a papercutter, but I believed I could

remember the cold comfort of the RigiKulm without it, so I smothered the impulse.

Supper warmed us, and we went immediately to bedbut first, as Mr. Baedeker requests all tourists to call

his attention to any errors which they may find in his guidebooks, I dropped him a line to inform him he

missed it by just about three days. I had previously informed him of his mistake about the distance from

Allerheiligen to Oppenau, and had also informed the Ordnance Depart of the German government of the

same error in the imperial maps. I will add, here, that I never got any answer to those letters, or any thanks

from either of those sources; and, what is still more discourteous, these corrections have not been made,

either in the maps or the guidebooks. But I will write again when I get time, for my letters may have

We curled up in the clammy beds, and went to sleep without rocking. We were so sodden with fatigue that

we never stirred nor turned over till the blooming blasts of the Alpine horn aroused us. It may well be

imagined that we did not lose any time. We snatched on a few odds and ends of clothing, cocooned ourselves

in the proper red blankets, and plunged along the halls and out into the whistling wind bareheaded. We saw a

tall wooden scaffolding on the very peak of the summit, a hundred yards away, and made for it. We rushed up

the stairs to the top of this scaffolding, and stood there, above the vast outlying world, with hair flying and

"Fifteen minutes too late, at last!" said Harris, in a vexed voice. "The sun is clear above the horizon."

"No matter," I said, "it is a most magnificent spectacle, and we will see it do the rest of its rising anyway."

In a moment we were deeply absorbed in the marvel before us, and dead to everything else. The great

cloudbarred disk of the sun stood just above a limitless expanse of tossing whitecapsso to speaka

billowy chaos of massy mountain domes and peaks draped in imperishable snow, and flooded with an opaline

glory of changing and dissolving splendors, while through rifts in a black cloudbank above the sun,

radiating lances of diamond dust shot to the zenith. The cloven valleys of the lower world swam in a tinted

mist which veiled the ruggedness of their crags and ribs and ragged forests, and turned all the forbidding

We could not speak. We could hardly breathe. We could only gaze in drunken ecstasy and drink in it.

Perfectly true. We had missed the MORNING hornblow, and slept all day. This was stupefying.

"Look here, the sun isn't the spectacleit's USstacked up here on top of this gallows, in these idiotic

blankets, and two hundred and fifty welldressed men and women down here gawking up at us and not

caring a straw whether the sun rises or sets, as long as they've got such a ridiculous spectacle as this to set

down in their memorandumbooks. They seem to be laughing their ribs loose, and there's one girl there at

appears to be going all to pieces. I never saw such a man as you before. I think you are the very last

"What have you done?" You've got up at half past seven o'clock in the evening to see the sun rise, that's what

"And have you done any better, I'd like to know? I've always used to get up with the lark, till I came under

"YOU used to get up with the larkOh, no doubt you'll get up with the hangman one of these days. But

you ought to be ashamed to be jawing here like this, in a red blanket, on a fortyfoot scaffold on top of the

Alps. And no end of people down here to boot; this isn't any place for an exhibition of temper."

And so the customary quarrel went on. When the sun was fairly down, we slipped back to the hotel in the

charitable gloaming, and went to bed again. We had encountered the hornblower on the way, and he had

tried to collect compensation, not only for announcing the sunset, which we did see, but for the sunrise,

which we had totally missed; but we said no, we only took our solar rations on the "European plan"pay for

what you get. He promised to make us hear his horn in the morning, if we were alive.

He kept his word. We heard his horn and instantly got up. It was dark and cold and wretched. As I fumbled

around for the matches, knocking things down with my quaking hands, I wished the sun would rise in the

middle of the day, when it was warm and bright and cheerful, and one wasn't sleepy. We proceeded to dress

by the gloom of a couple sickly candles, but we could hardly button anything, our hands shook so. I thought

of how many happy people there were in Europe, Asia, and America, and everywhere, who were sleeping

peacefully in their beds, and did not have to get up and see the Rigi sunrisepeople who did not appreciate

their advantage, as like as not, but would get up in the morning wanting more boons of Providence. While

thinking these thoughts I yawned, in a rather ample way, and my upper teeth got hitched on a nail over the

door, and while I was mounting a chair to free myself, Harris drew the windowcurtain, and said:

"Oh, this is luck! We shan't have to go out at all yonder are the mountains, in full view."

That was glad news, indeed. It made us cheerful right away. One could see the grand Alpine masses dimly

outlined against the black firmament, and one or two faint stars blinking through rifts in the night. Fully

clothed, and wrapped in blankets, and huddled ourselves up, by the window, with lighted pipes, and fell into

chat, while we waited in exceeding comfort to see how an Alpine sunrise was going to look by candlelight.

By and by a delicate, spiritual sort of effulgence spread itself by imperceptible degrees over the loftiest

altitudes of the snowy wastesbut there the effort seemed to stop. I said, presently:

"There is a hitch about this sunrise somewhere. It doesn't seem to go. What do you reckon is the matter with

"I don't know. It appears to hang fire somewhere. I never saw a sunrise act like that before. Can it be that the

"Of course not. The hotel merely has a property interest in the sun, it has nothing to do with the management

of it. It is a precarious kind of property, too; a succession of total eclipses would probably ruin this tavern.

"I've got it! I know what's the matter with it! We've been looking at the place where the sun SET last night!"

"It is perfectly true! Why couldn't you have thought of that sooner? Now we've lost another one! And all

through your blundering. It was exactly like you to light a pipe and sit down to wait for the sun to rise in the

"It was exactly like me to find out the mistake, too. You never would have found it out. I find out all the

"You make them all, too, else your most valuable faculty would be wasted on you. But don't stop to quarrel,

On our way up we met the crowd returningmen and women dressed in all sorts of queer costumes, and

exhibiting all degrees of cold and wretchedness in their gaits and countenances. A dozen still remained on the

ground when we reached there, huddled together about the scaffold with their backs to the bitter wind. They

had their red guidebooks open at the diagram of the view, and were painfully picking out the several

mountains and trying to impress their names and positions on their memories. It was one of the saddest sights

Two sides of this place were guarded by railings, to keep people from being blown over the precipices. The

view, looking sheer down into the broad valley, eastward, from this great elevationalmost a perpendicular

milewas very quaint and curious. Counties, towns, hilly ribs and ridges, wide stretches of green meadow,

great forest tracts, winding streams, a dozen blue lakes, a block of busy steamboatswe saw all this little

world in unique circumstantiality of detailsaw it just as the birds see itand all reduced to the smallest of

scales and as sharply worked out and finished as a steel engraving. The numerous toy villages, with tiny

spires projecting out of them, were just as the children might have left them when done with play the day

before; the forest tracts were diminished to cushions of moss; one or two big lakes were dwarfed to ponds,

the smaller ones to puddlesthough they did not look like puddles, but like blue eardrops which had fallen

and lodged in slight depressions, conformable to their shapes, among the mossbeds and the smooth levels of

dainty green farmland; the microscopic steamboats glided along, as in a city reservoir, taking a mighty time

to cover the distance between ports which seemed only a yard apart; and the isthmus which separated two

lakes looked as if one might stretch out on it and lie with both elbows in the water, yet we knew invisible

wagons were toiling across it and finding the distance a tedious one. This beautiful miniature world had

exactly the appearance of those "relief maps" which reproduce nature precisely, with the heights and

depressions and other details graduated to a reduced scale, and with the rocks, trees, lakes, etc., colored after

I believed we could walk down to Wa"ggis or Vitznau in a day, but I knew we could go down by rail in about

an hour, so I chose the latter method. I wanted to see what it was like, anyway. The train came along about

the middle of the afternoon, and an odd thing it was. The locomotiveboiler stood on end, and it and the

whole locomotiveboiler stood on end, and it and the whole locomotive were tiled sharply backward. There

were two passengercars, roofed, but wide open all around. These cars were not tilted back, but the seats

There are three railwaytracks; the central one is cogged; the "lantern wheel" of the engine grips its way

along these cogs, and pulls the train up the hill or retards its motion on the down trip. About the same

speedthree miles an houris maintained both ways. Whether going up or down, the locomotive is always

at the lower end of the train. It pushes in the one case, braces back in the other. The passenger rides backward

We got front seats, and while the train moved along about fifty yards on level ground, I was not the least

frightened; but now it started abruptly downstairs, and I caught my breath. And I, like my neighbors,

unconsciously held back all I could, and threw my weight to the rear, but, of course, that did no particular

good. I had slidden down the balusters when I was a boy, and thought nothing of it, but to slide down the

balusters in a railwaytrain is a thing to make one's flesh creep. Sometimes we had as much as ten yards of

almost level ground, and this gave us a few full breaths in comfort; but straightway we would turn a corner

and see a long steep line of rails stretching down below us, and the comfort was at an end. One expected to

see the locomotive pause, or slack up a little, and approach this plunge cautiously, but it did nothing of the

kind; it went calmly on, and went it reached the jumpingoff place it made a sudden bow, and went gliding

It was wildly exhilarating to slide along the edge of the precipices, after this grisly fashion, and look straight

There was no level ground at the Kaltbad station; the railbed was as steep as a roof; I was curious to see how

the stop was going to be managed. But it was very simple; the train came sliding down, and when it reached

the right spot it just stoppedthat was all there was "to it"stopped on the steep incline, and when the

exchange of passengers and baggage had been made, it moved off and went sliding down again. The train can

There was one curious effect, which I need not take the trouble to describebecause I can scissor a

description of it out of the railway company's advertising pamphlet, and say my ink:

"On the whole tour, particularly at the Descent, we undergo an optical illusion which often seems to be

incredible. All the shrubs, fir trees, stables, houses, etc., seem to be bent in a slanting direction, as by an

immense pressure of air. They are all standing awry, so much awry that the chalets and cottages of the

peasants seem to be tumbling down. It is the consequence of the steep inclination of the line. Those who are

seated in the carriage do not observe that they are doing down a declivity of twenty to twentyfive degrees

(their seats being adapted to this course of proceeding and being bent down at their backs). They mistake

their carriage and its horizontal lines for a proper measure of the normal plain, and therefore all the objects

outside which really are in a horizontal position must show a disproportion of twenty to twentyfive degrees

By the time one reaches Kaltbad, he has acquired confidence in the railway, and he now ceases to try to ease

the locomotive by holding back. Thenceforth he smokes his pipe in serenity, and gazes out upon the

magnificent picture below and about him with unfettered enjoyment. There is nothing to interrupt the view or

the breeze; it is like inspecting the world on the wing. Howeverto be exactthere is one place where the

serenity lapses for a while; this is while one is crossing the Schnurrtobel Bridge, a frail structure which

swings its gossamer frame down through the dizzy air, over a gorge, like a vagrant spiderstrand.

One has no difficulty in remembering his sins while the train is creeping down this bridge; and he repents of

them, too; though he sees, when he gets to Vitznau, that he need not have done it, the bridge was perfectly

So ends the eventual trip which we made to the RigiKulm to see an Alpine sunrise.

An hour's sail brought us to Lucerne again. I judged it best to go to bed and rest several days, for I knew that

the man who undertakes to make the tour of Europe on foot must take care of himself.

Thinking over my plans, as mapped out, I perceived that they did not take in the Furka Pass, the Rhone

Glacier, the Finsteraarhorn, the Wetterhorn, etc. I immediately examined the guidebook to see if these were

important, and found they were; in fact, a pedestrian tour of Europe could not be complete without them. Of

course that decided me at once to see them, for I never allow myself to do things by halves, or in a slurring,

I called in my agent and instructed him to go without delay and make a careful examination of these noted

places, on foot, and bring me back a written report of the result, for insertion in my book. I instructed him to

go to Hospenthal as quickly as possible, and make his grand start from there; to extend his foot expedition as

far as the Giesbach fall, and return to me from thence by diligence or mule. I told him to take the courier with

He objected to the courier, and with some show of reason, since he was about to venture upon new and

untried ground; but I thought he might as well learn how to take care of the courier now as later, therefore I

enforced my point. I said that the trouble, delay, and inconvenience of traveling with a courier were balanced

by the deep respect which a courier's presence commands, and I must insist that as much style be thrown into

So the two assumed complete mountaineering costumes and departed. A week later they returned, pretty well

About seven o'clock in the morning, with perfectly fine weather, we started from Hospenthal, and arrived at

the MAISON on the Furka in a little under QUATRE hours. The want of variety in the scenery from

Hospenthal made the KAHKAHPONEEKA wearisome; but let none be discouraged; no one can fail to be

completely R'ECOMPENS'EE for his fatigue, when he sees, for the first time, the monarch of the Oberland,

the tremendous Finsteraarhorn. A moment before all was dullness, but a PAS further has placed us on the

summit of the Furka; and exactly in front of us, at a HOPOW of only fifteen miles, this magnificent mountain

lifts its snowwreathed precipices into the deep blue sky. The inferior mountains on each side of the pass

form a sort of frame for the picture of their dread lord, and close in the view so completely that no other

prominent feature in the Oberland is visible from this BONGABONG; nothing withdraws the attention

from the solitary grandeur of the Finsteraarhorn and the dependent spurs which form the abutments of the

With the addition of some others, who were also bound for the Grimsel, we formed a large XHVLOJ as we

descended the STEG which winds round the shoulder of a mountain toward the Rhone Glacier. We soon left

the path and took to the ice; and after wandering amongst the crevices UN PEU, to admire the wonders of

these deep blue caverns, and hear the rushing of waters through their subglacial channels, we struck out a

course toward L'AUTRE CO^T'E and crossed the glacier successfully, a little above the cave from which the

infant Rhone takes its first bound from under the grand precipice of ice. Half a mile below this we began to

climb the flowery side of the Meienwand. One of our party started before the rest, but the HITZE was so

great, that we found IHM quite exhausted, and lying at full length in the shade of a large GESTEIN. We sat

down with him for a time, for all felt the heat exceedingly in the climb up this very steep BOLWOGGOLY,

and then we set out again together, and arrived at last near the Dead Man's Lake, at the foot of the Sidelhorn.

This lonely spot, once used for an extempore buryingplace, after a sanguinary BATTUE between the French

and Austrians, is the perfection of desolation; there is nothing in sight to mark the hand of man, except the

line of weatherbeaten whitened posts, set up to indicate the direction of the pass in the OWDAWAKK of

winter. Near this point the footpath joins the wider track, which connects the Grimsel with the head of the

Rhone SCHNAWP; this has been carefully constructed, and leads with a tortuous course among and over

LES PIERRES, down to the bank of the gloomy little SWOSHSWOSH, which almost washes against the

walls of the Grimsel Hospice. We arrived a little before four o'clock at the end of our day's journey, hot

enough to justify the step, taking by most of the PARTIE, of plunging into the crystal water of the snowfed

The next afternoon we started for a walk up the Unteraar glacier, with the intention of, at all events, getting as

far as the HU"TTE which is used as a sleepingplace by most of those who cross the Strahleck Pass to

Grindelwald. We got over the tedious collection of stones and DE'BRIS which covers the PIED of the

GLETCHER, and had walked nearly three hours from the Grimsel, when, just as we were thinking of

crossing over to the right, to climb the cliffs at the foot of the hut, the clouds, which had for some time

assumed a threatening appearance, suddenly dropped, and a huge mass of them, driving toward us from the

Finsteraarhorn, poured down a deluge of HABOOLONG and hail. Fortunately, we were not far from a very

large glaciertable; it was a huge rock balanced on a pedestal of ice high enough to admit of our all creeping

under it for GOWKARAK. A stream of PUCKITTYPUKK had furrowed a course for itself in the ice at its

base, and we were obliged to stand with one FUSS on each side of this, and endeavor to keep ourselves

CHAUD by cutting steps in the steep bank of the pedestal, so as to get a higher place for standing on, as the

WASSER rose rapidly in its trench. A very cold BZZZZZZZZEEE accompanied the storm, and made our

position far from pleasant; and presently came a flash of BLITZEN, apparently in the middle of our little

party, with an instantaneous clap of YOKKY, sounding like a large gun fired close to our ears; the effect was

startling; but in a few seconds our attention was fixed by the roaring echoes of the thunder against the

tremendous mountains which completely surrounded us. This was followed by many more bursts, none of

WELCHE, however, was so dangerously near; and after waiting a long DEMIhour in our icy prison, we

sallied out to talk through a HABOOLONG which, though not so heavy as before, was quite enough to give

The Grimsel is CERTAINEMENT a wonderful place; situated at the bottom of a sort of huge crater, the sides

of which are utterly savage GEBIRGE, composed of barren rocks which cannot even support a single pine

ARBRE, and afford only scanty food for a herd of GMWKWLLOLP, it looks as if it must be completely

BEGRABEN in the winter snows. Enormous avalanches fall against it every spring, sometimes covering

everything to the depth of thirty or forty feet; and, in spite of walls four feet thick, and furnished with outside

shutters, the two men who stay here when the VOYAGEURS are snugly quartered in their distant homes can

Next morning the HOGGLEBUMGULLUP still continued bad, but we made up our minds to go on, and

make the best of it. Half an hour after we started, the REGEN thickened unpleasantly, and we attempted to

get shelter under a projecting rock, but being far to NASS already to make standing at all AGRE'ABLE, we

pushed on for the Handeck, consoling ourselves with the reflection that from the furious rushing of the river

Aar at our side, we should at all events see the celebrated WASSERFALL in GRANDE PERFECTION. Nor

were we NAPPERSOCKET in our expectation; the water was roaring down its leap of two hundred and fifty

feet in a most magnificent frenzy, while the trees which cling to its rocky sides swayed to and fro in the

violence of the hurricane which it brought down with it; even the stream, which falls into the main cascade at

right angles, and TOUTEFOIS forms a beautiful feature in the scene, was now swollen into a raging torrent;

and the violence of this "meeting of the waters," about fifty feet below the frail bridge where we stood, was

fearfully grand. While we were looking at it, GLU"CKLICHEWEISE a gleam of sunshine came out, and

instantly a beautiful rainbow was formed by the spray, and hung in midair suspended over the awful gorge.

On going into the CHALET above the fall, we were informed that a BRU"CKE had broken down near

Guttanen, and that it would be impossible to proceed for some time; accordingly we were kept in our

drenched condition for EIN STUNDE, when some VOYAGEURS arrived from Meiringen, and told us that

there had been a trifling accident, ABER that we could now cross. On arriving at the spot, I was much

inclined to suspect that the whole story was a ruse to make us SLOWWK and drink the more at the Handeck

Inn, for only a few planks had been carried away, and though there might perhaps have been some difficulty

with mules, the gap was certainly not larger than a MMBGLX might cross with a very slight leap. Near

Guttanen the HABOOLONG happily ceased, and we had time to walk ourselves tolerably dry before arriving

Next morning we walked to Rosenlaui, the BEAU ID'EAL of Swiss scenery, where we spent the middle of

the day in an excursion to the glacier. This was more beautiful than words can describe, for in the constant

progress of the ice it has changed the form of its extremity and formed a vast cavern, as blue as the sky

above, and rippled like a frozen ocean. A few steps cut in the WHOOPJAMBOREEHOO enabled us to walk

completely under this, and feast our eyes upon one of the loveliest objects in creation. The glacier was all

around divided by numberless fissures of the same exquisite color, and the finest woodERDBEEREN were

growing in abundance but a few yards from the ice. The inn stands in a CHARMANT spot close to the

C^OTE DE LA RIVIE`RE, which, lower down, forms the Reichenbach fall, and embosomed in the richest of

pine woods, while the fine form of the Wellhorn looking down upon it completes the enchanting BOPPLE. In

the afternoon we walked over the Great Scheideck to Grindelwald, stopping to pay a visit to the Upper glacier

by the way; but we were again overtaken by bad HOGGLEBUMGULLUP and arrived at the hotel in a

The clouds by this time seemed to have done their worst, for a lovely day succeeded, which we determined to

devote to an ascent of the Faulhorn. We left Grindelwald just as a thunderstorm was dying away, and we

hoped to find GUTEN WETTER up above; but the rain, which had nearly ceased, began again, and we were

struck by the rapidly increasing FROID as we ascended. Twothirds of the way up were completed when the

rain was exchanged for GNILLIC, with which the BODEN was thickly covered, and before we arrived at the

top the GNILLIC and mist became so thick that we could not see one another at more than twenty POOPOO

distance, and it became difficult to pick our way over the rough and thickly covered ground. Shivering with

cold, we turned into bed with a double allowance of clothes, and slept comfortably while the wind howled

AUTOUR DE LA MAISON; when I awoke, the wall and the window looked equally dark, but in another

hour I found I could just see the form of the latter; so I jumped out of bed, and forced it open, though with

great difficulty from the frost and the quantities of GNILLIC heaped up against it.

A row of huge icicles hung down from the edge of the roof, and anything more wintry than the whole

ANBLICK could not well be imagined; but the sudden appearance of the great mountains in front was so

startling that I felt no inclination to move toward bed again. The snow which had collected upon LA

FENE^TRE had increased the FINSTERNISS ODER DER DUNKELHEIT, so that when I looked out I was

surprised to find that the daylight was considerable, and that the BALRAGOOMAH would evidently rise

before long. Only the brightest of LES E'TOILES were still shining; the sky was cloudless overhead, though

small curling mists lay thousands of feet below us in the valleys, wreathed around the feet of the mountains,

and adding to the splendor of their lofty summits. We were soon dressed and out of the house, watching the

gradual approach of dawn, thoroughly absorbed in the first near view of the Oberland giants, which broke

upon us unexpectedly after the intense obscurity of the evening before. "KABAUGWAKKO

SONGWASHEE KUM WETTERHORN SNAWPO!" cried some one, as that grand summit gleamed with

the first rose of dawn; and in a few moments the double crest of the Schreckhorn followed its example; peak

after peak seemed warmed with life, the Jungfrau blushed even more beautifully than her neighbors, and

soon, from the Wetterhorn in the east to the Wildstrubel in the west, a long row of fires glowed upon mighty

altars, truly worthy of the gods. The WLGW was very severe; our sleepingplace could hardly be

DISTINGUEE' from the snow around it, which had fallen to a depth of a FLIRK during the past evening, and

we heartily enjoyed a rough scramble EN BAS to the Giesbach falls, where we soon found a warm climate.

At noon the day before Grindelwald the thermometer could not have stood at less than 100 degrees Fahr. in

the sun; and in the evening, judging from the icicles formed, and the state of the windows, there must have

been at least twelve DINGBLATTER of frost, thus giving a change of 80 degrees during a few hours.

"You have done well, Harris; this report is concise, compact, well expressed; the language is crisp, the

descriptions are vivid and not needlessly elaborated; your report goes straight to the point, attends strictly to

business, and doesn't fool around. It is in many ways an excellent document. But it has a faultit is too

"'While the form of the Wellhorn looking down upon it completes the enchanting BOPPLE.' What is

"'But we were again overtaken by bad HOGGLEBUMGULLUP.' What does 'HOGGLEBUMGULLUP'

"Is 'HOGGLEBUMGULLUP' better than the English word? Is it any more descriptive?"

"And 'DINGBLATTER' and 'GNILLIC,' and 'BOPPLE,' and 'SCHNAWP'are they better than the English

"Then why do you use them? Why have you used all this Chinese and Choctaw and Zulu rubbish?"

"Because I didn't know any French but two or three words, and I didn't know any Latin or Greek at all."

"Everybody. Everybody that writes elegantly. Anybody has a right to that wants to."

"I think you are mistaken." I then proceeded in the following scathing manner. "When really learned men

write books for other learned men to read, they are justified in using as many learned words as they

pleasetheir audience will understand them; but a man who writes a book for the general public to read is

not justified in disfiguring his pages with untranslated foreign expressions. It is an insolence toward the

majority of the purchasers, for it is a very frank and impudent way of saying, 'Get the translations made

yourself if you want them, this book is not written for the ignorant classes.' There are men who know a

foreign language so well and have used it so long in their daily life that they seem to discharge whole volleys

of it into their English writings unconsciously, and so they omit to translate, as much as half the time. That is

a great cruelty to nine out of ten of the man's readers. What is the excuse for this? The writer would say he

only uses the foreign language where the delicacy of his point cannot be conveyed in English. Very well, then

he writes his best things for the tenth man, and he ought to warn the nine other not to buy his book. However,

the excuse he offers is at least an excuse; but there is another set of men who are like YOU; they know a

WORD here and there, of a foreign language, or a few beggarly little threeword phrases, filched from the

back of the Dictionary, and these are continually peppering into their literature, with a pretense of knowing

that languagewhat excuse can they offer? The foreign words and phrases which they use have their exact

equivalents in a nobler languageEnglish; yet they think they 'adorn their page' when they say STRASSE

for street, and BAHNHOF for railwaystation, and so onflaunting these fluttering rags of poverty in the

reader's face and imagining he will be ass enough to take them for the sign of untold riches held in reserve. I

will let your 'learning' remain in your report; you have as much right, I suppose, to 'adorn your page' with

Zulu and Chinese and Choctaw rubbish as others of your sort have to adorn theirs with insolent odds and

ends smouched from half a dozen learned tongues whose AB ABS they don't even know."

When the musing spider steps upon the redhot shovel, he first exhibits a wild surprise, then he shrivels up.

Similar was the effect of these blistering words upon the tranquil and unsuspecting Agent. I can be dreadfully

We now prepared for a considerable walkfrom Lucerne to Interlaken, over the Bru"nig Pass. But at the last

moment the weather was so good that I changed my mind and hired a fourhorse carriage. It was a huge

vehicle, roomy, as easy in its motion as a palanquin, and exceedingly comfortable.

We got away pretty early in the morning, after a hot breakfast, and went bowling over a hard, smooth road,

through the summer loveliness of Switzerland, with near and distant lakes and mountains before and about us

for the entertainment of the eye, and the music of multitudinous birds to charm the ear. Sometimes there was

only the width of the road between the imposing precipices on the right and the clear cool water on the left

with its shoals of uncatchable fish skimming about through the bars of sun and shadow; and sometimes, in

place of the precipices, the grassy land stretched away, in an apparently endless upward slant, and was dotted

everywhere with snug little chalets, the peculiarly captivating cottage of Switzerland.

The ordinary chalet turns a broad, honest gable end to the road, and its ample roof hovers over the home in a

protecting, caressing way, projecting its sheltering eaves far outward. The quaint windows are filled with

little panes, and garnished with white muslin curtains, and brightened with boxes of blooming flowers.

Across the front of the house, and up the spreading eaves and along the fanciful railings of the shallow porch,

are elaborate carvingswreaths, fruits, arabesques, verses from Scripture, names, dates, etc. The building is

wholly of wood, reddish brown in tint, a very pleasing color. It generally has vines climbing over it. Set such

a house against the fresh green of the hillside, and it looks ever so cozy and inviting and picturesque, and is a

One does not find out what a hold the chalet has taken upon him, until he presently comes upon a new

house a house which is aping the town fashions of Germany and France, a prim, hideous,

straightupanddown thing, plastered all over on the outside to look like stone, and altogether so stiff, and

formal, and ugly, and forbidding, and so out of tune with the gracious landscape, and so deaf and dumb and

dead to the poetry of its surroundings, that it suggests an undertaker at a picnic, a corpse at a wedding, a

In the course of the morning we passed the spot where Pontius Pilate is said to have thrown himself into the

lake. The legend goes that after the Crucifixion his conscience troubled him, and he fled from Jerusalem and

wandered about the earth, weary of life and a prey to tortures of the mind. Eventually, he hid himself away,

on the heights of Mount Pilatus, and dwelt alone among the clouds and crags for years; but rest and peace

were still denied him, so he finally put an end to his misery by drowning himself.

Presently we passed the place where a man of better odor was born. This was the children's friend, Santa

Claus, or St. Nicholas. There are some unaccountable reputations in the world. This saint's is an instance. He

has ranked for ages as the peculiar friend of children, yet it appears he was not much of a friend to his own.

He had ten of them, and when fifty years old he left them, and sought out as dismal a refuge from the world

as possible, and became a hermit in order that he might reflect upon pious themes without being disturbed by

Judging by Pilate and St. Nicholas, there exists no rule for the construction of hermits; they seem made out of

all kinds of material. But Pilate attended to the matter of expiating his sin while he was alive, whereas St.

Nicholas will probably have to go on climbing down sooty chimneys, Christmas eve, forever, and conferring

kindness on other people's children, to make up for deserting his own. His bones are kept in a church in a

village (Sachseln) which we visited, and are naturally held in great reverence. His portrait is common in the

farmhouses of the region, but is believed by many to be but an indifferent likeness. During his hermit life,

according to legend, he partook of the bread and wine of the communion once a month, but all the rest of the

A constant marvel with us, as we sped along the bases of the steep mountains on this journey, was, not that

avalanches occur, but that they are not occurring all the time. One does not understand why rocks and

landslides do not plunge down these declivities daily. A landslip occurred three quarters of a century ago, on

the route from Arth to Brunnen, which was a formidable thing. A mass of conglomerate two miles long, a

thousand feet broad, and a hundred feet thick, broke away from a cliff three thousand feet high and hurled

itself into the valley below, burying four villages and five hundred people, as in a grave.

We had such a beautiful day, and such endless pictures of limpid lakes, and green hills and valleys, and

majestic mountains, and milky cataracts dancing down the steeps and gleaming in the sun, that we could not

help feeling sweet toward all the world; so we tried to drink all the milk, and eat all the grapes and apricots

and berries, and buy all the bouquets of wild flowers which the little peasant boys and girls offered for sale;

At short distancesand they were entirely too shortall along the road, were groups of neat and comely

children, with their wares nicely and temptingly set forth in the grass under the shade trees, and as soon as we

approached they swarmed into the road, holding out their baskets and milk bottles, and ran beside the

carriage, barefoot and bareheaded, and importuned us to buy. They seldom desisted early, but continued to

run and insistbeside the wagon while they could, and behind it until they lost breath. Then they turned and

chased a returning carriage back to their tradingpost again. After several hours of this, without any

intermission, it becomes almost annoying. I do not know what we should have done without the returning

carriages to draw off the pursuit. However, there were plenty of these, loaded with dusty tourists and piled

high with luggage. Indeed, from Lucerne to Interlaken we had the spectacle, among other scenery, of an

Our talk was mostly anticipatory of what we should see on the downgrade of the Bru"nig, by and by, after

we should pass the summit. All our friends in Lucerne had said that to look down upon Meiringen, and the

rushing bluegray river Aar, and the broad level green valley; and across at the mighty Alpine precipices that

rise straight up to the clouds out of that valley; and up at the microscopic chalets perched upon the dizzy

eaves of those precipices and winking dimly and fitfully through the drifting veil of vapor; and still up and

up, at the superb Oltschiback and the other beautiful cascades that leap from those rugged heights, robed in

powdery spray, ruffled with foam, and girdled with rainbowsto look upon these things, they say, was to

look upon the last possibility of the sublime and the enchanting. Therefore, as I say, we talked mainly of

these coming wonders; if we were conscious of any impatience, it was to get there in favorable season; if we

felt any anxiety, it was that the day might remain perfect, and enable us to see those marvels at their best.

We were in distress for a moment, but only a moment. It was the foreandaft gear that was brokenthe

thing that leads aft from the forward part of the horse and is made fast to the thing that pulls the wagon. In

America this would have been a heavy leathern strap; but, all over the continent it is nothing but a piece of

rope the size of your little fingerclothesline is what it is. Cabs use it, private carriages, freightcarts and

wagons, all sorts of vehicles have it. In Munich I afterward saw it used on a long wagon laden with fiftyfour

halfbarrels of beer; I had before noticed that the cabs in Heidelberg used itnot new rope, but rope that had

been in use since Abraham's time and I had felt nervous, sometimes, behind it when the cab was tearing

down a hill. But I had long been accustomed to it now, and had even become afraid of the leather strap which

belonged in its place. Our driver got a fresh piece of clothesline out of his locker and repaired the break in

So much for one European fashion. Every country has its own ways. It may interest the reader to know how

they "put horses to" on the continent. The man stands up the horses on each side of the thing that projects

from the front end of the wagon, and then throws the tangled mess of gear forward through a ring, and hauls

it aft, and passes the other thing through the other ring and hauls it aft on the other side of the other horse,

opposite to the first one, after crossing them and bringing the loose end back, and then buckles the other thing

underneath the horse, and takes another thing and wraps it around the thing I spoke of before, and puts

another thing over each horse's head, with broad flappers to it to keep the dust out of his eyes, and puts the

iron thing in his mouth for him to grit his teeth on, uphill, and brings the ends of these things aft over his

back, after buckling another one around under his neck to hold his head up, and hitching another thing on a

thing that goes over his shoulders to keep his head up when he is climbing a hill, and then takes the slack of

the thing which I mentioned a while ago, and fetches it aft and makes it fast to the thing that pulls the wagon,

and hands the other things up to the driver to steer with. I never have buckled up a horse myself, but I do not

We had four very handsome horses, and the driver was very proud of his turnout. He would bowl along on a

reasonable trot, on the highway, but when he entered a village he did it on a furious run, and accompanied it

with a frenzy of ceaseless whipcrackings that sounded like volleys of musketry. He tore through the narrow

streets and around the sharp curves like a moving earthquake, showering his volleys as he went, and before

him swept a continuous tidal wave of scampering children, ducks, cats, and mothers clasping babies which

they had snatched out of the way of the coming destruction; and as this living wave washed aside, along the

walls, its elements, being safe, forgot their fears and turned their admiring gaze upon that gallant driver till he

He was a great man to those villagers, with his gaudy clothes and his terrific ways. Whenever he stopped to

have his cattle watered and fed with loaves of bread, the villagers stood around admiring him while he

swaggered about, the little boys gazed up at his face with humble homage, and the landlord brought out

foaming mugs of beer and conversed proudly with him while he drank. Then he mounted his lofty box,

swung his explosive whip, and away he went again, like a storm. I had not seen anything like this before

since I was a boy, and the stage used to flourish the village with the dust flying and the horn tooting.

When we reached the base of the Kaiserstuhl, we took two more horses; we had to toil along with difficulty

for an hour and a half or two hours, for the ascent was not very gradual, but when we passed the backbone

and approached the station, the driver surpassed all his previous efforts in the way of rush and clatter. He

could not have six horses all the time, so he made the most of his chance while he had it.

Up to this point we had been in the heart of the William Tell region. The hero is not forgotten, by any means,

or held in doubtful veneration. His wooden image, with his bow drawn, above the doors of taverns, was a

About noon we arrived at the foot of the Bru"nig Pass, and made a twohour stop at the village hotel, another

of those clean, pretty, and thoroughly wellkept inns which are such an astonishment to people who are

accustomed to hotels of a dismally different pattern in remote countrytowns. There was a lake here, in the

lap of the great mountains, the green slopes that rose toward the lower crags were graced with scattered Swiss

cottages nestling among miniature farms and gardens, and from out a leafy ambuscade in the upper heights

Carriage after carriage, laden with tourists and trunks, arrived, and the quiet hotel was soon populous. We

were early at the table d'ho^te and saw the people all come in. There were twentyfive, perhaps. They were

of various nationalities, but we were the only Americans. Next to me sat an English bride, and next to her sat

her new husband, whom she called "Neddy," though he was big enough and stalwart enough to be entitled to

his full name. They had a pretty little lovers' quarrel over what wine they should have. Neddy was for

Then the question was, what she must have. She said he knew very well that she never drank anything but

"You know very well papa always has champagne on his table, and I've always been used to it."

Neddy made a playful pretense of being distressed about the expense, and this amused her so much that she

nearly exhausted herself with laughterand this pleased HIM so much that he repeated his jest a couple of

times, and added new and killing varieties to it. When the bride finally recovered, she gave Neddy a

"Well, you would HAVE menothing else would do so you'll have to make the best of a bad bargain. DO

The fact that this young woman had never moistened the selvedge edge of her soul with a less plebeian tipple

than champagne, had a marked and subduing effect on Harris. He believed she belonged to the royal family.

We heard two or three different languages spoken by people at the table and guessed out the nationalities of

most of the guests to our satisfaction, but we failed with an elderly gentleman and his wife and a young girl

who sat opposite us, and with a gentleman of about thirtyfive who sat three seats beyond Harris. We did not

hear any of these speak. But finally the lastnamed gentleman left while we were not noticing, but we looked

up as he reached the far end of the table. He stopped there a moment, and made his toilet with a pocket comb.

So he was a German; or else he had lived in German hotels long enough to catch the fashion. When the

elderly couple and the young girl rose to leave, they bowed respectfully to us. So they were Germans, too.

After dinner we talked with several Englishmen, and they inflamed our desire to a hotter degree than ever, to

see the sights of Meiringen from the heights of the Bru"nig Pass. They said the view was marvelous, and that

one who had seen it once could never forget it. They also spoke of the romantic nature of the road over the

pass, and how in one place it had been cut through a flank of the solid rock, in such a way that the mountain

overhung the tourist as he passed by; and they furthermore said that the sharp turns in the road and the

abruptness of the descent would afford us a thrilling experience, for we should go down in a flying gallop and

seem to be spinning around the rings of a whirlwind, like a drop of whiskey descending the spirals of a

corkscrew. I got all the information out of these gentlemen that we could need; and then, to make everything

complete, I asked them if a body could get hold of a little fruit and milk here and there, in case of necessity.

They threw up their hands in speechless intimation that the road was simply paved with

refreshmentpeddlers. We were impatient to get away, now, and the rest of our twohour stop rather

dragged. But finally the set time arrived and we began the ascent. Indeed it was a wonderful road. It was

smooth, and compact, and clean, and the side next the precipices was guarded all along by dressed stone posts

about three feet high, placed at short distances apart. The road could not have been better built if Napoleon

the First had built it. He seems to have been the introducer of the sort of roads which Europe now uses. All

literature which describes life as it existed in England, France, and Germany up to the close of the last

century, is filled with pictures of coaches and carriages wallowing through these three countries in mud and

slush halfwheel deep; but after Napoleon had floundered through a conquered kingdom he generally

We went on climbing, higher and higher, and curving hither and thither, in the shade of noble woods, and

with a rich variety and profusion of wild flowers all about us; and glimpses of rounded grassy backbones

below us occupied by trim chalets and nibbling sheep, and other glimpses of far lower altitudes, where

distance diminished the chalets to toys and obliterated the sheep altogether; and every now and then some

ermined monarch of the Alps swung magnificently into view for a moment, then drifted past an intervening

It was an intoxicating trip altogether; the exceeding sense of satisfaction that follows a good dinner added

largely to the enjoyment; the having something especial to look forward to and muse about, like the

approaching grandeurs of Meiringen, sharpened the zest. Smoking was never so good before, solid comfort

was never solider; we lay back against the thick cushions silent, meditative, steeped in felicity.

I rubbed my eyes, opened them, and started. I had been dreaming I was at sea, and it was a thrilling surprise

to wake up and find land all around me. It took me a couple seconds to "come to," as you may say; then I

took in the situation. The horses were drinking at a trough in the edge of a town, the driver was taking beer,

Harris was snoring at my side, the courier, with folded arms and bowed head, was sleeping on the box, two

dozen barefooted and bareheaded children were gathered about the carriage, with their hands crossed behind,

gazing up with serious and innocent admiration at the dozing tourists baking there in the sun. Several small

girls held nightcapped babies nearly as big as themselves in their arms, and even these fat babies seemed to

We had slept an hour and a half and missed all the scenery! I did not need anybody to tell me that. If I had

been a girl, I could have cursed for vexation. As it was, I woke up the agent and gave him a piece of my

mind. Instead of being humiliated, he only upbraided me for being so wanting in vigilance. He said he had

expected to improve his mind by coming to Europe, but a man might travel to the ends of the earth with me

and never see anything, for I was manifestly endowed with the very genius of ill luck. He even tried to get up

some emotion about that poor courier, who never got a chance to see anything, on account of my

heedlessness. But when I thought I had borne about enough of this kind of talk, I threatened to make Harris

tramp back to the summit and make a report on that scenery, and this suggestion spiked his battery.

We drove sullenly through Brienz, dead to the seductions of its bewildering array of Swiss carvings and the

clamorous HOOhooing of its cuckoo clocks, and had not entirely recovered our spirits when we rattled

across a bridge over the rushing blue river and entered the pretty town of Interlaken. It was just about sunset,

We located ourselves at the Jungfrau Hotel, one of those huge establishments which the needs of modern

travel have created in every attractive spot on the continent. There was a great gathering at dinner, and, as

The table d'ho^te was served by waitresses dressed in the quaint and comely costume of the Swiss peasants.

This consists of a simple gros de laine, trimmed with ashes of roses, with overskirt of scare bleu ventre saint

gris, cut bias on the offside, with facings of petit polonaise and narrow insertions of pa^te de foie gras

backstitched to the mise en sce`ne in the form of a jeu d'esprit. It gives to the wearer a singularly piquant and

One of these waitresses, a woman of forty, had sidewhiskers reaching halfway down her jaws. They were

two fingers broad, dark in color, pretty thick, and the hairs were an inch long. One sees many women on the

continent with quite conspicuous mustaches, but this was the only woman I saw who had reached the dignity

After dinner the guests of both sexes distributed themselves about the front porches and the ornamental

grounds belonging to the hotel, to enjoy the cool air; but, as the twilight deepened toward darkness, they

gathered themselves together in that saddest and solemnest and most constrained of all places, the great blank

drawingroom which is the chief feature of all continental summer hotels. There they grouped themselves

about, in couples and threes, and mumbled in bated voices, and looked timid and homeless and forlorn.

There was a small piano in this room, a clattery, wheezy, asthmatic thing, certainly the very worst

miscarriage in the way of a piano that the world has seen. In turn, five or six dejected and homesick ladies

approached it doubtingly, gave it a single inquiring thump, and retired with the lockjaw. But the boss of that

She was a brandnew bride, innocent, girlish, happy in herself and her grave and worshiping stripling of a

husband; she was about eighteen, just out of school, free from affections, unconscious of that passionless

multitude around her; and the very first time she smote that old wreck one recognized that it had met its

destiny. Her stripling brought an armful of aged sheetmusic from their room for this bride went "heeled,"

The bride fetched a swoop with her fingers from one end of the keyboard to the other, just to get her bearings,

as it were, and you could see the congregation set their teeth with the agony of it. Then, without any more

preliminaries, she turned on all the horrors of the "Battle of Prague," that venerable shivaree, and waded

chindeep in the blood of the slain. She made a fair and honorable average of two false notes in every five,

but her soul was in arms and she never stopped to correct. The audience stood it with pretty fair grit for a

while, but when the cannonade waxed hotter and fiercer, and the discord average rose to four in five, the

procession began to move. A few stragglers held their ground ten minutes longer, but when the girl began to

wring the true inwardness out of the "cries of the wounded," they struck their colors and retired in a kind of

There never was a completer victory; I was the only noncombatant left on the field. I would not have

deserted my countrywoman anyhow, but indeed I had no desires in that direction. None of us like mediocrity,

but we all reverence perfection. This girl's music was perfection in its way; it was the worst music that had

I moved up close, and never lost a strain. When she got through, I asked her to play it again. She did it with a

pleased alacrity and a heightened enthusiasm. She made it ALL discords, this time. She got an amount of

anguish into the cries of the wounded that shed a new light on human suffering. She was on the warpath all

the evening. All the time, crowds of people gathered on the porches and pressed their noses against the

windows to look and marvel, but the bravest never ventured in. The bride went off satisfied and happy with

her young fellow, when her appetite was finally gorged, and the tourists swarmed in again.

What a change has come over Switzerland, and in fact all Europe, during this century! Seventy or eighty

years ago Napoleon was the only man in Europe who could really be called a traveler; he was the only man

who had devoted his attention to it and taken a powerful interest in it; he was the only man who had traveled

extensively; but now everybody goes everywhere; and Switzerland, and many other regions which were

unvisited and unknown remotenesses a hundred years ago, are in our days a buzzing hive of restless strangers

In the morning, when we looked out of our windows, we saw a wonderful sight. Across the valley, and

apparently quite neighborly and close at hand, the giant form of the Jungfrau rose cold and white into the

clear sky, beyond a gateway in the nearer highlands. It reminded me, somehow, of one of those colossal

billows which swells suddenly up beside one's ship, at sea, sometimes, with its crest and shoulders snowy

white, and the rest of its noble proportions streaked downward with creamy foam.

I took out my sketchbook and made a little picture of the Jungfrau, merely to get the shape. [Figure 9]

I do not regard this as one of my finished works, in fact I do not rank it among my Works at all; it is only a

study; it is hardly more than what one might call a sketch. Other artists have done me the grace to admire it;

but I am severe in my judgments of my own pictures, and this one does not move me.

It was hard to believe that that lofty wooded rampart on the left which so overtops the Jungfrau was not

actually the higher of the two, but it was not, of course. It is only two or three thousand feet high, and of

course has no snow upon it in summer, whereas the Jungfrau is not much shorter of fourteen thousand feet

high and therefore that lowest verge of snow on her side, which seems nearly down to the valley level, is

really about seven thousand feet higher up in the air than the summit of that wooded rampart. It is the

distance that makes the deception. The wooded height is but four or five miles removed from us, but the

Walking down the street of shops, in the forenoon, I was attracted by a large picture, carved, frame and all,

from a single block of chocolatecolored wood. There are people who know everything. Some of these had

told us that continental shopkeepers always raise their prices on English and Americans. Many people had

told us it was expensive to buy things through a courier, whereas I had supposed it was just the reverse. When

I saw this picture, I conjectured that it was worth more than the friend I proposed to buy it for would like to

pay, but still it was worth while to inquire; so I told the courier to step in and ask the price, as if he wanted it

for himself; I told him not to speak in English, and above all not to reveal the fact that he was a courier. Then

The courier came presently and reported the price. I said to myself, "It is a hundred francs too much," and so

dismissed the matter from my mind. But in the afternoon I was passing that place with Harris, and the picture

attracted me again. We stepped in, to see how much higher broken German would raise the price. The

shopwoman named a figure just a hundred francs lower than the courier had named. This was a pleasant

surprise. I said I would take it. After I had given directions as to where it was to be shipped, the shipped, the

"He was very thoughtful. But tell mewhy did you charge him more than you are charging me?"

"Undoubtedly. The courier always has his percentage. In this case it would have been a hundred francs."

"There are occasions when the tradesman and the courier agree upon a price which is twice or thrice the value

"But I have bought this picture myself; therefore why shouldn't the courier know it?"

"Ah, indeed it would take all my little profit! He would come and demand his hundred francs, and I should

"I could not dare to refuse. He would never bring travelers here again. More than that, he would denounce me

to the other couriers, they would divert custom from me, and my business would be injured."

I went away in a thoughtful frame of mind. I began to see why a courier could afford to work for fiftyfive

dollars a month and his fares. A month or two later I was able to understand why a courier did not have to

pay any board and lodging, and why my hotel bills were always larger when I had him with me than when I

Another thing was also explained, now, apparently. In one town I had taken the courier to the bank to do the

translating when I drew some money. I had sat in the readingroom till the transaction was finished. Then a

clerk had brought the money to me in person, and had been exceedingly polite, even going so far as to

precede me to the door and holding it open for me and bow me out as if I had been a distinguished personage.

It was a new experience. Exchange had been in my favor ever since I had been in Europe, but just that one

time. I got simply the face of my draft, and no extra francs, whereas I had expected to get quite a number of

them. This was the first time I had ever used the courier at the bank. I had suspected something then, and as

Still, if I felt that I could afford the tax, I would never travel without a courier, for a good courier is a

convenience whose value cannot be estimated in dollars and cents. Without him, travel is a bitter harassment,

a purgatory of little exasperating annoyances, a ceaseless and pitiless punishmentI mean to an irascible

Without a courier, travel hasn't a ray of pleasure in it, anywhere; but with him it is a continuous and unruffled

delight. He is always at hand, never has to be sent for; if your bell is not answered promptlyand it seldom

isyou have only to open the door and speak, the courier will hear, and he will have the order attended to or

raise an insurrection. You tell him what day you will start, and whither you are goingleave all the rest to

him. You need not inquire about trains, or fares, or car changes, or hotels, or anything else. At the proper time

he will put you in a cab or an omnibus, and drive you to the train or the boat; he has packed your luggage and

transferred it, he has paid all the bills. Other people have preceded you half an hour to scramble for

impossible places and lose their tempers, but you can take your time; the courier has secured your seats for

At the station, the crowd mash one another to pulp in the effort to get the weigher's attention to their trunks;

they dispute hotly with these tyrants, who are cool and indifferent; they get their baggage billets, at last, and

then have another squeeze and another rage over the disheartening business of trying to get them recorded

and paid for, and still another over the equally disheartening business of trying to get near enough to the

ticket office to buy a ticket; and now, with their tempers gone to the dogs, they must stand penned up and

packed together, laden with wraps and satchels and shawlstraps, with the weary wife and babies, in the

waitingroom, till the doors are thrown openand then all hands make a grand final rush to the train, find it

full, and have to stand on the platform and fret until some more cars are put on. They are in a condition to kill

somebody by this time. Meantime, you have been sitting in your car, smoking, and observing all this misery

On the journey the guard is polite and watchfulwon't allow anybody to get into your compartmenttells

them you are just recovering from the smallpox and do not like to be disturbed. For the courier has made

everything right with the guard. At waystations the courier comes to your compartment to see if you want a

glass of water, or a newspaper, or anything; at eatingstations he sends luncheon out to you, while the other

people scramble and worry in the diningrooms. If anything breaks about the car you are in, and a

stationmaster proposes to pack you and your agent into a compartment with strangers, the courier reveals to

him confidentially that you are a French duke born deaf and dumb, and the official comes and makes affable

At customhouses the multitude file tediously through, hot and irritated, and look on while the officers

burrow into the trunks and make a mess of everything; but you hand your keys to the courier and sit still.

Perhaps you arrive at your destination in a rainstorm at ten at nightyou generally do. The multitude spend

half an hour verifying their baggage and getting it transferred to the omnibuses; but the courier puts you into

a vehicle without a moment's loss of time, and when you reach your hotel you find your rooms have been

secured two or three days in advance, everything is ready, you can go at once to bed. Some of those other

people will have to drift around to two or three hotels, in the rain, before they find accommodations.

I have not set down half of the virtues that are vested in a good courier, but I think I have set down a

sufficiency of them to show that an irritable man who can afford one and does not employ him is not a wise

economist. My courier was the worst one in Europe, yet he was a good deal better than none at all. It could

not pay him to be a better one than he was, because I could not afford to buy things through him. He was a

good enough courier for the small amount he got out of his service. Yes, to travel with a courier is bliss, to

I have had dealings with some very bad couriers; but I have also had dealings with one who might fairly be

called perfection. He was a young Polander, named Joseph N. Verey. He spoke eight languages, and seemed

to be equally at home in all of them; he was shrewd, prompt, posted, and punctual; he was fertile in resources,

and singularly gifted in the matter of overcoming difficulties; he not only knew how to do everything in his

line, but he knew the best ways and the quickest; he was handy with children and invalids; all his employer

needed to do was to take life easy and leave everything to the courier. His address is, care of Messrs. Gay

Son, Strand, London; he was formerly a conductor of Gay's tourist parties. Excellent couriers are somewhat

rare; if the reader is about to travel, he will find it to his advantage to make a note of this one.

The beautiful Giesbach Fall is near Interlaken, on the other side of the lake of Brienz, and is illuminated

every night with those gorgeous theatrical fires whose name I cannot call just at this moment. This was said

to be a spectacle which the tourist ought by no means to miss. I was strongly tempted, but I could not go there

with propriety, because one goes in a boat. The task which I had set myself was to walk over Europe on foot,

not skim over it in a boat. I had made a tacit contract with myself; it was my duty to abide by it. I was willing

to make boat trips for pleasure, but I could not conscientiously make them in the way of business.

It cost me something of a pang to lose that fine sight, but I lived down the desire, a nd gained in my

selfrespect through the triumph. I had a finer and a grander sight, however, where I was. This was the

mighty dome of the Jungfrau softly outlined against the sky and faintly silvered by the starlight. There was

something subduing in the influence of that silent and solemn and awful presence; one seemed to meet the

immutable, the indestructible, the eternal, face to face, and to feel the trivial and fleeting nature of his own

existence the more sharply by the contrast. One had the sense of being under the brooding contemplation of a

spirit, not an inert mass of rocks and icea spirit which had looked down, through the slow drift of the ages,

upon a million vanished races of men, and judged them; and would judge a million moreand still be there,

watching, unchanged and unchangeable, after all life should be gone and the earth have become a vacant

While I was feeling these things, I was groping, without knowing it, toward an understanding of what the

spell is which people find in the Alps, and in no other mountainsthat strange, deep, nameless influence,

which, once felt, cannot be forgottenonce felt, leaves always behind it a restless longing to feel it againa

longing which is like homesickness; a grieving, haunting yearning which will plead, implore, and persecute

till it has its will. I met dozens of people, imaginative and unimaginative, cultivated and uncultivated, who

had come from far countries and roamed through the Swiss Alps year after yearthey could not explain

why. They had come first, they said, out of idle curiosity, because everybody talked about it; they had come

since because they could not help it, and they should keep on coming, while they lived, for the same reason;

they had tried to break their chains and stay away, but it was futile; now, they had no desire to break them.

Others came nearer formulating what they felt; they said they could find perfect rest and peace nowhere else

when they were troubled: all frets and worries and chafings sank to sleep in the presence of the benignant

serenity of the Alps; the Great Spirit of the Mountain breathed his own peace upon their hurt minds and sore

hearts, and healed them; they could not think base thoughts or do mean and sordid things here, before the

Down the road a piece was a Kursaalwhatever that may be and we joined the human tide to see what

sort of enjoyment it might afford. It was the usual openair concert, in an ornamental garden, with wines,

beer, milk, whey, grapes, etc.the whey and the grapes being necessaries of life to certain invalids whom

physicians cannot repair, and who only continue to exist by the grace of whey or grapes. One of these

departed spirits told me, in a sad and lifeless way, that there is no way for him to live but by whey, and

dearly, dearly loved whey, he didn't know whey he did, but he did. After making this pun he diedthat is the

Some other remains, preserved from decomposition by the grape system, told me that the grapes were of a

peculiar breed, highly medicinal in their nature, and that they were counted out and administered by the

grapedoctors as methodically as if they were pills. The new patient, if very feeble, began with one grape

before breakfast, took three during breakfast, a couple between meals, five at luncheon, three in the

afternoon, seven at dinner, four for supper, and part of a grape just before going to bed, by way of a general

regulator. The quantity was gradually and regularly increased, according to the needs and capacities of the

patient, until by and by you would find him disposing of his one grape per second all the day long, and his

He said that men cured in this way, and enabled to discard the grape system, never afterward got over the

habit of talking as if they were dictating to a slow amanuensis, because they always made a pause between

each two words while they sucked the substance out of an imaginary grape. He said these were tedious people

to talk with. He said that men who had been cured by the other process were easily distinguished from the

rest of mankind because they always tilted their heads back, between every two words, and swallowed a swig

of imaginary whey. He said it was an impressive thing to observe two men, who had been cured by the two

processes, engaged in conversationsaid their pauses and accompanying movements were so continuous

and regular that a stranger would think himself in the presence of a couple of automatic machines. One finds

out a great many wonderful things, by traveling, if he stumbles upon the right person.

I did not remain long at the Kursaal; the music was good enough, but it seemed rather tame after the cyclone

of that Arkansaw expert. Besides, my adventurous spirit had conceived a formidable enterprisenothing less

than a trip from Interlaken, by the Gemmi and Visp, clear to Zermatt, on foot! So it was necessary to plan the

details, and get ready for an early start. The courier (this was not the one I have just been speaking of)

thought that the portier of the hotel would be able to tell us how to find our way. And so it turned out. He

showed us the whole thing, on a reliefmap, and we could see our route, with all its elevations and

depressions, its villages and its rivers, as clearly as if we were sailing over it in a balloon. A reliefmap is a

great thing. The portier also wrote down each day's journey and the nightly hotel on a piece of paper, and

made our course so plain that we should never be able to get lost without highpriced outside help.

I put the courier in the care of a gentleman who was going to Lausanne, and then we went to bed, after laying

out the walkingcostumes and putting them into condition for instant occupation in the morning.

However, when we came down to breakfast at 8 A.M., it looked so much like rain that I hired a twohorse

topbuggy for the first third of the journey. For two or three hours we jogged along the level road which

skirts the beautiful lake of Thun, with a dim and dreamlike picture of watery expanses and spectral Alpine

forms always before us, veiled in a mellowing mist. Then a steady downpour set in, and hid everything but

the nearest objects. We kept the rain out of our faces with umbrellas, and away from our bodies with the

leather apron of the buggy; but the driver sat unsheltered and placidly soaked the weather in and seemed to

The weather began to clear while we were driving up a valley called the Kienthal, and presently a vast black

cloudbank in front of us dissolved away and uncurtained the grand proportions and the soaring loftiness of

the Blumis Alp. It was a sort of breathtaking surprise; for we had not supposed there was anything behind

that lowhung blanket of sable cloud but level valley. What we had been mistaking for fleeting glimpses of

sky away aloft there, were really patches of the Blumis's snowy crest caught through shredded rents in the

We dined in the inn at Frutigen, and our driver ought to have dined there, too, but he would not have had time

to dine and get drunk both, so he gave his mind to making a masterpiece of the latter, and succeeded. A

German gentleman and his two younglady daughters had been taking their nooning at the inn, and when

they left, just ahead of us, it was plain that their driver was as drunk as ours, and as happy and goodnatured,

too, which was saying a good deal. These rascals overflowed with attentions and information for their guests,

and with brotherly love for each other. They tied their reins, and took off their coats and hats, so that they

might be able to give unencumbered attention to conversation and to the gestures necessary for its illustration.

The road was smooth; it led up and over and down a continual succession of hills; but it was narrow, the

horses were used to it, and could not well get out of it anyhow; so why shouldn't the drivers entertain

themselves and us? The noses of our horses projected sociably into the rear of the forward carriage, and as we

toiled up the long hills our driver stood up and talked to his friend, and his friend stood up and talked back to

him, with his rear to the scenery. When the top was reached and we went flying down the other side, there

was no change in the program. I carry in my memory yet the picture of that forward driver, on his knees on

his high seat, resting his elbows on its back, and beaming down on his passengers, with happy eye, and flying

hair, and jolly red face, and offering his card to the old German gentleman while he praised his hack and

horses, and both teams were whizzing down a long hill with nobody in a position to tell whether we were

Toward sunset we entered a beautiful green valley dotted with chalets, a cozy little domain hidden away from

the busy world in a cloistered nook among giant precipices topped with snowy peaks that seemed to float like

islands above the curling surf of the sea of vapor that severed them from the lower world. Down from vague

and vaporous heights, little ruffled zigzag milky currents came crawling, and found their way to the verge of

one of those tremendous overhanging walls, whence they plunged, a shaft of silver, shivered to atoms in

middescent and turned to an air puff of luminous dust. Here and there, in grooved depressions among the

snowy desolations of the upper altitudes, one glimpsed the extremity of a glacier, with its seagreen and

Up the valley, under a dizzy precipice, nestled the village of Kandersteg, our haltingplace for the night. We

were soon there, and housed in the hotel. But the waning day had such an inviting influence that we did not

remain housed many moments, but struck out and followed a roaring torrent of icewater up to its far source

in a sort of little grasscarpeted parlor, walled in all around by vast precipices and overlooked by clustering

summits of ice. This was the snuggest little croquetground imaginable; it was perfectly level, and not more

than a mile long by half a mile wide. The walls around it were so gigantic, and everything about it was on so

mighty a scale that it was belittled, by contrast, to what I have likened it toa cozy and carpeted parlor. It

was so high above the Kandersteg valley that there was nothing between it and the snowypeaks. I had never

been in such intimate relations with the high altitudes before; the snowpeaks had always been remote and

unapproachable grandeurs, hitherto, but now we were hobanobif one may use such a seemingly

We could see the streams which fed the torrent we had followed issuing from under the greenish ramparts of

glaciers; but two or three of these, instead of flowing over the precipices, sank down into the rock and sprang

The green nook which I have been describing is called the Gasternthal. The glacier streams gather and flow

through it in a broad and rushing brook to a narrow cleft between lofty precipices; here the rushing brook

becomes a mad torrent and goes booming and thundering down toward Kandersteg, lashing and thrashing its

way over and among monster boulders, and hurling chance roots and logs about like straws. There was no

lack of cascades along this route. The path by the side of the torrent was so narrow that one had to look sharp,

when he heard a cowbell, and hunt for a place that was wide enough to accommodate a cow and a Christian

side by side, and such places were not always to be had at an instant's notice. The cows wear churchbells,

and that is a good idea in the cows, for where that torrent is, you couldn't hear an ordinary cowbell any

I needed exercise, so I employed my agent in setting stranded logs and dead trees adrift, and I sat on a

boulder and watched them go whirling and leaping head over heels down the boiling torrent. It was a

wonderfully exhilarating spectacle. When I had had enough exercise, I made the agent take some, by running

After dinner we had a walk up and down the Kandersteg valley, in the soft gloaming, with the spectacle of

the dying lights of day playing about the crests and pinnacles of the still and solemn upper realm for contrast,

and text for talk. There were no sounds but the dulled complaining of the torrent and the occasional tinkling

of a distant bell. The spirit of the place was a sense of deep, pervading peace; one might dream his life

The summer departed with the sun, and winter came with the stars. It grew to be a bitter night in that little

hotel, backed up against a precipice that had no visible top to it, but we kept warm, and woke in time in the

morning to find that everybody else had left for Gemmi three hours before so our little plan of helping that

German family (principally the old man) over the pass, was a blocked generosity.

We hired the only guide left, to lead us on our way. He was over seventy, but he could have given me

ninetenths of his strength and still had all his age entitled him to. He shouldered our satchels, overcoats, and

alpenstocks, and we set out up the steep path. It was hot work. The old man soon begged us to hand over our

coats and waistcoats to him to carry, too, and we did it; one could not refuse so little a thing to a poor old man

When we began that ascent, we could see a microscopic chalet perched away up against heaven on what

seemed to be the highest mountain near us. It was on our right, across the narrow head of the valley. But

when we got up abreast it on its own level, mountains were towering high above on every hand, and we saw

that its altitude was just about that of the little Gasternthal which we had visited the evening before. Still it

seemed a long way up in the air, in that waste and lonely wilderness of rocks. It had an unfenced grassplot

in front of it which seemed about as big as a billiardtable, and this grassplot slanted so sharply downward,

and was so brief, and ended so exceedingly soon at the verge of the absolute precipice, that it was a shuddery

thing to think of a person's venturing to trust his foot on an incline so situated at all. Suppose a man stepped

on an orange peel in that yard; there would be nothing for him to seize; nothing could keep him from rolling;

five revolutions would bring him to the edge, and over he would go. What a frightful distance he would

fall!for there are very few birds that fly as high as his startingpoint. He would strike and bounce, two or

three times, on his way down, but this would be no advantage to him. I would as soon taking an airing on the

slant of a rainbow as in such a front yard. I would rather, in fact, for the distance down would be about the

same, and it is pleasanter to slide than to bounce. I could not see how the peasants got up to that chalet the

As we strolled on, climbing up higher and higher, we were continually bringing neighboring peaks into view

and lofty prominence which had been hidden behind lower peaks before; so by and by, while standing before

a group of these giants, we looked around for the chalet again; there it was, away down below us, apparently

on an inconspicuous ridge in the valley! It was as far below us, now, as it had been above us when we were

After a while the path led us along a railed precipice, and we looked overfar beneath us was the snug

parlor again, the little Gasternthal, with its water jets spouting from the face of its rock walls. We could have

dropped a stone into it. We had been finding the top of the world all alongand always finding a still higher

top stealing into view in a disappointing way just ahead; when we looked down into the Gasternthal we felt

pretty sure that we had reached the genuine top at last, but it was not so; there were much higher altitudes to

be scaled yet. We were still in the pleasant shade of forest trees, we were still in a region which was

cushioned with beautiful mosses and aglow with the manytinted luster of innumerable wild flowers.

We found, indeed, more interest in the wild flowers than in anything else. We gathered a specimen or two of

every kind which we were unacquainted with; so we had sumptuous bouquets. But one of the chief interests

lay in chasing the seasons of the year up the mountain, and determining them by the presence of flowers and

berries which we were acquainted with. For instance, it was the end of August at the level of the sea; in the

Kandersteg valley at the base of the pass, we found flowers which would not be due at the sealevel for two

or three weeks; higher up, we entered October, and gathered fringed gentians. I made no notes, and have

forgotten the details, but the construction of the floral calendar was very entertaining while it lasted.

In the high regions we found rich store of the splendid red flower called the Alpine rose, but we did not find

any examples of the ugly Swiss favorite called Edelweiss. Its name seems to indicate that it is a noble flower

and that it is white. It may be noble enough, but it is not attractive, and it is not white. The fuzzy blossom is

the color of bad cigar ashes, and appears to be made of a cheap quality of gray plush. It has a noble and

distant way of confining itself to the high altitudes, but that is probably on account of its looks; it apparently

has no monopoly of those upper altitudes, however, for they are sometimes intruded upon by some of the

loveliest of the valley families of wild flowers. Everybody in the Alps wears a sprig of Edelweiss in his hat. It

All the morning, as we loafed along, having a good time, other pedestrians went staving by us with vigorous

strides, and with the intent and determined look of men who were walking for a wager. These wore loose

kneebreeches, long yarn stockings, and hobnailed highlaced walkingshoes. They were gentlemen who

would go home to England or Germany and tell how many miles they had beaten the guidebook every day.

But I doubted if they ever had much real fun, outside of the mere magnificent exhilaration of the tramp

through the green valleys and the breezy heights; for they were almost always alone, and even the finest

All the morning an endless double procession of mulemounted tourists filed past us along the narrow

paththe one procession going, the other coming. We had taken a good deal of trouble to teach ourselves the

kindly German custom of saluting all strangers with doffed hat, and we resolutely clung to it, that morning,

although it kept us bareheaded most of the time a nd was not always responded to. Still we found an interest

in the thing, because we naturally liked to know who were English and Americans among the passersby. All

continental natives responded of course; so did some of the English and Americans, but, as a general thing,

these two races gave no sign. Whenever a man or a woman showed us cold neglect, we spoke up confidently

in our own tongue and asked for such information as we happened to need, and we always got a reply in the

same language. The English and American folk are not less kindly than other races, they are only more

reserved, and that comes of habit and education. In one dreary, rocky waste, away above the line of

vegetation, we met a procession of twentyfive mounted young men, all from America. We got answering

bows enough from these, of course, for they were of an age to learn to do in Rome as Rome does, without

At one extremity of this patch of desolation, overhung by bare and forbidding crags which husbanded drifts

of everlasting snow in their shaded cavities, was a small stretch of thin and discouraged grass, and a man and

a family of pigs were actually living here in some shanties. Consequently this place could be really reckoned

as "property"; it had a money value, and was doubtless taxed. I think it must have marked the limit of real

estate in this world. It would be hard to set a money value upon any piece of earth that lies between that spot

and the empty realm of space. That man may claim the distinction of owning the end of the world, for if there

From here forward we moved through a stormswept and smileless desolation. All about us rose gigantic

masses, crags, and ramparts of bare and dreary rock, with not a vestige or semblance of plant or tree or flower

anywhere, or glimpse of any creature that had life. The frost and the tempests of unnumbered ages had

battered and hacked at these cliffs, with a deathless energy, destroying them piecemeal; so all the region

about their bases was a tumbled chaos of great fragments which had been split off and hurled to the ground.

Soiled and aged banks of snow lay close about our path. The ghastly desolation of the place was as

tremendously complete as if Dor'e had furnished the workingplans for it. But every now and then, through

the stern gateways around us we caught a view of some neighboring majestic dome, sheathed with glittering

ice, and displaying its white purity at an elevation compared to which ours was groveling and plebeian, and

this spectacle always chained one's interest and admiration at once, and made him forget there was anything

I have just said that there was nothing but death and desolation in these hideous places, but I forgot. In the

most forlorn and arid and dismal one of all, where the racked and splintered debris was thickest, where the

ancient patches of snow lay against the very path, where the winds blew bitterest and the general aspect was

mournfulest and dreariest, and furthest from any suggestion of cheer or hope, I found a solitary wee

forgetmenot flourishing away, not a droop about it anywhere, but holding its bright blue star up with the

prettiest and gallantest air in the world, the only happy spirit, the only smiling thing, in all that grisly desert.

She seemed to say, "Cheer up!as long as we are here, let us make the best of it." I judged she had earned a

right to a more hospitable place; so I plucked her up and sent her to America to a friend who would respect

her for the fight she had made, all by her small self, to make a whole vast despondent Alpine desolation stop

breaking its heart over the unalterable, and hold up its head and look at the bright side of things for once.

We stopped for a nooning at a strongly built little inn called the Schwarenbach. It sits in a lonely spot among

the peaks, where it is swept by the trailing fringes of the cloudrack, and is rained on, and snowed on, and

pelted and persecuted by the storms, nearly every day of its life. It was the only habitation in the whole

Close at hand, now, was a chance for a bloodcurdling Alpine adventure. Close at hand was the snowy mass

of the Great Altels cooling its topknot in the sky and daring us to an ascent. I was fired with the idea, and

immediately made up my mind to procure the necessary guides, ropes, etc., and undertake it. I instructed

Harris to go to the landlord of the inn and set him about our preparations. Meantime, I went diligently to

work to read up and find out what this muchtalkedof mountainclimbing was like, and how one should go

about itfor in these matters I was ignorant. I opened Mr. Hinchliff's SUMMER MONTHS AMONG THE

I saw that I was too calm; so I walked the room a while and worked myself into a high excitement; but the

book's next remark that the adventurer must get up at two in the morningcame as near as anything to

flatting it all out again. However, I reinforced it, and read on, about how Mr. Hinchliff dressed by

candlelight and was "soon down among the guides, who were bustling about in the passage, packing

provisions, and making every preparation for the start"; and how he glanced out into the cold clear night and

"The whole sky was blazing with stars, larger and brighter than they appear through the dense atmosphere

breathed by inhabitants of the lower parts of the earth. They seemed actually suspended from the dark vault

of heaven, and their gentle light shed a fairylike gleam over the snowfields around the foot of the

Matterhorn, which raised its stupendous pinnacle on high, penetrating to the heart of the Great Bear, and

crowning itself with a diadem of his magnificent stars. Not a sound disturbed the deep tranquillity of the

night, except the distant roar of streams which rush from the high plateau of the St. Theodule glacier, and fall

headlong over precipitous rocks till they lose themselves in the mazes of the Gorner glacier."

He took his hot toast and coffee, and then about half past three his caravan of ten men filed away from the

Riffel Hotel, and began the steep climb. At half past five he happened to turn around, and "beheld the

glorious spectacle of the Matterhorn, just touched by the rosyfingered morning, and looking like a huge

pyramid of fire rising out of the barren ocean of ice and rock around it." Then the Breithorn and the Dent

Blanche caught the radiant glow; but "the intervening mass of Monte Rosa made it necessary for us to climb

many long hours before we could hope to see the sun himself, yet the whole air soon grew warmer after the

He gazed at the lofty crown of Monte Rosa and the wastes of snow that guarded its steep approaches, and the

chief guide delivered the opinion that no man could conquer their awful heights and put his foot upon that

They toiled up, and up, and still up; they passed the Grand Plateau; then toiled up a steep shoulder of the

mountain, clinging like flies to its rugged face; and now they were confronted by a tremendous wall from

which great blocks of ice and snow were evidently in the habit of falling. They turned aside to skirt this wall,

and gradually ascended until their way was barred by a "maze of gigantic snow crevices,"so they turned

aside again, and "began a long climb of sufficient steepness to make a zigzag course necessary."

Fatigue compelled them to halt frequently, for a moment or two. At one of these halts somebody called out,

"Look at Mont Blanc!" and "we were at once made aware of the very great height we had attained by actually

seeing the monarch of the Alps and his attendant satellites right over the top of the Breithorn, itself at least

These people moved in single file, and were all tied to a strong rope, at regular distances apart, so that if one

of them slipped on those giddy heights, the others could brace themselves on their alpenstocks and save him

from darting into the valley, thousands of feet below. By and by they came to an icecoated ridge which was

tilted up at a sharp angle, and had a precipice on one side of it. They had to climb this, so the guide in the lead

cut steps in the ice with his hatchet, and as fast as he took his toes out of one of these slight holes, the toes of

"Slowly and steadily we kept on our way over this dangerous part of the ascent, and I dare say it was

fortunate for some of us that attention was distracted from the head by the paramount necessity of looking

after the feet; FOR, WHILE ON THE LEFT THE INCLINE OF ICE WAS SO STEEP THAT IT WOULD

"Great caution, therefore, was absolutely necessary, and in this exposed situation we were attacked by all the

fury of that grand enemy of aspirants to Monte Rosaa severe and bitterly cold wind from the north. The

fine powdery snow was driven past us in the clouds, penetrating the interstices of our clothes, and the pieces

of ice which flew from the blows of Peter's ax were whisked into the air, and then dashed over the precipice.

We had quite enough to do to prevent ourselves from being served in the same ruthless fashion, and now and

then, in the more violent gusts of wind, were glad to stick our alpenstocks into the ice and hold on hard."

Having surmounted this perilous steep, they sat down and took a brief rest with their backs against a

sheltering rock and their heels dangling over a bottomless abyss; then they climbed to the base of another

"The whole of the ridge was exceedingly narrow, and the fall on each side desperately steep, but the ice in

some of these intervals between the masses of rock assumed the form of a mere sharp edge, almost like a

knife; these places, though not more than three or four short paces in length, looked uncommonly awkward;

but, like the sword leading true believers to the gates of Paradise, they must needs be passed before we could

attain to the summit of our ambition. These were in one or two places so narrow, that in stepping over them

with toes well turned out for greater security, ONE END OF THE FOOT PROJECTED OVER THE AWFUL

ON THE LEFT, WHICH WAS SCARCELY LESS STEEP THAN THE ROCKS. On these occasions Peter

would take my hand, and each of us stretching as far as we could, he was thus enabled to get a firm footing

two paces or rather more from me, whence a spring would probably bring him to the rock on the other side;

then, turning around, he called to me to come, and, taking a couple of steps carefully, I was met at the third

by his outstretched hand ready to clasp mine, and in a moment stood by his side. The others followed in much

the same fashion. Once my right foot slipped on the side toward the precipice, but I threw out my left arm in

a moment so that it caught the icy edge under my armpit as I fell, and supported me considerably; at the same

instant I cast my eyes down the side on which I had slipped, and contrived to plant my right foot on a piece of

rock as large as a cricketball, which chanced to protrude through the ice, on the very edge of the precipice.

Being thus anchored fore and aft, as it were, I believe I could easily have recovered myself, even if I had been

alone, though it must be confessed the situation would have been an awful one; as it was, however, a jerk

from Peter settled the matter very soon, and I was on my legs all right in an instant. The rope is an immense

Now they arrived at the base of a great knob or dome veneered with ice and powdered with snowthe

utmost, summit, the last bit of solidity between them and the hollow vault of heaven. They set to work with

their hatchets, and were soon creeping, insectlike, up its surface, with their heels projecting over the thinnest

kind of nothingness, thickened up a little with a few wandering shreds and films of cloud moving in a lazy

procession far below. Presently, one man's toehold broke and he fell! There he dangled in midair at the end

A little bit later, the party stood upon the wee pedestal of the very summit, in a driving wind, and looked out

When I had read thus far, Harris broke into the room in a noble excitement and said the ropes and the guides

were secured, and asked if I was ready. I said I believed I wouldn't ascend the Altels this time. I said

Alpclimbing was a different thing from what I had supposed it was, and so I judged we had better study its

points a little more before we went definitely into it. But I told him to retain the guides and order them to

to stir in me, and was sure that the fell fascination of Alpclimbing would soon be upon me. I said he could

make up his mind to it that we would do a deed before we were a week older which would make the hair of

This made Harris happy, and filled him with ambitious anticipations. He went at once to tell the guides to

A great and priceless thing is a new interest! How it takes possession of a man! how it clings to him, how it

rides him! I strode onward from the Schwarenback hostelry a changed man, a reorganized personality. I

walked into a new world, I saw with new eyes. I had been looking aloft at the giant showpeaks only as

things to be worshiped for their grandeur and magnitude, and their unspeakable grace of form; I looked up at

them now, as also things to be conquered and climbed. My sense of their grandeur and their noble beauty was

neither lost nor impaired; I had gained a new interest in the mountains without losing the old ones. I followed

the steep lines up, inch by inch, with my eye, and noted the possibility or impossibility of following them

with my feet. When I saw a shining helmet of ice projecting above the clouds, I tried to imagine I saw files of

We skirted the lonely little lake called the Daubensee, and presently passed close by a glacier on the right a

thing like a great river frozen solid in its flow and broken square off like a wall at its mouth. I had never been

Here we came upon a new board shanty, and found some men engaged in building a stone house; so the

Schwarenback was soon to have a rival. We bought a bottle or so of beer here; at any rate they called it beer,

but I knew by the price that it was dissolved jewelry, and I perceived by the taste that dissolved jewelry is not

We were surrounded by a hideous desolation. We stepped forward to a sort of jumpingoff place, and were

confronted by a startling contrast: we seemed to look down into fairyland. Two or three thousand feet below

us was a bright green level, with a pretty town in its midst, and a silvery stream winding among the meadows;

the charming spot was walled in on all sides by gigantic precipices clothed with pines; and over the pines, out

of the softened distances, rose the snowy domes and peaks of the Monte Rosa region. How exquisitely green

and beautiful that little valley down there was! The distance was not great enough to obliterate details, it only

made them little, and mellow, and dainty, like landscapes and towns seen through the wrong end of a

Right under us a narrow ledge rose up out of the valley, with a green, slanting, benchshaped top, and

grouped about upon this greenbaize bench were a lot of black and white sheep which looked merely like

oversized worms. The bench seemed lifted well up into our neighborhood, but that was a deceptionit was a

We began our descent, now, by the most remarkable road I have ever seen. It wound it corkscrew curves

down the face of the colossal precipicea narrow way, with always the solid rock wall at one elbow, and

perpendicular nothingness at the other. We met an everlasting procession of guides, porters, mules, litters,

and tourists climbing up this steep and muddy path, and there was no room to spare when you had to pass a

tolerably fat mule. I always took the inside, when I heard or saw the mule coming, and flattened myself

against the wall. I preferred the inside, of course, but I should have had to take it anyhow, because the mule

prefers the outside. A mule's preferenceon a precipiceis a thing to be respected. Well, his choice is

always the outside. His life is mostly devoted to carrying bulky panniers and packages which rest against his

bodytherefore he is habituated to taking the outside edge of mountain paths, to keep his bundles from

rubbing against rocks or banks on the other. When he goes into the passenger business he absurdly clings to

his old habit, and keeps one leg of his passenger always dangling over the great deeps of the lower world

while that passenger's heart is in the highlands, so to speak. More than once I saw a mule's hind foot cave

over the outer edge and send earth and rubbish into the bottom abyss; and I noticed that upon these occasions

There was one place where an eighteeninch breadth of light masonry had been added to the verge of the

path, and as there was a very sharp turn here, a panel of fencing had been set up there at some time, as a

protection. This panel was old and gray and feeble, and the light masonry had been loosened by recent rains.

A young American girl came along on a mule, and in making the turn the mule's hind foot caved all the loose

masonry and one of the fenceposts overboard; the mule gave a violent lurch inboard to save himself, and

succeeded in the effort, but that girl turned as white as the snows of Mont Blanc for a moment.

The path was simply a groove cut into the face of the precipice; there was a fourfoot breadth of solid rock

under the traveler, and fourfoot breadth of solid rock just above his head, like the roof of a narrow porch; he

could look out from this gallery and see a sheer summitless and bottomless wall of rock before him, across a

gorge or crack a biscuit's toss in width but he could not see the bottom of his own precipice unless he lay

down and projected his nose over the edge. I did not do this, because I did not wish to soil my clothes.

Every few hundred yards, at particularly bad places, one came across a panel or so of plank fencing; but they

were always old and weak, and they generally leaned out over the chasm and did not make any rash promises

to hold up people who might need support. There was one of these panels which had only its upper board left;

a pedestrianizing English youth came tearing down the path, was seized with an impulse to look over the

precipice, and without an instant's thought he threw his weight upon that crazy board. It bent outward a foot!

I never made a gasp before that came so near suffocating me. The English youth's face simply showed a

lively surprise, but nothing more. He went swinging along valleyward again, as if he did not know he had just

The Alpine litter is sometimes like a cushioned box made fast between the middles of two long poles, and

sometimes it is a chair with a back to it and a support for the feet. It is carried by relays of strong porters. The

motion is easier than that of any other conveyance. We met a few men and a great many ladies in litters; it

seemed to me that most of the ladies looked pale and nauseated; their general aspect gave me the idea that

they were patiently enduring a horrible suffering. As a rule, they looked at their laps, and left the scenery to

But the most frightened creature I saw, was a led horse that overtook us. Poor fellow, he had been born and

reared in the grassy levels of the Kandersteg valley and had never seen anything like this hideous place

before. Every few steps he would stop short, glance wildly out from the dizzy height, and then spread his red

nostrils wide and pant as violently as if he had been running a race; and all the while he quaked from head to

heel as with a palsy. He was a handsome fellow, and he made a fine statuesque picture of terror, but it was

This dreadful path has had its tragedy. Baedeker, with his customary overterseness, begins and ends the tale

"The descent on horseback should be avoided. In 1861 a Comtesse d'Herlincourt fell from her saddle over the

We looked over the precipice there, and saw the monument which commemorates the event. It stands in the

bottom of the gorge, in a place which has been hollowed out of the rock to protect it from the torrent and the

storms. Our old guide never spoke but when spoken to, and then limited himself to a syllable or two, but

when we asked him about this tragedy he showed a strong interest in the matter. He said the Countess was

very pretty, and very younghardly out of her girlhood, in fact. She was newly married, and was on her

bridal tour. The young husband was riding a little in advance; one guide was leading the husband's horse,

"The guide that was leading the husband's horse happened to glance back, and there was that poor young

thing sitting up staring out over the precipice; and her face began to bend downward a little, and she put up

her two hands slowly and met itso,and put them flat against her eyessoand then she sank out of the

saddle, with a sharp shriek, and one caught only the flash of a dress, and it was all over."

"Ah, yes, that guide saw these thingsyes, he saw them all. He saw them all, just as I have told you."

This had been the one event of the old man's life; so one may be sure he had forgotten no detail connected

with it. We listened to all he had to say about what was done and what happened and what was said after the

When we had wound down toward the valley until we were about on the last spiral of the corkscrew, Harris's

hat blew over the last remaining bit of precipicea small cliff a hundred or hundred and fifty feet highand

sailed down toward a steep slant composed of rough chips and fragments which the weather had flaked away

from the precipices. We went leisurely down there, expecting to find it without any trouble, but we had made

a mistake, as to that. We hunted during a couple of hoursnot because the old straw hat was valuable, but

out of curiosity to find out how such a thing could manage to conceal itself in open ground where there was

nothing left for it to hide behind. When one is reading in bed, and lays his paperknife down, he cannot find

it again if it is smaller than a saber; that hat was as stubborn as any paperknife could have been, and we

finally had to give it up; but we found a fragment that had once belonged to an operaglass, and by digging

around and turning over the rocks we gradually collected all the lenses and the cylinders and the various odds

and ends that go to making up a complete operaglass. We afterward had the thing reconstructed, and the

owner can have his adventurous lostproperty by submitting proofs and paying costs of rehabilitation. We

had hopes of finding the owner there, distributed around amongst the rocks, for it would have made an

elegant paragraph; but we were disappointed. Still, we were far from being disheartened, for there was a

considerable area which we had not thoroughly searched; we were satisfied he was there, somewhere, so we

Then we sat down to polish off the perspiration and arrange about what we would do with him when we got

him. Harris was for contributing him to the British Museum; but I was for mailing him to his widow. That is

the difference between Harris and me: Harris is all for display, I am all for the simple right, even though I

lose money by it. Harris argued in favor of his proposition against mine, I argued in favor of mine and against

his. The discussion warmed into a dispute; the dispute warmed into a quarrel. I finally said, very decidedly:

"The widow may save herself the trouble of whistling, for I will see that she never gets him."

"It seems to me that you are taking on a good many airs about these remains. I don't quite see what YOU'VE

"I? I've got ALL to say about them. They'd never have been thought of if I hadn't found their operaglass.

I was leader of the Expedition, and all discoveries achieved by it naturally belonged to me. I was entitled to

these remains, and could have enforced my right; but rather than have bad blood about the matter, I said we

would toss up for them. I threw heads and won, but it was a barren victory, for although we spent all the next

day searching, we never found a bone. I cannot imagine what could ever have become of that fellow.

The town in the valley is called Leuk or Leukerbad. We pointed our course toward it, down a verdant slope

which was adorned with fringed gentians and other flowers, and presently entered the narrow alleys of the

outskirts and waded toward the middle of the town through liquid "fertilizer." They ought to either pave that

Harris's body was simply a chamoispasture; his person was populous with the little hungry pests; his skin,

when he stripped, was splotched like a scarletfever patient's; so, when we were about to enter one of the

Leukerbad inns, and he noticed its sign, "Chamois Hotel," he refused to stop there. He said the chamois was

plentiful enough, without hunting up hotels where they made a specialty of it. I was indifferent, for the

chamois is a creature that will neither bite me nor abide with me; but to calm Harris, we went to the Ho^tel

At the table d'ho^te, we had this, for an incident. A very grave manin fact his gravity amounted to

solemnity, and almost to austeritysat opposite us and he was "tight," but doing his best to appear sober. He

took up a CORKED bottle of wine, tilted it over his glass awhile, then set it out of the way, with a contented

Presently he put his glass to his mouth, and of course found it empty. He looked puzzled, and glanced

furtively and suspiciously out of the corner of his eye at a benignant and unconscious old lady who sat at his

right. Shook his head, as much as to say, "No, she couldn't have done it." He tilted the corked bottle over his

glass again, meantime searching around with his watery eye to see if anybody was watching him. He ate a

few mouthfuls, raised his glass to his lips, and of course it was still empty. He bent an injured and accusing

sideglance upon that unconscious old lady, which was a study to see. She went on eating and gave no sign.

He took up his glass and his bottle, with a wise private nod of his head, and set them gravely on the lefthand

side of his plate poured himself another imaginary drinkwent to work with his knife and fork once

morepresently lifted his glass with good confidence, and found it empty, as usual.

This was almost a petrifying surprise. He straightened himself up in his chair and deliberately and

sorrowfully inspected the busy old ladies at his elbows, first one and then the other. At last he softly pushed

his plate away, set his glass directly in front of him, held on to it with his left hand, and proceeded to pour

with his right. This time he observed that nothing came. He turned the bottle clear upside down; still nothing

issued from it; a plaintive look came into his face, and he said, as if to himself,

" 'IC! THEY'VE GOT IT ALL!" Then he set the bottle down, resignedly, and took the rest of his dinner dry.

It was at that table d'ho^te, too, that I had under inspection the largest lady I have ever seen in private life.

She was over seven feet high, and magnificently proportioned. What had first called my attention to her, was

my stepping on an outlying flange of her foot, and hearing, from up toward the ceiling, a deep "Pardon,

That was when we were coming through the hall, and the place was dim, and I could see her only vaguely.

The thing which called my attention to her the second time was, that at a table beyond ours were two very

pretty girls, and this great lady came in and sat down between them and me and blotted out my view. She had

a handsome face, and she was very finely formedperfected formed, I should say. But she made everybody

around her look trivial and commonplace. Ladies near her looked like children, and the men about her looked

mean. They looked like failures; and they looked as if they felt so, too. She sat with her back to us. I never

saw such a back in my life. I would have so liked to see the moon rise over it. The whole congregation

waited, under one pretext or another, till she finished her dinner and went out; they wanted to see her at full

altitude, and they found it worth tarrying for. She filled one's idea of what an empress ought to be, when she

We were not at Leuk in time to see her at her heaviest weight. She had suffered from corpulence and had

come there to get rid of her extra flesh in the baths. Five weeks of soaking five uninterrupted hours of it

Those baths remove fat, and also skindiseases. The patients remain in the great tanks for hours at a time. A

dozen gentlemen and ladies occupy a tank together, and amuse themselves with rompings and various games.

They have floating desks and tables, and they read or lunch or play chess in water that is breastdeep. The

tourist can step in and view this novel spectacle if he chooses. There's a poorbox, and he will have to

contribute. There are several of these big bathinghouses, and you can always tell when you are near one of

them by the romping noises and shouts of laughter that proceed from it. The water is running water, and

changes all the time, else a patient with a ringworm might take the bath with only a partial success, since,

The next morning we wandered back up the green valley, leisurely, with the curving walls of those bare and

stupendous precipices rising into the clouds before us. I had never seen a clean, bare precipice stretching up

five thousand feet above me before, and I never shall expect to see another one. They exist, perhaps, but not

in places where one can easily get close to them. This pile of stone is peculiar. From its base to the soaring

tops of its mighty towers, all its lines and all its details vaguely suggest human architecture. There are

rudimentary bowwindows, cornices, chimneys, demarcations of stories, etc. One could sit and stare up there

and study the features and exquisite graces of this grand structure, bit by bit, and day after day, and never

weary his interest. The termination, toward the town, observed in profile, is the perfection of shape. It comes

down out of the clouds in a succession of rounded, colossal, terracelike projectionsa stairway for the gods;

at its head spring several lofty stormscarred towers, one after another, with faint films of vapor curling

always about them like spectral banners. If there were a king whose realms included the whole world, here

would be the place meet and proper for such a monarch. He would only need to hollow it out and put in the

Our search for those remains having failed, we inspected with a glass the dim and distant track of an oldtime

avalanche that once swept down from some pinegrown summits behind the town and swept away the houses

and buried the people; then we struck down the road that leads toward the Rhone, to see the famous Ladders.

These perilous things are built against the perpendicular face of a cliff two or three hundred feet high. The

peasants, of both sexes, were climbing up and down them, with heavy loads on their backs. I ordered Harris

to make the ascent, so I could put the thrill and horror of it in my book, and he accomplished the feat

successfully, though a subagent, for three francs, which I paid. It makes me shudder yet when I think of what

I felt when I was clinging there between heaven and earth in the person of that proxy. At times the world

swam around me, and I could hardly keep from letting go, so dizzying was the appalling danger. Many a

person would have given up and descended, but I stuck to my task, and would not yield until I had

accomplished it. I felt a just pride in my exploit, but I would not have repeated it for the wealth of the world. I

shall break my neck yet with some such foolhardy performance, for warnings never seem to have any lasting

effect on me. When the people of the hotel found that I had been climbing those crazy Ladders, it made me an

Next morning, early, we drove to the Rhone valley and took the train for Visp. There we shouldered our

knapsacks and things, and set out on foot, in a tremendous rain, up the winding gorge, toward Zermatt. Hour

after hour we slopped along, by the roaring torrent, and under noble Lesser Alps which were clothed in rich

velvety green all the way up and had little atomy Swiss homes perched upon grassy benches along their

The rain continued to pour and the torrent to boom, and we continued to enjoy both. At the one spot where

this torrent tossed its white mane highest, and thundered loudest, and lashed the big boulders fiercest, the

canton had done itself the honor to build the flimsiest wooden bridge that exists in the world. While we were

walking over it, along with a party of horsemen, I noticed that even the larger raindrops made it shake. I

called Harris's attention to it, and he noticed it, too. It seemed to me that if I owned an elephant that was a

keepsake, and I thought a good deal of him, I would think twice before I would ride him over that bridge.

We climbed up to the village of St. Nicholas, about half past four in the afternoon, waded ankledeep

through the fertilizerjuice, and stopped at a new and nice hotel close by the little church. We stripped and

went to bed, and sent our clothes down to be baked. And the horde of soaked tourists did the same. That

chaos of clothing got mixed in the kitchen, and there were consequences. I did not get back the same drawers

I sent down, when our things came up at sixfifteen; I got a pair on a new plan. They were merely a pair of

white rufflecuffed absurdities, hitched together at the top with a narrow band, and they did not come quite

down to my knees. They were pretty enough, but they made me feel like two people, and disconnected at that.

The man must have been an idiot that got himself up like that, to rough it in the Swiss mountains. The shirt

they brought me was shorter than the drawers, and hadn't any sleeves to itat least it hadn't anything more

than what Mr. Darwin would call "rudimentary" sleeves; these had "edging" around them, but the bosom was

ridiculously plain. The knit silk undershirt they brought me was on a new plan, and was really a sensible

thing; it opened behind, and had pockets in it to put your shoulderblades in; but they did not seem to fit

mine, and so I found it a sort of uncomfortable garment. They gave my bobtail coat to somebody else, and

sent me an ulster suitable for a giraffe. I had to tie my collar on, because there was no button behind on that

When I was dressed for dinner at sixthirty, I was too loose in some places and too tight in others, and

altogether I felt slovenly and illconditioned. However, the people at the table d'ho^te were no better off than

I was; they had everybody's clothes but their own on. A long stranger recognized his ulster as soon as he saw

the tail of it following me in, but nobody claimed my shirt or my drawers, though I described them as well as

I was able. I gave them to the chambermaid that night when I went to bed, and she probably found the owner,

There was a lovable English clergyman who did not get to the table d'ho^te at all. His breeches had turned up

missing, and without any equivalent. He said he was not more particular than other people, but he had noticed

that a clergyman at dinner without any breeches was almost sure to excite remark.

We did not oversleep at St. Nicholas. The churchbell began to ring at fourthirty in the morning, and from

the length of time it continued to ring I judged that it takes the Swiss sinner a good while to get the invitation

through his head. Most churchbells in the world are of poor quality, and have a harsh and rasping sound

which upsets the temper and produces much sin, but the St. Nicholas bell is a good deal the worst one that

has been contrived yet, and is peculiarly maddening in its operation. Still, it may have its right and its excuse

to exist, for the community is poor and not every citizen can afford a clock, perhaps; but there cannot be any

excuse for our churchbells at home, for their is no family in America without a clock, and consequently

there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples. There is

much more profanity in America on Sunday than is all in the other six days of the week put together, and it is

of a more bitter and malignant character than the weekday profanity, too. It is produced by the crackedpot

We build our churches almost without regard to cost; we rear an edifice which is an adornment to the town,

and we gild it, and fresco it, and mortgage it, and do everything we can think of to perfect it, and then spoil it

all by putting a bell on it which afflicts everybody who hears it, giving some the headache, others St. Vitus's

An American village at ten o'clock on a summer Sunday is the quietest and peacefulest and holiest thing in

nature; but it is a pretty different thing half an hour later. Mr. Poe's poem of the "Bells" stands incomplete to

this day; but it is well enough that it is so, for the public reciter or "reader" who goes around trying to imitate

the sounds of the various sorts of bells with his voice would find himself "up a stump" when he got to the

churchbell as Joseph Addison would say. The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it

might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example. It is still clinging to one or two things

which were useful once, but which are not useful now, neither are they ornamental. One is the bellringing to

remind a clockcaked town that it is churchtime, and another is the reading from the pulpit of a tedious list

of "notices" which everybody who is interested has already read in the newspaper. The clergyman even reads

the hymn througha relic of an ancient time when hymnbooks are scarce and costly; but everybody has a

hymnbook, now, and so the public reading is no longer necessary. It is not merely unnecessary, it is

generally painful; for the average clergyman could not fire into his congregation with a shotgun and hit a

worse reader than himself, unless the weapon scattered shamefully. I am not meaning to be flippant and

irreverent, I am only meaning to be truthful. The average clergyman, in all countries and of all

denominations, is a very bad reader. One would think he would at least learn how to read the Lord's Prayer,

by and by, but it is not so. He races through it as if he thought the quicker he got it in, the sooner it would be

answered. A person who does not appreciate the exceeding value of pauses, and does not know how to

measure their duration judiciously, cannot render the grand simplicity and dignity of a composition like that

We took a tolerably early breakfast, and tramped off toward Zermatt through the reeking lanes of the village,

glad to get away from that bell. By and by we had a fine spectacle on our right. It was the walllike butt end

of a huge glacier, which looked down on us from an Alpine height which was well up in the blue sky. It was

an astonishing amount of ice to be compacted together in one mass. We ciphered upon it and decided that it

was not less than several hundred feet from the base of the wall of solid ice to the top of itHarris believed

it was really twice that. We judged that if St. Paul's, St. Peter's, the Great Pyramid, the Strasburg Cathedral

and the Capitol in Washington were clustered against that wall, a man sitting on its upper edge could not

hang his hat on the top of any one of them without reaching down three or four hundred feeta thing which,

To me, that mighty glacier was very beautiful. I did not imagine that anybody could find fault with it; but I

was mistaken. Harris had been snarling for several days. He was a rabid Protestant, and he was always

"In the Protestant cantons you never see such poverty and dirt and squalor as you do in this Catholic one; you

never see the lanes and alleys flowing with foulness; you never see such wretched little sties of houses; you

never see an inverted tin turnip on top of a church for a dome; and as for a churchbell, why, you never hear

All this morning he had been finding fault, straight along. First it was with the mud. He said, "It ain't muddy

in a Protestant canton when it rains." Then it was with the dogs: "They don't have those lopeared dogs in a

Protestant canton." Then it was with the roads: "They don't leave the roads to make themselves in a Protestant

canton, the people make themand they make a road that IS a road, too." Next it was the goats: "You never

see a goat shedding tears in a Protestant cantona goat, there, is one of the cheerfulest objects in nature."

Next it was the chamois: "You never see a Protestant chamois act like one of these they take a bite or two

and go; but these fellows camp with you and stay." Then it was the guideboards: "In a Protestant canton you

couldn't get lost if you wanted to, but you never see a guideboard in a Catholic canton." Next, "You never

see any flowerboxes in the windows, herenever anything but now and then a cata torpid one; but you

take a Protestant canton: windows perfectly lovely with flowersand as for cats, there's just acres of them.

These folks in this canton leave a road to make itself, and then fine you three francs if you 'trot' over it as if

a horse could trot over such a sarcasm of a road." Next about the goiter: "THEY talk about goiter!I haven't

He had growled at everything, but I judged it would puzzle him to find anything the matter with this majestic

glacier. I intimated as much; but he was ready, and said with surly discontent: "You ought to see them in the

"Matter? Why, it ain't in any kind of condition. They never take any care of a glacier here. The moraine has

"THEY? You're right. That is, they WON'T. They could if they wanted to. You never see a speck of dirt on a

Protestant glacier. Look at the Rhone glacier. It is fifteen miles long, and seven hundred feet think. If this was

I did not believe a word of this, but rather than have trouble I let it go; for it is a waste of breath to argue with

a bigot. I even doubted if the Rhone glacier WAS in a Protestant canton; but I did not know, so I could not

make anything by contradicting a man who would probably put me down at once with manufactured

About nine miles from St. Nicholas we crossed a bridge over the raging torrent of the Visp, and came to a log

strip of flimsy fencing which was pretending to secure people from tumbling over a perpendicular wall forty

feet high and into the river. Three children were approaching; one of them, a little girl, about eight years old,

was running; when pretty close to us she stumbled and fell, and her feet shot under the rail of the fence and

for a moment projected over the stream. It gave us a sharp shock, for we thought she was gone, sure, for the

ground slanted steeply, and to save herself seemed a sheer impossibility; but she managed to scramble up,

We went forward and examined the place and saw the long tracks which her feet had made in the dirt when

they darted over the verge. If she had finished her trip she would have struck some big rocks in the edge of

the water, and then the torrent would have snatched her downstream among the halfcovered boulders and

she would have been pounded to pulp in two minutes. We had come exceedingly near witnessing her death.

And now Harris's contrary nature and inborn selfishness were striking manifested. He has no spirit of

selfdenial. He began straight off, and continued for an hour, to express his gratitude that the child was not

destroyed. I never saw such a man. That was the kind of person he was; just so HE was gratified, he never

cared anything about anybody else. I had noticed that trait in him, over and over again. Often, of course, it

was mere heedlessness, mere want of reflection. Doubtless this may have been the case in most instances, but

it was not the less hard to bar on that accountand after all, its bottom, its groundwork, was selfishness.

There is no avoiding that conclusion. In the instance under consideration, I did think the indecency of running

on in that way might occur to him; but no, the child was saved and he was glad, that was sufficienthe cared

not a straw for MY feelings, or my loss of such a literary plum, snatched from my very mouth at the instant it

was ready to drop into it. His selfishness was sufficient to place his own gratification in being spared

suffering clear before all concern for me, his friend. Apparently, he did not once reflect upon the valuable

details which would have fallen like a windfall to me: fishing the child outwitnessing the surprise of the

family and the stir the thing would have made among the peasantsthen a Swiss funeralthen the roadside

monument, to be paid for by us and have our names mentioned in it. And we should have gone into Baedeker

and been immortal. I was silent. I was too much hurt to complain. If he could act so, and be so heedless and

so frivolous at such a time, and actually seem to glory in it, after all I had done for him, I would have cut my

We were approaching Zermatt; consequently, we were approaching the renowned Matterhorn. A month

before, this mountain had been only a name to us, but latterly we had been moving through a steadily

thickening double row of pictures of it, done in oil, water, chromo, wood, steel, copper, crayon, and

photography, and so it had at length become a shape to usand a very distinct, decided, and familiar one,

too. We were expecting to recognize that mountain whenever or wherever we should run across it. We were

not deceived. The monarch was far away when we first saw him, but there was no such thing as mistaking

him. He has the rare peculiarity of standing by himself; he is peculiarly steep, too, and is also most oddly

shaped. He towers into the sky like a colossal wedge, with the upper third of its blade bent a little to the left.

The broad base of this monster wedge is planted upon a grand glacierpaved Alpine platform whose

elevation is ten thousand feet above sealevel; as the wedge itself is some five thousand feet high, it follows

that its apex is about fifteen thousand feet above sealevel. So the whole bulk of this stately piece of rock,

this skycleaving monolith, is above the line of eternal snow. Yet while all its giant neighbors have the look

of being built of solid snow, from their waists up, the Matterhorn stands black and naked and forbidding, the

year round, or merely powdered or streaked with white in places, for its sides are so steep that the snow

cannot stay there. Its strange form, its august isolation, and its majestic unkinship with its own kind, make

itso to speakthe Napoleon of the mountain world. "Grand, gloomy, and peculiar," is a phrase which fits

Think of a monument a mile high, standing on a pedestal two miles high! This is what the Matterhorn isa

monument. Its office, henceforth, for all time, will be to keep watch and ward over the secret restingplace of

the young Lord Douglas, who, in 1865, was precipitated from the summit over a precipice four thousand feet

high, and never seen again. No man ever had such a monument as this before; the most imposing of the

world's other monuments are but atoms compared to it; and they will perish, and their places will pass from

A walk from St. Nicholas to Zermatt is a wonderful experience. Nature is built on a stupendous plan in that

region. One marches continually between walls that are piled into the skies, with their upper heights broken

into a confusion of sublime shapes that gleam white and cold against the background of blue; and here and

there one sees a big glacier displaying its grandeurs on the top of a precipice, or a graceful cascade leaping

and flashing down the green declivities. There is nothing tame, or cheap, or trivialit is all magnificent.

That short valley is a picturegallery of a notable kind, for it contains no mediocrities; from end to end the

We made Zermatt at three in the afternoon, nine hours out from St. Nicholas. Distance, by guidebook,

twelve miles; by pedometer seventytwo. We were in the heart and home of the mountainclimbers, now, as

all visible things testified. The snowpeaks did not hold themselves aloof, in aristocratic reserve; they nestled

close around, in a friendly, sociable way; guides, with the ropes and axes and other implements of their

fearful calling slung about their persons, roosted in a long line upon a stone wall in front of the hotel, and

waited for customers; sunburnt climbers, in mountaineering costume, and followed by their guides and

porters, arrived from time to time, from breakneck expeditions among the peaks and glaciers of the High

Alps; male and female tourists, on mules, filed by, in a continuous procession, hotelwardbound from wild

adventures which would grow in grandeur very time they were described at the English or American fireside,

We were not dreaming; this was not a makebelieve home of the Alpclimber, created by our heated

imaginations; no, for here was Mr. Girdlestone himself, the famous Englishman who hunts his way to the

most formidable Alpine summits without a guide. I was not equal to imagining a Girdlestone; it was all I

could do to even realize him, while looking straight at him at short range. I would rather face whole Hyde

Parks of artillery than the ghastly forms of death which he has faced among the peaks and precipices of the

mountains. There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp; but it is a

pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it. I have not jumped to this conclusion;

I have traveled to it per graveltrain, so to speak. I have thought the thing all out, and am quite sure I am

right. A born climber's appetite for climbing is hard to satisfy; when it comes upon him he is like a starving

man with a feast before him; he may have other business on hand, but it must wait. Mr. Girdlestone had had

his usual summer holiday in the Alps, and had spent it in his usual way, hunting for unique chances to break

his neck; his vacation was over, and his luggage packed for England, but all of a sudden a hunger had come

upon him to climb the tremendous Weisshorn once more, for he had heard of a new and utterly impossible

route up it. His baggage was unpacked at once, and now he and a friend, laden with knapsacks, iceaxes,

coils of rope, and canteens of milk, were just setting out. They would spend the night high up among the

snows, somewhere, and get up at two in the morning and finish the enterprise. I had a strong desire to go with

them, but forced it down a feat which Mr. Girdlestone, with all his fortitude, could not do.

Even ladies catch the climbing mania, and are unable to throw it off. A famous climber, of that sex, had

attempted the Weisshorn a few days before our arrival, and she and her guides had lost their way in a

snowstorm high up among the peaks and glaciers and been forced to wander around a good while before

they could find a way down. When this lady reached the bottom, she had been on her feet twentythree

Our guides, hired on the Gemmi, were already at Zermatt when we reached there. So there was nothing to

interfere with our getting up an adventure whenever we should choose the time and the object. I resolved to

devote my first evening in Zermatt to studying up the subject of Alpine climbing, by way of preparation.

I read several books, and here are some of the things I found out. One's shoes must be strong and heavy, and

have pointed hobnails in them. The alpenstock must be of the best wood, for if it should break, loss of life

might be the result. One should carry an ax, to cut steps in the ice with, on the great heights. There must be a

ladder, for there are steep bits of rock which can be surmounted with this instrumentor this utensilbut

could not be surmounted without it; such an obstruction has compelled the tourist to waste hours hunting

another route, when a ladder would have saved him all trouble. One must have from one hundred and fifty to

five hundred feet of strong rope, to be used in lowering the party down steep declivities which are too steep

and smooth to be traversed in any other way. One must have a steel hook, on another ropea very useful

thing; for when one is ascending and comes to a low bluff which is yet too high for the ladder, he swings this

rope aloft like a lasso, the hook catches at the top of the bluff, and then the tourist climbs the rope, hand over

handbeing always particular to try and forget that if the hook gives way he will never stop falling till he

arrives in some part of Switzerland where they are not expecting him. Another important thingthere must

be a rope to tie the whole party together with, so that if one falls from a mountain or down a bottomless

chasm in a glacier, the others may brace back on the rope and save him. One must have a silk veil, to protect

his face from snow, sleet, hail and gale, and colored goggles to protect his eyes from that dangerous enemy,

snowblindness. Finally, there must be some porters, to carry provisions, wine and scientific instruments, and

I closed my readings with a fearful adventure which Mr. Whymper once had on the Matterhorn when he was

prowling around alone, five thousand feet above the town of Breil. He was edging his way gingerly around

the corner of a precipice where the upper edge of a sharp declivity of iceglazed snow joined it. This

declivity swept down a couple of hundred feet, into a gully which curved around and ended at a precipice

"My knapsack brought my head down first, and I pitched into some rocks about a dozen feet below; they

caught something, and tumbled me off the edge, head over heels, into the gully; the baton was dashed from

my hands, and I whirled downward in a series of bounds, each longer than the last; now over ice, now into

rocks, striking my head four or five times, each time with increased force. The last bound sent me spinning

through the air in a leap of fifty or sixty feet, from one side of the gully to the other, and I struck the rocks,

luckily, with the whole of my left side. They caught my clothes for a moment, and I fell back on to the snow

with motion arrested. My head fortunately came the right side up, and a few frantic catches brought me to a

halt, in the neck of the gully and on the verge of the precipice. Baton, hat, and veil skimmed by and

disappeared, and the crash of the rockswhich I had startedas they fell on to the glacier, told how narrow

had been the escape from utter destruction. As it was, I fell nearly two hundred feet in seven or eight bounds.

Ten feet more would have taken me in one gigantic leaps of eight hundred feet on to the glacier below.

"The situation was sufficiently serious. The rocks could not be let go for a moment, and the blood was

spurting out of more than twenty cuts. The most serious ones were in the head, and I vainly tried to close

them with one hand, while holding on with the other. It was useless; the blood gushed out in blinding jets at

each pulsation. At last, in a moment of inspiration, I kicked out a big lump of snow and struck it as plaster on

my head. The idea was a happy one, and the flow of blood diminished. Then, scrambling up, I got, not a

moment too soon, to a place of safety, and fainted away. The sun was setting when consciousness returned,

and it was pitchdark before the Great Staircase was descended; but by a combination of luck and care, the

whole four thousand seven hundred feet of descent to Breil was accomplished without a slip, or once missing

His wounds kept him abed some days. Then he got up and climbed that mountain again. That is the way with

After I had finished my readings, I was no longer myself; I was tranced, uplifted, intoxicated, by the almost

incredible perils and adventures I had been following my authors through, and the triumphs I had been

Something in my tone struck him: and when he glanced at my eye and read what was written there, his face

If I had shot my poor friend he could not have fallen from his chair more suddenly. If I had been his father he

could not have pleaded harder to get me to give up my purpose. But I turned a deaf ear to all he said. When

he perceived at last that nothing could alter my determination, he ceased to urge, and for a while the deep

silence was broken only by his sobs. I sat in marble resolution, with my eyes fixed upon vacancy, for in spirit

I was already wrestling with the perils of the mountains, and my friend sat gazing at me in adoring admiration

through his tears. At last he threw himself upon me in a loving embrace and exclaimed in broken tones:

I cheered the noble fellow with praises, and soon his fears were forgotten and he was eager for the adventure.

He wanted to summon the guides at once and leave at two in the morning, as he supposed the custom was;

but I explained that nobody was looking at that hour; and that the start in the dark was not usually made from

the village but from the first night's restingplace on the mountain side. I said we would leave the village at 3

or 4 P.M. on the morrow; meantime he could notify the guides, and also let the public know of the attempt

I went to bed, but not to sleep. No man can sleep when he is about to undertake one of these Alpine exploits.

I tossed feverishly all night long, and was glad enough when I heard the clock strike half past eleven and

knew it was time to get up for dinner. I rose, jaded and rusty, and went to the noon meal, where I found

myself the center of interest and curiosity; for the news was already abroad. It is not easy to eat calmly when

As usual, at Zermatt, when a great ascent is about to be undertaken, everybody, native and foreign, laid aside

his own projects and took up a good position to observe the start. The expedition consisted of 198 persons,

Myself 1 Veterinary Surgeon Mr. Harris 1 Butler 17 Guides 12 Waiters 4 Surgeons 1 Footman 1 Geologist 1

Barber 1 Botanist 1 Head Cook 3 Chaplains 9 Assistants 15 Barkeepers 1 Confectionery Artist 1 Latinist

27 Porters 3 Coarse Washers and Ironers 44 Mules 1 Fine ditto 44 Muleteers 7 Cows 2 Milkers

16 Cases Hams 25 Spring Mattresses 2 Barrels Flour 2 Hair ditto 22 Barrels Whiskey Bedding for same 1

Barrel Sugar 2 Mosquitonets 1 Keg Lemons 29 Tents 2,000 Cigars Scientific Instruments 1 Barrel Pies 97

Iceaxes 1 Ton of Pemmican 5 Cases Dynamite 143 Pair Crutches 7 Cans Nitroglycerin 2 Barrels Arnica 22

It was full four o'clock in the afternoon before my cavalcade was entirely ready. At that hour it began to

move. In point of numbers and spectacular effect, it was the most imposing expedition that had ever marched

I commanded the chief guide to arrange the men and animals in single file, twelve feet apart, and lash them

all together on a strong rope. He objected that the first two miles was a dead level, with plenty of room, and

that the rope was never used except in very dangerous places. But I would not listen to that. My reading had

taught me that many serious accidents had happened in the Alps simply from not having the people tied up

soon enough; I was not going to add one to the list. The guide then obeyed my order.

When the procession stood at ease, roped together, and ready to move, I never saw a finer sight. It was 3,122

feet longover half a mile; every man and me was on foot, and had on his green veil and his blue goggles,

and his white rag around his hat, and his coil of rope over one shoulder and under the other, and his iceax in

his belt, and carried his alpenstock in his left hand, his umbrella (closed) in his right, and his crutches slung at

his back. The burdens of the packmules and the horns of the cows were decked with the Edelweiss and the

I and my agent were the only persons mounted. We were in the post of danger in the extreme rear, and tied

securely to five guides apiece. Our armorbearers carried our iceaxes, alpenstocks, and other implements

for us. We were mounted upon very small donkeys, as a measure of safety; in time of peril we could

straighten our legs and stand up, and let the donkey walk from under. Still, I cannot recommend this sort of

animalat least for excursions of mere pleasurebecause his ears interrupt the view. I and my agent

possessed the regulation mountaineering costumes, but concluded to leave them behind. Out of respect for the

great numbers of tourists of both sexes who would be assembled in front of the hotels to see us pass, and also

out of respect for the many tourists whom we expected to encounter on our expedition, we decided to make

We watered the caravan at the cold stream which rushes down a trough near the end of the village, and soon

afterward left the haunts of civilization behind us. About half past five o'clock we arrived at a bridge which

spans the Visp, and after throwing over a detachment to see if it was safe, the caravan crossed without

accident. The way now led, by a gentle ascent, carpeted with fresh green grass, to the church at

Winkelmatten. Without stopping to examine this edifice, I executed a flank movement to the right and

crossed the bridge over the Findelenbach, after first testing its strength. Here I deployed to the right again,

and presently entered an inviting stretch of meadowland which was unoccupied save by a couple of deserted

huts toward the furthest extremity. These meadows offered an excellent campingplace. We pitched our

tents, supped, established a proper grade, recorded the events of the day, and then went to bed.

We rose at two in the morning and dressed by candlelight. It was a dismal and chilly business. A few stars

were shining, but the general heavens were overcast, and the great shaft of the Matterhorn was draped in a

cable pall of clouds. The chief guide advised a delay; he said he feared it was going to rain. We waited until

Our course led up some terrific steeps, densely wooded with larches and cedars, and traversed by paths which

the rains had guttered and which were obstructed by loose stones. To add to the danger and inconvenience,

we were constantly meeting returning tourists on foot and horseback, and as constantly being crowded and

Our troubles thickened. About the middle of the afternoon the seventeen guides called a halt and held a

consultation. After consulting an hour they said their first suspicion remained intactthat is to say, they

believed they were lost. I asked if they did not KNOW it? No, they said, they COULDN'T absolutely know

whether they were lost or not, because none of them had ever been in that part of the country before. They

had a strong instinct that they were lost, but they had no proofsexcept that they did not know where they

were. They had met no tourists for some time, and they considered that a suspicious sign.

Plainly we were in an ugly fix. The guides were naturally unwilling to go alone and seek a way out of the

difficulty; so we all went together. For better security we moved slow and cautiously, for the forest was very

dense. We did not move up the mountain, but around it, hoping to strike across the old trail. Toward nightfall,

when we were about tired out, we came up against a rock as big as a cottage. This barrier took all the

remaining spirit out of the men, and a panic of fear and despair ensued. They moaned and wept, and said they

should never see their homes and their dear ones again. Then they began to upbraid me for bringing them

Clearly it was no time to show weakness. So I made a speech in which I said that other Alpclimbers had

been in as perilous a position as this, and yet by courage and perseverance had escaped. I promised to stand

by them, I promised to rescue them. I closed by saying we had plenty of provisions to maintain us for quite a

siegeand did they suppose Zermatt would allow half a mile of men and mules to mysteriously disappear

during any considerable time, right above their noses, and make no inquiries? No, Zermatt would send out

This speech had a great effect. The men pitched the tents with some little show of cheerfulness, and we were

snugly under cover when the night shut down. I now reaped the reward of my wisdom in providing one

article which is not mentioned in any book of Alpine adventure but this. I refer to the paregoric. But for that

beneficent drug, would have not one of those men slept a moment during that fearful night. But for that gentle

persuader they must have tossed, unsoothed, the night through; for the whiskey was for me. Yes, they would

have risen in the morning unfitted for their heavy task. As it was, everybody slept but my agent and

meonly we and the barkeepers. I would not permit myself to sleep at such a time. I considered myself

responsible for all those lives. I meant to be on hand and ready, in case of avalanches up there, but I did not

We watched the weather all through that awful night, and kept an eye on the barometer, to be prepared for the

least change. There was not the slightest change recorded by the instrument, during the whole time. Words

cannot describe the comfort that that friendly, hopeful, steadfast thing was to me in that season of trouble. It

was a defective barometer, and had no hand but the stationary brass pointer, but I did not know that until

afterward. If I should be in such a situation again, I should not wish for any barometer but that one.

All hands rose at two in the morning and took breakfast, and as soon as it was light we roped ourselves

together and went at that rock. For some time we tried the hookrope and other means of scaling it, but

without successthat is, without perfect success. The hook caught once, and Harris started up it hand over

hand, but the hold broke and if there had not happened to be a chaplain sitting underneath at the time, Harris

would certainly have been crippled. As it was, it was the chaplain. He took to his crutches, and I ordered the

hookrope to be laid aside. It was too dangerous an implement where so many people are standing around.

We were puzzled for a while; then somebody thought of the ladders. One of these was leaned against the

rock, and the men went up it tied together in couples. Another ladder was sent up for use in descending. At

the end of half an hour everybody was over, and that rock was conquered. We gave our first grand shout of

triumph. But the joy was shortlived, for somebody asked how we were going to get the animals over.

This was a serious difficulty; in fact, it was an impossibility. The courage of the men began to waver

immediately; once more we were threatened with a panic. But when the danger was most imminent, we were

saved in a mysterious way. A mule which had attracted attention from the beginning by its disposition to

experiment, tried to eat a fivepound can of nitroglycerin. This happened right alongside the rock. The

explosion threw us all to the ground, and covered us with dirt and debris; it frightened us extremely, too, for

the crash it made was deafening, and the violence of the shock made the ground tremble. However, we were

grateful, for the rock was gone. Its place was occupied by a new cellar, about thirty feet across, by fifteen feet

deep. The explosion was heard as far as Zermatt; and an hour and a half afterward, many citizens of that town

were knocked down and quite seriously injured by descending portions of mule meat, frozen solid. This

We had nothing to do, now, but bridge the cellar and proceed on our way. With a cheer the men went at their

work. I attended to the engineering, myself. I appointed a strong detail to cut down trees with iceaxes and

trim them for piers to support the bridge. This was a slow business, for iceaxes are not good to cut wood

with. I caused my piers to be firmly set up in ranks in the cellar, and upon them I laid six of my fortyfoot

ladders, side by side, and laid six more on top of them. Upon this bridge I caused a bed of boughs to be

spread, and on top of the boughs a bed of earth six inches deep. I stretched ropes upon either side to serve as

railings, and then my bridge was complete. A train of elephants could have crossed it in safety and comfort.

Next morning we went on in good spirits for a while, though our way was slow and difficult, by reason of the

steep and rocky nature of the ground and the thickness of the forest; but at last a dull despondency crept into

the men's faces and it was apparent that not only they, but even the guides, were now convinced that we were

lost. The fact that we still met no tourists was a circumstance that was but too significant. Another thing

seemed to suggest that we were not only lost, but very badly lost; for there must surely be searchingparties

Demoralization was spreading; something must be done, and done quickly, too. Fortunately, I am not

unfertile in expedients. I contrived one now which commended itself to all, for it promised well. I took

threequarters of a mile of rope and fastened one end of it around the waist of a guide, and told him to go

find the road, while the caravan waited. I instructed him to guide himself back by the rope, in case of failure;

in case of success, he was to give the rope a series of violent jerks, whereupon the Expedition would go to

him at once. He departed, and in two minutes had disappeared among the trees. I payed out the rope myself,

while everybody watched the crawling thing with eager eyes. The rope crept away quite slowly, at times, at

other times with some briskness. Twice or thrice we seemed to get the signal, and a shout was just ready to

break from the men's lips when they perceived it was a false alarm. But at last, when over half a mile of rope

had slidden away, it stopped gliding and stood absolutely stillone minutetwo minutesthreewhile

Was the guide resting? Was he scanning the country from some high point? Was he inquiring of a chance

This thought gave us a shock. I was in the very first act of detailing an Expedition to succor him, when the

cord was assailed with a series of such frantic jerks that I could hardly keep hold of it. The huzza that went

up, then, was good to hear. "Saved! saved!" was the word that rang out, all down the long rank of the

We rose up and started at once. We found the route to be good enough for a while, but it began to grow

difficult, by and by, and this feature steadily increased. When we judged we had gone half a mile, we

momently expected to see the guide; but no, he was not visible anywhere; neither was he waiting, for the rope

was still moving, consequently he was doing the same. This argued that he had not found the road, yet, but

was marching to it with some peasant. There was nothing for us to do but plod alongand this we did. At

the end of three hours we were still plodding. This was not only mysterious, but exasperating. And very

fatiguing, too; for we had tried hard, along at first, to catch up with the guide, but had only fagged ourselves,

in vain; for although he was traveling slowly he was yet able to go faster than the hampered caravan over

At three in the afternoon we were nearly dead with exhaustionand still the rope was slowly gliding out.

The murmurs against the guide had been growing steadily, and at last they were become loud and savage. A

mutiny ensued. The men refused to proceed. They declared that we had been traveling over and over the

same ground all day, in a kind of circle. They demanded that our end of the rope be made fast to a tree, so as

to halt the guide until we could overtake him and kill him. This was not an unreasonable requirement, so I

As soon as the rope was tied, the Expedition moved forward with that alacrity which the thirst for vengeance

usually inspires. But after a tiresome march of almost half a mile, we came to a hill covered thick with a

crumbly rubbish of stones, and so steep that no man of us all was now in a condition to climb it. Every

attempt failed, and ended in crippling somebody. Within twenty minutes I had five men on crutches.

Whenever a climber tried to assist himself by the rope, it yielded and let him tumble backward. The

frequency of this result suggested an idea to me. I ordered the caravan to 'bout face and form in marching

The procession began to move, to the impressive strains of a battlechant, and I said to myself, "Now, if the

rope don't break I judge THIS will fetch that guide into the camp." I watched the rope gliding down the hill,

and presently when I was all fixed for triumph I was confronted by a bitter disappointment; there was no

guide tied to the rope, it was only a very indignant old black ram. The fury of the baffled Expedition

exceeded all bounds. They even wanted to wreak their unreasoning vengeance on this innocent dumb brute.

But I stood between them and their prey, menaced by a bristling wall of iceaxes and alpenstocks, and

proclaimed that there was but one road to this murder, and it was directly over my corpse. Even as I spoke I

saw that my doom was sealed, except a miracle supervened to divert these madmen from their fell purpose. I

see the sickening wall of weapons now; I see that advancing host as I saw it then, I see the hate in those cruel

eyes; I remember how I drooped my head upon my breast, I feel again the sudden earthquake shock in my

rear, administered by the very ram I was sacrificing myself to save; I hear once more the typhoon of laughter

that burst from the assaulting column as I clove it from van to rear like a Sepoy shot from a Rodman gun.

I was saved. Yes, I was saved, and by the merciful instinct of ingratitude which nature had planted in the

breast of that treacherous beast. The grace which eloquence had failed to work in those men's hearts, had

We lived to find out that that guide had deserted us as soon as he had placed a halfmile between himself and

us. To avert suspicion, he had judged it best that the line should continue to move; so he caught that ram, and

at the time that he was sitting on it making the rope fast to it, we were imagining that he was lying in a

swoon, overcome by fatigue and distress. When he allowed the ram to get up it fell to plunging around, trying

to rid itself of the rope, and this was the signal which we had risen up with glad shouts to obey. We had

followed this ram round and round in a circle all daya thing which was proven by the discovery that we

had watered the Expedition seven times at one and same spring in seven hours. As expert a woodman as I am,

I had somehow failed to notice this until my attention was called to it by a hog. This hog was always

wallowing there, and as he was the only hog we saw, his frequent repetition, together with his unvarying

similarity to himself, finally caused me to reflect that he must be the same hog, and this led me to the

I made a note of this curious thing, as showing in a striking manner the relative difference between glacial

action and the action of the hog. It is now a wellestablished fact that glaciers move; I consider that my

observations go to show, with equal conclusiveness, that a hog in a spring does not move. I shall be glad to

To return, for an explanatory moment, to that guide, and then I shall be done with him. After leaving the ram

tied to the rope, he had wandered at large a while, and then happened to run across a cow. Judging that a cow

would naturally know more than a guide, he took her by the tail, and the result justified his judgment. She

nibbled her leisurely way downhill till it was near milkingtime, then she struck for home and towed him into

We went into camp on that wild spot to which that ram had brought us. The men were greatly fatigued. Their

conviction that we were lost was forgotten in the cheer of a good supper, and before the reaction had a chance

Next morning I was considering in my mind our desperate situation and trying to think of a remedy, when

Harris came to me with a Baedeker map which showed conclusively that the mountain we were on was still

in Switzerlandyes, every part of it was in Switzerland. So we were not lost, after all. This was an immense

relief; it lifted the weight of two such mountains from my breast. I immediately had the news disseminated

and the map was exhibited. The effect was wonderful. As soon as the men saw with their own eyes that they

knew where they were, and that it was only the summit that was lost and not themselves, they cheered up

Our distresses being at an end, I now determined to rest the men in camp and give the scientific department of

the Expedition a chance. First, I made a barometric observation, to get our altitude, but I could not perceive

that there was any result. I knew, by my scientific reading, that either thermometers or barometers ought to be

boiled, to make them accurate; I did not know which it was, so I boiled them both. There was still no result;

so I examined these instruments and discovered that they possessed radical blemishes: the barometer had no

hand but the brass pointer and the ball of the thermometer was stuffed with tinfoil. I might have boiled those

I hunted up another barometer; it was new and perfect. I boiled it half an hour in a pot of bean soup which the

cooks were making. The result was unexpected: the instrument was not affecting at all, but there was such a

strong barometer taste to the soup that the head cook, who was a most conscientious person, changed its

name in the bill of fare. The dish was so greatly liked by all, that I ordered the cook to have barometer soup

every day. It was believed that the barometer might eventually be injured, but I did not care for that. I had

demonstrated to my satisfaction that it could not tell how high a mountain was, therefore I had no real use for

it. Changes in the weather I could take care of without it; I did not wish to know when the weather was going

to be good, what I wanted to know was when it was going to be bad, and this I could find out from Harris's

corns. Harris had had his corns tested and regulated at the government observatory in Heidelberg, and one

could depend upon them with confidence. So I transferred the new barometer to the cooking department, to

be used for the official mess. It was found that even a pretty fair article of soup could be made from the

defective barometer; so I allowed that one to be transferred to the subordinate mess.

I next boiled the thermometer, and got a most excellent result; the mercury went up to about 200 degrees

Fahrenheit. In the opinion of the other scientists of the Expedition, this seemed to indicate that we had

attained the extraordinary altitude of two hundred thousand feet above sealevel. Science places the line of

eternal snow at about ten thousand feet above sealevel. There was no snow where we were, consequently it

was proven that the eternal snowline ceases somewhere above the tenthousandfoot level and does not

begin any more. This was an interesting fact, and one which had not been observed by any observer before. It

was as valuable as interesting, too, since it would open up the deserted summits of the highest Alps to

population and agriculture. It was a proud thing to be where we were, yet it caused us a pang to reflect that

The success of my last experiment induced me to try an experiment with my photographic apparatus. I got it

out, and boiled one of my cameras, but the thing was a failure; it made the wood swell up and burst, and I

I now concluded to boil a guide. It might improve him, it could not impair his usefulness. But I was not

allowed to proceed. Guides have no feeling for science, and this one would not consent to be made

In the midst of my scientific work, one of those needless accidents happened which are always occurring

among the ignorant and thoughtless. A porter shot at a chamois and missed it and crippled the Latinist. This

was not a serious matter to me, for a Latinist's duties are as well performed on crutches as otherwise but

the fact remained that if the Latinist had not happened to be in the way a mule would have got that load. That

would have been quite another matter, for when it comes down to a question of value there is a palpable

difference between a Latinist and a mule. I could not depend on having a Latinist in the right place every

time; so, to make things safe, I ordered that in the future the chamois must not be hunted within limits of the

My nerves had hardly grown quiet after this affair when they got another shakeupone which utterly

unmanned me for a moment: a rumor swept suddenly through the camp that one of the barkeepers had fallen

However, it turned out that it was only a chaplain. I had laid in an extra force of chaplains, purposely to be

prepared for emergencies like this, but by some unaccountable oversight had come away rather shorthanded

On the following morning we moved on, well refreshed and in good spirits. I remember this day with peculiar

pleasure, because it saw our road restored to us. Yes, we found our road again, and in quite an extraordinary

way. We had plodded along some two hours and a half, when we came up against a solid mass of rock about

twenty feet high. I did not need to be instructed by a mule this time. I was already beginning to know more

than any mule in the Expedition. I at once put in a blast of dynamite, and lifted that rock out of the way. But

to my surprise and mortification, I found that there had been a chalet on top of it.

I picked up such members of the family as fell in my vicinity, and subordinates of my corps collected the rest.

None of these poor people were injured, happily, but they were much annoyed. I explained to the head

chaleteer just how the thing happened, and that I was only searching for the road, and would certainly have

given him timely notice if I had known he was up there. I said I had meant no harm, and hoped I had not

lowered myself in his estimation by raising him a few rods in the air. I said many other judicious things, and

finally when I offered to rebuild his chalet, and pay for the breakages, and throw in the cellar, he was

mollified and satisfied. He hadn't any cellar at all, before; he would not have as good a view, now, as

formerly, but what he had lost in view he had gained in cellar, by exact measurement. He said there wasn't

another hole like that in the mountains and he would have been right if the late mule had not tried to eat up

I put a hundred and sixteen men at work, and they rebuilt the chalet from its own debris in fifteen minutes. It

was a good deal more picturesque than it was before, too. The man said we were now on the FeilStutz,

above the Schwegmattinformation which I was glad to get, since it gave us our position to a degree of

particularity which we had not been accustomed to for a day or so. We also learned that we were standing at

the foot of the Riffelberg proper, and that the initial chapter of our work was completed.

We had a fine view, from here, of the energetic Visp, as it makes its first plunge into the world from under a

huge arch of solid ice, worn through the footwall of the great Gorner Glacier; and we could also see the

The muleroad to the summit of the Riffelberg passed right in front of the chalet, a circumstance which we

almost immediately noticed, because a procession of tourists was filing along it pretty much all the time. [1]

The chaleteer's business consisted in furnishing refreshments to tourists. My blast had interrupted this trade

for a few minutes, by breaking all the bottles on the place; but I gave the man a lot of whiskey to sell for

Alpine champagne, and a lot of vinegar which would answer for Rhine wine, consequently trade was soon as

Leaving the Expedition outside to rest, I quartered myself in the chalet, with Harris, proposing to correct my

journals and scientific observations before continuing the ascent. I had hardly begun my work when a tall,

slender, vigorous American youth of about twentythree, who was on his way down the mountain, entered

and came toward me with that breeze selfcomplacency which is the adolescent's idea of the wellbred ease

of the man of the world. His hair was short and parted accurately in the middle, and he had all the look of an

American person who would be likely to begin his signature with an initial, and spell his middle name out.

He introduced himself, smiling a smirky smile borrowed from the courtiers of the stage, extended a

fairskinned talon, and while he gripped my hand in it he bent his body forward three times at the hips, as the

stage courtier does, and said in the airiest and most condescending and patronizing wayI quite remember

"Very glad to make your acquaintance, 'm sure; very glad indeed, assure you. I've read all your little efforts

I indicated a chair, and he sat down. This grandee was the grandson of an American of considerable note in

his day, and not wholly forgotten yeta man who came so near being a great man that he was quite

I slowly paced the floor, pondering scientific problems, and heard this conversation:

G.S. (With a soft reminiscent sigh suggestive of bygone joys that may be tasted in their freshness but once.)

Ah, I know what it is to you. A first visit!ah, the romance of it! I wish I could feel it again.

G.S. (With a dainty gesture of the hand signifying "Spare me your callow enthusiasms, good friend.") Yes,

_I_ know, I know; you go to cathedrals, and exclaim; and you drag through leaguelong picturegalleries

and exclaim; and you stand here, and there, and yonder, upon historic ground, and continue to exclaim; and

you are permeated with your first crude conceptions of Art, and are proud and happy. Ah, yes, proud and

G.S. I! Oh, that is VERY good! My dear sir, when you are as old a traveler as I am, you will not ask such a

question as that. _I_ visit the regulation gallery, moon around the regulation cathedral, do the worn round of

G.S. Do? I flitand flitfor I am ever on the wingbut I avoid the herd. Today I am in Paris, tomorrow in

Berlin, anon in Rome; but you would look for me in vain in the galleries of the Louvre or the common resorts

of the gazers in those other capitals. If you would find me, you must look in the unvisited nooks and corners

where others never think of going. One day you will find me making myself at home in some obscure

peasant's cabin, another day you will find me in some forgotten castle worshiping some little gem or art

which the careless eye has overlooked and which the unexperienced would despise; again you will find me as

guest in the inner sanctuaries of palaces while the herd is content to get a hurried glimpse of the unused

G.S. My grandfather's name is a passport to all the courts in Europe. I have only to utter that name and every

door is open to me. I flit from court to court at my own free will and pleasure, and am always welcome. I am

as much at home in the palaces of Europe as you are among your relatives. I know every titled person in

Europe, I think. I have my pockets full of invitations all the time. I am under promise to go to Italy, where I

am to be the guest of a succession of the noblest houses in the land. In Berlin my life is a continued round of

H. It must be very pleasant. But it must make Boston seem a little slow when you are at home.

G.S. Yes, of course it does. But I don't go home much. There's no life therelittle to feed a man's higher

nature. Boston's very narrow, you know. She doesn't know it, and you couldn't convince her of itso I say

nothing when I'm there: where's the use? Yes, Boston is very narrow, but she has such a good opinion of

herself that she can't see it. A man who has traveled as much as I have, and seen as much of the world, sees it

plain enough, but he can't cure it, you know, so the best is to leave it and seek a sphere which is more in

harmony with his tastes and culture. I run across there, one a year, perhaps, when I have nothing important on

G.S. No, excuse me. I don't map out any plans. I simply follow the inclination of the day. I am limited by no

ties, no requirements, I am not bound in any way. I am too old a traveler to hamper myself with deliberate

purposes. I am simply a traveleran inveterate travelera man of the world, in a wordI can call myself

by no other name. I do not say, "I am going here, or I am going there"I say nothing at all, I only act. For

instance, next week you may find me the guest of a grandee of Spain, or you may find me off for Venice, or

flitting toward Dresden. I shall probably go to Egypt presently; friends will say to friends, "He is at the Nile

cataracts"and at that very moment they will be surprised to learn that I'm away off yonder in India

somewhere. I am a constant surprise to people. They are always saying, "Yes, he was in Jerusalem when we

Presently the Grandson rose to leavediscovered he had an appointment with some Emperor, perhaps. He

did his graces over again: gripped me with one talon, at arm'slength, pressed his hat against his stomach

Then he removed his gracious presence. It is a great and solemn thing to have a grandfather.

I have not purposed to misrepresent this boy in any way, for what little indignation he excited in me soon

passed and left nothing behind it but compassion. One cannot keep up a grudge against a vacuum. I have tried

to repeat this lad's very words; if I have failed anywhere I have at least not failed to reproduce the marrow

and meaning of what he said. He and the innocent chatterbox whom I met on the Swiss lake are the most

unique and interesting specimens of Young America I came across during my foreign tramping. I have made

honest portraits of them, not caricatures. The Grandson of twentythree referred to himself five or six times

as an "old traveler,"and as many as three times (with a serene complacency which was maddening) as a "man

of the world." There was something very delicious about his leaving Boston to her "narrowness," unreproved

I formed the caravan in marching order, presently, and after riding down the line to see that it was properly

roped together, gave the command to proceed. In a little while the road carried us to open, grassy land. We

were above the troublesome forest, now, and had an uninterrupted view, straight before us, of our summit

We followed the muleroad, a zigzag course, now to the right, now to the left, but always up, and always

crowded and incommoded by going and coming files of reckless tourists who were never, in a single

instance, tied together. I was obliged to exert the utmost care and caution, for in many places the road was not

two yards wide, and often the lower side of it sloped away in slanting precipices eight and even nine feet

deep. I had to encourage the men constantly, to keep them from giving way to their unmanly fears.

We might have made the summit before night, but for a delay caused by the loss of an umbrella. I was

allowing the umbrella to remain lost, but the men murmured, and with reason, for in this exposed region we

stood in peculiar need of protection against avalanches; so I went into camp and detached a strong party to go

The difficulties of the next morning were severe, but our courage was high, for our goal was near. At noon

we conquered the last impedimentwe stood at last upon the summit, and without the loss of a single man

except the mule that ate the glycerin. Our great achievement was achievedthe possibility of the impossible

was demonstrated, and Harris and I walked proudly into the great diningroom of the Riffelberg Hotel and

Yes, I had made the grand ascent; but it was a mistake to do it in evening dress. The plug hats were battered,

the swallowtails were fluttering rags, mud added no grace, the general effect was unpleasant and even

There were about seventyfive tourists at the hotel mainly ladies and little childrenand they gave us an

admiring welcome which paid us for all our privations and sufferings. The ascent had been made, and the

names and dates now stand recorded on a stone monument there to prove it to all future tourists.

I boiled a thermometer and took an altitude, with a most curious result: THE SUMMIT WAS NOT AS HIGH

Suspecting that I had made an important discovery, I prepared to verify it. There happened to be a still higher

summit (called the Gorner Grat), above the hotel, and notwithstanding the fact that it overlooks a glacier from

a dizzy height, and that the ascent is difficult and dangerous, I resolved to venture up there and boil a

thermometer. So I sent a strong party, with some borrowed hoes, in charge of two chiefs of service, to dig a

stairway in the soil all the way up, and this I ascended, roped to the guides. This breezy height was the

summit properso I accomplished even more than I had originally purposed to do. This foolhardy exploit is

I boiled my thermometer, and sure enough, this spot, which purported to be two thousand feet higher than the

locality of the hotel, turned out to be nine thousand feet LOWER. Thus the fact was clearly demonstrated

ACTUALLY IS. Our ascent itself was a great achievement, but this contribution to science was an

Cavilers object that water boils at a lower and lower temperature the higher and higher you go, and hence the

apparent anomaly. I answer that I do not base my theory upon what the boiling water does, but upon what a

I had a magnificent view of Monte Rosa, and apparently all the rest of the Alpine world, from that high place.

All the circling horizon was piled high with a mighty tumult of snowy crests. One might have imagined he

But lonely, conspicuous, and superb, rose that wonderful upright wedge, the Matterhorn. Its precipitous sides

were powdered over with snow, and the upper half hidden in thick clouds which now and then dissolved to

cobweb films and gave brief glimpses of the imposing tower as through a veil. [2] A little later the

Matterhorn took to himself the semblance of a volcano; he was stripped naked to his apex around this

circled vast wreaths of white cloud which strung slowly out and streamed away slantwise toward the sun, a

twentymile stretch of rolling and tumbling vapor, and looking just as if it were pouring out of a crater. Later

again, one of the mountain's sides was clean and clear, and another side densely clothed from base to summit

in thick smokelike cloud which feathered off and flew around the shaft's sharp edge like the smoke around

the corners of a burning building. The Matterhorn is always experimenting, and always gets up fine effects,

too. In the sunset, when all the lower world is palled in gloom, it points toward heaven out of the pervading

blackness like a finger of fire. In the sunrisewell, they say it is very fine in the sunrise.

Authorities agree that there is no such tremendous "layout" of snowy Alpine magnitude, grandeur, and

sublimity to be seen from any other accessible point as the tourist may see from the summit of the Riffelberg.

Therefore, let the tourist rope himself up and go there; for I have shown that with nerve, caution, and

I wish to add one remark, herein parentheses, so to speak suggested by the word "snowy," which I have

just used. We have all seen hills and mountains and levels with snow on them, and so we think we know all

the aspects and effects produced by snow. But indeed we do not until we have seen the Alps. Possibly mass

and distance add somethingat any rate, something IS added. Among other noticeable things, there is a

dazzling, intense whiteness about the distant Alpine snow, when the sun is on it, which one recognizes as

peculiar, and not familiar to the eye. The snow which one is accustomed to has a tint to itpainters usually

give it a bluish castbut there is no perceptible tint to the distant Alpine snow when it is trying to look its

whitest. As to the unimaginable splendor of it when the sun is blazing down on itwell, it simply IS

A guidebook is a queer thing. The reader has just seen what a man who undertakes the great ascent from

Zermatt to the Riffelberg Hotel must experience. Yet Baedeker makes these strange statements concerning

I have pretty effectually throttled these errors by sending him the following demonstrated facts:

I found my arnica invaluable. My men were suffering excruciatingly, from the friction of sitting down so

much. During two or three days, not one of them was able to do more than lie down or walk about; yet so

effective was the arnica, that on the fourth all were able to sit up. I consider that, more than to anything else, I

My men are being restored to health and strength, my main perplexity, now, was how to get them down the

mountain again. I was not willing to expose the brave fellows to the perils, fatigues, and hardships of that

fearful route again if it could be helped. First I thought of balloons; but, of course, I had to give that idea up,

for balloons were not procurable. I thought of several other expedients, but upon consideration discarded

them, for cause. But at last I hit it. I was aware that the movement of glaciers is an established fact, for I had

read it in Baedeker; so I resolved to take passage for Zermatt on the great Gorner Glacier.

Very good. The next thing was, how to get down the glacier comfortablyfor the muleroad to it was long,

and winding, and wearisome. I set my mind at work, and soon thought out a plan. One looks straight down

upon the vast frozen river called the Gorner Glacier, from the Gorner Grat, a sheer precipice twelve hundred

feet high. We had one hundred and fiftyfour umbrellas and what is an umbrella but a parachute?

I mentioned this noble idea to Harris, with enthusiasm, and was about to order the Expedition to form on the

Gorner Grat, with their umbrellas, and prepare for flight by platoons, each platoon in command of a guide,

when Harris stopped me and urged me not to be too hasty. He asked me if this method of descending the Alps

had ever been tried before. I said no, I had not heard of an instance. Then, in his opinion, it was a matter of

considerable gravity; in his opinion it would not be well to send the whole command over the cliff at once; a

better way would be to send down a single individual, first, and see how he fared.

I saw the wisdom in this idea instantly. I said as much, and thanked my agent cordially, and told him to take

his umbrella and try the thing right away, and wave his hat when he got down, if he struck in a soft place, and

Harris was greatly touched with this mark of confidence, and said so, in a voice that had a perceptible tremble

in it; but at the same time he said he did not feel himself worthy of so conspicuous a favor; that it might cause

jealousy in the command, for there were plenty who would not hesitate to say he had used underhanded

means to get the appointment, whereas his conscience would bear him witness that he had not sought it at all,

I said these words did him extreme credit, but that he must not throw away the imperishable distinction of

being the first man to descend an Alp per parachute, simply to save the feelings of some envious underlings.

No, I said, he MUST accept the appointmentit was no longer an invitation, it was a command.

He thanked me with effusion, and said that putting the thing in this form removed every objection. He retired,

and soon returned with his umbrella, his eye flaming with gratitude and his cheeks pallid with joy. Just then

the head guide passed along. Harris's expression changed to one of infinite tenderness, and he said:

"That man did me a cruel injury four days ago, and I said in my heart he should live to perceive and confess

that the only noble revenge a man can take upon his enemy is to return good for evil. I resign in his favor.

"Harris, you are the noblest soul that lives. You shall not regret this sublime act, neither shall the world fail to

know of it. You shall have opportunity far transcending this one, too, if I liveremember that."

I called the head guide to me and appointed him on the spot. But the thing aroused no enthusiasm in him. He

"Tie myself to an umbrella and jump over the Gorner Grat! Excuse me, there are a great many pleasanter

Upon a discussion of the subject with him, it appeared that he considered the project distinctly and decidedly

dangerous. I was not convinced, yet I was not willing to try the experiment in any risky waythat is, in a

way that might cripple the strength and efficiency of the Expedition. I was about at my wits' end when it

He was called in. But he declined, on the plea of inexperience, diffidence in public, lack of curiosity, and I

didn't know what all. Another man declined on account of a cold in the head; thought he ought to avoid

exposure. Another could not jump wellnever COULD jump welldid not believe he could jump so far

without long and patient practice. Another was afraid it was going to rain, and his umbrella had a hole in it.

Everybody had an excuse. The result was what the reader has by this time guessed: the most magnificent idea

that was ever conceived had to be abandoned, from sheer lack of a person with enterprise enough to carry it

out. Yes, I actually had to give that thing upwhile doubtless I should live to see somebody use it and take

Well, I had to go overlandthere was no other way. I marched the Expedition down the steep and tedious

mulepath and took up as good a position as I could upon the middle of the glacierbecause Baedeker said

the middle part travels the fastest. As a measure of economy, however, I put some of the heavier baggage on

I waited and waited, but the glacier did not move. Night was coming on, the darkness began to gatherstill

we did not budge. It occurred to me then, that there might be a timetable in Baedeker; it would be well to

find out the hours of starting. I called for the bookit could not be found. Bradshaw would certainly contain

Very well, I must make the best of the situation. So I pitched the tents, picketed the animals, milked the cows,

had supper, paregoricked the men, established the watch, and went to bedwith orders to call me as soon as

I awoke about half past ten next morning, and looked around. We hadn't budged a peg! At first I could not

understand it; then it occurred to me that the old thing must be aground. So I cut down some trees and rigged

a spar on the starboard and another on the port side, and fooled away upward of three hours trying to spar her

off. But it was no use. She was half a mile wide and fifteen or twenty miles long, and there was no telling just

whereabouts she WAS aground. The men began to show uneasiness, too, and presently they came flying to

Nothing but my cool behavior at this critical time saved us from another panic. I order them to show me the

place. They led me to a spot where a huge boulder lay in a deep pool of clear and brilliant water. It did look

like a pretty bad leak, but I kept that to myself. I made a pump and set the men to work to pump out the

glacier. We made a success of it. I perceived, then, that it was not a leak at all. This boulder had descended

from a precipice and stopped on the ice in the middle of the glacier, and the sun had warmed it up, every day,

and consequently it had melted its way deeper and deeper into the ice, until at last it reposed, as we had found

Presently Baedeker was found again, and I hunted eagerly for the timetable. There was none. The book

simply said the glacier was moving all the time. This was satisfactory, so I shut up the book and chose a good

position to view the scenery as we passed along. I stood there some time enjoying the trip, but at last it

occurred to me that we did not seem to be gaining any on the scenery. I said to myself, "This confounded old

thing's aground again, sure,"and opened Baedeker to see if I could run across any remedy for these

annoying interruptions. I soon found a sentence which threw a dazzling light upon the matter. It said, "The

Gorner Glacier travels at an average rate of a little less than an inch a day." I have seldom felt so outraged. I

have seldom had my confidence so wantonly betrayed. I made a small calculation: One inch a day, say thirty

feet a year; estimated distance to Zermatt, three and oneeighteenth miles. Time required to go by glacier, A

LITTLE OVER FIVE HUNDRED YEARS! I said to myself, "I can WALK it quickerand before I will

When I revealed to Harris the fact that the passenger part of this glacierthe central partthe

lightningexpress part, so to speakwas not due in Zermatt till the summer of 2378, and that the baggage,

coming along the slow edge, would not arrive until some generations later, he burst out with:

"That is European management, all over! An inch a daythink of that! Five hundred years to go a trifle over

three miles! But I am not a bit surprised. It's a Catholic glacier. You can tell by the look of it. And the

I said, no, I believed nothing but the extreme end of it was in a Catholic canton.

"Well, then, it's a government glacier," said Harris. "It's all the same. Over here the government runs

everythingso everything's slow; slow, and illmanaged. But with us, everything's done by private

enterpriseand then there ain't much lolling around, you can depend on it. I wish Tom Scott could get his

hands on this torpid old slab onceyou'd see it take a different gait from this."

I said I was sure he would increase the speed, if there was trade enough to justify it.

"He'd MAKE trade," said Harris. "That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments

don't care, individuals do. Tom Scott would take all the trade; in two years Gorner stock would go to two

hundred, and inside of two more you would see all the other glaciers under the hammer for taxes." After a

reflective pause, Harris added, "A little less than an inch a day; a little less than an INCH, mind you. Well,

I was feeling much the same way myself. I have traveled by canalboat, oxwagon, raft, and by the Ephesus

and Smyrna railway; but when it comes down to good solid honest slow motion, I bet my money on the

glacier. As a means of passenger transportation, I consider the glacier a failure; but as a vehicle of slow

freight, I think she fills the bill. In the matter of putting the fine shades on that line of business, I judge she

I ordered the men to break camp and prepare for the land journey to Zermatt. At this moment a most

interesting find was made; a dark object, bedded in the glacial ice, was cut out with the iceaxes, and it

proved to be a piece of the undressed skin of some animala hair trunk, perhaps; but a close inspection

disabled the hairtrunk theory, and further discussion and examination exploded it entirelythat is, in the

opinion of all the scientists except the one who had advanced it. This one clung to his theory with affectionate

fidelity characteristic of originators of scientific theories, and afterward won many of the first scientists of the

age to his view, by a very able pamphlet which he wrote, entitled, "Evidences going to show that the hair

trunk, in a wild state, belonged to the early glacial period, and roamed the wastes of chaos in the company

with the cavebear, primeval man, and the other Oo"litics of the Old Silurian family."

Each of our scientists had a theory of his own, and put forward an animal of his own as a candidate for the

skin. I sided with the geologist of the Expedition in the belief that this patch of skin had once helped to cover

a Siberian elephant, in some old forgotten agebut we divided there, the geologist believing that this

discovery proved that Siberia had formerly been located where Switzerland is now, whereas I held the

opinion that it merely proved that the primeval Swiss was not the dull savage he is represented to have been,

but was a being of high intellectual development, who liked to go to the menagerie.

We arrived that evening, after many hardships and adventures, in some fields close to the great icearch

where the mad Visp boils and surges out from under the foot of the great Gorner Glacier, and here we

camped, our perils over and our magnificent undertaking successfully completed. We marched into Zermatt

the next day, and were received with the most lavish honors and applause. A document, signed and sealed by

the authorities, was given to me which established and endorsed the fact that I had made the ascent of the

Riffelberg. This I wear around my neck, and it will be buried with me when I am no more.

I am not so ignorant about glacial movement, now, as I was when I took passage on the Gorner Glacier. I

have "read up" since. I am aware that these vast bodies of ice do not travel at the same rate of speed; while

the Gorner Glacier makes less than an inch a day, the UnterAar Glacier makes as much as eight; and still

other glaciers are said to go twelve, sixteen, and even twenty inches a day. One writer says that the slowest

What is a glacier? It is easy to say it looks like a frozen river which occupies the bed of a winding gorge or

gully between mountains. But that gives no notion of its vastness. For it is sometimes six hundred feet thick,

and we are not accustomed to rivers six hundred feet deep; no, our rivers are six feet, twenty feet, and

sometimes fifty feet deep; we are not quite able to grasp so large a fact as an iceriver six hundred feet deep.

The glacier's surface is not smooth and level, but has deep swales and swelling elevations, and sometimes has

the look of a tossing sea whose turbulent billows were frozen hard in the instant of their most violent motion;

the glacier's surface is not a flawless mass, but is a river with cracks or crevices, some narrow, some gaping

wide. Many a man, the victim of a slip or a misstep, has plunged down on of these and met his death. Men

have been fished out of them alive; but it was when they did not go to a great depth; the cold of the great

depths would quickly stupefy a man, whether he was hurt or unhurt. These cracks do not go straight down;

one can seldom see more than twenty to forty feet down them; consequently men who have disappeared in

them have been sought for, in the hope that they had stopped within helping distance, whereas their case, in

In 1864 a party of tourists was descending Mont Blanc, and while picking their way over one of the mighty

glaciers of that lofty region, roped together, as was proper, a young porter disengaged himself from the line

and started across an icebridge which spanned a crevice. It broke under him with a crash, and he

disappeared. The others could not see how deep he had gone, so it might be worthwhile to try and rescue him.

Two ropes were made fast to his leather belt and he bore the end of a third one in his hand to tie to the victim

in case he found him. He was lowered into the crevice, he descended deeper and deeper between the clear

blue walls of solid ice, he approached a bend in the crack and disappeared under it. Down, and still down, he

went, into this profound grave; when he had reached a depth of eighty feet he passed under another bend in

the crack, and thence descended eighty feet lower, as between perpendicular precipices. Arrived at this stage

of one hundred and sixty feet below the surface of the glacier, he peered through the twilight dimness and

perceived that the chasm took another turn and stretched away at a steep slant to unknown deeps, for its

course was lost in darkness. What a place that was to be inespecially if that leather belt should break! The

compression of the belt threatened to suffocate the intrepid fellow; he called to his friends to draw him up,

but could not make them hear. They still lowered him, deeper and deeper. Then he jerked his third cord as

vigorously as he could; his friends understood, and dragged him out of those icy jaws of death.

Then they attached a bottle to a cord and sent it down two hundred feet, but it found no bottom. It came up

covered with congelationsevidence enough that even if the poor porter reached the bottom with unbroken

A glacier is a stupendous, everprogressing, resistless plow. It pushes ahead of its masses of boulders which

are packed together, and they stretch across the gorge, right in front of it, like a long grave or a long, sharp

roof. This is called a moraine. It also shoves out a moraine along each side of its course.

Imposing as the modern glaciers are, they are not so huge as were some that once existed. For instance, Mr.

"At some very remote period the Valley of Aosta was occupied by a vast glacier, which flowed down its

entire length from Mont Blanc to the plain of Piedmont, remained stationary, or nearly so, at its mouth for

many centuries, and deposited there enormous masses of debris. The length of this glacier exceeded EIGHTY

MILES, and it drained a basin twentyfive to thirtyfive miles across, bounded by the highest mountains in

the Alps. The great peaks rose several thousand feet above the glaciers, and then, as now, shattered by sun

and frost, poured down their showers of rocks and stones, in witness of which there are the immense piles of

"The moraines around Ivrea are of extraordinary dimensions. That which was on the left bank of the glacier is

about THIRTEEN MILES long, and in some places rises to a height of TWO THOUSAND ONE

HUNDRED AND THIRTY FEET above the floor of the valley! The terminal moraines (those which are

pushed in front of the glaciers) cover something like twenty square miles of country. At the mouth of the

Valley of Aosta, the thickness of the glacier must have been at least TWO THOUSAND feet, and its width, at

It is not easy to get at a comprehension of a mass of ice like that. If one could cleave off the butt end of such a

glacieran oblong block two or three miles wide by five and a quarter long and two thousand feet thick

he could completely hide the city of New York under it, and Trinity steeple would only stick up into it

relatively as far as a shinglenail would stick up into the bottom of a Saratoga trunk.

"The boulders from Mont Blanc, upon the plain below Ivrea, assure us that the glacier which transported

them existed for a prodigious length of time. Their present distance from the cliffs from which they were

derived is about 420,000 feet, and if we assume that they traveled at the rate of 400 feet per annum, their

journey must have occupied them no less than 1,055 years! In all probability they did not travel so fast."

Glaciers are sometimes hurried out of their characteristic snailpace. A marvelous spectacle is presented

"It seems that in the neighborhood of the mountain Kotlugja, large bodies of water formed underneath, or

within the glaciers (either on account of the interior heat of the earth, or from other causes), and at length

acquired irresistible power, tore the glaciers from their mooring on the land, and swept them over every

obstacle into the sea. Prodigious masses of ice were thus borne for a distance of about ten miles over land in

the space of a few hours; and their bulk was so enormous that they covered the sea for seven miles from the

shore, and remained aground in six hundred feet of water! The denudation of the land was upon a grand scale.

All superficial accumulations were swept away, and the bedrock was exposed. It was described, in graphic

language, how all irregularities and depressions were obliterated, and a smooth surface of several miles' area

laid bare, and that this area had the appearance of having been PLANED BY A PLANE."

The account translated from the Icelandic says that the mountainlike ruins of this majestic glacier so covered

the sea that as far as the eye could reach no open water was discoverable, even from the highest peaks. A

monster wall or barrier of ice was built across a considerable stretch of land, too, by this strange irruption:

"One can form some idea of the altitude of this barrier of ice when it is mentioned that from Hofdabrekka

farm, which lies high up on a fjeld, one could not see Hjorleifshofdi opposite, which is a fell six hundred and

forty feet in height; but in order to do so had to clamber up a mountain slope east of Hofdabrekka twelve

These things will help the reader to understand why it is that a man who keeps company with glaciers comes

to feel tolerably insignificant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take every bit of

conceit out of a man and reduce his selfimportance to zero if he will only remain within the influence of

their sublime presence long enough to give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work.

The Alpine glaciers movethat is granted, now, by everybody. But there was a time when people scoffed at

the idea; they said you might as well expect leagues of solid rock to crawl along the ground as expect leagues

of ice to do it. But proof after proof as furnished, and the finally the world had to believe.

The wise men not only said the glacier moved, but they timed its movement. They ciphered out a glacier's

gait, and then said confidently that it would travel just so far in so many years. There is record of a striking

In 1820 the ascent of Mont Blanc was attempted by a Russian and two Englishmen, with seven guides. They

had reached a prodigious altitude, and were approaching the summit, when an avalanche swept several of the

party down a sharp slope of two hundred feet and hurled five of them (all guides) into one of the crevices of a

glacier. The life of one of the five was saved by a long barometer which was strapped to his backit bridged

the crevice and suspended him until help came. The alpenstock or baton of another saved its owner in a

similar way. Three men were lostPierre Balmat, Pierre Carrier, and Auguste Tairraz. They had been hurled

Dr. Forbes, the English geologist, had made frequent visits to the Mont Blanc region, and had given much

attention to the disputed question of the movement of glaciers. During one of these visits he completed his

estimates of the rate of movement of the glacier which had swallowed up the three guides, and uttered the

prediction that the glacier would deliver up its dead at the foot of the mountain thirtyfive years from the

A dull, slow journeya movement imperceptible to any eye but it was proceeding, nevertheless, and

without cessation. It was a journey which a rolling stone would make in a few secondsthe lofty point of

The prediction cut curiously close to the truth; fortyone years after the catastrophe, the remains were cast

I find an interesting account of the matter in the HISTOIRE DU MONT BLANC, by Stephen d'Arve. I will

On the 12th of August, 1861, at the hour of the close of mass, a guide arrived out of breath at the mairie of

Chamonix, and bearing on his shoulders a very lugubrious burden. It was a sack filled with human remains

which he had gathered from the orifice of a crevice in the Glacier des Bossons. He conjectured that these

were remains of the victims of the catastrophe of 1820, and a minute inquest, immediately instituted by the

local authorities, soon demonstrated the correctness of his supposition. The contents of the sack were spread

Portions of three human skulls. Several tufts of black and blonde hair. A human jaw, furnished with fine

white teeth. A forearm and hand, all the fingers of the latter intact. The flesh was white and fresh, and both

The ringfinger had suffered a slight abrasion, and the stain of the blood was still visible and unchanged after

Along with these fragments were portions of waistcoats, hats, hobnailed shoes, and other clothing; a wing of

a pigeon, with black feathers; a fragment of an alpenstock; a tin lantern; and lastly, a boiled leg of mutton, the

only flesh among all the remains that exhaled an unpleasant odor. The guide said that the mutton had no odor

when he took it from the glacier; an hour's exposure to the sun had already begun the work of decomposition

Persons were called for, to identify these poor pathetic relics, and a touching scene ensured. Two men were

still living who had witnessed the grim catastrophe of nearly half a century beforeMarie Couttet (saved by

his baton) and Julien Davouassoux (saved by the barometer). These aged men entered and approached the

table. Davouassoux, more than eighty years old, contemplated the mournful remains mutely and with a

vacant eye, for his intelligence and his memory were torpid with age; but Couttet's faculties were still perfect

"Pierre Balmat was fair; he wore a straw hat. This bit of skull, with the tuft of blond hair, was his; this is his

hat. Pierre Carrier was very dark; this skull was his, and this felt hat. This is Balmat's hand, I remember it so

well!" and the old man bent down and kissed it reverently, then closed his fingers upon it in an affectionate

grasp, crying out, "I could never have dared to believe that before quitting this world it would be granted me

to press once more the hand of one of those brave comrades, the hand of my good friend Balmat."

There is something weirdly pathetic about the picture of that whitehaired veteran greeting with his loving

handshake this friend who had been dead forty years. When these hands had met last, they were alike in the

softness and freshness of youth; now, one was brown and wrinkled and horny with age, while the other was

still as young and fair and blemishless as if those forty years had come and gone in a single moment, leaving

no mark of their passage. Time had gone on, in the one case; it had stood still in the other. A man who has

not seen a friend for a generation, keeps him in mind always as he saw him last, and is somehow surprised,

and is also shocked, to see the aging change the years have wrought when he sees him again. Marie Couttet's

experience, in finding his friend's hand unaltered from the image of it which he had carried in his memory for

forty years, is an experience which stands alone in the history of man, perhaps.

"This hat belonged to Auguste Tairraz. He carried the cage of pigeons which we proposed to set free upon the

summit. Here is the wing of one of those pigeons. And here is the fragment of my broken baton; it was by

grace of that baton that my life was saved. Who could have told me that I should one day have the

satisfaction to look again upon this bit of wood that supported me above the grave that swallowed up my

No portions of the body of Tairraz, other than a piece of the skull, had been found. A diligent search was

made, but without result. However, another search was instituted a year later, and this had better success.

Many fragments of clothing which had belonged to the lost guides were discovered; also, part of a lantern,

One of the searchers came suddenly upon a sleeved arm projecting from a crevice in the icewall, with the

hand outstretched as if offering greeting! "The nails of this white hand were still rosy, and the pose of the

extended fingers seemed to express an eloquent welcome to the longlost light of day."

The hand and arm were alone; there was no trunk. After being removed from the ice the fleshtints quickly

faded out and the rosy nails took on the alabaster hue of death. This was the third RIGHT hand found;

therefore, all three of the lost men were accounted for, beyond cavil or question.

Dr. Hamel was the Russian gentleman of the party which made the ascent at the time of the famous disaster.

He left Chamonix as soon as he conveniently could after the descent; and as he had shown a chilly

indifference about the calamity, and offered neither sympathy nor assistance to the widows and orphans, he

carried with him the cordial execrations of the whole community. Four months before the first remains were

found, a Chamonix guide named Balmata relative of one of the lost menwas in London, and one day

"Yes, it is the opinion of Dr. Forbes and Mr. Tyndall, that the glacier will sooner or later restore to us the

"Without a doubt, without a doubt. And it will be a great thing for Chamonix, in the matter of attracting

This savage idea has not improved the odor of Dr. Hamel's name in Chamonix by any means. But after all,

the man was sound on human nature. His idea was conveyed to the public officials of Chamonix, and they

gravely discussed it around the official counciltable. They were only prevented from carrying it into

execution by the determined opposition of the friends and descendants of the lost guides, who insisted on

A close watch had to be kept upon all the poor remnants and fragments, to prevent embezzlement. A few

accessory odds and ends were sold. Rags and scraps of the coarse clothing were parted with at the rate equal

to about twenty dollars a yard; a piece of a lantern and one or two other trifles brought nearly their weight in

One of the most memorable of all the Alpine catastrophes was that of July, 1865, on the Matterhornalready

sighted referred to, a few pages back. The details of it are scarcely known in America. To the vast majority of

readers they are not known at all. Mr. Whymper's account is the only authentic one. I will import the chief

portion of it into this book, partly because of its intrinsic interest, and partly because it gives such a vivid idea

of what the perilous pastime of Alpclimbing is. This was Mr. Whymper's NINTH attempt during a series of

years, to vanquish that steep and stubborn pillar or rock; it succeeded, the other eight were failures. No man

We started from Zermatt on the 13th of July, at half past five, on a brilliant and perfectly cloudless morning.

We were eight in numberCroz (guide), old Peter Taugwalder (guide) and his two sons; Lord F. Douglas,

Mr. Hadow, Rev. Mr. Hudson, and I. To insure steady motion, one tourist and one native walked together.

The youngest Taugwalder fell to my share. The winebags also fell to my lot to carry, and throughout the

day, after each drink, I replenished them secretly with water, so that at the next halt they were found fuller

On the first day we did not intend to ascend to any great height, and we mounted, accordingly, very leisurely.

Before twelve o'clock we had found a good position for the tent, at a height of eleven thousand feet. We

passed the remaining hours of daylightsome basking in the sunshine, some sketching, some collecting;

Hudson made tea, I coffee, and at length we retired, each one to his blanket bag.

We assembled together before dawn on the 14th and started directly it was light enough to move. One of the

young Taugwalders returned to Zermatt. In a few minutes we turned the rib which had intercepted the view of

the eastern face from our tent platform. The whole of this great slope was now revealed, rising for three

thousand feet like a huge natural staircase. Some parts were more, and others were less easy, but we were not

once brought to a halt by any serious impediment, for when an obstruction was met in front it could always

be turned to the right or to the left. For the greater part of the way there was no occasion, indeed, for the rope,

and sometimes Hudson led, sometimes myself. At sixtwenty we had attained a height of twelve thousand

eight hundred feet, and halted for half an hour; we then continued the ascent without a break until

ninefiftyfive, when we stopped for fifty minutes, at a height of fourteen thousand feet.

We had now arrived at the foot of that part which, seen from the Riffelberg, seems perpendicular or

overhanging. We could no longer continue on the eastern side. For a little distance we ascended by snow

upon the ARE^TEthat is, the ridgethen turned over to the right, or northern side. The work became

difficult, and required caution. In some places there was little to hold; the general slope of the mountain was

LESS than forty degrees, and snow had accumulated in, and had filled up, the interstices of the rockface,

leaving only occasional fragments projecting here and there. These were at times covered with a thin film of

ice. It was a place which any fair mountaineer might pass in safety. We bore away nearly horizontally for

about four hundred feet, then ascended directly toward the summit for about sixty feet, then doubled back to

the ridge which descends toward Zermatt. A long stride round a rather awkward corner brought us to snow

once more. That last doubt vanished! The Matterhorn was ours! Nothing but two hundred feet of easy snow

The higher we rose, the more intense became the excitement. The slope eased off, at length we could be

detached, and Croz and I, dashed away, ran a neckandneck race, which ended in a dead heat. At 1:40 P.M.,

The others arrived. Croz now took the tentpole, and planted it in the highest snow. "Yes," we said, "there is

the flagstaff, but where is the flag?" "Here it is," he answered, pulling off his blouse and fixing it to the

stick. It made a poor flag, and there was no wind to float it out, yet it was seen all around. They saw it at

Hudson and I consulted as to the best and safest arrangement of the party. We agreed that it was best for Croz

to go first, and Hadow second; Hudson, who was almost equal to a guide in sureness of foot, wished to be

third; Lord Douglas was placed next, and old Peter, the strongest of the remainder, after him. I suggested to

Hudson that we should attach a rope to the rocks on our arrival at the difficult bit, and hold it as we

descended, as an additional protection. He approved the idea, but it was not definitely decided that it should

be done. The party was being arranged in the above order while I was sketching the summit, and they had

finished, and were waiting for me to be tied in line, when some one remembered that our names had not been

left in a bottle. They requested me to write them down, and moved off while it was being done.

A few minutes afterward I tied myself to young Peter, ran down after the others, and caught them just as they

were commencing the descent of the difficult part. Great care was being taken. Only one man was moving at

a time; when he was firmly planted the next advanced, and so on. They had not, however, attached the

additional rope to rocks, and nothing was said about it. The suggestion was not made for my own sake, and I

am not sure that it ever occurred to me again. For some little distance we two followed the others, detached

from them, and should have continued so had not Lord Douglas asked me, about 3 P.M., to tie on to old

Peter, as he feared, he said, that Taugwalder would not be able to hold his ground if a slip occurred.

A few minutes later, a sharpeyed lad ran into the Monte Rosa Hotel, at Zermatt, saying that he had seen an

avalanche fall from the summit of the Matterhorn onto the Matterhorn glacier. The boy was reproved for

Michel Croz had laid aside his ax, and in order to give Mr. Hadow greater security, was absolutely taking

hold of his legs, and putting his feet, one by one, into their proper positions. As far as I know, no one was

actually descending. I cannot speak with certainty, because the two leading men were partially hidden from

my sight by an intervening mass of rock, but it is my belief, from the movements of their shoulders, that

Croz, having done as I said, was in the act of turning round to go down a step or two himself; at this moment

Mr. Hadow slipped, fell against him, and knocked him over. I heard one startled exclamation from Croz, then

saw him and Mr. Hadow flying downward; in another moment Hudson was dragged from his steps, and Lord

Douglas immediately after him. All this was the work of a moment. Immediately we heard Croz's

exclamation, old Peter and I planted ourselves as firmly as the rocks would permit; the rope was taut between

us, and the jerk came on us both as on one man. We held; but the rope broke midway between Taugwalder

and Lord Francis Douglas. For a few seconds we saw our unfortunate companions sliding downward on their

backs, and spreading out their hands, endeavoring to save themselves. They passed from our sight uninjured,

disappeared one by one, and fell from the precipice to precipice onto the Matterhorn glacier below, a distance

of nearly four thousand feet in height. From the moment the rope broke it was impossible to help them. So

For more than two hours afterward I thought almost every moment that the next would be my last; for the

Taugwalders, utterly unnerved, were not only incapable of giving assistance, but were in such a state that a

slip might have been expected from them at any moment. After a time we were able to do that which should

have been done at first, and fixed rope to firm rocks, in addition to being tied together. These ropes were cut

from time to time, and were left behind. Even with their assurance the men were afraid to proceed, and

several times old Peter turned, with ashy face and faltering limbs, and said, with terrible emphasis, "I

About 6 P.M., we arrived at the snow upon the ridge descending toward Zermatt, and all peril was over. We

frequently looked, but in vain, for traces of our unfortunate companions; we bent over the ridge and cried to

them, but no sound returned. Convinced at last that they were neither within sight nor hearing, we ceased

from our useless efforts; and, too cast down for speech, silently gathered up our things, and the little effects

Such is Mr. Whymper's graphic and thrilling narrative. Zermatt gossip darkly hints that the elder Taugwalder

cut the rope, when the accident occurred, in order to preserve himself from being dragged into the abyss; but

Mr. Whymper says that the ends of the rope showed no evidence of cutting, but only of breaking. He adds

that if Taugwalder had had the disposition to cut the rope, he would not have had time to do it, the accident

Lord Douglas' body has never been found. It probably lodged upon some inaccessible shelf in the face of the

mighty precipice. Lord Douglas was a youth of nineteen. The three other victims fell nearly four thousand

feet, and their bodies lay together upon the glacier when found by Mr. Whymper and the other searchers the

Switzerland is simply a large, humpy, solid rock, with a thin skin of grass stretched over it. Consequently,

they do not dig graves, they blast them out with power and fuse. They cannot afford to have large graveyards,

the grass skin is too circumscribed and too valuable. It is all required for the support of the living.

The graveyard in Zermatt occupies only about oneeighth of an acre. The graves are sunk in the living rock,

and are very permanent; but occupation of them is only temporary; the occupant can only stay till his grave is

needed by a later subject, he is removed, then, for they do not bury one body on top of another. As I

understand it, a family owns a grave, just as it owns a house. A man dies and leaves his house to his

sonand at the same time, this dead father succeeds to his own father's grave. He moves out of the house

and into the grave, and his predecessor moves out of the grave and into the cellar of the chapel. I saw a black

box lying in the churchyard, with skull and crossbones painted on it, and was told that this was used in

In that cellar the bones and skulls of several hundred of former citizens were compactly corded up. They

made a pile eighteen feet long, seven feet high, and eight feet wide. I was told that in some of the receptacles

of this kind in the Swiss villages, the skulls were all marked, and if a man wished to find the skulls of his

ancestors for several generations back, he could do it by these marks, preserved in the family records.

An English gentleman who had lived some years in this region, said it was the cradle of compulsory

education. But he said that the English idea that compulsory education would reduce bastardy and

intemperance was an errorit has not that effect. He said there was more seduction in the Protestant than in

the Catholic cantons, because the confessional protected the girls. I wonder why it doesn't protect married

This gentleman said that among the poorer peasants in the Valais, it was common for the brothers in a family

to cast lots to determine which of them should have the coveted privilege of marrying, and his

brethrendoomed bachelorsheroically banded themselves together to help support the new family.

We left Zermatt in a wagonand in a rainstorm, too for St. Nicholas about ten o'clock one morning.

Again we passed between those grassclad prodigious cliffs, specked with wee dwellings peeping over at us

from velvety green walls ten and twelve hundred feet high. It did not seem possible that the imaginary

chamois even could climb those precipices. Lovers on opposite cliffs probably kiss through a spyglass, and

In Switzerland the farmer's plow is a wide shovel, which scrapes up and turns over the thin earthy skin of his

native rockand there the man of the plow is a hero. Now here, by our St. Nicholas road, was a grave, and it

had a tragic story. A plowman was skinning his farm one morningnot the steepest part of it, but still a steep

partthat is, he was not skinning the front of his farm, but the roof of it, near the eaveswhen he

absentmindedly let go of the plowhandles to moisten his hands, in the usual way; he lost his balance and

fell out of his farm backward; poor fellow, he never touched anything till he struck bottom, fifteen hundred

feet below. [1] We throw a halo of heroism around the life of the soldier and the sailor, because of the deadly

dangers they are facing all the time. But we are not used to looking upon farming as a heroic occupation. This

From St. Nicholas we struck out for Vispor Vispachon foot. The rainstorms had been at work during

several days, and had done a deal of damage in Switzerland and Savoy. We came to one place where a stream

had changed its course and plunged down a mountain in a new place, sweeping everything before it. Two

poor but precious farms by the roadside were ruined. One was washed clear away, and the bedrock exposed;

the other was buried out of sight under a tumbled chaos of rocks, gravel, mud, and rubbish. The resistless

might of water was well exemplified. Some saplings which had stood in the way were bent to the ground,

stripped clean of their bark, and buried under rocky debris. The road had been swept away, too.

In another place, where the road was high up on the mountain's face, and its outside edge protected by flimsy

masonry, we frequently came across spots where this masonry had carved off and left dangerous gaps for

mules to get over; and with still more frequency we found the masonry slightly crumbled, and marked by

mulehoofs, thus showing that there had been danger of an accident to somebody. When at last we came to a

badly ruptured bit of masonry, with hoofprints evidencing a desperate struggle to regain the lost foothold, I

looked quite hopefully over the dizzy precipice. But there was nobody down there.

They take exceedingly good care of their rivers in Switzerland and other portions of Europe. They wall up

both banks with slanting solid stone masonryso that from end to end of these rivers the banks look like the

It was during this walk from St. Nicholas, in the shadow of the majestic Alps, that we came across some little

children amusing themselves in what seemed, at first, a most odd and original waybut it wasn't; it was in

simply a natural and characteristic way. They were roped together with a string, they had mimic alpenstocks

and iceaxes, and were climbing a meek and lowly manurepile with a most bloodcurdling amount of care

and caution. The "guide" at the head of the line cut imaginary steps, in a laborious and painstaking way, and

not a monkey budged till the step above was vacated. If we had waited we should have witnessed an

imaginary accident, no doubt; and we should have heard the intrepid band hurrah when they made the summit

and looked around upon the "magnificent view," and seen them throw themselves down in exhausted

In Nevada I used to see the children play at silvermining. Of course, the great thing was an accident in a

mine, and there were two "star" parts; that of the man who fell down the mimic shaft, and that of the daring

hero who was lowered into the depths to bring him up. I knew one small chap who always insisted on playing

BOTH of these partsand he carried his point. He would tumble into the shaft and die, and then come to the

It is the smartest boy that gets the hero part everywhere; he is head guide in Switzerland, head miner in

Nevada, head bullfighter in Spain, etc.; but I knew a preacher's son, seven years old, who once selected a

part for himself compared to which those just mentioned are tame and unimpressive. Jimmy's father stopped

him from driving imaginary horsecars one Sundaystopped him from playing captain of an imaginary

steamboat next Sundaystopped him from leading an imaginary army to battle the following Sundayand

"I hardly know, Jimmy; but you MUST play only things that are suitable to the Sabbathday."

Next Sunday the preacher stepped softly to a backroom door to see if the children were rightly employed.

He peeped in. A chair occupied the middle of the room, and on the back of it hung Jimmy's cap; one of his

little sisters took the cap down, nibbled at it, then passed it to another small sister and said, "Eat of this fruit,

for it is good." The Reverend took in the situationalas, they were playing the Expulsion from Eden! Yet he

found one little crumb of comfort. He said to himself, "For once Jimmy has yielded the chief roleI have

been wronging him, I did not believe there was so much modesty in him; I should have expected him to be

either Adam or Eve." This crumb of comfort lasted but a very little while; he glanced around and discovered

Jimmy standing in an imposing attitude in a corner, with a dark and deadly frown on his face. What that

meant was very plainHE WAS IMPERSONATING THE DEITY! Think of the guileless sublimity of that

We reached Vispach at 8 P.M., only about seven hours out from St. Nicholas. So we must have made fully a

mile and a half an hour, and it was all downhill, too, and very muddy at that. We stayed all night at the Ho^tel

de Soleil; I remember it because the landlady, the portier, the waitress, and the chambermaid were not

separate persons, but were all contained in one neat and chipper suit of spotless muslin, and she was the

prettiest young creature I saw in all that region. She was the landlord's daughter. And I remember that the

only native match to her I saw in all Europe was the young daughter of the landlord of a village inn in the

Next morning we left with a family of English friends and went by train to Brevet, and thence by boat across

Ouchy is memorable to me, not on account of its beautiful situation and lovely surroundingsalthough these

would make it stick long in one's memorybut as the place where _I_ caught the London TIMES dropping

into humor. It was NOT aware of it, though. It did not do it on purpose. An English friend called my attention

to this lapse, and cut out the reprehensible paragraph for me. Think of encountering a grin like this on the

ERRATUM.We are requested by Reuter's Telegram Company to correct an erroneous announcement

made in their Brisbane telegram of the 2d inst., published in our impression of the 5th inst., stating that "Lady

Kennedy had given birth to twins, the eldest being a son." The Company explain that the message they

received contained the words "Governor of Queensland, TWINS FIRST SON." Being, however,

subsequently informed that Sir Arthur Kennedy was unmarried and that there must be some mistake, a

telegraphic repetition was at once demanded. It has been received today (11th inst.) and shows that the words

really telegraphed by Reuter's agent were "Governor Queensland TURNS FIRST SOD," alluding to the

MaryboroughGympic Railway in course of construction. The words in italics were mutilated by the

telegraph in transmission from Australia, and reaching the company in the form mentioned above gave rise to

I had always had a deep and reverent compassion for the sufferings of the "prisoner of Chillon," whose story

Byron had told in such moving verse; so I took the steamer and made pilgrimage to the dungeons of the

Castle of Chillon, to see the place where poor Bonnivard endured his dreary captivity three hundred years

ago. I am glad I did that, for it took away some of the pain I was feeling on the prisoner's account. His

dungeon was a nice, cool, roomy place, and I cannot see why he should have been dissatisfied with it. If he

had been imprisoned in a St. Nicholas private dwelling, where the fertilizer prevails, and the goat sleeps with

the guest, and the chickens roost on him and the cow comes in and bothers him when he wants to muse, it

would have been another matter altogether; but he surely could not have had a very cheerless time of it in that

pretty dungeon. It has romantic windowslits that let in generous bars of light, and it has tall, noble columns,

carved apparently from the living rock; and what is more, they are written all over with thousands of names;

some of themlike Byron's and Victor Hugo'sof the first celebrity. Why didn't he amuse himself reading

these names? Then there are the couriers and touristsswarms of them every daywhat was to hinder him

from having a good time with them? I think Bonnivard's sufferings have been overrated.

Next, we took the train and went to Martigny, on the way to Mont Blanc. Next morning we started, about

eight o'clock, on foot. We had plenty of company, in the way of wagonloads and muleloads of

touristsand dust. This scattering procession of travelers was perhaps a mile long. The road was

uphillinterminable uphilland tolerably steep. The weather was blisteringly hot, and the man or woman

who had to sit on a creeping mule, or in a crawling wagon, and broil in the beating sun, was an object to be

pitied. We could dodge among the bushes, and have the relief of shade, but those people could not. They paid

We went by the way of the Te^te Noir, and after we reached high ground there was no lack of fine scenery. In

one place the road was tunneled through a shoulder of the mountain; from there one looked down into a gorge

with a rushing torrent in it, and on every hand was a charming view of rocky buttresses and wooded heights.

There was a liberal allowance of pretty waterfalls, too, on the Te^te Noir route.

About half an hour before we reached the village of Argentie`re a vast dome of snow with the sun blazing on

it drifted into view and framed itself in a strong Vshaped gateway of the mountains, and we recognized

Mont Blanc, the "monarch of the Alps." With every step, after that, this stately dome rose higher and higher

Some of Mont Blanc's neighborsbare, lightbrown, steeplelike rockswere very peculiarly shaped. Some

were whittled to a sharp point, and slightly bent at the upper end, like a lady's finger; one monster sugarloaf

resembled a bishop's hat; it was too steep to hold snow on its sides, but had some in the division.

While we were still on very high ground, and before the descent toward Argentie`re began, we looked up

toward a neighboring mountaintop, and saw exquisite prismatic colors playing about some white clouds

which were so delicate as to almost resemble gossamer webs. The faint pinks and greens were peculiarly

beautiful; none of the colors were deep, they were the lightest shades. They were bewitching commingled.

We sat down to study and enjoy this singular spectacle. The tints remained during several minutesfitting,

changing, melting into each other; paling almost away for a moment, then reflushinga shifting, restless,

unstable succession of soft opaline gleams, shimmering over that air film of white cloud, and turning it into a

By and by we perceived what those superdelicate colors, and their continuous play and movement,

reminded us of; it is what one sees in a soapbubble that is drifting along, catching changes of tint from the

objects it passes. A soapbubble is the most beautiful thing, and the most exquisite, in nature; that lovely

phantom fabric in the sky was suggestive of a soapbubble split open, and spread out in the sun. I wonder

how much it would take to buy a soapbubble, if there was only one in the world? One could buy a hatful of

We made the tramp from Martigny to Argentie`re in eight hours. We beat all the mules and wagons; we didn't

usually do that. We hired a sort of open baggagewagon for the trip down the valley to Chamonix, and then

devoted an hour to dining. This gave the driver time to get drunk. He had a friend with him, and this friend

When we drove off, the driver said all the tourists had arrived and gone by while we were at dinner; "but,"

said he, impressively, "be not disturbed by thatremain tranquilgive yourselves no uneasinesstheir

dust rises far before us rest you tranquil, leave all to meI am the king of drivers. Behold!"

Down came his whip, and away we clattered. I never had such a shaking up in my life. The recent flooding

rains had washed the road clear away in places, but we never stopped, we never slowed down for anything.

We tore right along, over rocks, rubbish, gullies, open fieldssometimes with one or two wheels on the

ground, but generally with none. Every now and then that calm, goodnatured madman would bend a

majestic look over his shoulder at us and say, "Ah, you perceive? It is as I have said I am the king of

drivers." Every time we just missed going to destruction, he would say, with tranquil happiness, "Enjoy it,

gentlemen, it is very rare, it is very unusual it is given to few to ride with the king of drivers and

He spoke in French, and punctuated with hiccoughs. His friend was French, too, but spoke in Germanusing

the same system of punctuation, however. The friend called himself the "Captain of Mont Blanc," and wanted

us to make the ascent with him. He said he had made more ascents than any other manforty sevenand

his brother had made thirtyseven. His brother was the best guide in the world, except himselfbut he, yes,

observe him wellhe was the "Captain of Mont Blanc"that title belonged to none other.

The "king" was as good as his wordhe overtook that long procession of tourists and went by it like a

hurricane. The result was that we got choicer rooms at the hotel in Chamonix than we should have done if his

majesty had been a slower artistor rather, if he hadn't most providentially got drunk before he left

Everybody was outofdoors; everybody was in the principal street of the villagenot on the sidewalks, but

all over the street; everybody was lounging, loafing, chatting, waiting, alert, expectant, interestedfor it was

traintime. That is to say, it was diligencetime the halfdozen big diligences would soon be arriving

from Geneva, and the village was interested, in many ways, in knowing how many people were coming and

what sort of folk they might be. It was altogether the livestlooking street we had seen in any village on the

The hotel was by the side of a booming torrent, whose music was loud and strong; we could not see this

torrent, for it was dark, now, but one could locate it without a light. There was a large enclosed yard in front

of the hotel, and this was filled with groups of villagers waiting to see the diligences arrive, or to hire

themselves to excursionists for the morrow. A telescope stood in the yard, with its huge barrel canted up

toward the lustrous evening star. The long porch of the hotel was populous with tourists, who sat in shawls

and wraps under the vast overshadowing bulk of Mont Blanc, and gossiped or meditated.

Never did a mountain seem so close; its big sides seemed at one's very elbow, and its majestic dome, and the

lofty cluster of slender minarets that were its neighbors, seemed to be almost over one's head. It was night in

the streets, and the lamps were sparkling everywhere; the broad bases and shoulders of the mountains were in

a deep gloom, but their summits swam in a strange rich glow which was really daylight, and yet had a mellow

something about it which was very different from the hard white glare of the kind of daylight I was used to.

Its radiance was strong and clear, but at the same time it was singularly soft, and spiritual, and benignant. No,

it was not our harsh, aggressive, realistic daylight; it seemed properer to an enchanted landor to heaven.

I had seen moonlight and daylight together before, but I had not seen daylight and black night elbow to elbow

before. At least I had not seen the daylight resting upon an object sufficiently close at hand, before, to make

The daylight passed away. Presently the moon rose up behind some of those skypiercing fingers or

pinnacles of bare rock of which I have spokenthey were a little to the left of the crest of Mont Blanc, and

right over our headsbut she couldn't manage to climb high enough toward heaven to get entirely above

them. She would show the glittering arch of her upper third, occasionally, and scrape it along behind the

comblike row; sometimes a pinnacle stood straight up, like a statuette of ebony, against that glittering white

shield, then seemed to glide out of it by its own volition and power, and become a dim specter, while the next

pinnacle glided into its place and blotted the spotless disk with the black exclamationpoint of its presence.

The top of one pinnacle took the shapely, cleancut form of a rabbit's head, in the inkiest silhouette, while it

rested against the moon. The unillumined peaks and minarets, hovering vague and phantomlike above us

while the others were painfully white and strong with snow and moonlight, made a peculiar effect.

But when the moon, having passed the line of pinnacles, was hidden behind the stupendous white swell of

Mont Blanc, the masterpiece of the evening was flung on the canvas. A rich greenish radiance sprang into the

sky from behind the mountain, and in this same airy shreds and ribbons of vapor floated about, and being

flushed with that strange tint, went waving to and fro like pale green flames. After a while, radiating

barsvast broadening fanshaped shadowsgrew up and stretched away to the zenith from behind the

mountain. It was a spectacle to take one's breath, for the wonder of it, and the sublimity.

Indeed, those mighty bars of alternate light and shadow streaming up from behind that dark and prodigious

form and occupying the half of the dull and opaque heavens, was the most imposing and impressive marvel I

had ever looked upon. There is no simile for it, for nothing is like it. If a child had asked me what it was, I

should have said, "Humble yourself, in this presence, it is the glory flowing from the hidden head of the

Creator." One falls shorter of the truth than that, sometimes, in trying to explain mysteries to the little people.

I could have found out the cause of this awecompelling miracle by inquiring, for it is not infrequent at Mont

Blanc,but I did not wish to know. We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that a savage has,

because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into the matter.

We took a walk down street, a block or two, and a place where four streets met and the principal shops were

clustered, found the groups of men in the roadway thicker than everfor this was the Exchange of

Chamonix. These men were in the costumes of guides and porters, and were there to be hired.

The office of that great personage, the GuideinChief of the Chamonix Guild of Guides, was near by. This

guild is a close corporation, and is governed by strict laws. There are many excursion routes, some dangerous

and some not, some that can be made safely without a guide, and some that cannot. The bureau determines

these things. Where it decides that a guide is necessary, you are forbidden to go without one. Neither are you

allowed to be a victim of extortion: the law states what you are to pay. The guides serve in rotation; you

cannot select the man who is to take your life into his hands, you must take the worst in the lot, if it is his

turn. A guide's fee ranges all the way up from a halfdollar (for some trifling excursion of a few rods) to

twenty dollars, according to the distance traversed and the nature of the ground. A guide's fee for taking a

person to the summit of Mont Blanc and back, is twenty dollarsand he earns it. The time employed is

usually three days, and there is enough early rising in it to make a man far more "healthy and wealthy and

wise" than any one man has any right to be. The porter's fee for the same trip is ten dollars. Several

foolsno, I mean several touristsusually go together, and divide up the expense, and thus make it light;

for if only one ftourist, I meanwent, he would have to have several guides and porters, and that would

We went into the Chief's office. There were maps of mountains on the walls; also one or two lithographs of

In glass cases were some labeled fragments of boots and batons, and other suggestive relics and

remembrances of casualties on Mount Blanc. In a book was a record of all the ascents which have ever been

made, beginning with Nos. 1 and 2being those of Jacques Balmat and De Saussure, in 1787, and ending

with No. 685, which wasn't cold yet. In fact No. 685 was standing by the official table waiting to receive the

precious official diploma which should prove to his German household and to his descendants that he had

once been indiscreet enough to climb to the top of Mont Blanc. He looked very happy when he got his

I tried to buy a diploma for an invalid friend at home who had never traveled, and whose desire all his life has

been to ascend Mont Blanc, but the GuideinChief rather insolently refused to sell me one. I was very much

offended. I said I did not propose to be discriminated against on the account of my nationality; that he had

just sold a diploma to this German gentleman, and my money was a good as his; I would see to it that he

couldn't keep his shop for Germans and deny his produce to Americans; I would have his license taken away

from him at the dropping of a handkerchief; if France refused to break him, I would make an international

matter of it and bring on a war; the soil should be drenched with blood; and not only that, but I would set up

For two cents I would have done these things, too; but nobody offered me two cents. I tried to move that

German's feelings, but it could not be done; he would not give me his diploma, neither would he sell it to me.

I TOLD him my friend was sick and could not come himself, but he said he did not care a VERDAMMTES

PFENNIG, he wanted his diploma for himselfdid I suppose he was going to risk his neck for that thing and

then give it to a sick stranger? Indeed he wouldn't, so he wouldn't. I resolved, then, that I would do all I could

In the recordbook was a list of all the fatal accidents which happened on the mountain. It began with the one

in 1820 when the Russian Dr. Hamel's three guides were lost in a crevice of the glacier, and it recorded the

delivery of the remains in the valley by the slowmoving glacier fortyone years later. The latest catastrophe

We stepped out and roved about the village awhile. In front of the little church was a monument to the

memory of the bold guide Jacques Balmat, the first man who ever stood upon the summit of Mont Blanc. He

made that wild trip solitary and alone. He accomplished the ascent a number of times afterward. A stretch of

nearly half a century lay between his first ascent and his last one. At the ripe old age of seventytwo he was

climbing around a corner of a lofty precipice of the Pic du Midinobody with himwhen he slipped and

He had grown very avaricious in his old age, and used to go off stealthily to hunt for nonexistent and

impossible gold among those perilous peaks and precipices. He was on a quest of that kind when he lost his

life. There was a statue to him, and another to De Saussure, in the hall of our hotel, and a metal plate on the

door of a room upstairs bore an inscription to the effect that that room had been occupied by Albert Smith.

Balmat and De Saussure discovered Mont Blancso to speakbut it was Smith who made it a paying

property. His articles in BLACKWOOD and his lectures on Mont Blanc in London advertised it and made

As we strolled along the road we looked up and saw a red signallight glowing in the darkness of the

mountainside. It seemed but a trifling way upperhaps a hundred yards, a climb of ten minutes. It was a

lucky piece of sagacity in us that we concluded to stop a man whom we met and get a light for our pipes from

him instead of continuing the climb to that lantern to get a light, as had been our purpose. The man said that

that lantern was on the Grands Mulets, some sixtyfive hundred feet above the valley! I know by our

Riffelberg experience, that it would have taken us a good part of a week to go up there. I would sooner not

Even in the daytime the foreshadowing effect of this mountain's close proximity creates curious deceptions.

For instance, one sees with the naked eye a cabin up there beside the glacier, and a little above and beyond he

sees the spot where that red light was located; he thinks he could throw a stone from the one place to the

other. But he couldn't, for the difference between the two altitudes is more than three thousand feet. It looks

While strolling around, we kept the run of the moon all the time, and we still kept an eye on her after we got

back to the hotel portico. I had a theory that the gravitation of refraction, being subsidiary to atmospheric

compensation, the refrangibility of the earth's surface would emphasize this effect in regions where great

mountain ranges occur, and possibly so evenhanded impact the odic and idyllic forces together, the one

upon the other, as to prevent the moon from rising higher than 12,200 feet above sealevel. This daring

theory had been received with frantic scorn by some of my fellowscientists, and with an eager silence by

others. Among the former I may mention Prof. Hy; and among the latter Prof. Tl. Such is

professional jealousy; a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.

There is no feeling of brotherhood among these people. Indeed, they always resent it when I call them

brother. To show how far their ungenerosity can carry them, I will state that I offered to let Prof. Hy

publish my great theory as his own discovery; I even begged him to do it; I even proposed to print it myself

as his theory. Instead of thanking me, he said that if I tried to fasten that theory on him he would sue me for

slander. I was going to offer it to Mr. Darwin, whom I understood to be a man without prejudices, but it

occurred to me that perhaps he would not be interested in it since it did not concern heraldry.

But I am glad now, that I was forced to father my intrepid theory myself, for, on the night of which I am

writing, it was triumphantly justified and established. Mont Blanc is nearly sixteen thousand feet high; he hid

the moon utterly; near him is a peak which is 12,216 feet high; the moon slid along behind the pinnacles, and

when she approached that one I watched her with intense interest, for my reputation as a scientist must stand

or fall by its decision. I cannot describe the emotions which surged like tidal waves through my breast when I

saw the moon glide behind that lofty needle and pass it by without exposing more than two feet four inches of

her upper rim above it; I was secure, then. I knew she could rise no higher, and I was right. She sailed behind

all the peaks and never succeeded in hoisting her disk above a single one of them.

While the moon was behind one of those sharp fingers, its shadow was flung athwart the vacant heavens a

long, slanting, cleancut, dark raywith a streaming and energetic suggestion of FORCE about it, such as

the ascending jet of water from a powerful fireengine affords. It was curious to see a good strong shadow of

We went to bed, at last, and went quickly to sleep, but I woke up, after about three hours, with throbbing

temples, and a head which was physically sore, outside and in. I was dazed, dreamy, wretched, seedy,

unrefreshed. I recognized the occasion of all this: it was that torrent. In the mountain villages of Switzerland,

and along the roads, one has always the roar of the torrent in his ears. He imagines it is music, and he thinks

poetic things about it; he lies in his comfortable bed and is lulled to sleep by it. But by and by he begins to

notice that his head is very sorehe cannot account for it; in solitudes where the profoundest silence reigns,

he notices a sullen, distant, continuous roar in his ears, which is like what he would experience if he had

seashells pressed against themhe cannot account for it; he is drowsy and absentminded; there is no

tenacity to his mind, he cannot keep hold of a thought and follow it out; i f he sits down to write, his

vocabulary is empty, no suitable words will come, he forgets what he started to do, and remains there, pen in

hand, head tilted up, eyes closed, listening painfully to the muffled roar of a distant train in his ears; in his

soundest sleep the strain continues, he goes on listening, always listening intently, anxiously, and wakes at

last, harassed, irritable, unrefreshed. He cannot manage to account for these things. Day after day he feels as

if he had spent his nights in a sleepingcar. It actually takes him weeks to find out that it is those persecuting

torrents that have been making all the mischief. It is time for him to get out of Switzerland, then, for as soon

as he has discovered the cause, the misery is magnified several fold. The roar of the torrent is maddening,

then, for his imagination is assisting; the physical pain it inflicts is exquisite. When he finds he is approaching

one of those streams, his dread is so lively that he is disposed to fly the track and avoid the implacable foe.

Eight or nine months after the distress of the torrents had departed from me, the roar and thunder of the

streets of Paris brought it all back again. I moved to the sixth story of the hotel to hunt for peace. About

midnight the noises dulled away, and I was sinking to sleep, when I heard a new and curious sound; I

listened: evidently some joyous lunatic was softly dancing a "double shuffle" in the room over my head. I had

to wait for him to get through, of course. Five long, long minutes he smoothly shuffled awaya pause

followed, then something fell with a thump on the floor. I said to myself "Therehe is pulling off his

boots thank heavens he is done." Another slight pausehe went to shuffling again! I said to myself, "Is he

trying to see what he can do with only one boot on?" Presently came another pause and another thump on the

floor. I said "Good, he has pulled off his other bootNOW he is done." But he wasn't. The next moment he

was shuffling again. I said, "Confound him, he is at it in his slippers!" After a little came that same old pause,

and right after it that thump on the floor once more. I said, "Hang him, he had on TWO pair of boots!" For an

hour that magician went on shuffling and pulling off boots till he had shed as many as twentyfive pair, and I

was hovering on the verge of lunacy. I got my gun and stole up there. The fellow was in the midst of an acre

of sprawling boots, and he had a boot in his hand, shuffling itno, I mean POLISHING it. The mystery was

explained. He hadn't been dancing. He was the "Boots" of the hotel, and was attending to business.

After breakfast, that next morning in Chamonix, we went out in the yard and watched the gangs of

excursioning tourists arriving and departing with their mules and guides and porters; they we took a look

through the telescope at the snowy hump of Mont Blanc. It was brilliant with sunshine, and the vast smooth

bulge seemed hardly five hundred yards away. With the naked eye we could dimly make out the house at the

Pierre Pointue, which is located by the side of the great glacier, and is more than three thousand feet above

the level of the valley; but with the telescope we could see all its details. While I looked, a woman rode by

the house on a mule, and I saw her with sharp distinctness; I could have described her dress. I saw her nod to

the people of the house, and rein up her mule, and put her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun. I was not

used to telescopes; in fact, I had never looked through a good one before; it seemed incredible to me that this

woman could be so far away. I was satisfied that I could see all these details with my naked eye; but when I

tried it, that mule and those vivid people had wholly vanished, and the house itself was become small and

vague. I tried the telescope again, and again everything was vivid. The strong black shadows of the mule and

the woman were flung against the side of the house, and I saw the mule's silhouette wave its ears.

The telescopulistor the telescopulariatI do not know which is rightsaid a party were making a grand

ascent, and would come in sight on the remote upper heights, presently; so we waited to observe this

performance. Presently I had a superb idea. I wanted to stand with a party on the summit of Mont Blanc,

merely to be able to say I had done it, and I believed the telescope could set me within seven feet of the

uppermost man. The telescoper assured me that it could. I then asked him how much I owed him for as far as

I had got? He said, one franc. I asked him how much it would cost to make the entire ascent? Three francs. I

at once determined to make the entire ascent. But first I inquired if there was any danger? He said nonot by

telescope; said he had taken a great many parties to the summit, and never lost a man. I asked what he would

charge to let my agent go with me, together with such guides and porters as might be necessary. He said he

would let Harris go for two francs; and that unless we were unusually timid, he should consider guides and

porters unnecessary; it was not customary to take them, when going by telescope, for they were rather an

encumbrance than a help. He said that the party now on the mountain were approaching the most difficult

part, and if we hurried we should overtake them within ten minutes, and could then join them and have the

benefit of their guides and porters without their knowledge, and without expense to us.

I then said we would start immediately. I believe I said it calmly, though I was conscious of a shudder and of

a paling cheek, in view of the nature of the exploit I was so unreflectingly engaged in. But the old daredevil

spirit was upon me, and I said that as I had committed myself I would not back down; I would ascend Mont

Blanc if it cost me my life. I told the man to slant his machine in the proper direction and let us be off.

Harris was afraid and did not want to go, but I heartened him up and said I would hold his hand all the way;

so he gave his consent, though he trembled a little at first. I took a last pathetic look upon the pleasant

summer scene about me, then boldly put my eye to the glass and prepared to mount among the grim glaciers

We took our way carefully and cautiously across the great Glacier des Bossons, over yawning and terrific

crevices and among imposing crags and buttresses of ice which were fringed with icicles of gigantic

proportions. The desert of ice that stretched far and wide about us was wild and desolate beyond description,

and the perils which beset us were so great that at times I was minded to turn back. But I pulled my pluck

We passed the glacier safely and began to mount the steeps beyond, with great alacrity. When we were seven

minutes out from the startingpoint, we reached an altitude where the scene took a new aspect; an apparently

limitless continent of gleaming snow was tilted heavenward before our faces. As my eye followed that awful

acclivity far away up into the remote skies, it seemed to me that all I had ever seen before of sublimity and

We rested a moment, and then began to mount with speed. Within three minutes we caught sight of the party

ahead of us, and stopped to observe them. They were toiling up a long, slanting ridge of snowtwelve

persons, roped together some fifteen feet apart, marching in single file, and strongly marked against the clear

blue sky. One was a woman. We could see them lift their feet and put them down; we saw them swing their

alpenstocks forward in unison, like so many pendulums, and then bear their weight upon them; we saw the

lady wave her handkerchief. They dragged themselves upward in a worn and weary way, for they had been

climbing steadily from the Grand Mulets, on the Glacier des Dossons, since three in the morning, and it was

eleven, now. We saw them sink down in the snow and rest, and drink something from a bottle. After a while

they moved on, and as they approached the final short dash of the homestretch we closed up on them and

Presently we all stood together on the summit! What a view was spread out below! Away off under the

northwestern horizon rolled the silent billows of the Farnese Oberland, their snowy crests glinting softly in

the subdued lights of distance; in the north rose the giant form of the Wobblehorn, draped from peak to

shoulder in sable thunderclouds; beyond him, to the right, stretched the grand processional summits of the

Cisalpine Cordillera, drowned in a sensuous haze; to the east loomed the colossal masses of the Yodelhorn,

the Fuddelhorn, and the Dinnerhorn, their cloudless summits flashing white and cold in the sun; beyond them

shimmered the faint far line of the Ghauts of Jubbelpore and the Aigulles des Alleghenies; in the south

towered the smoking peak of Popocatapetl and the unapproachable altitudes of the peerless Scrabblehorn; in

the westsouth the stately range of the Himalayas lay dreaming in a purple gloom; and thence all around the

curving horizon the eye roved over a troubled sea of sunkissed Alps, and noted, here and there, the noble

proportions and the soaring domes of the Bottlehorn, and the Saddlehorn, and the Shovelhorn, and the

Powderhorn, all bathed in the glory of noon and mottled with softly gliding blots, the shadows flung from

Overcome by the scene, we all raised a triumphant, tremendous shout, in unison. A startled man at my elbow

That brought me down to Chamonix, like a flirt. I gave that man some spiritual advice and disposed of him,

and then paid the telescope man his full fee, and said that we were charmed with the trip and would remain

down, and not reascend and require him to fetch us down by telescope. This pleased him very much, for of

course we could have stepped back to the summit and put him to the trouble of bringing us home if we

I judged we could get diplomas, now, anyhow; so we went after them, but the Chief Guide put us off, with

one pretext or another, during all the time we stayed in Chamonix, and we ended by never getting them at all.

So much for his prejudice against people's nationality. However, we worried him enough to make him

remember us and our ascent for some time. He even said, once, that he wished there was a lunatic asylum in

Chamonix. This shows that he really had fears that we were going to drive him mad. It was what we intended

I cannot venture to advise the reader one way or the other, as to ascending Mont Blanc. I say only this: if he is

at all timid, the enjoyments of the trip will hardly make up for the hardships and sufferings he will have to

endure. But, if he has good nerve, youth, health, and a bold, firm will, and could leave his family comfortably

provided for in case the worst happened, he would find the ascent a wonderful experience, and the view from

the top a vision to dream about, and tell about, and recall with exultation all the days of his life.

While I do not advise such a person to attempt the ascent, I do not advise him against it. But if he elects to

attempt it, let him be warily careful of two things: chose a calm, clear day; and do not pay the telescope man

in advance. There are dark stories of his getting advance payers on the summit and then leaving them there to

A frightful tragedy was once witnessed through the Chamonix telescopes. Think of questions and answers

This accident occurred in 1866, a year and a month after the disaster on the Matterhorn. Three adventurous

English gentlemen, [1] of great experience in mountainclimbing, made up their minds to ascend Mont Blanc

without guides or porters. All endeavors to dissuade them from their project failed. Powerful telescopes are

numerous in Chamonix. These huge brass tubes, mounted on their scaffoldings and pointed skyward from

every choice vantageground, have the formidable look of artillery, and give the town the general aspect of

getting ready to repel a charge of angels. The reader may easily believe that the telescopes had plenty of

custom on that August morning in 1866, for everybody knew of the dangerous undertaking which was on

foot, and all had fears that misfortune would result. All the morning the tubes remained directed toward the

mountain heights, each with its anxious group around it; but the white deserts were vacant.

At last, toward eleven o'clock, the people who were looking through the telescopes cried out "There they

are!"and sure enough, far up, on the loftiest terraces of the Grand Plateau, the three pygmies appeared,

climbing with remarkable vigor and spirit. They disappeared in the "Corridor," and were lost to sight during

an hour. Then they reappeared, and were presently seen standing together upon the extreme summit of Mont

Blanc. So, all was well. They remained a few minutes on that highest point of land in Europe, a target for all

the telescopes, and were then seen to begin descent. Suddenly all three vanished. An instant after, they

Evidently, they had tripped and been shot down an almost perpendicular slope of ice to a point where it

joined the border of the upper glacier. Naturally, the distant witness supposed they were now looking upon

three corpses; so they could hardly believe their eyes when they presently saw two of the men rise to their

feet and bend over the third. During two hours and a half they watched the two busying themselves over the

extended form of their brother, who seemed entirely inert. Chamonix's affairs stood still; everybody was in

the street, all interest was centered upon what was going on upon that lofty and isolated stage five miles

away. Finally the twoone of them walking with great difficultywere seen to begin descent, abandoning

the third, who was no doubt lifeless. Their movements were followed, step by step, until they reached the

"Corridor" and disappeared behind its ridge. Before they had had time to traverse the "Corridor" and

The survivors had a most perilous journey before them in the gathering darkness, for they must get down to

the Grands Mulets before they would find a safe stoppingplacea long and tedious descent, and perilous

enough even in good daylight. The oldest guides expressed the opinion that they could not succeed; that all

Yet those brave men did succeed. They reached the Grands Mulets in safety. Even the fearful shock which

their nerves had sustained was not sufficient to overcome their coolness and courage. It would appear from

the official account that they were threading their way down through those dangers from the closing in of

twilight until two o'clock in the morning, or later, because the rescuing party from Chamonix reached the

Grand Mulets about three in the morning and moved thence toward the scene of the disaster under the

After having been on his feet twentyfour hours, in the exhausting work of mountainclimbing, Sir George

began the reascent at the head of the relief party of six guides, to recover the corpse of his brother. This was

considered a new imprudence, as the number was too few for the service required. Another relief party

presently arrived at the cabin on the Grands Mulets and quartered themselves there to await events. Ten hours

after Sir George's departure toward the summit, this new relief were still scanning the snowy altitudes above

them from their own high perch among the ice deserts ten thousand feet above the level of the sea, but the

whole forenoon had passed without a glimpse of any living thing appearing up there.

This was alarming. Half a dozen of their number set out, then early in the afternoon, to seek and succor Sir

George and his guides. The persons remaining at the cabin saw these disappear, and then ensued another

distressing wait. Four hours passed, without tidings. Then at five o'clock another relief, consisting of three

guides, set forward from the cabin. They carried food and cordials for the refreshment of their predecessors;

they took lanterns with them, too; night was coming on, and to make matters worse, a fine, cold rain had

At the same hour that these three began their dangerous ascent, the official GuideinChief of the Mont

Blanc region undertook the dangerous descent to Chamonix, all alone, to get reinforcements. However, a

couple of hours later, at 7 P.M., the anxious solicitude came to an end, and happily. A bugle note was heard,

and a cluster of black specks was distinguishable against the snows of the upper heights. The watchers

counted these specks eagerlyfourteennobody was missing. An hour and a half later they were all safe

under the roof of the cabin. They had brought the corpse with them. Sir George Young tarried there but a few

minutes, and then began the long and troublesome descent from the cabin to Chamonix. He probably reached

there about two or three o'clock in the morning, after having been afoot among the rocks and glaciers during

The cause of the unaccountable delay of Sir George and the relief parties among the heights where the

disaster had happened was a thick fogor, partly that and partly the slow and difficult work of conveying

The corpse, upon being viewed at the inquest, showed no bruises, and it was some time before the surgeons

discovered that the neck was broken. One of the surviving brothers had sustained some unimportant injuries,

but the other had suffered no hurt at all. How these men could fall two thousand feet, almost perpendicularly,

A great many women have made the ascent of Mont Blanc. An English girl, Miss Stratton, conceived the

daring idea, two or three years ago, of attempting the ascent in the middle of winter. She tried itand she

succeeded. Moreover, she froze two of her fingers on the way up, she fell in love with her guide on the

summit, and she married him when she got to the bottom again. There is nothing in romance, in the way of a

striking "situation," which can beat this love scene in midheaven on an isolated icecrest with the

The first woman who ascended Mont Blanc was a girl aged twentytwoMlle. Maria Paradis1809.

Nobody was with her but her sweetheart, and he was not a guide. The sex then took a rest for about thirty

years, when a Mlle. d'Angeville made the ascent 1838. In Chamonix I picked up a rude old lithograph of

However, I value it less as a work of art than as a fashionplate. Miss d'Angeville put on a pair of men's

pantaloons to climb it, which was wise; but she cramped their utility by adding her petticoat, which was

One of the mournfulest calamities which men's disposition to climb dangerous mountains has resulted in,

happened on Mont Blanc in September 1870. M. D'Arve tells the story briefly in his HISTOIRE DU MONT

On the 5th of September, 1870, a caravan of eleven persons departed from Chamonix to make the ascent of

Mont Blanc. Three of the party were tourists; Messrs. Randall and Bean, Americans, and Mr. George

Corkindale, a Scotch gentleman; there were three guides and five porters. The cabin on the Grands Mulets

was reached that day; the ascent was resumed early the next morning, September 6th. The day was fine and

clear, and the movements of the party were observed through the telescopes of Chamonix; at two o'clock in

the afternoon they were seen to reach the summit. A few minutes later they were seen making the first steps

Eight hours passed, the cloud still remained, night came, no one had returned to the Grands Mulets. Sylvain

Couttet, keeper of the cabin there, suspected a misfortune, and sent down to the valley for help. A detachment

of guides went up, but by the time they had made the tedious trip and reached the cabin, a raging storm had

The wild storm lasted MORE THAN A WEEK, without ceasing; but on the 17th, Couttet, with several

guides, left the cabin and succeeded in making the ascent. In the snowy wastes near the summit they came

upon five bodies, lying upon their sides in a reposeful attitude which suggested that possibly they had fallen

asleep there, while exhausted with fatigue and hunger and benumbed with cold, and never knew when death

stole upon them. Couttet moved a few steps further and discovered five more bodies. The eleventh

In the pocket of Mr. Bean, one of the Americans, was found a notebook in which had been penciled some

sentences which admit us, in flesh and spirit, as it were, to the presence of these men during their last hours of

life, and to the grisly horrors which their fading vision looked upon and their failing consciousness took

TUESDAY, SEPT. 6. I have made the ascent of Mont Blanc, with ten personseight guides, and Mr.

Corkindale and Mr. Randall. We reached the summit at half past 2. Immediately after quitting it, we were

enveloped in clouds of snow. We passed the night in a grotto hollowed in the snow, which afforded us but

SEPT. 7MORNING. The cold is excessive. The snow falls heavily and without interruption. The guides

EVENING. My Dear Hessie, we have been two days on Mont Blanc, in the midst of a terrible hurricane of

snow, we have lost our way, and are in a hole scooped in the snow, at an altitude of 15,000 feet. I have no

They had wandered around, and around, in the blinding snowstorm, hopelessly lost, in a space only a

hundred yards square; and when cold and fatigue vanquished them at last, they scooped their cave and lay

down there to die by inches, UNAWARE THAT FIVE STEPS MORE WOULD HAVE BROUGHT THEM

INTO THE TRUTH PATH. They were so near to life and safety as that, and did not suspect it. The thought

The author of the HISTOIRE DU MONT BLANC introduced the closing sentences of Mr. Bean's pathetic

"Here the characters are large and unsteady; the hand which traces them is become chilled and torpid; but the

spirit survives, and the faith and resignation of the dying man are expressed with a sublime simplicity."

Perhaps this notebook will be found and sent to you. We have nothing to eat, my feet are already frozen,

and I am exhausted; I have strength to write only a few words more. I have left means for C's education; I

know you will employ them wisely. I die with faith in God, and with loving thoughts of you. Farewell to all.

It is the way of the Alps to deliver death to their victims with a merciful swiftness, but here the rule failed.

These men suffered the bitterest death that has been recorded in the history of those mountains, freighted as

Mr. Harris and I took some guides and porters and ascended to the Ho^tel des Pyramides, which is perched

on the high moraine which borders the Glacier des Bossons. The road led sharply uphill, all the way, through

grass and flowers and woods, and was a pleasant walk, barring the fatigue of the climb.

From the hotel we could view the huge glacier at very close range. After a rest we followed down a path

which had been made in the steep inner frontage of the moraine, and stepped upon the glacier itself. One of

the shows of the place was a tunnellike cavern, which had been hewn in the glacier. The proprietor of this

tunnel took candles and conducted us into it. It was three or four feet wide and about six feet high. Its walls of

pure and solid ice emitted a soft and rich blue light that produced a lovely effect, and suggested enchanted

caves, and that sort of thing. When we had proceeded some yards and were entering darkness, we turned

about and had a dainty sunlit picture of distant woods and heights framed in the strong arch of the tunnel and

The cavern was nearly a hundred yards long, and when we reached its inner limit the proprietor stepped into a

branch tunnel with his candles and left us buried in the bowels of the glacier, and in pitchdarkness. We

judged his purpose was murder and robbery; so we got out our matches and prepared to sell our lives as

dearly as possible by setting the glacier on fire if the worst came to the worstbut we soon perceived that

this man had changed his mind; he began to sing, in a deep, melodious voice, and woke some curious and

pleasing echoes. By and by he came back and pretended that that was what he had gone behind there for. We

Thus our lives had been once more in imminent peril, but by the exercise of the swift sagacity and cool

courage which had saved us so often, we had added another escape to the long list. The tourist should visit

that icecavern, by all means, for it is well worth the trouble; but I would advise him to go only with a strong

and wellarmed force. I do not consider artillery necessary, yet it would not be unadvisable to take it along, if

convenient. The journey, going and coming, is about three miles and a half, three of which are on level

ground. We made it in less than a day, but I would counsel the unpracticedif not pressed for timeto

allow themselves two. Nothing is gained in the Alps by overexertion; nothing is gained by crowding two

days' work into one for the poor sake of being able to boast of the exploit afterward. It will be found much

better, in the long run, to do the thing in two days, and then subtract one of them from the narrative. This

saves fatigue, and does not injure the narrative. All the more thoughtful among the Alpine tourists do this.

We now called upon the GuideinChief, and asked for a squadron of guides and porters for the ascent of the

Betimes, next morning, we had reached an altitude of five thousand feet above the level of the sea. Here we

camped and breakfasted. There was a cabin therethe spot is called the Cailletand a spring of icecold

water. On the door of the cabin was a sign, in French, to the effect that "One may here see a living chamois

A little after noon we ended the ascent and arrived at the new hotel on the Montanvert, and had a view of six

miles, right up the great glacier, the famous Mer de Glace. At this point it is like a sea whose deep swales and

long, rolling swells have been caught in midmovement and frozen solid; but further up it is broken up into

We descended a ticklish path in the steep side of the moraine, and invaded the glacier. There were tourists of

both sexes scattered far and wide over it, everywhere, and it had the festive look of a skatingrink.

The Empress Josephine came this far, once. She ascended the Montanvert in 1810but not alone; a small

army of men preceded her to clear the pathand carpet it, perhapsand she followed, under the protection

It was seven weeks after the first fall of the Empire, and poor Marie Louise, exEmpress was a fugitive. She

came at night, and in a storm, with only two attendants, and stood before a peasant's hut, tired, bedraggled,

soaked with rain, "the red print of her lost crown still girdling her brow, " and implored admittanceand was

refused! A few days before, the adulations and applauses of a nation were sounding in her ears, and now she

We crossed the Mer de Glace in safety, but we had misgivings. The crevices in the ice yawned deep and blue

and mysterious, and it made one nervous to traverse them. The huge round waves of ice were slippery and

difficult to climb, and the chances of tripping and sliding down them and darting into a crevice were too

In the bottom of a deep swale between two of the biggest of the icewaves, we found a fraud who pretended

to be cutting steps to insure the safety of tourists. He was "soldiering" when we came upon him, but he

hopped up and chipped out a couple of steps about big enough for a cat, and charged us a franc or two for it.

Then he sat down again, to doze till the next party should come along. He had collected blackmail from two

or three hundred people already, that day, but had not chipped out ice enough to impair the glacier

perceptibly. I have heard of a good many soft sinecures, but it seems to me that keeping tollbridge on a

That was a blazing hot day, and it brought a persistent and persecuting thirst with it. What an unspeakable

luxury it was to slake that thirst with the pure and limpid icewater of the glacier! Down the sides of every

great rib of pure ice poured limpid rills in gutters carved by their own attrition; better still, wherever a rock

had lain, there was now a bowlshaped hole, with smooth white sides and bottom of ice, and this bowl was

brimming with water of such absolute clearness that the careless observer would not see it at all, but would

think the bowl was empty. These fountains had such an alluring look that I often stretched myself out when I

was not thirsty and dipped my face in and drank till my teeth ached. Everywhere among the Swiss mountains

we had at hand the blessingnot to be found in Europe EXCEPT in the mountainsof water capable of

quenching thirst. Everywhere in the Swiss highlands brilliant little rills of exquisitely cold water went

dancing along by the roadsides, and my comrade and I were always drinking and always delivering our deep

But in Europe everywhere except in the mountains, the water is flat and insipid beyond the power of words to

describe. It is served lukewarm; but no matter, ice could not help it; it is incurably flat, incurably insipid. It is

only good to wash with; I wonder it doesn't occur to the average inhabitant to try it for that. In Europe the

people say contemptuously, "Nobody drinks water here." Indeed, they have a sound and sufficient reason. In

many places they even have what may be called prohibitory reasons. In Paris and Munich, for instance, they

Either America is healthier than Europe, notwithstanding her "deadly" indulgence in icewater, or she does

not keep the run of her deathrate as sharply as Europe does. I think we do keep up the death statistics

accurately; and if we do, our cities are healthier than the cities of Europe. Every month the German

government tabulates the deathrate of the world and publishes it. I scrapbooked these reports during

several months, and it was curious to see how regular and persistently each city repeated its same deathrate

month after month. The tables might as well have been stereotyped, they varied so little. These tables were

based upon weekly reports showing the average of deaths in each 1,000 population for a year. Munich was

always present with her 33 deaths in each 1,000 of her population (yearly average), Chicago was as constant

Only a few American cities appear in these tables, but they are scattered so widely over the country that they

furnish a good general average of CITY health in the United States; and I think it will be granted that our

Chicago, deaths in 1,000 population annually, 16; Philadelphia, 18; St. Louis, 18; San Francisco, 19; New

Paris, 27; Glasgow, 27; London, 28; Vienna, 28; Augsburg, 28; Braunschweig, 28; K:onigsberg, 29; Cologne,

29; Dresden, 29; Hamburg, 29; Berlin, 30; Bombay, 30; Warsaw, 31; Breslau, 31; Odessa, 32; Munich, 33;

Strasburg, 33, Pesth, 35; Cassel, 35; Lisbon, 36; Liverpool, 36; Prague, 37; Madras, 37; Bucharest, 39; St.

Edinburgh is as healthy as New York23; but there is no CITY in the entire list which is healthier, except

FrankfortontheMain20. But Frankfort is not as healthy as Chicago, San Francisco, St. Louis, or

Perhaps a strict average of the world might develop the fact that where one in 1,000 of America's population

I do not like to make insinuations, but I do think the above statistics darkly suggest that these people over

We climbed the moraine on the opposite side of the glacier, and then crept along its sharp ridge a hundred

yards or so, in pretty constant danger of a tumble to the glacier below. The fall would have been only one

hundred feet, but it would have closed me out as effectually as one thousand, therefore I respected the

distance accordingly, and was glad when the trip was done. A moraine is an ugly thing to assault headfirst.

At a distance it looks like an endless grave of fine sand, accurately shaped and nicely smoothed; but close by,

it is found to be made mainly of rough boulders of all sizes, from that of a man's head to that of a cottage.

By and by we came to the Mauvais Pas, or the Villainous Road, to translate it feelingly. It was a breakneck

path around the face of a precipice forth or fifty feet high, and nothing to hang on to but some iron railings. I

got along, slowly, safely, and uncomfortably, and finally reached the middle. My hopes began to rise a little,

but they were quickly blighted; for there I met a hoga longnosed, bristly fellow, that held up his snout

and worked his nostrils at me inquiringly. A hog on a pleasure excursion in Switzerlandthink of it! It is

striking and unusual; a body might write a poem about it. He could not retreat, if he had been disposed to do

it. It would have been foolish to stand upon our dignity in a place where there was hardly room to stand upon

our feet, so we did nothing of the sort. There were twenty or thirty ladies and gentlemen behind us; we all

turned about and went back, and the hog followed behind. The creature did not seem set up by what he had

We reached the restaurant on the height called the Chapeau at four in the afternoon. It was a

mementofactory, and the stock was large, cheap, and varied. I bought the usual papercutter to remember

the place by, and had Mont Blanc, the Mauvais Pas, and the rest of the region branded on my alpenstock; then

we descended to the valley and walked home without being tied together. This was not dangerous, for the

We reached the hotel before nine o'clock. Next morning we left for Geneva on top of the diligence, under

shelter of a gay awning. If I remember rightly, there were more than twenty people up there. It was so high

that the ascent was made by ladder. The huge vehicle was full everywhere, inside and out. Five other

diligences left at the same time, all full. We had engaged our seats two days beforehand, to make sure, and

paid the regulation price, five dollars each; but the rest of the company were wiser; they had trusted

Baedeker, and waited; consequently some of them got their seats for one or two dollars. Baedeker knows all

about hotels, railway and diligence companies, and speaks his mind freely. He is a trustworthy friend of the

We never saw Mont Blanc at his best until we were many miles away; then he lifted his majestic proportions

high into the heavens, all white and cold and solemn, and made the rest of the world seem little and plebeian,

As he passed out of sight at last, an old Englishman settled himself in his seat and said:

"Well, I am satisfied, I have seen the principal features of Swiss sceneryMont Blanc and the goiternow

We spent a few pleasant restful days at Geneva, that delightful city where accurate timepieces are made for

all the rest of the world, but whose own clocks never give the correct time of day by any accident.

Geneva is filled with pretty shops, and the shops are filled with the most enticing gimacrackery, but if one

enters one of these places he is at once pounced upon, and followed up, and so persecuted to buy this, that,

and the other thing, that he is very grateful to get out again, and is not at all apt to repeat his experiment. The

shopkeepers of the smaller sort, in Geneva, are as troublesome and persistent as are the salesmen of that

monster hive in Paris, the Grands Magasins du Louvrean establishment where illmannered pestering,

In Geneva, prices in the smaller shops are very elastic that is another bad feature. I was looking in at a

window at a very pretty string of beads, suitable for a child. I was only admiring them; I had no use for them;

I hardly ever wear beads. The shopwoman came out and offered them to me for thirtyfive francs. I said it

I confessed it, but said they were not suitable for one of my age and simplicity of character. She darted in and

"Ah, but only see how lovely they are! Surely monsieur will take them; monsieur shall have them for thirty

I dropped my hands, and tried to move her to respect my unprotected situation. But no, she dangled the beads

in the sun before my face, exclaiming, "Ah, monsieur CANNOT resist them!" She hung them on my coat

button, folded her hand resignedly, and said: "Gone,and for thirty francs, the lovely thingsit is

I removed them gently, returned them, and walked away, shaking my head and smiling a smile of silly

embarrassment while the passersby halted to observe. The woman leaned out of her door, shook the beads,

I wagged another negative. A nurse and a little English girl had been near me, and were following me, now.

"Monsieur shall have them for twentyfive! Take them to the hotelhe shall send me the money

tomorrow next daywhen he likes." Then to the child: "When thy father sends me the money, come thou

I was thus providentially saved. The nurse refused the beads squarely and firmly, and that ended the matter.

The "sights" of Geneva are not numerous. I made one attempt to hunt up the houses once inhabited by those

two disagreeable people, Rousseau and Calvin, but I had no success. Then I concluded to go home. I found it

was easier to propose to do that than to do it; for that town is a bewildering place. I got lost in a tangle of

narrow and crooked streets, and stayed lost for an hour or two. Finally I found a street which looked

somewhat familiar, and said to myself, "Now I am at home, I judge." But I was wrong; this was "HELL

street." Presently I found another place which had a familiar look, and said to myself, "Now I am at home,

sure." It was another error. This was "PURGATORY street." After a little I said, "NOW I've got the right

place, anyway ... no, this is 'PARADISE street'; I'm further from home than I was in the beginning." Those

were queer namesCalvin was the author of them, likely. "Hell" and "Purgatory" fitted those two streets like

I came out on the lakefront, at last, and then I knew where I was. I was walking along before the glittering

jewelry shops when I saw a curious performance. A lady passed by, and a trim dandy lounged across the walk

in such an apparently carefully timed way as to bring himself exactly in front of her when she got to him; he

made no offer to step out of the way; he did not apologize; he did not even notice her. She had to stop still

and let him lounge by. I wondered if he had done that piece of brutality purposely. He strolled to a chair and

seated himself at a small table; two or three other males were sitting at similar tables sipping sweetened

water. I waited; presently a youth came by, and this fellow got up and served him the same trick. Still, it did

not seem possible that any one could do such a thing deliberately. To satisfy my curiosity I went around the

block, and, sure enough, as I approached, at a good round speed, he got up and lounged lazily across my path,

fouling my course exactly at the right moment to receive all my weight. This proved that his previous

I saw that dandy's curious game played afterward, in Paris, but not for amusement; not with a motive of any

sort, indeed, but simply from a selfish indifference to other people's comfort and rights. One does not see it as

frequently in Paris as he might expect to, for there the law says, in effect, "It is the business of the weak to get

out of the way of the strong." We fine a cabman if he runs over a citizen; Paris fines the citizen for being run

over. At least so everybody saysbut I saw something which caused me to doubt; I saw a horseman run over

an old woman one daythe police arrested him and took him away. That looked as if they meant to punish

It will not do for me to find merit in American manners for are they not the standing butt for the jests of

critical and polished Europe? Still, I must venture to claim one little matter of superiority in our manners; a

lady may traverse our streets all day, going and coming as she chooses, and she will never be molested by

any man; but if a lady, unattended, walks abroad in the streets of London, even at noonday, she will be pretty

likely to be accosted and insultedand not by drunken sailors, but by men who carry the look and wear the

dress of gentlemen. It is maintained that these people are not gentlemen, but are a lower sort, disguised as

gentlemen. The case of Colonel Valentine Baker obstructs that argument, for a man cannot become an officer

in the British army except he hold the rank of gentleman. This person, finding himself alone in a railway

compartment with an unprotected girlbut it is an atrocious story, and doubtless the reader remembers it

well enough. London must have been more or less accustomed to Bakers, and the ways of Bakers, else

London would have been offended and excited. Baker was "imprisoned"in a parlor; and he could not have

been more visited, or more overwhelmed with attentions, if he had committed six murders and then while

the gallows was preparing"got religion"after the manner of the holy Charles Peace, of saintly memory.

Arkansawit seems a little indelicate to be trumpeting forth our own superiorities, and comparisons are

always odious, but stillArkansaw would certainly have hanged Baker. I do not say she would have tried

Even the most degraded woman can walk our streets unmolested, her sex and her weakness being her

sufficient protection. She will encounter less polish than she would in the old world, but she will run across

The music of a donkey awoke us early in the morning, and we rose up and made ready for a pretty formidable

walkto Italy; but the road was so level that we took the train.. We lost a good deal of time by this, but it

was no matter, we were not in a hurry. We were four hours going to Chamb`ery. The Swiss trains go upward

That aged French town of Chamb`ery was as quaint and crooked as Heilbronn. A drowsy reposeful quiet

reigned in the back streets which made strolling through them very pleasant, barring the almost unbearable

heat of the sun. In one of these streets, which was eight feet wide, gracefully curved, and built up with small

antiquated houses, I saw three fat hogs lying asleep, and a boy (also asleep) taking care of them. From queer

oldfashioned windows along the curve projected boxes of bright flowers, and over the edge of one of these

boxes hung the head and shoulders of a catasleep. The five sleeping creatures were the only living things

visible in that street. There was not a sound; absolute stillness prevailed. It was Sunday; one is not used to

such dreamy Sundays on the continent. In our part of the town it was different that night. A regiment of

brown and battered soldiers had arrived home from Algiers, and I judged they got thirsty on the way. They

We left for Turin at ten the next morning by a railway which was profusely decorated with tunnels. We forgot

to take a lantern along, consequently we missed all the scenery. Our compartment was full. A ponderous

towheaded Swiss woman, who put on many finelady airs, but was evidently more used to washing linen

than wearing it, sat in a corner seat and put her legs across into the opposite one, propping them

intermediately with her upended valise. In the seat thus pirated, sat two Americans, greatly incommoded by

that woman's majestic coffinclad feet. One of them begged, politely, to remove them. She opened her wide

eyes and gave him a stare, but answered nothing. By and by he preferred his request again, with great

respectfulness. She said, in good English, and in a deeply offended tone, that she had paid her passage and

was not going to be bullied out of her "rights" by illbred foreigners, even if she was alone and unprotected.

"But I have rights, also, madam. My ticket entitles me to a seat, but you are occupying half of it."

"I will not talk with you, sir. What right have you to speak to me? I do not know you. One would know you

came from a land where there are no gentlemen. No GENTLEMAN would treat a lady as you have treated

"You have insulted me, sir! You have intimated that I am not a ladyand I hope I am NOT one, after the

"I beg that you will give yourself no alarm on that head, madam; but at the same time I must insistalways

"I never was so insulted before! Never, never! It is shameful, it is brutal, it is base, to bully and abuse an

unprotected lady who has lost the use of her limbs and cannot put her feet to the floor without agony!"

"Good heavens, madam, why didn't you say that at first! I offer a thousand pardons. And I offer them most

sincerely. I did not knowI COULD not knowanything was the matter. You are most welcome to the

seat, and would have been from the first if I had only known. I am truly sorry it all happened, I do assure

But he couldn't get a word of forgiveness out of her. She simply sobbed and sniffed in a subdued but wholly

unappeasable way for two long hours, meantime crowding the man more than ever with her

undertakerfurniture and paying no sort of attention to his frequent and humble little efforts to do something

for her comfort. Then the train halted at the Italian line and she hopped up and marched out of the car with as

firm a leg as any washerwoman of all her tribe! And how sick I was, to see how she had fooled me.

Turin is a very fine city. In the matter of roominess it transcends anything that was ever dreamed of before, I

fancy. It sits in the midst of a vast deadlevel, and one is obliged to imagine that land may be had for the

asking, and no taxes to pay, so lavishly do they use it. The streets are extravagantly wide, the paved squares

are prodigious, the houses are huge and handsome, and compacted into uniform blocks that stretch away as

straight as an arrow, into the distance. The sidewalks are about as wide as ordinary European STREETS, and

are covered over with a double arcade supported on great stone piers or columns. One walks from one end to

the other of these spacious streets, under shelter all the time, and all his course is lined with the prettiest of

There is a wide and lengthy court, glittering with the most wickedly enticing shops, which is roofed with

glass, high aloft overhead, and paved with softtoned marbles laid in graceful figures; and at night when the

place is brilliant with gas and populous with a sauntering and chatting and laughing multitude of

Everything is on a large scale; the public buildings, for instanceand they are architecturally imposing, too,

as well as large. The big squares have big bronze monuments in them. At the hotel they gave us rooms that

were alarming, for size, and parlor to match. It was well the weather required no fire in the parlor, for I think

one might as well have tried to warm a park. The place would have a warm look, though, in any weather, for

the windowcurtains were of red silk damask, and the walls were covered with the same firehued

goodsso, also, were the four sofas and the brigade of chairs. The furniture, the ornaments, the chandeliers,

the carpets, were all new and bright and costly. We did not need a parlor at all, but they said it belonged to

the two bedrooms and we might use it if we chose. Since it was to cost nothing, we were not averse to using

Turin must surely read a good deal, for it has more bookstores to the square rod than any other town I know

of. And it has its own share of military folk. The Italian officers' uniforms are very much the most beautiful I

have ever seen; and, as a general thing, the men in them were as handsome as the clothes. They were not

large men, but they had fine forms, fine features, rich olive complexions, and lustrous black eyes.

For several weeks I had been culling all the information I could about Italy, from tourists. The tourists were

all agreed upon one thingone must expect to be cheated at every turn by the Italians. I took an evening

walk in Turin, and presently came across a little Punch and Judy show in one of the great squares. Twelve or

fifteen people constituted the audience. This miniature theater was not much bigger than a man's coffin stood

on end; the upper part was open and displayed a tinseled parlora goodsized handkerchief would have

answered for a dropcurtain; the footlights consisted of a couple of candleends an inch long; various

manikins the size of dolls appeared on the stage and made long speeches at each other, gesticulating a good

deal, and they generally had a fight before they got through. They were worked by strings from above, and

the illusion was not perfect, for one saw not only the strings but the brawny hand that manipulated

themand the actors and actresses all talked in the same voice, too. The audience stood in front of the

When the play was done, a youth in his shirtsleeves started around with a small copper saucer to make a

collection. I did not know how much to put in, but thought I would be guided by my predecessors. Unluckily,

I only had two of these, and they did not help me much because they did not put in anything. I had no Italian

money, so I put in a small Swiss coin worth about ten cents. The youth finished his collection trip and

emptied the result on the stage; he had some very animated talk with the concealed manager, then he came

working his way through the little crowdseeking me, I thought. I had a mind to slip away, but concluded I

wouldn't; I would stand my ground, and confront the villainy, whatever it was. The youth stood before me

and held up that Swiss coin, sure enough, and said something. I did not understand him, but I judged he was

requiring Italian money of me. The crowd gathered close, to listen. I was irritated, and saidin English, of

He tried to put the coin in my hand, and spoke again. I drew my hand away, and said:

"NO, sir. I know all about you people. You can't play any of your fraudful tricks on me. If there is a discount

on that coin, I am sorry, but I am not going to make it good. I noticed that some of the audience didn't pay

you anything at all. You let them go, without a word, but you come after me because you think I'm a stranger

and will put up with an extortion rather than have a scene. But you are mistaken this timeyou'll take that

The youth stood there with the coin in his fingers, nonplused and bewildered; of course he had not understood

"You are misunderstanding the boy. He does not mean any harm. He did not suppose you gave him so much

money purposely, so he hurried back to return you the coin lest you might get away before you discovered

your mistake. Take it, and give him a pennythat will make everything smooth again."

I probably blushed, then, for there was occasion. Through the interpreter I begged the boy's pardon, but I

nobly refused to take back the ten cents. I said I was accustomed to squandering large sums in that way it

was the kind of person I was. Then I retired to make a note to the effect that in Italy persons connected with

The episode with the showman reminds me of a dark chapter in my history. I once robbed an aged and blind

beggarwoman of four dollarsin a church. It happened this way. When I was out with the Innocents

Abroad, the ship stopped in the Russian port of Odessa and I went ashore, with others, to view the town. I got

separated from the rest, and wandered about alone, until late in the afternoon, when I entered a Greek church

to see what it was like. When I was ready to leave, I observed two wrinkled old women standing stiffly

upright against the inner wall, near the door, with their brown palms open to receive alms. I contributed to the

nearer one, and passed out. I had gone fifty yards, perhaps, when it occurred to me that I must remain ashore

all night, as I had heard that the ship's business would carry her away at four o'clock and keep her away until

morning. It was a little after four now. I had come ashore with only two pieces of money, both about the same

size, but differing largely in valueone was a French gold piece worth four dollars, the other a Turkish coin

worth two cents and a half. With a sudden and horrified misgiving, I put my hand in my pocket, now, and

Here was a situation. A hotel would require pay in advance I must walk the street all night, and perhaps be

arrested as a suspicious character. There was but one way out of the difficultyI flew back to the church,

and softly entered. There stood the old woman yet, and in the palm of the nearest one still lay my gold piece.

I was grateful. I crept close, feeling unspeakably mean; I got my Turkish penny ready, and was extending a

trembling hand to make the nefarious exchange, when I heard a cough behind me. I jumped back as if I had

been accused, and stood quaking while a worshiper entered and passed up the aisle.

I was there a year trying to steal that money; that is, it seemed a year, though, of course, it must have been

much less. The worshipers went and came; there were hardly ever three in the church at once, but there was

always one or more. Every time I tried to commit my crime somebody came in or somebody started out, and I

was prevented; but at last my opportunity came; for one moment there was nobody in the church but the two

beggarwomen and me. I whipped the gold piece out of the poor old pauper's palm and dropped my Turkish

penny in its place. Poor old thing, she murmured her thanksthey smote me to the heart. Then I sped away

in a guilty hurry, and even when I was a mile from the church I was still glancing back, every moment, to see

That experience has been of priceless value and benefit to me; for I resolved then, that as long as I lived I

would never again rob a blind beggarwoman in a church; and I have always kept my word. The most

permanent lessons in morals are those which come, not of booky teaching, but of experience.

In Milan we spent most of our time in the vast and beautiful Arcade or Gallery, or whatever it is called.

Blocks of tall new buildings of the most sumptuous sort, rich with decoration and graced with statues, the

streets between these blocks roofed over with glass at a great height, the pavements all of smooth and

variegated marble, arranged in tasteful patternslittle tables all over these marble streets, people sitting at

them, eating, drinking, or smokingcrowds of other people strolling bysuch is the Arcade. I should like

to live in it all the time. The windows of the sumptuous restaurants stand open, and one breakfasts there and

We wandered all over the town, enjoying whatever was going on in the streets. We took one omnibus ride,

and as I did not speak Italian and could not ask the price, I held out some copper coins to the conductor, and

he took two. Then he went and got his tariff card and showed me that he had taken only the right sum. So I

Near the Cathedral I saw another instance of probity. An old man was peddling dolls and toy fans. Two small

American children and one gave the old man a franc and three copper coins, and both started away; but they

were called back, and the franc and one of the coppers were restored to them. Hence it is plain that in Italy,

parties connected with the drama and the omnibus and the toy interests do not cheat.

The stocks of goods in the shops were not extensive, generally. In the vestibule of what seemed to be a

clothing store, we saw eight or ten wooden dummies grouped together, clothed in woolen business suits and

each marked with its price. One suit was marked fortyfive francsnine dollars. Harris stepped in and said

he wanted a suit like that. Nothing easier: the old merchant dragged in the dummy, brushed him off with a

broom, stripped him, and shipped the clothes to the hotel. He said he did not keep two suits of the same kind

In another quarter we found six Italians engaged in a violent quarrel. They danced fiercely about,

gesticulating with their heads, their arms, their legs, their whole bodies; they would rush forward occasionally

with a sudden access of passion and shake their fists in each other's very faces. We lost half an hour there,

waiting to help cord up the dead, but they finally embraced each other affectionately, and the trouble was

over. The episode was interesting, but we could not have afforded all the time to it if we had known nothing

was going to come of it but a reconciliation. Note madein Italy, people who quarrel cheat the spectator.

We had another disappointment afterward. We approached a deeply interested crowd, and in the midst of it

found a fellow wildly chattering and gesticulating over a box on the ground which was covered with a piece

of old blanket. Every little while he would bend down and take hold of the edge of the blanket with the

extreme tips of his fingertips, as if to show there was no deceptionchattering away all the whilebut

always, just as I was expecting to see a wonder feat of legerdemain, he would let go the blanket and rise to

explain further. However, at last he uncovered the box and got out a spoon with a liquid in it, and held it fair

and frankly around, for people to see that it was all right and he was taking no advantagehis chatter

became more excited than ever. I supposed he was going to set fire to the liquid and swallow it, so I was

greatly wrought up and interested. I got a cent ready in one hand and a florin in the other, intending to give

him the former if he survived and the latter if he killed himselffor his loss would be my gain in a literary

way, and I was willing to pay a fair price for the item but this impostor ended his intensely moving

performance by simply adding some powder to the liquid and polishing the spoon! Then he held it aloft, and

he could not have shown a wilder exultation if he had achieved an immortal miracle. The crowd applauded in

a gratified way, and it seemed to me that history speaks the truth when it says these children of the south are

We spent an impressive hour in the noble cathedral, where long shafts of tinted light were cleaving through

the solemn dimness from the lofty windows and falling on a pillar here, a picture there, and a kneeling

worshiper yonder. The organ was muttering, censers were swinging, candles were glinting on the distant altar

and robed priests were filing silently past them; the scene was one to sweep all frivolous thoughts away and

steep the soul in a holy calm. A trim young American lady paused a yard or two from me, fixed her eyes on

the mellow sparks flecking the faroff altar, bent her head reverently a moment, then straightened up, kicked

her train into the air with her heel, caught it deftly in her hand, and marched briskly out.

We visited the picturegalleries and the other regulation "sights" of Milannot because I wanted to write

about them again, but to see if I had learned anything in twelve years. I afterward visited the great galleries of

Rome and Florence for the same purpose. I found I had learned one thing. When I wrote about the Old

Masters before, I said the copies were better than the originals. That was a mistake of large dimensions. The

Old Masters were still unpleasing to me, but they were truly divine contrasted with the copies. The copy is to

the original as the pallid, smart, inane new waxwork group is to the vigorous, earnest, dignified group of

living men and women whom it professes to duplicate. There is a mellow richness, a subdued color, in the old

pictures, which is to the eye what muffled and mellowed sound is to the ear. That is the merit which is most

loudly praised in the old picture, and is the one which the copy most conspicuously lacks, and which the

copyist must not hope to compass. It was generally conceded by the artists with whom I talked, that that

subdued splendor, that mellow richness, is imparted to the picture by AGE. Then why should we worship the

Old Master for it, who didn't impart it, instead of worshiping Old Time, who did? Perhaps the picture was a

In conversation with an artist in Venice, I asked: "What is it that people see in the Old Masters? I have been

in the Doge's palace and I saw several acres of very bad drawing, very bad perspective, and very incorrect

proportions. Paul Veronese's dogs to not resemble dogs; all the horses look like bladders on legs; one man

had a RIGHT leg on the left side of his body; in the large picture where the Emperor (Barbarossa?) is

prostrate before the Pope, there are three men in the foreground who are over thirty feet high, if one may

judge by the size of a kneeling little boy in the center of the foreground; and according to the same scale, the

"Yes, the Old Masters often drew badly; they did not care much for truth and exactness in minor details; but

after all, in spite of bad drawing, bad perspective, bad proportions, and a choice of subjects which no longer

appeal to people as strongly as they did three hundred years ago, there is a SOMETHING about their pictures

which is divinea something which is above and beyond the art of any epoch sincea something which

would be the despair of artists but that they never hope or expect to attain it, and therefore do not worry about

That is what he saidand he said what he believed; and not only believed, but felt.

Reasoningespecially reasoning, without technical knowledgemust be put aside, in cases of this kind. It

cannot assist the inquirer. It will lead him, in the most logical progression, to what, in the eyes of artists,

would be a most illogical conclusion. Thus: bad drawing, bad proportion, bad perspective, indifference to

truthful detail, color which gets its merit from time, and not from the artistthese things constitute the Old

Master; conclusion, the Old Master was a bad painter, the Old Master was not an Old Master at all, but an

Old Apprentice. Your friend the artist will grant your premises, but deny your conclusion; he will maintain

that notwithstanding this formidable list of confessed defects, there is still a something that is divine and

unapproachable about the Old Master, and that there is no arguing the fact away by any system of reasoning

I can believe that. There are women who have an indefinable charm in their faces which makes them

beautiful to their intimates, but a cold stranger who tried to reason the matter out and find this beauty would

fail. He would say to one of these women: This chin is too short, this nose is too long, this forehead is too

high, this hair is too red, this complexion is too pallid, the perspective of the entire composition is incorrect;

conclusion, the woman is not beautiful. But her nearest friend might say, and say truly, "Your premises are

right, your logic is faultless, but your conclusion is wrong, nevertheless; she is an Old Mastershe is

beautiful, but only to such as know her; it is a beauty which cannot be formulated, but it is there, just the

I found more pleasure in contemplating the Old Masters this time than I did when I was in Europe in former

years, but still it was a calm pleasure; there was nothing overheated about it. When I was in Venice before, I

think I found no picture which stirred me much, but this time there were two which enticed me to the Doge's

palace day after day, and kept me there hours at a time. One of these was Tintoretto's threeacre picture in the

Great Council Chamber. When I saw it twelve years ago I was not strongly attracted to itthe guide told me

The movement of this great work is very fine. There are ten thousand figures, and they are all doing

something. There is a wonderful "go" to the whole composition. Some of the figures are driving headlong

downward, with clasped hands, others are swimming through the cloudshoalssome on their faces, some

on their backsgreat processions of bishops, martyrs, and angels are pouring swiftly centerward from

various outlying directionseverywhere is enthusiastic joy, there is rushing movement everywhere. There

are fifteen or twenty figures scattered here and there, with books, but they cannot keep their attention on their

readingthey offer the books to others, but no one wishes to read, now. The Lion of St. Mark is there with

his book; St. Mark is there with his pen uplifted; he and the Lion are looking each other earnestly in the face,

disputing about the way to spell a wordthe Lion looks up in rapt admiration while St. Mark spells. This is

wonderfully interpreted by the artist. It is the masterstroke of this imcomparable painting. [Figure 10]

I visited the place daily, and never grew tired of looking at that grand picture. As I have intimated, the

movement is almost unimaginable vigorous; the figures are singing, hosannahing, and many are blowing

trumpets. So vividly is noise suggested, that spectators who become absorbed in the picture almost always

fall to shouting comments in each other's ears, making eartrumpets of their curved hands, fearing they may

not otherwise be heard. One often sees a tourist, with the eloquent tears pouring down his cheeks, funnel his

hands at his wife's ear, and hears him roar through them, "OH, TO BE THERE AND AT REST!"

None but the supremely great in art can produce effects like these with the silent brush.

Twelve years ago I could not have appreciated this picture. One year ago I could not have appreciated it. My

study of Art in Heidelberg has been a noble education to me. All that I am today in Art, I owe to that.

The other great work which fascinated me was Bassano's immortal Hair Trunk. This is in the Chamber of the

Council of Ten. It is in one of the three fortyfoot pictures which decorate the walls of the room. The

composition of this picture is beyond praise. The Hair Trunk is not hurled at the stranger's headso to

speakas the chief feature of an immortal work so often is; no, it is carefully guarded from prominence, it is

subordinated, it is restrained, it is most deftly and cleverly held in reserve, it is most cautiously and

ingeniously led up to, by the master, and consequently when the spectator reaches it at last, he is taken

One is lost in wonder at all the thought and care which this elaborate planning must have cost. A general

glance at the picture could never suggest that there was a hair trunk in it; the Hair Trunk is not mentioned in

the title evenwhich is, "Pope Alexander III. and the Doge Ziani, the Conqueror of the Emperor Frederick

Barbarossa"; you see, the title is actually utilized to help divert attention from the Trunk; thus, as I say,

nothing suggests the presence of the Trunk, by any hint, yet everything studiedly leads up to it, step by step.

Let us examine into this, and observe the exquisitely artful artlessness of the plan.

At the extreme left end of the picture are a couple of women, one of them with a child looking over her

shoulder at a wounded man sitting with bandaged head on the ground. These people seem needless, but no,

they are there for a purpose; one cannot look at them without seeing the gorgeous procession of grandees,

bishops, halberdiers, and bannerbearers which is passing along behind them; one cannot see the procession

without feeling the curiosity to follow it and learn whither it is going; it leads him to the Pope, in the center of

the picture, who is talking with the bonnetless Dogetalking tranquilly, too, although within twelve feet of

them a man is beating a drum, and not far from the drummer two persons are blowing horns, and many

horsemen are plunging and rioting aboutindeed, twentytwo feet of this great work is all a deep and happy

holiday serenity and Sundayschool procession, and then we come suddenly upon eleven and onehalf feet

of turmoil and racket and insubordination. This latter state of things is not an accident, it has its purpose. But

for it, one would linger upon the Pope and the Doge, thinking them to be the motive and supreme feature of

the picture; whereas one is drawn along, almost unconsciously, to see what the trouble is about. Now at the

very END of this riot, within four feet of the end of the picture, and full thirtysix feet from the beginning of

it, the Hair Trunk bursts with an electrifying suddenness upon the spectator, in all its matchless perfection,

and the great master's triumph is sweeping and complete. From that moment no other thing in those forty feet

of canvas has any charm; one sees the Hair Trunk, and the Hair Trunk onlyand to see it is to worship it.

Bassano even placed objects in the immediate vicinity of the Supreme Feature whose pretended purpose was

to divert attention from it yet a little longer and thus delay and augment the surprise; for instance, to the right

of it he has placed a stooping man with a cap so red that it is sure to hold the eye for a momentto the left of

it, some six feet away, he has placed a redcoated man on an inflated horse, and that coat plucks your eye to

that locality the next momentthen, between the Trunk and the red horseman he has intruded a man, naked

to his waist, who is carrying a fancy floursack on the middle of his back instead of on his shoulderthis

admirable feat interests you, of coursekeeps you at bay a little longer, like a sock or a jacket thrown to the

pursuing wolfbut at last, in spite of all distractions and detentions, the eye of even the most dull and

heedless spectator is sure to fall upon the World's Masterpiece, and in that moment he totters to his chair or

Descriptions of such a work as this must necessarily be imperfect, yet they are of value. The top of the Trunk

is arched; the arch is a perfect halfcircle, in the Roman style of architecture, for in the then rapid decadence

of Greek art, the rising influence of Rome was already beginning to be felt in the art of the Republic. The

Trunk is bound or bordered with leather all around where the lid joins the main body. Many critics consider

this leather too cold in tone; but I consider this its highest merit, since it was evidently made so to emphasize

by contrast the impassioned fervor of the hasp. The highlights in this part of the work are cleverly managed,

the MOTIF is admirably subordinated to the ground tints, and the technique is very fine. The brass

nailheads are in the purest style of the early Renaissance. The strokes, here, are very firm and boldevery

nailhead is a portrait. The handle on the end of the Trunk has evidently been retouchedI think, with a

piece of chalk but one can still see the inspiration of the Old Master in the tranquil, almost too tranquil,

hang of it. The hair of this Trunk is REAL hairso to speakwhite in patched, brown in patches. The

details are finely worked out; the repose proper to hair in a recumbent and inactive attitude is charmingly

expressed. There is a feeling about this part of the work which lifts it to the highest altitudes of art; the sense

View this Trunk as you will, it is a gem, it is a marvel, it is a miracle. Some of the effects are very daring,

approaching even to the boldest flights of the rococo, the sirocco, and the Byzantine schoolsyet the

master's hand never faltersit moves on, calm, majestic, confidentand, with that art which conceals art, it

finally casts over the TOUT ENSEMBLE, by mysterious methods of its own, a subtle something which

refines, subdues, etherealizes the arid components and endures them with the deep charm and gracious

Among the arttreasures of Europe there are pictures which approach the Hair Trunkthere are two which

may be said to equal it, possiblybut there is none that surpasses it. So perfect is the Hair Trunk that it

moves even persons who ordinarily have no feeling for art. When an Erie baggagemaster saw it two years

ago, he could hardly keep from checking it; and once when a customs inspector was brought into its presence,

he gazed upon it in silent rapture for some moments, then slowly and unconsciously placed one hand behind

him with the palm uppermost, and got out his chalk with the other. These facts speak for themselves.

One lingers about the Cathedral a good deal, in Venice. There is a strong fascination about itpartly because

it is so old, and partly because it is so ugly. Too many of the world's famous buildings fail of one chief

virtueharmony; they are made up of a methodless mixture of the ugly and the beautiful; this is bad; it is

confusing, it is unrestful. One has a sense of uneasiness, of distress, without knowing why. But one is calm

before St. Mark's, one is calm in the cellar; for its details are masterfully ugly, no misplaced and impertinent

beauties are intruded anywhere; and the consequent result is a grand harmonious whole, of soothing,

entrancing, tranquilizing, soulsatisfying ugliness. One's admiration of a perfect thing always grows, never

declines; and this is the surest evidence to him that it IS perfect. St. Mark's is perfect. To me it soon grew to

be so nobly, so augustly ugly, that it was difficult to stay away from it, even for a little while. Every time its

squat domes disappeared from my view, I had a despondent feeling; whenever they reappeared, I felt an

honest raptureI have not known any happier hours than those I daily spent in front of Florian's, looking

across the Great Square at it. Propped on its long row of low thicklegged columns, its back knobbed with

St. Mark's is not the oldest building in the world, of course, but it seems the oldest, and looks the

When the ancient mosaics in its walls become damaged, they are repaired but not altered; the grotesque old

pattern is preserved. Antiquity has a charm of its own, and to smarten it up would only damage it. One day I

was sitting on a red marble bench in the vestibule looking up at an ancient piece of apprenticework, in

mosaic, illustrative of the command to "multiply and replenish the earth." The Cathedral itself had seemed

very old; but this picture was illustrating a period in history which made the building seem young by

comparison. But I presently found an antique which was older than either the battered Cathedral or the date

assigned to the piece of history; it was a spiralshaped fossil as large as the crown of a hat; it was embedded

in the marble bench, and had been sat upon by tourists until it was worn smooth. Contrasted with the

inconceivable antiquity of this modest fossil, those other things were flippantly modernjejunemere

matters of daybeforeyesterday. The sense of the oldness of the Cathedral vanished away under the

St. Mark's is monumental; it is an imperishable remembrancer of the profound and simply piety of the Middle

Ages. Whoever could ravish a column from a pagan temple, did it and contributed his swag to this Christian

one. So this fane is upheld by several hundred acquisitions procured in that peculiar way. In our day it would

be immoral to go on the highway to get bricks for a church, but it was no sin in the old times. St. Mark's was

itself the victim of a curious robbery once. The thing is set down in the history of Venice, but it might be

Nearly four hundred and fifty years ago, a Candian named Stammato, in the suite of a prince of the house of

Este, was allowed to view the riches of St. Mark's. His sinful eye was dazzled and he hid himself behind an

altar, with an evil purpose in his heart, but a priest discovered him and turned him out. Afterward he got in

againby false keys, this time. He went there, night after night, and worked hard and patiently, all alone,

overcoming difficulty after difficulty with his toil, and at last succeeded in removing a great brick of the

marble paneling which walled the lower part of the treasury; this block he fixed so that he could take it out

and put it in at will. After that, for weeks, he spent all his midnights in his magnificent mine, inspecting it in

security, gloating over its marvels at his leisure, and always slipping back to his obscure lodgings before

dawn, with a duke's ransom under his cloak. He did not need to grab, haphazard, and runthere was no

hurry. He could make deliberate and wellconsidered selections; he could consult his esthetic tastes. One

comprehends how undisturbed he was, and how safe from any danger of interruption, when it is stated that he

even carried off a unicorn's horna mere curiositywhich would not pass through the egress entire, but had

to be sawn in two a bit of work which cost him hours of tedious labor. He continued to store up his

treasures at home until his occupation lost the charm of novelty and became monotonous; then he ceased

from it, contented. Well he might be; for his collection, raised to modern values, represented nearly fifty

He could have gone home much the richest citizen of his country, and it might have been years before the

plunder was missed; but he was humanhe could not enjoy his delight alone, he must have somebody to talk

about it with. So he exacted a solemn oath from a Candian noble named Crioni, then led him to his lodgings

and nearly took his breath away with a sight of his glittering hoard. He detected a look in his friend's face

which excited his suspicion, and was about to slip a stiletto into him when Crioni saved himself by explaining

that that look was only an expression of supreme and happy astonishment. Stammato made Crioni a present

of one of the state's principal jewelsa huge carbuncle, which afterward figured in the Ducal cap of

stateand the pair parted. Crioni went at once to the palace, denounced the criminal, and handed over the

carbuncle as evidence. Stammato was arrested, tried, and condemned, with the oldtime Venetian

promptness. He was hanged between the two great columns in the Piazzawith a gilded rope, out of

compliment to his love of gold, perhaps. He got no good of his booty at allit was ALL recovered.

In Venice we had a luxury which very seldom fell to our lot on the continenta home dinner with a private

family. If one could always stop with private families, when traveling, Europe would have a charm which it

now lacks. As it is, one must live in the hotels, of course, and that is a sorrowful business. A man accustomed

to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe; but I think

He would have to do without his accustomed morning meal. That is too formidable a change altogether; he

would necessarily suffer from it. He could get the shadow, the sham, the base counterfeit of that meal; but it

To particularize: the average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and

beefsteak; well, in Europe, coffee is an unknown beverage. You can get what the European hotelkeeper

thinks is coffee, but it resembles the real thing as hypocrisy resembles holiness. It is a feeble, characterless,

uninspiring sort of stuff, and almost as undrinkable as if it had been made in an American hotel. The milk

used for it is what the French call "Christian" milkmilk which has been baptized.

After a few months' acquaintance with European "coffee," one's mind weakens, and his faith with it, and he

begins to wonder if the rich beverage of home, with its clotted layer of yellow cream on top of it, is not a

Next comes the European breadfair enough, good enough, after a fashion, but cold; cold and tough, and

unsympathetic; and never any change, never any varietyalways the same tiresome thing.

Next, the butterthe sham and tasteless butter; no salt in it, and made of goodness knows what.

Then there is the beefsteak. They have it in Europe, but they don't know how to cook it. Neither will they cut

it right. It comes on the table in a small, round pewter platter. It lies in the center of this platter, in a bordering

bed of greasesoaked potatoes; it is the size, shape, and thickness of a man's hand with the thumb and fingers

cut off. It is a little overdone, is rather dry, it tastes pretty insipidly, it rouses no enthusiasm.

Imagine a poor exile contemplating that inert thing; and imagine an angel suddenly sweeping down out of a

better land and setting before him a mighty porterhouse steak an inch and a half thick, hot and sputtering

from the griddle; dusted with a fragrant pepper; enriched with little melting bits of butter of the most

unimpeachable freshness and genuineness; the precious juices of the meat trickling out and joining the gravy,

archipelagoed with mushrooms; a township or two of tender, yellowish fat gracing an outlying district of this

ample county of beefsteak; the long white bone which divides the sirloin from the tenderloin still in its place;

and imagine that the angel also adds a great cup of American homemade coffee, with a cream afroth on

top, some real butter, firm and yellow and fresh, some smoking hotbiscuits, a plate of hot buckwheat cakes,

The European dinner is better than the European breakfast, but it has its faults and inferiorities; it does not

satisfy. He comes to the table eager and hungry; he swallows his soupthere is an undefinable lack about it

somewhere; thinks the fish is going to be the thing he wants eats it and isn't sure; thinks the next dish is

perhaps the one that will hit the hungry placetries it, and is conscious that there was a something wanting

about it, also. And thus he goes on, from dish to dish, like a boy after a butterfly which just misses getting

caught every time it alights, but somehow doesn't get caught after all; and at the end the exile and the boy

have fared about alike; the one is full, but grievously unsatisfied, the other has had plenty of exercise, plenty

of interest, and a fine lot of hopes, but he hasn't got any butterfly. There is here and there an American who

will say he can remember rising from a European table d'ho^te perfectly satisfied; but we must not overlook

The number of dishes is sufficient; but then it is such a monotonous variety of UNSTRIKING dishes. It is an

inane deadlevel of "fairtomiddling." There is nothing to ACCENT it. Perhaps if the roast of mutton or of

beefa big, generous onewere brought on the table and carved in full view of the client, that might give

the right sense of earnestness and reality to the thing; but they don't do that, they pass the sliced meat around

on a dish, and so you are perfectly calm, it does not stir you in the least. Now a vast roast turkey, stretched on

the broad of his back, with his heels in the air and the rich juices oozing from his fat sides ... but I may as well

stop there, for they would not know how to cook him. They can't even cook a chicken respectably; and as for

One vegetablebrought on in state, and all aloneusually insipid lentils, or stringbeans, or indifferent

Sometimes the apricots and figs are fresh, but this is no advantage, as these fruits are of no account anyway.

The grapes are generally good, and sometimes there is a tolerably good peach, by mistake.

The variations of the above bill are trifling. After a fortnight one discovers that the variations are only

apparent, not real; in the third week you get what you had the first, and in the fourth the week you get what

you had the second. Three or four months of this weary sameness will kill the robustest appetite.

It has now been many months, at the present writing, since I have had a nourishing meal, but I shall soon

have onea modest, private affair, all to myself. I have selected a few dishes, and made out a little bill of

fare, which will go home in the steamer that precedes me, and be hot when I arriveas follows:

Radishes. Baked apples, with Brooktrout, from Sierra cream. Nevadas. Fried oysters; stewed oysters.

Laketrout, from Tahoe. Frogs. Sheepshead and croakers from American coffee, with real cream. New

Orleans. American butter. Blackbass from the Mississippi. Fried chicken, Southern style. American roast

beef. Porterhouse steak. Roast turkey, Thanksgiving Saratoga potatoes. style. Broiled chicken, American

style. Cranberry sauce. Celery. Hot biscuits, Southern style. Roast wild turkey. W.. Hot wheatbread,

Southern Canvasbackduck, from style. Baltimore. Hot buckwheat cakes. Prairiehens, from Illinois.

American toast. Clear maple Missouri partridges, broiled. syrup. Possum. Coon. Virginia bacon, broiled.

Boston bacon and beans. Blue points, on the half shell. Bacon and greens, Southern style. Cherrystone

clams. Hominy. Boiled onions. San Francisco mussels, steamed. Turnips. Oyster soup. Clam soup. Pumpkin.

Squash. Asparagus. Philadelphia Terrapin soup. Butterbeans. Sweetpotatoes. Oysters roasted in

shellLettuce. Succotash. Northern style. Stringbeans. Softshell crabs. Connecticut Mashed potatoes.

Catsup. shad. Boiled potatoes, in their skins. Baltimore perch. New potatoes, minus the skins. Early Rose

potatoes, roasted in Hot eggbread, Southern style. the ashes, Southern style, Hot lightbread, Southern style.

served hot. Buttermilk. Iced sweet milk. Sliced tomatoes, with sugar or Apple dumplings, with real vinegar.

Stewed tomatoes. cream. Green corn, cut from the ear and Apple pie. Apple fritters. served with butter and

pepper. Apple puffs, Southern style. Green corn, on the ear. Peach cobbler, Southern style. Hot cornpone,

with chitlings, Peach pie. American mince pie. Southern style. Pumpkin pie. Squash pie. Hot hoecake,

Fresh American fruits of all sorts, including strawberries, which are not to be doled out as if they were

Icewaternot prepared in the ineffectual goblet, but in the sincere and capable refrigerator.

Americans intending to spend a year or so in European hotels, will do well to copy this bill and carry it along.

They will find it an excellent thing to get up an appetite with, in the dispiriting presence of the squalid table

Foreigners cannot enjoy our food, I suppose, any more than we can enjoy theirs. It is not strange; for tastes

are made, not born. I might glorify my bill of fare until I was tired; but after all, the Scotchman would shake

his head and say, "Where's your haggis?" and the Fijian would sigh and say, "Where's your missionary?"

I have a neat talent in matters pertaining to nourishment. This has met with professional recognition. I have

often furnished recipes for cookbooks. Here are some designs for pies and things, which I recently prepared

for a friend's projected cookbook, but as I forgot to furnish diagrams and perspectives, they had to be left

Take a lot of water and add to it a lot of coarse Indianmeal and about a quarter of a lot of salt. Mix well

together, knead into the form of a "pone," and let the pone stand awhilenot on its edge, but the other way.

Rake away a place among the embers, lay it there, and cover it an inch deep with hot ashes. When it is done,

N.B.No household should ever be without this talisman. It has been noticed that tramps never return for

To make this excellent breakfast dish, proceed as follows: Take a sufficiency of water and a sufficiency of

flour, and construct a bulletproof dough. Work this into the form of a disk, with the edges turned up some

threefourths of an inch. Toughen and kilndry in a couple days in a mild but unvarying temperature.

Construct a cover for this redoubt in the same way and of the same material. Fill with stewed dried apples;

aggravate with cloves, lemonpeel, and slabs of citron; add two portions of New Orleans sugars, then solder

on the lid and set in a safe place till it petrifies. Serve cold at breakfast and invite your enemy.

Take a barrel of water and bring it to a boil; rub a chicory berry against a coffee berry, then convey the

former into the water. Continue the boiling and evaporation until the intensity of the flavor and aroma of the

coffee and chicory has been diminished to a proper degree; then set aside to cool. Now unharness the remains

of a once cow from the plow, insert them in a hydraulic press, and when you shall have acquired a teaspoon

of that paleblue juice which a German superstition regards as milk, modify the malignity of its strength in a

bucket of tepid water and ring up the breakfast. Mix the beverage in a cold cup, partake with moderation, and

I wonder why some things are? For instance, Art is allowed as much indecent license today as in earlier

times but the privileges of Literature in this respect have been sharply curtailed within the past eighty or

ninety years. Fielding and Smollett could portray the beastliness of their day in the beastliest language; we

have plenty of foul subjects to deal with in our day, but we are not allowed to approach them very near, even

with nice and guarded forms of speech. But not so with Art. The brush may still deal freely with any subject,

however revolting or indelicate. It makes a body ooze sarcasm at every pore, to go about Rome and Florence

and see what this last generation has been doing with the statues. These works, which had stood in innocent

nakedness for ages, are all figleaved now. Yes, every one of them. Nobody noticed their nakedness before,

perhaps; nobody can help noticing it now, the figleaf makes it so conspicuous. But the comical thing about

it all, is, that the figleaf is confined to cold and pallid marble, which would be still cold and unsuggestive

without this sham and ostentatious symbol of modesty, whereas warmblood paintings which do really need

At the door of the Uffizzi, in Florence, one is confronted by statues of a man and a woman, noseless, battered,

black with accumulated grimethey hardly suggest human beings yet these ridiculous creatures have

been thoughtfully and conscientiously figleaved by this fastidious generation. You enter, and proceed to that

mostvisited little gallery that exists in the worldthe Tribuneand there, against the wall, without

obstructing rag or leaf, you may look your fill upon the foulest, the vilest, the obscenest picture the world

possessesTitian's Venus. It isn't that she is naked and stretched out on a bedno, it is the attitude of one of

her arms and hand. If I ventured to describe that attitude, there would be a fine howlbut there the Venus

lies, for anybody to gloat over that wants toand there she has a right to lie, for she is a work of art, and Art

has its privileges. I saw young girls stealing furtive glances at her; I saw young men gaze long and absorbedly

at her; I saw aged, infirm men hang upon her charms with a pathetic interest. How I should like to describe

herjust to see what a holy indignation I could stir up in the worldjust to hear the unreflecting average

man deliver himself about my grossness and coarseness, and all that. The world says that no worded

description of a moving spectacle is a hundredth part as moving as the same spectacle seen with one's own

eyesyet the world is willing to let its son and its daughter and itself look at Titian's beast, but won't stand a

description of it in words. Which shows that the world is not as consistent as it might be.

There are pictures of nude women which suggest no impure thoughtI am well aware of that. I am not

railing at such. What I am trying to emphasize is the fact that Titian's Venus is very far from being one of that

sort. Without any question it was painted for a bagnio and it was probably refused because it was a trifle too

strong. In truth, it is too strong for any place but a public Art Gallery. Titian has two Venuses in the Tribune;

In every gallery in Europe there are hideous pictures of blood, carnage, oozing brains, putrefactionpictures

portraying intolerable sufferingpictures alive with every conceivable horror, wrought out in dreadful

detailand similar pictures are being put on the canvas every day and publicly exhibitedwithout a growl

from anybodyfor they are innocent, they are inoffensive, being works of art. But suppose a literary artist

ventured to go into a painstaking and elaborate description of one of these grisly thingsthe critics would

skin him alive. Well, let it go, it cannot be helped; Art retains her privileges, Literature has lost hers.

Somebody else may cipher out the whys and the wherefores and the consistencies of itI haven't got time.

Titian's Venus defiles and disgraces the Tribune, there is no softening that fact, but his "Moses" glorifies it.

The simple truthfulness of its noble work wins the heart and the applause of every visitor, be he learned or

ignorant. After wearying one's self with the acres of stuffy, sappy, expressionless babies that populate the

canvases of the Old Masters of Italy, it is refreshing to stand before this peerless child and feel that thrill

which tells you you are at last in the presence of the real thing. This is a human child, this is genuine. You

have seen him a thousand timesyou have seen him just as he is here and you confess, without reserve,

that Titian WAS a Master. The dollfaces of other painted babes may mean one thing, they may mean

another, but with the "Moses" the case is different. The most famous of all the artcritics has said, "There is

I consider that the "Moses" has no equal among the works of the Old Masters, except it be the divine Hair

Trunk of Bassano. I feel sure that if all the other Old Masters were lost and only these two preserved, the

My sole purpose in going to Florence was to see this immortal "Moses," and by good fortune I was just in

time, for they were already preparing to remove it to a more private and betterprotected place because a

I got a capable artist to copy the picture; Pannemaker, the engraver of Dor'e's books, engraved it for me, and I

We took a turn to Rome and some other Italian cities then to Munich, and thence to Parispartly for

exercise, but mainly because these things were in our projected program, and it was only right that we should

From Paris I branched out and walked through Holland and Belgium, procuring an occasional lift by rail or

canal when tired, and I had a tolerably good time of it "by and large." I worked Spain and other regions

We crossed to England, and then made the homeward passage in the Cunarder GALLIA, a very fine ship. I

was glad to get homeimmeasurably glad; so glad, in fact, that it did not seem possible that anything could

ever get me out of the country again. I had not enjoyed a pleasure abroad which seemed to me to compare

with the pleasure I felt in seeing New York harbor again. Europe has many advantages which we have not,

but they do not compensate for a good many still more valuable ones which exist nowhere but in our own

country. Then we are such a homeless lot when we are over there! So are Europeans themselves, for the

matter. They live in dark and chilly vast tombscostly enough, maybe, but without conveniences. To be

condemned to live as the average European family lives would make life a pretty heavy burden to the average

On the whole, I think that short visits to Europe are better for us than long ones. The former preserve us from

becoming Europeanized; they keep our pride of country intact, and at the same time they intensify our

affection for our country and our people; whereas long visits have the effect of dulling those feelingsat

least in the majority of cases. I think that one who mixes much with Americans long resident abroad must

Omar Khay'am, the poetprophet of Persia, writing more than eight hundred years ago, has said:

"In the four parts of the earth are many that are able to write learned books, many that are able to lead armies,

and many also that are able to govern kingdoms and empires; but few there be that can keep a hotel."

A word about the European hotel PORTIER. He is a most admirable invention, a most valuable convenience.

He always wears a conspicuous uniform; he can always be found when he is wanted, for he sticks closely to

his post at the front door; he is as polite as a duke; he speaks from four to ten languages; he is your surest

help and refuge in time of trouble or perplexity. He is not the clerk, he is not the landlord; he ranks above the

clerk, and represents the landlord, who is seldom seen. Instead of going to the clerk for information, as we do

at home, you go to the portier. It is the pride of our average hotel clerk to know nothing whatever; it is the

pride of the portier to know everything. You ask the portier at what hours the trains leavehe tells you

instantly; or you ask him who is the best physician in town; or what is the hack tariff; or how many children

the mayor has; or what days the galleries are open, and whether a permit is required, and where you are to get

it, and what you must pay for it; or when the theaters open and close, what the plays are to be, and the price

of seats; or what is the newest thing in hats; or how the bills of mortality average; or "who struck Billy

Patterson." It does not matter what you ask him: in nine cases out of ten he knows, and in the tenth case he

will find out for you before you can turn around three times. There is nothing he will not put his hand to.

Suppose you tell him you wish to go from Hamburg to Peking by the way of Jericho, and are ignorant of

routes and prices the next morning he will hand you a piece of paper with the whole thing worked out on it

to the last detail. Before you have been long on European soil, you find yourself still SAYING you are

relying on Providence, but when you come to look closer you will see that in reality you are relying on the

portier. He discovers what is puzzling you, or what is troubling you, or what your need is, before you can get

the half of it out, and he promptly says, "Leave that to me." Consequently, you easily drift into the habit of

leaving everything to him. There is a certain embarrassment about applying to the average American hotel

clerk, a certain hesitancy, a sense of insecurity against rebuff; but you feel no embarrassment in your

intercourse with the portier; he receives your propositions with an enthusiasm which cheers, and plunges into

their accomplishment with an alacrity which almost inebriates. The more requirements you can pile upon

him, the better he likes it. Of course the result is that you cease from doing anything for yourself. He calls a

hack when you want one; puts you into it; tells the driver whither to take you; receives you like a longlost

child when you return; sends you about your business, does all the quarreling with the hackman himself, and

pays him his money out of his own pocket. He sends for your theater tickets, and pays for them; he sends for

any possible article you can require, be it a doctor, an elephant, or a postage stamp; and when you leave, at

last, you will find a subordinate seated with the cabdriver who will put you in your railway compartment,

buy your tickets, have your baggage weighed, bring you the printed tags, and tell you everything is in your

bill and paid for. At home you get such elaborate, excellent, and willing service as this only in the best hotels

of our large cities; but in Europe you get it in the mere back countrytowns just as well.

What is the secret of the portier's devotion? It is very simple: he gets FEES, AND NO SALARY. His fee is

pretty closely regulated, too. If you stay a week, you give him five marksa dollar and a quarter, or about

eighteen cents a day. If you stay a month, you reduce this average somewhat. If you stay two or three months

or longer, you cut it down half, or even more than half. If you stay only one day, you give the portier a mark.

The head waiter's fee is a shade less than the portier's; the Boots, who not only blacks your boots and brushes

your clothes, but is usually the porter and handles your baggage, gets a somewhat smaller fee than the head

waiter; the chambermaid's fee ranks below that of the Boots. You fee only these four, and no one else. A

German gentleman told me that when he remained a week in a hotel, he gave the portier five marks, the head

waiter four, the Boots three, and the chambermaid two; and if he stayed three months he divided ninety marks

None of these fees are ever paid until you leave the hotel, though it be a yearexcept one of these four

servants should go away in the mean time; in that case he will be sure to come and bid you goodby and give

you the opportunity to pay him what is fairly coming to him. It is considered very bad policy to fee a servant

while you are still to remain longer in the hotel, because if you gave him too little he might neglect you

afterward, and if you gave him too much he might neglect somebody else to attend to you. It is considered

I do not know whether hotel servants in New York get any wages or not, but I do know that in some of the

hotels there the feeing system in vogue is a heavy burden. The waiter expects a quarter at breakfastand

gets it. You have a different waiter at luncheon, and so he gets a quarter. Your waiter at dinner is another

strangerconsequently he gets a quarter. The boy who carries your satchel to your room and lights your gas

fumbles around and hangs around significantly, and you fee him to get rid of him. Now you may ring for

icewater; and ten minutes later for a lemonade; and ten minutes afterward, for a cigar; and by and by for a

newspaperand what is the result? Why, a new boy has appeared every time and fooled and fumbled around

until you have paid him something. Suppose you boldly put your foot down, and say it is the hotel's business

to pay its servants? You will have to ring your bell ten or fifteen times before you get a servant there; and

when he goes off to fill your order you will grow old and infirm before you see him again. You may struggle

nobly for twentyfour hours, maybe, if you are an adamantine sort of person, but in the mean time you will

have been so wretchedly served, and so insolently, that you will haul down your colors, and go to

It seems to me that it would be a happy idea to import the European feeing system into America. I believe it

would result in getting even the bells of the Philadelphia hotels answered, and cheerful service rendered.

The greatest American hotels keep a number of clerks and a cashier, and pay them salaries which mount up to

a considerable total in the course of a year. The great continental hotels keep a cashier on a trifling salary, and

a portier WHO PAYS THE HOTEL A SALARY. By the latter system both the hotel and the public save

money and are better served than by our system. One of our consuls told me that a portier of a great Berlin

hotel paid five thousand dollars a year for his position, and yet cleared six thousand dollars for himself. The

position of portier in the chief hotels of Saratoga, Long Branch, New York, and similar centers of resort,

would be one which the holder could afford to pay even more than five thousand dollars for, perhaps.

When we borrowed the feeing fashion from Europe a dozen years ago, the salary system ought to have been

discontinued, of course. We might make this correction now, I should think. And we might add the portier,

too. Since I first began to study the portier, I have had opportunities to observe him in the chief cities of

Germany, Switzerland, and Italy; and the more I have seen of him the more I have wished that he might be

adopted in America, and become there, as he is in Europe, the stranger's guardian angel.

Yes, what was true eight hundred years ago, is just as true today: "Few there be that can keep a hotel."

Perhaps it is because the landlords and their subordinates have in too many cases taken up their trade without

first learning it. In Europe the trade of hotelkeeper is taught. The apprentice begins at the bottom of the

ladder and masters the several grades one after the other. Just as in our country printingoffices the

apprentice first learns how to sweep out and bring water; then learns to "roll"; then to sort "pi"; then to set

type; and finally rounds and completes his education with jobwork and presswork; so the

landlordapprentice serves as callboy; then as underwaiter; then as a parlor waiter; then as head waiter, in

which position he often has to make out all the bills; then as clerk or cashier; then as portier. His trade is

learned now, and by and by he will assume the style and dignity of landlord, and be found conducting a hotel

Now in Europe, the same as in America, when a man has kept a hotel so thoroughly well during a number of

years as to give it a great reputation, he has his reward. He can live prosperously on that reputation. He can

let his hotel run down to the last degree of shabbiness and yet have it full of people all the time. For instance,

there is the Ho^tel de Ville, in Milan. It swarms with mice and fleas, and if the rest of the world were

destroyed it could furnish dirt enough to start another one with. The food would create an insurrection in a

poorhouse; and yet if you go outside to get your meals that hotel makes up its loss by overcharging you on all

sorts of triflesand without making any denials or excuses about it, either. But the Ho^tel de Ville's old

excellent reputation still keeps its dreary rooms crowded with travelers who would be elsewhere if they had

Heidelberg Castle must have been very beautiful before the French battered and bruised and scorched it two

hundred years ago. The stone is brown, with a pinkish tint, and does not seem to stain easily. The dainty and

elaborate ornamentation upon its two chief fronts is as delicately carved as if it had been intended for the

interior of a drawingroom rather than for the outside of a house. Many fruit and flower clusters, human

heads and grim projecting lions' heads are still as perfect in every detail as if they were new. But the statues

which are ranked between the windows have suffered. These are lifesize statues of oldtime emperors,

electors, and similar grandees, clad in mail and bearing ponderous swords. Some have lost an arm, some a

head, and one poor fellow is chopped off at the middle. There is a saying that if a stranger will pass over the

drawbridge and walk across the court to the castle front without saying anything, he can made a wish and it

will be fulfilled. But they say that the truth of this thing has never had a chance to be proved, for the reason

that before any stranger can walk from the drawbridge to the appointed place, the beauty of the palace front

A ruin must be rightly situated, to be effective. This one could not have been better placed. It stands upon a

commanding elevation, it is buried in green words, there is no level ground about it, but, on the contrary,

there are wooded terraces upon terraces, and one looks down through shining leaves into profound chasms

and abysses where twilight reigns and the sun cannot intrude. Nature knows how to garnish a ruin to get the

best effect. One of these old towers is split down the middle, and one half has tumbled aside. It tumbled in

such a way as to establish itself in a picturesque attitude. Then all it lacked was a fitting drapery, and Nature

has furnished that; she has robed the rugged mass in flowers and verdure, and made it a charm to the eye. The

standing half exposes its arched and cavernous rooms to you, like open, toothless mouths; there, too, the

vines and flowers have done their work of grace. The rear portion of the tower has not been neglected, either,

but is clothed with a clinging garment of polished ivy which hides the wounds and stains of time. Even the

top is not left bare, but is crowned with a flourishing group of trees and shrubs. Misfortune has done for this

A gentleman remarked, one day, that it might have been fine to live in the castle in the day of its prime, but

that we had one advantage which its vanished inhabitants lackedthe advantage of having a charming ruin

to visit and muse over. But that was a hasty idea. Those people had the advantage of US. They had the fine

castle to live in, and they could cross the Rhine valley and muse over the stately ruin of Trifels besides. The

Trifels people, in their day, five hundred years ago, could go and muse over majestic ruins that have

vanished, now, to the last stone. There have always been ruins, no doubt; and there have always been pensive

people to sigh over them, and asses to scratch upon them their names and the important date of their visit.

Within a hundred years after Adam left Eden, the guide probably gave the usual general flourish with his

hand and said: "Place where the animals were named, ladies and gentlemen; place where the tree of the

forbidden fruit stood; exact spot where Adam and Eve first met; and here, ladies and gentlemen, adorned and

hallowed by the names and addresses of three generations of tourists, we have the crumbling remains of

Cain's altarfine old ruin!" Then, no doubt, he taxed them a shekel apiece and let them go.

An illumination of Heidelberg Castle is one of the sights of Europe. The Castle's picturesque shape; its

commanding situation, midway up the steep and wooded mountainside; its vast sizethese features combine

to make an illumination a most effective spectacle. It is necessarily an expensive show, and consequently

rather infrequent. Therefore whenever one of these exhibitions is to take place, the news goes about in the

papers and Heidelberg is sure to be full of people on that night. I and my agent had one of these opportunities,

About half past seven on the appointed evening we crossed the lower bridge, with some American students,

in a pouring rain, and started up the road which borders the Neunheim side of the river. This roadway was

densely packed with carriages and footpassengers; the former of all ages, and the latter of all ages and both

sexes. This black and solid mass was struggling painfully onward, through the slop, the darkness, and the

deluge. We waded along for threequarters of a mile, and finally took up a position in an unsheltered

beergarden directly opposite the Castle. We could not SEE the Castleor anything else, for that

matterbut we could dimly discern the outlines of the mountain over the way, through the pervading

blackness, and knew whereabouts the Castle was located. We stood on one of the hundred benches in the

garden, under our umbrellas; the other ninetynine were occupied by standing men and women, and they also

had umbrellas. All the region round about, and up and down the riverroad, was a dense wilderness of

humanity hidden under an unbroken pavement of carriage tops and umbrellas. Thus we stood during two

drenching hours. No rain fell on my head, but the converging whalebone points of a dozen neighboring

umbrellas poured little cooling steams of water down my neck, and sometimes into my ears, and thus kept me

from getting hot and impatient. I had the rheumatism, too, and had heard that this was good for it. Afterward,

however, I was led to believe that the water treatment is NOT good for rheumatism. There were even little

girls in that dreadful place. A men held one in his arms, just in front of me, for as much as an hour, with

In the circumstances, two hours was a good while for us to have to wait, but when the illumination did at last

come, we felt repaid. It came unexpectedly, of coursethings always do, that have been long looked and

longed for. With a perfectly breathtaking suddenness several mast sheaves of varicolored rockets were

vomited skyward out of the black throats of the Castle towers, accompanied by a thundering crash of sound,

and instantly every detail of the prodigious ruin stood revealed against the mountainside and glowing with an

almost intolerable splendor of fire and color. For some little time the whole building was a blinding crimson

mass, the towers continued to spout thick columns of rockets aloft, and overhead the sky was radiant with

arrowy bolts which clove their way to the zenith, paused, curved gracefully downward, then burst into

brilliant fountainsprays of richly colored sparks. The red fires died slowly down, within the Castle, and

presently the shell grew nearly black outside; the angry glare that shone out through the broken arches and

innumerable sashless windows, now, reproduced the aspect which the Castle must have borne in the old time

when the French spoilers saw the monster bonfire which they had made there fading and spoiling toward

While we still gazed and enjoyed, the ruin was suddenly enveloped in rolling and rumbling volumes of

vaporous green fire; then in dazzling purple ones; then a mixture of many colors followed, then drowned the

great fabric in its blended splendors. Meantime the nearest bridge had been illuminated, and from several

rafts anchored in the river, meteor showers of rockets, Roman candles, bombs, serpents, and Catharine

wheels were being discharged in wasteful profusion into the skya marvelous sight indeed to a person as

little used to such spectacles as I was. For a while the whole region about us seemed as bright as day, and yet

the rain was falling in torrents all the time. The evening's entertainment presently closed, and we joined the

The Castle grounds are very ample and very beautiful; and as they joined the Hotel grounds, with no fences

to climb, but only some nobly shaded stone stairways to descend, we spent a part of nearly every day in

idling through their smooth walks and leafy groves. There was an attractive spot among the trees where were

a great many wooden tables and benches; and there one could sit in the shade and pretend to sip at his foamy

beaker of beer while he inspected the crowd. I say pretend, because I only pretended to sip, without really

sipping. That is the polite way; but when you are ready to go, you empty the beaker at a draught. There was a

brass band, and it furnished excellent music every afternoon. Sometimes so many people came that every seat

was occupied, every table filled. And never a rough in the assemblaceall nicely dressed fathers and

mothers, young gentlemen and ladies and children; and plenty of university students and glittering officers;

with here and there a gray professor, or a peaceful old lady with her knitting; and always a sprinkling of

gawky foreigners. Everybody had his glass of beer before him, or his cup of coffee, or his bottle of wine, or

his hot cutlet and potatoes; young ladies chatted, or fanned themselves, or wrought at their crocheting or

embroidering; the students fed sugar to their dogs, or discussed duels, or illustrated new fencing tricks with

their little canes; and everywhere was comfort and enjoyment, and everywhere peace and goodwill to men.

The trees were jubilant with birds, and the paths with rollicking children. One could have a seat in that place

and plenty of music, any afternoon, for about eight cents, or a family ticket for the season for two dollars.

For a change, when you wanted one, you could stroll to the Castle, and burrow among its dungeons, or climb

about its ruined towers, or visit its interior showsthe great Heidelberg Tun, for instance. Everybody has

heard of the great Heidelberg Tun, and most people have seen it, no doubt. It is a winecask as big as a

cottage, and some traditions say it holds eighteen thousand bottles, and other traditions say it holds eighteen

hundred million barrels. I think it likely that one of these statements is a mistake, and the other is a lie.

However, the mere matter of capacity is a thing of no sort of consequence, since the cask is empty, and

indeed has always been empty, history says. An empty cask the size of a cathedral could excite but little

emotion in me. I do not see any wisdom in building a monster cask to hoard up emptiness in, when you can

get a better quality, outside, any day, free of expense. What could this cask have been built for? The more one

studies over that, the more uncertain and unhappy he becomes. Some historians say that thirty couples, some

say thirty thousand couples, can dance on the head of this cask at the same time. Even this does not seem to

me to account for the building of it. It does not even throw light on it. A profound and scholarly

Englishmana specialistwho had made the great Heidelberg Tun his sole study for fifteen years, told me

he had at last satisfied himself that the ancients built it to make German cream in. He said that the average

German cow yielded from one to two and half teaspoons of milk, when she was not worked in the plow or the

haywagon more than eighteen or nineteen hours a day. This milk was very sweet and good, and a beautiful

transparent bluish tint; but in order to get cream from it in the most economical way, a peculiar process was

necessary. Now he believed that the habit of the ancients was to collect several milkings in a teacup, pour it

into the Great Tun, fill up with water, and then skim off the cream from time to time as the needs of the

This began to look reasonable. It certainly began to account for the German cream which I had encountered

"Why did not each ancient dairyman take his own teacup of milk and his own cask of water, and mix them,

"Where could he get a cask large enough to contain the right proportion of water?"

Very true. It was plain that the Englishman had studied the matter from all sides. Still I thought I might catch

him on one point; so I asked him why the modern empire did not make the nation's cream in the Heidelberg

"A patient and diligent examination of the modern German cream had satisfied me that they do not use the

Great Tun now, because they have got a BIGGER one hid away somewhere. Either that is the case or they

empty the spring milkings into the mountain torrents and then skim the Rhine all summer."

There is a museum of antiquities in the Castle, and among its most treasured relics are ancient manuscripts

connected with German history. There are hundreds of these, and their dates stretch back through many

centuries. One of them is a decree signed and sealed by the hand of a successor of Charlemagne, in the year

896. A signature made by a hand which vanished out of this life near a thousand years ago, is a more

impressive thing than even a ruined castle. Luther's weddingring was shown me; also a fork belonging to a

time anterior to our era, and an early bookjack. And there was a plaster cast of the head of a man who was

assassinated about sixty years ago. The stabwounds in the face were duplicated with unpleasant fidelity.

One or two real hairs still remained sticking in the eyebrows of the cast. That trifle seemed to almost change

There are many aged portraitssome valuable, some worthless; some of great interest, some of none at all. I

bought a coupleone a gorgeous duke of the olden time, and the other a comely blueeyed damsel, a

princess, maybe. I bought them to start a portraitgallery of my ancestors with. I paid a dollar and a half for

the duke and a half for the princess. One can lay in ancestors at even cheaper rates than these, in Europe, if he

It seems that the student may break a good many of the public laws without having to answer to the public

authorities. His case must come before the University for trial and punishment. If a policeman catches him in

an unlawful act and proceeds to arrest him, the offender proclaims that he is a student, and perhaps shows his

matriculation card, whereupon the officer asks for his address, then goes his way, and reports the matter at

headquarters. If the offense is one over which the city has no jurisdiction, the authorities report the case

officially to the University, and give themselves no further concern about it. The University court send for the

student, listen to the evidence, and pronounce judgment. The punishment usually inflicted is imprisonment in

the University prison. As I understand it, a student's case is often tried without his being present at all. Then

something like this happens: A constable in the service of the University visits the lodgings of the said

"It is true; I had forgotten it. Very well: I have been complained of, tried, and found guiltyis that it?"

"Exactly. You are sentenced to two days' solitary confinement in the College prison, and I am sent to fetch

STUDENT. (Reflectively.) "Let me seeFridayFriday. I don't seem to have anything on hand Friday."

It is questionable if the world's criminal history can show a custom more odd than this. Nobody knows, now,

how it originated. There have always been many noblemen among the students, and it is presumed that all

students are gentlemen; in the old times it was usual to mar the convenience of such folk as little as possible;

One day I was listening to some conversation upon this subject when an American student said that for some

time he had been under sentence for a slight breach of the peace and had promised the constable that he

would presently find an unoccupied day and betake himself to prison. I asked the young gentleman to do me

the kindness to go to jail as soon as he conveniently could, so that I might try to get in there and visit him,

and see what college captivity was like. He said he would appoint the very first day he could spare.

His confinement was to endure twentyfour hours. He shortly chose his day, and sent me word. I started

immediately. When I reached the University Place, I saw two gentlemen talking together, and, as they had

portfolios under their arms, I judged they were tutors or elderly students; so I asked them in English to show

me the college jail. I had learned to take it for granted that anybody in Germany who knows anything, knows

English, so I had stopped afflicting people with my German. These gentlemen seemed a trifle amusedand a

trifle confused, toobut one of them said he would walk around the corner with me and show me the place.

He asked me why I wanted to get in there, and I said to see a friendand for curiosity. He doubted if I would

He rang the bell, a door opened, and we stepped into a paved way and then up into a small livingroom,

where we were received by a hearty and goodnatured German woman of fifty. She threw up her hands with

a surprised "ACH GOTT, HERR PROFESSOR!" and exhibited a mighty deference for my new acquaintance.

By the sparkle in her eye I judged she was a good deal amused, too. The "Herr Professor" talked to her in

German, and I understood enough of it to know that he was bringing very plausible reasons to bear for

admitting me. They were successful. So the Herr Professor received my earnest thanks and departed. The old

dame got her keys, took me up two or three flights of stairs, unlocked a door, and we stood in the presence of

the criminal. Then she went into a jolly and eager description of all that had occurred downstairs, and what

the Herr Professor had said, and so forth and so on. Plainly, she regarded it as quite a superior joke that I had

waylaid a Professor and employed him in so odd a service. But I wouldn't have done it if I had known he was

Now the dame left us to ourselves. The cell was not a roomy one; still it was a little larger than an ordinary

prison cell. It had a window of good size, irongrated; a small stove; two wooden chairs; two oaken tables,

very old and most elaborately carved with names, mottoes, faces, armorial bearings, etc.the work of

several generations of imprisoned students; and a narrow wooden bedstead with a villainous straw mattress,

but no sheets, pillows, blankets, or coverletsfor these the student must furnish at his own cost if he wants

The ceiling was completely covered with names, dates, and monograms, done with candlesmoke. The walls

were thickly covered with pictures and portraits (in profile), some done with ink, some with soot, some with a

pencil, and some with red, blue, and green chalks; and whenever an inch or two of space had remained

between the pictures, the captives had written plaintive verses, or names and dates. I do not think I was ever

Against the wall hung a placard containing the prison laws. I made a note of one or two of these. For

instance: The prisoner must pay, for the "privilege" of entering, a sum equivalent to 20 cents of our money;

for the privilege of leaving, when his term had expired, 20 cents; for every day spent in the prison, 12 cents;

for fire and light, 12 cents a day. The jailer furnishes coffee, mornings, for a small sum; dinners and suppers

may be ordered from outside if the prisoner choosesand he is allowed to pay for them, too.

Here and there, on the walls, appeared the names of American students, and in one place the American arms

Some of them were cheerful, others the reverse. I will give the reader a few specimens:

"In my tenth semester (my best one), I am cast here through the complaints of others. Let those who follow

"III TAGE OHNE GRUND ANGEBLICH AUS NEUGIERDE." Which is to say, he had a curiosity to know

what prison life was like; so he made a breach in some law and got three days for it. It is more than likely that

(TRANSLATION.) "E. Glinicke, four days for being too eager a spectator of a row."

"F. Graf Bismarck2729, II, '74." Which means that Count Bismarck, son of the great statesman, was a

(TRANSLATION.) "R. Diergandtfor Love4 days." Many people in this world have caught it heavier

"Four weeks for MISINTERPRETED GALLANTRY." I wish the sufferer had explained a little more fully.

There were many uncomplimentary references, on the walls, to a certain unpopular dignitary. One sufferer

had got three days for not saluting him. Another had "here two days slept and three nights lain awake," on

account of this same "Dr. K." In one place was a picture of Dr. K. hanging on a gallows.

Here and there, lonesome prisoners had eased the heavy time by altering the records left by predecessors.

Leaving the name standing, and the date and length of the captivity, they had erased the description of the

misdemeanor, and written in its place, in staring capitals, "FOR THEFT!" or "FOR MURDER!" or some

There was no name signed, and no date. It was an inscription well calculated to pique curiosity. One would

greatly like to know the nature of the wrong that had been done, and what sort of vengeance was wanted, and

whether the prisoner ever achieved it or not. But there was no way of finding out these things.

Occasionally, a name was followed simply by the remark, "II days, for disturbing the peace," and without

In one place was a hilarious picture of a student of the green cap corps with a bottle of champagne in each

There were two prison cells, and neither had space left on walls or ceiling for another name or portrait or

picture. The inside surfaces of the two doors were completely covered with CARTES DE VISITE of former

prisoners, ingeniously let into the wood and protected from dirt and injury by glass.

I very much wanted one of the sorry old tables which the prisoners had spent so many years in ornamenting

with their pocketknives, but red tape was in the way. The custodian could not sell one without an order from

a superior; and that superior would have to get it from HIS superior; and this one would have to get it from a

higher oneand so on up and up until the faculty should sit on the matter and deliver final judgment. The

system was right, and nobody could find fault with it; but it did not seem justifiable to bother so many people,

so I proceeded no further. It might have cost me more than I could afford, anyway; for one of those prison

tables, which was at the time in a private museum in Heidelberg, was afterward sold at auction for two

hundred and fifty dollars. It was not worth more than a dollar, or possibly a dollar and half, before the captive

students began their work on it. Persons who saw it at the auction said it was so curiously and wonderfully

Among them many who have tasted the college prison's dreary hospitality was a lively young fellow from

one of the Southern states of America, whose first year's experience of German university life was rather

peculiar. The day he arrived in Heidelberg he enrolled his name on the college books, and was so elated with

the fact that his dearest hope had found fruition and he was actually a student of the old and renowned

university, that he set to work that very night to celebrate the event by a grand lark in company with some

other students. In the course of his lark he managed to make a wide breach in one of the university's most

stringent laws. Sequel: before noon, next day, he was in the college prisonbooked for three months. The

twelve long weeks dragged slowly by, and the day of deliverance came at last. A great crowd of

sympathizing fellowstudents received him with a rousing demonstration as he came forth, and of course

there was another grand larkin the course of which he managed to make a wide breach of the CITY'S most

stringent laws. Sequel: before noon, next day, he was safe in the city lockupbooked for three months. This

second tedious captivity drew to an end in the course of time, and again a great crowd of sympathizing fellow

students gave him a rousing reception as he came forth; but his delight in his freedom was so boundless that

he could not proceed soberly and calmly, but must go hopping and skipping and jumping down the sleety

street from sheer excess of joy. Sequel: he slipped and broke his leg, and actually lay in the hospital during

When he at last became a free man again, he said he believed he would hunt up a brisker seat of learning; the

Heidelberg lectures might be good, but the opportunities of attending them were too rare, the educational

process too slow; he said he had come to Europe with the idea that the acquirement of an education was only

a matter of time, but if he had averaged the Heidelberg system correctly, it was rather a matter of eternity.

I went often to look at the collection of curiosities in Heidelberg Castle, and one day I surprised the keeper of

it with my German. I spoke entirely in that language. He was greatly interested; and after I had talked a while

he said my German was very rare, possibly a "unique"; and wanted to add it to his museum.

If he had known what it had cost me to acquire my art, he would also have known that it would break any

collector to buy it. Harris and I had been hard at work on our German during several weeks at that time, and

although we had made good progress, it had been accomplished under great difficulty and annoyance, for

three of our teachers had died in the mean time. A person who has not studied German can form no idea of

Surely there is not another language that is so slipshod and systemless, and so slippery and elusive to the

grasp. One is washed about in it, hither and thither, in the most helpless way; and when at last he thinks he

has captured a rule which offers firm ground to take a rest on amid the general rage and turmoil of the ten

parts of speech, he turns over the page and reads, "Let the pupil make careful note of the following

EXCEPTIONS." He runs his eye down and finds that there are more exceptions to the rule than instances of

it. So overboard he goes again, to hunt for another Ararat and find another quicksand. Such has been, and

continues to be, my experience. Every time I think I have got one of these four confusing "cases" where I am

master of it, a seemingly insignificant preposition intrudes itself into my sentence, clothed with an awful and

unsuspected power, and crumbles the ground from under me. For instance, my book inquires after a certain

bird(it is always inquiring after things which are of no sort of no consequence to anybody): "Where is the

bird?" Now the answer to this questionaccording to the bookis that the bird is waiting in the blacksmith

shop on account of the rain. Of course no bird would do that, but then you must stick to the book. Very well,

I begin to cipher out the German for that answer. I begin at the wrong end, necessarily, for that is the German

idea. I say to myself, "REGEN (rain) is masculineor maybe it is feminineor possibly neuterit is too

much trouble to look now. Therefore, it is either DER (the) Regen, or DIE (the) Regen, or DAS (the) Regen,

according to which gender it may turn out to be when I look. In the interest of science, I will cipher it out on

the hypothesis that it is masculine. Very wellthen THE rain is DER Regen, if it is simply in the quiescent

state of being MENTIONED, without enlargement or discussionNominative case; but if this rain is lying

around, in a kind of a general way on the ground, it is then definitely located, it is DOING

SOMETHINGthat is, RESTING (which is one of the German grammar's ideas of doing something), and

this throws the rain into the Dative case, and makes it DEM Regen. However, this rain is not resting, but is

doing something ACTIVELY,it is fallingto interfere with the bird, likelyand this indicates

MOVEMENT, which has the effect of sliding it into the Accusative case and changing DEM Regen into

DEN Regen." Having completed the grammatical horoscope of this matter, I answer up confidently and state

in German that the bird is staying in the blacksmith shop "wegen (on account of) DEN Regen." Then the

teacher lets me softly down with the remark that whenever the word "wegen" drops into a sentence, it

ALWAYS throws that subject into the GENITIVE case, regardless of consequencesand therefore this bird

N.B.I was informed, later, by a higher authority, that there was an "exception" which permits one to say

"wegen DEN Regen" in certain peculiar and complex circumstances, but that this exception is not extended to

There are ten parts of speech, and they are all troublesome. An average sentence, in a German newspaper, is a

sublime and impressive curiosity; it occupies a quarter of a column; it contains all the ten parts of

speechnot in regular order, but mixed; it is built mainly of compound words constructed by the writer on

the spot, and not to be found in any dictionarysix or seven words compacted into one, without joint or

seamthat is, without hyphens; it treats of fourteen or fifteen different subjects, each enclosed in a

parenthesis of its own, with here and there extra parentheses, making pens with pens: finally, all the

parentheses and reparentheses are massed together between a couple of kingparentheses, one of which is

placed in the first line of the majestic sentence and the other in the middle of the last line of itAFTER

WHICH COMES THE VERB, and you find out for the first time what the man has been talking about; and

after the verbmerely by way of ornament, as far as I can make outthe writer shovels in "HABEN SIND

GEWESEN GEHABT HAVEN GEWORDEN SEIN," or words to that effect, and the monument is finished.

I suppose that this closing hurrah is in the nature of the flourish to a man's signaturenot necessary, but

pretty. German books are easy enough to read when you hold them before the lookingglass or stand on your

headso as to reverse the constructionbut I think that to learn to read and understand a German

Yet even the German books are not entirely free from attacks of the Parenthesis distemperthough they are

usually so mild as to cover only a few lines, and therefore when you at last get down to the verb it carries

some meaning to your mind because you are able to remember a good deal of what has gone before. Now

here is a sentence from a popular and excellent German novelwhich a slight parenthesis in it. I will make a

perfectly literal translation, and throw in the parenthesismarks and some hyphens for the assistance of the

readerthough in the original there are no parenthesismarks or hyphens, and the reader is left to flounder

nowveryunconstrainedafterthenewestfashioneddressed) government counselor's wife MET," etc.,

That is from THE OLD MAMSELLE'S SECRET, by Mrs. Marlitt. And that sentence is constructed upon the

most approved German model. You observe how far that verb is from the reader's base of operations; well, in

a German newspaper they put their verb away over on the next page; and I have heard that sometimes after

stringing along the exciting preliminaries and parentheses for a column or two, they get in a hurry and have to

go to press without getting to the verb at all. Of course, then, the reader is left in a very exhausted and

We have the Parenthesis disease in our literature, too; and one may see cases of it every day in our books and

newspapers: but with us it is the mark and sign of an unpracticed writer or a cloudy intellect, whereas with

the Germans it is doubtless the mark and sign of a practiced pen and of the presence of that sort of luminous

intellectual fog which stands for clearness among these people. For surely it is NOT clearnessit necessarily

can't be clearness. Even a jury would have penetration enough to discover that. A writer's ideas must be a

good deal confused, a good deal out of line and sequence, when he starts out to say that a man met a

counselor's wife in the street, and then right in the midst of this so simple undertaking halts these approaching

people and makes them stand still until he jots down an inventory of the woman's dress. That is manifestly

absurd. It reminds a person of those dentists who secure your instant and breathless interest in a tooth by

taking a grip on it with the forceps, and then stand there and drawl through a tedious anecdote before they

give the dreaded jerk. Parentheses in literature and dentistry are in bad taste.

The Germans have another kind of parenthesis, which they make by splitting a verb in two and putting half of

it at the beginning of an exciting chapter and the OTHER HALF at the end of it. Can any one conceive of

anything more confusing than that? These things are called "separable verbs." The German grammar is

blistered all over with separable verbs; and the wider the two portions of one of them are spread apart, the

better the author of the crime is pleased with his performance. A favorite one is REISTE ABwhich means

departed. Here is an example which I culled from a novel and reduced to English:

"The trunks being now ready, he DE after kissing his mother and sisters, and once more pressing to his

bosom his adored Gretchen, who, dressed in simple white muslin, with a single tuberose in the ample folds of

her rich brown hair, had tottered feebly down the stairs, still pale from the terror and excitement of the past

evening, but longing to lay her poor aching head yet once again upon the breast of him whom she loved more

However, it is not well to dwell too much on the separable verbs. One is sure to lose his temper early; and if

he sticks to the subject, and will not be warned, it will at last either soften his brain or petrify it. Personal

pronouns and adjectives are a fruitful nuisance in this language, and should have been left out. For instance,

the same sound, SIE, means YOU, and it means SHE, and it means HER, and it means IT, and it means

THEY, and it means THEM. Think of the ragged poverty of a language which has to make one word do the

work of sixand a poor little weak thing of only three letters at that. But mainly, think of the exasperation of

never knowing which of these meanings the speaker is trying to convey. This explains why, whenever a

Now observe the Adjective. Here was a case where simplicity would have been an advantage; therefore, for

no other reason, the inventor of this language complicated it all he could. When we wish to speak of our

"good friend or friends," in our enlightened tongue, we stick to the one form and have no trouble or hard

feeling about it; but with the German tongue it is different. When a German gets his hands on an adjective, he

declines it, and keeps on declining it until the common sense is all declined out of it. It is as bad as Latin. He

NominativeMein gutER Freund, my good friend. GenitivesMeinES GutEN FreundES, of my good

friend. DativeMeinEM gutEN Freund, to my good friend. AccusativeMeinEN gutEN Freund, my good

N.MeinE gutEN FreundE, my good friends. G.MeinER gutEN FreundE, of my good friends.

D.MeinEN gutEN FreundEN, to my good friends. A.MeinE gutEN FreundE, my good friends.

Now let the candidate for the asylum try to memorize those variations, and see how soon he will be elected.

One might better go without friends in Germany than take all this trouble about them. I have shown what a

bother it is to decline a good (male) friend; well this is only a third of the work, for there is a variety of new

distortions of the adjective to be learned when the object is feminine, and still another when the object is

neuter. Now there are more adjectives in this language than there are black cats in Switzerland, and they must

all be as elaborately declined as the examples above suggested. Difficult?troublesome?these words

cannot describe it. I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would

The inventor of the language seems to have taken pleasure in complicating it in every way he could think of.

For instance, if one is casually referring to a house, HAUS, or a horse, PFERD, or a dog, HUND, he spells

these words as I have indicated; but if he is referring to them in the Dative case, he sticks on a foolish and

unnecessary E and spells them HAUSE, PFERDE, HUNDE. So, as an added E often signifies the plural, as

the S does with us, the new student is likely to go on for a month making twins out of a Dative dog before he

discovers his mistake; and on the other hand, many a new student who could ill afford loss, has bought and

paid for two dogs and only got one of them, because he ignorantly bought that dog in the Dative singular

when he really supposed he was talking pluralwhich left the law on the seller's side, of course, by the strict

In German, all the Nouns begin with a capital letter. Now that is a good idea; and a good idea, in this

language, is necessarily conspicuous from its lonesomeness. I consider this capitalizing of nouns a good idea,

because by reason of it you are almost always able to tell a noun the minute you see it. You fall into error

occasionally, because you mistake the name of a person for the name of a thing, and waste a good deal of

time trying to dig a meaning out of it. German names almost always do mean something, and this helps to

deceive the student. I translated a passage one day, which said that "the infuriated tigress broke loose and

utterly ate up the unfortunate fir forest" (Tannenwald). When I was girding up my loins to doubt this, I found

Every noun has a gender, and there is no sense or system in the distribution; so the gender of each must be

learned separately and by heart. There is no other way. To do this one has to have a memory like a

memorandumbook. In German, a young lady has no sex, while a turnip has. Think what overwrought

reverence that shows for the turnip, and what callous disrespect for the girl. See how it looks in printI

translate this from a conversation in one of the best of the German Sundayschool books:

To continue with the German genders: a tree is male, its buds are female, its leaves are neuter; horses are

sexless, dogs are male, cats are femaletomcats included, of course; a person's mouth, neck, bosom, elbows,

fingers, nails, feet, and body are of the male sex, and his head is male or neuter according to the word

selected to signify it, and NOT according to the sex of the individual who wears itfor in Germany all the

women either male heads or sexless ones; a person's nose, lips, shoulders, breast, hands, and toes are of the

female sex; and his hair, ears, eyes, chin, legs, knees, heart, and conscience haven't any sex at all. The

inventor of the language probably got what he knew about a conscience from hearsay.

Now, by the above dissection, the reader will see that in Germany a man may THINK he is a man, but when

he comes to look into the matter closely, he is bound to have his doubts; he finds that in sober truth he is a

most ridiculous mixture; and if he ends by trying to comfort himself with the thought that he can at least

depend on a third of this mess as being manly and masculine, the humiliating second thought will quickly

remind him that in this respect he is no better off than any woman or cow in the land.

In the German it is true that by some oversight of the inventor of the language, a Woman is a female; but a

Wife (Weib) is notwhich is unfortunate. A Wife, here, has no sex; she is neuter; so, according to the

grammar, a fish is HE, his scales are SHE, but a fishwife is neither. To describe a wife as sexless may be

called underdescription; that is bad enough, but overdescription is surely worse. A German speaks of an

Englishman as the ENGLA"NDER; to change the sex, he adds INN, and that stands for Englishwoman

ENGLA"NDERINN. That seems descriptive enough, but still it is not exact enough for a German; so he

precedes the word with that article which indicates that the creature to follow is feminine, and writes it down

thus: "die Engla"nderinn,"which means "the sheEnglishwoman." I consider that that person is

Well, after the student has learned the sex of a great number of nouns, he is still in a difficulty, because he

finds it impossible to persuade his tongue to refer to things as "he" and "she," and "him" and "her," which it

has been always accustomed to refer to it as "it." When he even frames a German sentence in his mind, with

the hims and hers in the right places, and then works up his courage to the utterancepoint, it is no use the

moment he begins to speak his tongue files the track and all those labored males and females come out as

"its." And even when he is reading German to himself, he always calls those things "it," where as he ought to

It is a bleak Day. Hear the Rain, how he pours, and the Hail, how he rattles; and see the Snow, how he drifts

along, and of the Mud, how deep he is! Ah the poor Fishwife, it is stuck fast in the Mire; it has dropped its

Basket of Fishes; and its Hands have been cut by the Scales as it seized some of the falling Creatures; and one

Scale has even got into its Eye. and it cannot get her out. It opens its Mouth to cry for Help; but if any Sound

comes out of him, alas he is drowned by the raging of the Storm. And now a Tomcat has got one of the

Fishes and she will surely escape with him. No, she bites off a Fin, she holds her in her Mouthwill she

swallow her? No, the Fishwife's brave Motherdog deserts his Puppies and rescues the Finwhich he eats,

himself, as his Reward. O, horror, the Lightning has struck the Fishbasket; he sets him on Fire; see the

Flame, how she licks the doomed Utensil with her red and angry Tongue; now she attacks the helpless

Fishwife's Footshe burns him up, all but the big Toe, and even SHE is partly consumed; and still she

spreads, still she waves her fiery Tongues; she attacks the Fishwife's Leg and destroys IT; she attacks its

Hand and destroys HER also; she attacks the Fishwife's Leg and destroys HER also; she attacks its Body and

consumes HIM; she wreathes herself about its Heart and IT is consumed; next about its Breast, and in a

Moment SHE is a Cinder; now she reaches its NeckHe goes; now its Chin IT goes; now its NoseSHE

goes. In another Moment, except Help come, the Fishwife will be no more. Time pressesis there none to

succor and save? Yes! Joy, joy, with flying Feet the sheEnglishwoman comes! But alas, the generous

sheFemale is too late: where now is the fated Fishwife? It has ceased from its Sufferings, it has gone to a

better Land; all that is left of it for its loved Ones to lament over, is this poor smoldering Ashheap. Ah,

woeful, woeful Ashheap! Let us take him up tenderly, reverently, upon the lowly Shovel, and bear him to

his long Rest, with the Prayer that when he rises again it will be a Realm where he will have one good square

responsible Sex, and have it all to himself, instead of having a mangy lot of assorted Sexes scattered all over

There, now, the reader can see for himself that this pronoun business is a very awkward thing for the

unaccustomed tongue. I suppose that in all languages the similarities of look and sound between words which

have no similarity in meaning are a fruitful source of perplexity to the foreigner. It is so in our tongue, and it

is notably the case in the German. Now there is that troublesome word VERMA"HLT: to me it has so close a

resemblanceeither real or fanciedto three or four other words, that I never know whether it means

despised, painted, suspected, or married; until I look in the dictionary, and then I find it means the latter.

There are lots of such words and they are a great torment. To increase the difficulty there are words which

SEEM to resemble each other, and yet do not; but they make just as much trouble as if they did. For instance,

there is the word VERMIETHEN (to let, to lease, to hire); and the word VERHEIRATHEN (another way of

saying to marry). I heard of an Englishman who knocked at a man's door in Heidelberg and proposed, in the

best German he could command, to "verheirathen" that house. Then there are some words which mean one

thing when you emphasize the first syllable, but mean something very different if you throw the emphasis on

the last syllable. For instance, there is a word which means a runaway, or the act of glancing through a book,

according to the placing of the emphasis; and another word which signifies to ASSOCIATE with a man, or to

AVOID him, according to where you put the emphasisand you can generally depend on putting it in the

There are some exceedingly useful words in this language. SCHLAG, for example; and ZUG. There are

threequarters of a column of SCHLAGS in the dictonary, and a column and a half of ZUGS. The word

SCHLAG means Blow, Stroke, Dash, Hit, Shock, Clap, Slap, Time, Bar, Coin, Stamp, Kind, Sort, Manner,

Way, Apoplexy, Woodcutting, Enclosure, Field, Forestclearing. This is its simple and EXACT

meaningthat is to say, its restricted, its fettered meaning; but there are ways by which you can set it free, so

that it can soar away, as on the wings of the morning, and never be at rest. You can hang any word you please

to its tail, and make it mean anything you want to. You can begin with SCHLAGADER, which means

artery, and you can hang on the whole dictionary, word by word, clear through the alphabet to

Just the same with ZUG. Strictly speaking, ZUG means Pull, Tug, Draught, Procession, March, Progress,

Flight, Direction, Expedition, Train, Caravan, Passage, Stroke, Touch, Line, Flourish, Trait of Character,

Feature, Lineament, Chessmove, Organstop, Team, Whiff, Bias, Drawer, Propensity, Inhalation,

Disposition: but that thing which it does NOT meanwhen all its legitimate pennants have been hung on,

One cannot overestimate the usefulness of SCHLAG and ZUG. Armed just with these two, and the word

ALSO, what cannot the foreigner on German soil accomplish? The German word ALSO is the equivalent of

the English phrase "You know," and does not mean anything at allin TALK, though it sometimes does in

print. Every time a German opens his mouth an ALSO falls out; and every time he shuts it he bites one in two

Now, the foreigner, equipped with these three noble words, is master of the situation. Let him talk right

along, fearlessly; let him pour his indifferent German forth, and when he lacks for a word, let him heave a

SCHLAG into the vacuum; all the chances are that it fits it like a plug, but if it doesn't let him promptly heave

a ZUG after it; the two together can hardly fail to bung the hole; but if, by a miracle, they SHOULD fail, let

him simply say ALSO! and this will give him a moment's chance to think of the needful word. In Germany,

when you load your conversational gun it is always best to throw in a SCHLAG or two and a ZUG or two,

because it doesn't make any difference how much the rest of the charge may scatter, you are bound to bag

something with THEM. Then you blandly say ALSO, and load up again. Nothing gives such an air of grace

and elegance and unconstraint to a German or an English conversation as to scatter it full of "Also's" or "You

July 1.In the hospital yesterday, a word of thirteen syllables was successfully removed from a patienta

North German from near Hamburg; but as most unfortunately the surgeons had opened him in the wrong

place, under the impression that he contained a panorama, he died. The sad event has cast a gloom over the

That paragraph furnishes a text for a few remarks about one of the most curious and notable features of my

subjectthe length of German words. Some German words are so long that they have a perspective. Observe

These things are not words, they are alphabetical processions. And they are not rare; one can open a German

newspaper at any time and see them marching majestically across the pageand if he has any imagination

he can see the banners and hear the music, too. They impart a martial thrill to the meekest subject. I take a

great interest in these curiosities. Whenever I come across a good one, I stuff it and put it in my museum. In

this way I have made quite a valuable collection. When I get duplicates, I exchange with other collectors, and

thus increase the variety of my stock. Here rare some specimens which I lately bought at an auction sale of

Of course when one of these grand mountain ranges goes stretching across the printed page, it adorns and

ennobles that literary landscapebut at the same time it is a great distress to the new student, for it blocks up

his way; he cannot crawl under it, or climb over it, or tunnel through it. So he resorts to the dictionary for

help, but there is no help there. The dictionary must draw the line somewhereso it leaves this sort of words

out. And it is right, because these long things are hardly legitimate words, but are rather combinations of

words, and the inventor of them ought to have been killed. They are compound words with the hyphens left

out. The various words used in building them are in the dictionary, but in a very scattered condition; so you

can hunt the materials out, one by one, and get at the meaning at last, but it is a tedious and harassing

business. I have tried this process upon some of the above examples. "Freundshaftsbezeigungen" seems to be

"Friendship demonstrations," which is only a foolish and clumsy way of saying "demonstrations of

friendship." "Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen" seems to be "Independencedeclarations," which is no

"Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen" seems to be "Generalstatesrepresentativesmeetings," as nearly

as I can get at ita mere rhythmical, gushy euphuism for "meetings of the legislature," I judge. We used to

have a good deal of this sort of crime in our literature, but it has gone out now. We used to speak of a things

as a "nevertobeforgotten" circumstance, instead of cramping it into the simple and sufficient word

"memorable" and then going calmly about our business as if nothing had happened. In those days we were

not content to embalm the thing and bury it decently, we wanted to build a monument over it.

But in our newspapers the compoundingdisease lingers a little to the present day, but with the hyphens left

out, in the German fashion. This is the shape it takes: instead of saying "Mr. Simmons, clerk of the county

and district courts, was in town yesterday," the new form put it thus: "Clerk of the County and District Courts

Simmons was in town yesterday." This saves neither time nor ink, and has an awkward sound besides. One

often sees a remark like this in our papers: "MRS. Assistant District Attorney Johnson returned to her city

residence yesterday for the season." That is a case of really unjustifiable compounding; because it not only

saves no time or trouble, but confers a title on Mrs. Johnson which she has no right to. But these little

instances are trifles indeed, contrasted with the ponderous and dismal German system of piling jumbled

compounds together. I wish to submit the following local item, from a Mannheim journal, by way of

"In the daybeforeyesterdayshortlyaftereleveno'clock Night, the inthistownstandingtavern called 'The

Wagoner' was downburnt. When the fire to the onthedownburninghouseresting Stork's Nest reached, flew the

parent Storks away. But when the bytheraging, firesurrounded Nest ITSELF caught Fire, straightway plunged

the quickreturning MotherStork into the Flames and died, her Wings over her young ones outspread."

Even the cumbersome German construction is not able to take the pathos out of that pictureindeed, it

somehow seems to strengthen it. This item is dated away back yonder months ago. I could have used it

"ALSO!" If I had not shown that the German is a difficult language, I have at least intended to do so. I have

heard of an American student who was asked how he was getting along with his German, and who answered

promptly: "I am not getting along at all. I have worked at it hard for three level months, and all I have got to

show for it is one solitary German phrase'ZWEI GLAS'" (two glasses of beer). He paused for a moment,

And if I have not also shown that German is a harassing and infuriating study, my execution has been at fault,

and not my intent. I heard lately of a worn and sorely tried American student who used to fly to a certain

German word for relief when he could bear up under his aggravations no longerthe only word whose

sound was sweet and precious to his ear and healing to his lacerated spirit. This was the word DAMIT. It was

only the SOUND that helped him, not the meaning; [3] and so, at last, when he learned that the emphasis was

not on the first syllable, his only stay and support was gone, and he faded away and died.

I think that a description of any loud, stirring, tumultuous episode must be tamer in German than in English.

Our descriptive words of this character have such a deep, strong, resonant sound, while their German

equivalents do seem so thin and mild and energyless. Boom, burst, crash, roar, storm, bellow, blow, thunder,

explosion; howl, cry, shout, yell, groan; battle, hell. These are magnificent words; the have a force and

magnitude of sound befitting the things which they describe. But their German equivalents would be ever so

nice to sing the children to sleep with, or else my aweinspiring ears were made for display and not for

superior usefulness in analyzing sounds. Would any man want to die in a battle which was called by so tame

a term as a SCHLACHT? Or would not a comsumptive feel too much bundled up, who was about to go out,

in a shirtcollar and a sealring, into a storm which the birdsong word GEWITTER was employed to

describe? And observe the strongest of the several German equivalents for explosionAUSBRUCH. Our

word Toothbrush is more powerful than that. It seems to me that the Germans could do worse than import it

into their language to describe particularly tremendous explosions with. The German word for

hellHo"llesounds more like HELLY than anything else; therefore, how necessary chipper, frivolous,

and unimpressive it is. If a man were told in German to go there, could he really rise to thee dignity of feeling

Having pointed out, in detail, the several vices of this language, I now come to the brief and pleasant task of

pointing out its virtues. The capitalizing of the nouns I have already mentioned. But far before this virtue

stands anotherthat of spelling a word according to the sound of it. After one short lesson in the alphabet,

the student can tell how any German word is pronounced without having to ask; whereas in our language if a

student should inquire of us, "What does B, O, W, spell?" we should be obliged to reply, "Nobody can tell

what it spells when you set if off by itself; you can only tell by referring to the context and finding out what it

signifieswhether it is a thing to shoot arrows with, or a nod of one's head, or the forward end of a boat."

There are some German words which are singularly and powerfully effective. For instance, those which

describe lowly, peaceful, and affectionate home life; those which deal with love, in any and all forms, from

mere kindly feeling and honest good will toward the passing stranger, clear up to courtship; those which deal

with outdoor Nature, in its softest and loveliest aspectswith meadows and forests, and birds and flowers,

the fragrance and sunshine of summer, and the moonlight of peaceful winter nights; in a word, those which

deal with any and all forms of rest, respose, and peace; those also which deal with the creatures and marvels

of fairyland; and lastly and chiefly, in those words which express pathos, is the language surpassingly rich

and affective. There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry. That shows that the

SOUND of the words is correctit interprets the meanings with truth and with exactness; and so the ear is

The Germans do not seem to be afraid to repeat a word when it is the right one. they repeat it several times, if

they choose. That is wise. But in English, when we have used a word a couple of times in a paragraph, we

imagine we are growing tautological, and so we are weak enough to exchange it for some other word which

only approximates exactness, to escape what we wrongly fancy is a greater blemish. Repetition may be bad,

There are people in the world who will take a great deal of trouble to point out the faults in a religion or a

language, and then go blandly about their business without suggesting any remedy. I am not that kind of

person. I have shown that the German language needs reforming. Very well, I am ready to reform it. At least

I am ready to make the proper suggestions. Such a course as this might be immodest in another; but I have

devoted upward of nine full weeks, first and last, to a careful and critical study of this tongue, and thus have

acquired a confidence in my ability to reform it which no mere superficial culture could have conferred upon

In the first place, I would leave out the Dative case. It confuses the plurals; and, besides, nobody ever knows

when he is in the Dative case, except he discover it by accidentand then he does not know when or where

it was that he got into it, or how long he has been in it, or how he is going to get out of it again. The Dative

In the next place, I would move the Verb further up to the front. You may load up with ever so good a Verb,

but I notice that you never really bring down a subject with it at the present German rangeyou only cripple

it. So I insist that this important part of speech should be brought forward to a position where it may be easily

Thirdly, I would import some strong words from the English tongueto swear with, and also to use in

Fourthly, I would reorganizes the sexes, and distribute them accordingly to the will of the creator. This as a

Fifthly, I would do away with those great long compounded words; or require the speaker to deliver them in

sections, with intermissions for refreshments. To wholly do away with them would be best, for ideas are more

easily received and digested when they come one at a time than when they come in bulk. Intellectual food is

like any other; it is pleasanter and more beneficial to take it with a spoon than with a shovel.

Sixthly, I would require a speaker to stop when he is done, and not hang a string of those useless "haven sind

gewesen gehabt haben geworden seins" to the end of his oration. This sort of gewgaws undignify a speech,

instead of adding a grace. They are, therefore, an offense, and should be discarded.

Seventhly, I would discard the Parenthesis. Also the reparenthesis, the rereparenthesis, and the

rererererereparentheses, and likewise the final widereaching allenclosing kingparenthesis. I would

require every individual, be he high or low, to unfold a plain straightforward tale, or else coil it and sit on it

And eighthly, and last, I would retain ZUG and SCHLAG, with their pendants, and discard the rest of the

I have now named what I regard as the most necessary and important changes. These are perhaps all I could

be expected to name for nothing; but there are other suggestions which I can and will make in case my

proposed application shall result in my being formally employed by the government in the work of reforming

My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and

pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years. It seems manifest, then, that

the latter tongue ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If it is to remain as it is, it ought to be gently and

reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it.

Gentlemen: Since I arrived, a month ago, in this old wonderland, this vast garden of Germany, my English

tongue has so often proved a useless piece of baggage to me, and so troublesome to carry around, in a country

where they haven't the checking system for luggage, that I finally set to work, and learned the German

language. Also! Es freut mich dass dies so ist, denn es muss, in ein haupts:achlich degree, h:oflich sein, dass

man auf ein occasion like this, sein Rede in die Sprache des Landes worin he boards, aussprechen soll. Daf:ur

habe ich, aus reinische Verlegenheitno, Vergangenheitno, I mean Hoflichkeitaus reinishe Hoflichkeit

habe ich resolved to tackle this business in the German language, um Gottes willen! Also! Sie mu"ssen so

freundlich sein, und verzeih mich die interlarding von ein oder zwei Englischer Worte, hie und da, denn ich

finde dass die deutsche is not a very copious language, and so when you've really got anything to say, you've

Wenn haber man kann nicht meinem Rede Verstehen, so werde ich ihm sp:ater dasselbe :ubersetz, wenn er

solche Dienst verlangen wollen haben werden sollen sein h:atte. (I don't know what wollen haben werden

sollen sein ha"tte means, but I notice they always put it at the end of a German sentencemerely for general

This is a great and justly honored daya day which is worthy of the veneration in which it is held by the true

patriots of all climes and nationalitiesa day which offers a fruitful theme for thought and speech; und

meinem Freundeno, meinEN FreundENmeinES FreundESwell, take your choice, they're all the same

price; I don't know which one is rightalso! ich habe gehabt haben worden gewesen sein, as Goethe says in

Also! Die Anblich so viele Grossbrittanischer und Amerikanischer hier zusammengetroffen in Bruderliche

concord, ist zwar a welcome and inspiriting spectacle. And what has moved you to it? Can the terse German

tongue rise to the expression of this impulse? Is it Freundschaftsbezeigungenstadtverordneten

versammlungenfamilieneigenth:umlichkeiten? Nein, o nein! This is a crisp and noble word, but it fails to

pierce the marrow of the impulse which has gathered this friendly meeting and produced diese

Anblickeine Anblich welche ist gut zu sehengut fu"r die Augen in a foreign land and a far

countryeine Anblick solche als in die gew:ohnliche Heidelberger phrase nennt man ein "scho"nes

Aussicht!" Ja, freilich natu"rlich wahrscheinlich ebensowohl! Also! Die Aussicht auf dem K:onigsstuhl mehr

gr:osser ist, aber geistlische sprechend nicht so scho"n, lob' Gott! Because sie sind hier zusammengetroffen,

in Bruderlichem concord, ein grossen Tag zu feirn, whose high benefits were not for one land and one

locality, but have conferred a measure of good upon all lands that know liberty today, and love it. Hundert

Jahre voru"ber, waren die Engla"nder und die Amerikaner Feinde; aber heut sind sie herzlichen Freunde, Gott

sei Dank! May this goodfellowship endure; may these banners here blended in amity so remain; may they

never any more wave over opposing hosts, or be stained with blood which was kindred, is kindred, and

always will be kindred, until a line drawn upon a map shall be able to say: "THIS bars the ancestral blood

Called the "Swallow's Nest" and "The Brothers," as Condensed from the Captain's Tale

In the neighborhood of three hundred years ago the Swallow's Nest and the larger castle between it and

Neckarsteinach were owned and occupied by two old knights who were twin brothers, and bachelors. They

had no relatives. They were very rich. They had fought through the wars and retired to private lifecovered

with honorable scars. They were honest, honorable men in their dealings, but the people had given them a

couple of nicknames which were very suggestiveHerr Givenaught and Herr Heartless. The old knights

were so proud of these names that if a burgher called them by their right ones they would correct them.

The most renowned scholar in Europe, at the time, was the Herr Doctor Franz Reikmann, who lived in

Heidelberg. All Germany was proud of the venerable scholar, who lived in the simplest way, for great

scholars are always poor. He was poor, as to money, but very rich in his sweet young daughter Hildegarde

and his library. He had been all his life collecting his library, book and book, and he lived it as a miser loves

his hoarded gold. He said the two strings of his heart were rooted, the one in his daughter, the other in his

books; and that if either were severed he must die. Now in an evil hour, hoping to win a marriage portion for

his child, this simple old man had entrusted his small savings to a sharper to be ventured in a glittering

speculation. But that was not the worst of it: he signed a paperwithout reading it. That is the way with

poets and scholars; they always sign without reading. This cunning paper made him responsible for heaps of

things. The rest was that one night he found himself in debt to the sharper eight thousand pieces of gold!an

amount so prodigious that it simply stupefied him to think of it. It was a night of woe in that house.

"I must part with my libraryI have nothing else. So perishes one heartstring," said the old man.

"Nothing! It is worth seven hundred pieces of gold; but by auction it will go for little or nothing."

"Then you will have parted with the half of your heart and the joy of your life to no purpose, since so mighty

"There is no help for it, my child. Our darlings must pass under the hammer. We must pay what we can."

"My father, I have a feeling that the dear Virgin will come to our help. Let us not lose heart."

"She cannot devise a miracle that will turn NOTHING into eight thousand gold pieces, and lesser help will

Toward morning, while the old man sat exhausted and asleep in his chair where he had been sitting before his

books as one who watches by his beloved dead and prints the features on his memory for a solace in the

aftertime of empty desolation, his daughter sprang into the room and gently woke him, saying

"My presentiment was true! She will save us. Three times has she appeared to me in my dreams, and said,

'Go to the Herr Givenaught, go to the Herr Heartless, ask them to come and bid.' There, did I not tell you she

"Thou mightest as well appeal to the rocks their castles stand upon as to the harder ones that lie in those

men's breasts, my child. THEY bid on books writ in the learned tongues!they can scarce read their own."

But Hildegarde's faith was in no wise shaken. Bright and early she was on her way up the Neckar road, as

Meantime Herr Givenaught and Herr Heartless were having an early breakfast in the former's castlethe

Sparrow's Nestand flavoring it with a quarrel; for although these twins bore a love for each other which

almost amounted to worship, there was one subject upon which they could not touch without calling each

"I tell you," said Givenaught, "you will beggar yourself yet with your insane squanderings of money upon

what you choose to consider poor and worthy objects. All these years I have implored you to stop this foolish

custom and husband your means, but all in vain. You are always lying to me about these secret benevolences,

but you never have managed to deceive me yet. Every time a poor devil has been set upon his feet I have

"Every time you didn't set him on his feet yourself, you mean. Where I give one unfortunate a little private

lift, you do the same for a dozen. The idea of YOUR swelling around the country and petting yourself with

the nickname of Givenaughtintolerable humbug! Before I would be such a fraud as that, I would cut my

right hand off. Your life is a continual lie. But go on, I have tried MY best to save you from beggaring

yourself by your riotous charitiesnow for the thousandth time I wash my hands of the consequences. A

"I won't stay in the presence of a man who has no more delicacy than to call me such names. Mannerless

So saying, Herr Heartless sprang up in a passion. But some lucky accident intervened, as usual, to change the

subject, and the daily quarrel ended in the customary daily living reconciliation. The grayheaded old

Half an hour later, Hildegarde was standing in the presence of Herr Givenaught. He heard her story, and

"I am sorry for you, my child, but I am very poor, I care nothing for bookish rubbish, I shall not be there."

He said the hard words kindly, but they nearly broke poor Hildegarde's heart, nevertheless. When she was

"It was a good stroke. I have saved my brother's pocket this time, in spite of him. Nothing else would have

prevented his rushing off to rescue the old scholar, the pride of Germany, from his trouble. The poor child

won't venture near HIM after the rebuff she has received from his brother the Givenaught."

But he was mistaken. The Virgin had commanded, and Hildegarde would obey. She went to Herr Heartless

"I am very poor, my child, and books are nothing to me. I wish you well, but I shall not come."

"How my fool of a softheaded softhearted brother would rage if he knew how cunningly I have saved his

pocket. How he would have flown to the old man's rescue! But the girl won't venture near him now."

When Hildegarde reached home, her father asked her how she had prospered. She said

"The Virgin has promised, and she will keep her word; but not in the way I thought. She knows her own

The old man patted her on the head, and smiled a doubting smile, but he honored her for her brave faith,

Next day the people assembled in the great hall of the Ritter tavern, to witness the auctionfor the proprietor

had said the treasure of Germany's most honored son should be bartered away in no meaner place. Hildegarde

and her father sat close to the books, silent and sorrowful, and holding each other's hands. There was a great

"How much for this precious library, just as it stands, all complete?" called the auctioneer.

A heavy dragthe auctioneer persuaded, pleaded, imploredit was useless, everybody remained silent

This in a shrill voice, from a bent old man, all hung with rags, and with a green patch over his left eye.

Everybody in his vicinity turned and gazed at him. It was Givenaught in disguise. He was using a disguised

This, in a deep, harsh voice, from the midst of the crowd at the other end of the room. The people near by

turned, and saw an old man, in a strange costume, supporting himself on crutches. He wore a long white

beard, and blue spectacles. It was Herr Heartless, in disguise, and using a disguised voice.

Sensation. The crowd raised a cheer, and some one cried out, "Go it, Greenpatch!" This tickled the audience

"Huzzah!well done, Crutches!" cried a voice. The crowd took it up, and shouted altogether, "Well done,

And while the people cheered and shouted, "Crutches" muttered, "Who can this devil be that is fighting so to

get these useless books?But no matter, he sha'n't have them. The pride of Germany shall have his books if

And while they did it, "Greenpatch" muttered, "This cripple is plainly a lunatic; but the old scholar shall

"We are saved, father! I told you the Holy Virgin would keep her word!" "Blessed be her sacred name!" said

the old scholar, with emotion. The crowd roared, "Huzza, huzza, huzzaat him again, Greenpatch!"

"TEN thousand!" As Givenaught shouted this, his excitement was so great that he forgot himself and used his

natural voice. He brother recognized it, and muttered, under cover of the storm of cheers

"Aha, you are there, are you, besotted old fool? Take the books, I know what you'll do with them!"

So saying, he slipped out of the place and the auction was at an end. Givenaught shouldered his way to

Hildegarde, whispered a word in her ear, and then he also vanished. The old scholar and his daughter

embraced, and the former said, "Truly the Holy Mother has done more than she promised, child, for she has

"And more still," cried Hildegarde, "for she has give you back your books; the stranger whispered me that he

would none of them'the honored son of Germany must keep them,' so he said. I would I might have asked

his name and kissed his hand and begged his blessing; but he was Our Lady's angel, and it is not meet that we

The daily journals of Hamburg, Frankfort, Baden, Munich, and Augsburg are all constructed on the same

general plan. I speak of these because I am more familiar with them than with any other German papers. They

contain no "editorials" whatever; no "personals"and this is rather a merit than a demerit, perhaps; no

funnyparagraph column; no policecourt reports; no reports of proceedings of higher courts; no information

about prizefights or other dogfights, horseraces, walkingmachines, yachtingcontents, riflematches, or

other sporting matters of any sort; no reports of banquet speeches; no department of curious odds and ends of

floating fact and gossip; no "rumors" about anything or anybody; no prognostications or prophecies about

anything or anybody; no lists of patents granted or sought, or any reference to such things; no abuse of public

officials, big or little, or complaints against them, or praises of them; no religious columns Saturdays, no

rehash of cold sermons Mondays; no "weather indications"; no "local item" unveiling of what is happening in

townnothing of a local nature, indeed, is mentioned, beyond the movements of some prince, or the

After so formidable a list of what one can't find in a German daily, the question may well be asked, What

CAN be found in it? It is easily answered: A child's handful of telegrams, mainly about European national

and international political movements; lettercorrespondence about the same things; market reports. There

you have it. That is what a German daily is made of. A German daily is the slowest and saddest and dreariest

of the inventions of man. Our own dailies infuriate the reader, pretty often; the German daily only stupefies

him. Once a week the German daily of the highest class lightens up its heavy columnsthat is, it thinks it

lightens them upwith a profound, an abysmal, book criticism; a criticism which carries you down, down,

down into the scientific bowels of the subjectfor the German critic is nothing if not scientificand when

you come up at last and scent the fresh air and see the bonny daylight once more, you resolve without a

dissenting voice that a book criticism is a mistaken way to lighten up a German daily. Sometimes, in place of

the criticism, the firstclass daily gives you what it thinks is a gay and chipper essayabout ancient Grecian

funeral customs, or the ancient Egyptian method of tarring a mummy, or the reasons for believing that some

of the peoples who existed before the flood did not approve of cats. These are not unpleasant subjects; they

are not uninteresting subjects; they are even exciting subjects until one of these massive scientists gets

hold of them. He soon convinces you that even these matters can be handled in such a way as to make a

As I have said, the average German daily is made up solely of correspondencesa trifle of it by telegraph,

the rest of it by mail. Every paragraph has the sidehead, "London," "Vienna," or some other town, and a

date. And always, before the name of the town, is placed a letter or a sign, to indicate who the correspondent

is, so that the authorities can find him when they want to hang him. Stars, crosses, triangles, squares,

Some of the dailies move too fast, others too slowly. For instance, my Heidelberg daily was always

twentyfour hours old when it arrived at the hotel; but one of my Munich evening papers used to come a full

Some of the less important dailies give one a tablespoonful of a continued story every day; it is strung across

the bottom of the page, in the French fashion. By subscribing for the paper for five years I judge that a man

If you ask a citizen of Munich which is the best Munich daily journal, he will always tell you that there is

only one good Munich daily, and that it is published in Augsburg, forty or fifty miles away. It is like saying

that the best daily paper in New York is published out in New Jersey somewhere. Yes, the Augsburg

ALLGEMEINE ZEITUNG is "the best Munich paper," and it is the one I had in my mind when I was

describing a "firstclass German daily" above. The entire paper, opened out, is not quite as large as a single

page of the New York HERALD. It is printed on both sides, of course; but in such large type that its entire

contents could be put, in HERALD type, upon a single page of the HERALDand there would still be room

enough on the page for the ZEITUNG's "supplement" and some portion of the ZEITUNG's next day's

Such is the firstclass daily. The dailies actually printed in Munich are all called secondclass by the public.

If you ask which is the best of these secondclass papers they say there is no difference; one is as good as

another. I have preserved a copy of one of them; it is called the MU"NCHENER TAGESANZEIGER, and

bears date January 25, 1879. Comparisons are odious, but they need not be malicious; and without any malice

I wish to compare this journals of other countries. I know of no other way to enable the reader to "size" the

A column of an average daily paper in America contains from 1,800 to 2,500 words; the readingmatter in a

single issue consists of from 25,000 to 50,000 words. The readingmatter in my copy of the Munich journal

consists of a total of 1,654 words for I counted them. That would be nearly a column of one of our dailies.

A single issue of the bulkiest daily newspaper in the worldthe London TIMESoften contains 100,000

words of readingmatter. Considering that the DAILY ANZEIGER issues the usual twentysix numbers per

month, the reading matter in a single number of the London TIMES would keep it in "copy" two months and

The ANZEIGER is an eightpage paper; its page is one inch wider and one inch longer than a foolscap page;

that is to say, the dimensions of its page are somewhere between those of a schoolboy's slate and a lady's

pocket handkerchief. Onefourth of the first page is taken up with the heading of the journal; this gives it a

rather topheavy appearance; the rest of the first page is readingmatter; all of the second page is

The readingmatter is compressed into two hundred and five smallpica lines, and is lighted up with eight

pica headlines. The bill of fare is as follows: First, under a pica headline, to enforce attention and respect, is a

fourline sermon urging mankind to remember that, although they are pilgrims here below, they are yet heirs

of heaven; and that "When they depart from earth they soar to heaven." Perhaps a fourline sermon in a

Saturday paper is the sufficient German equivalent of the eight or ten columns of sermons which the

NewYorkers get in their Monday morning papers. The latest news (two days old) follows the fourline

sermon, under the pica headline "Telegrams"these are "telegraphed" with a pair of scissors out of the

AUGSBURGER ZEITUNG of the day before. These telegrams consist of fourteen and twothirds lines from

Berlin, fifteen lines from Vienna, and two and fiveeights lines from Calcutta. Thirtythree smallpica lines

news in a daily journal in a King's Capital of one hundred and seventy thousand inhabitants is surely not an

overdose. Next we have the pica heading, "News of the Day," under which the following facts are set forth:

Prince Leopold is going on a visit to Vienna, six lines; Prince Arnulph is coming back from Russia, two lines;

the Landtag will meet at ten o'clock in the morning and consider an election law, three lines and one word

over; a city government item, five and onehalf lines; prices of tickets to the proposed grand Charity Ball,

twentythree linesfor this one item occupies almost onefourth of the entire first page; there is to be a

wonderful Wagner concert in FrankfurtontheMain, with an orchestra of one hundred and eight

instruments, seven and onehalf lines. That concludes the first page. Eightyfive lines, altogether, on that

page, including three headlines. About fifty of those lines, as one perceives, deal with local matters; so the

Exactly onehalf of the second page is occupied with an opera criticism, fiftythree lines (three of them

The other half of the second page is made up of two paragraphs under the head of "Miscellaneous News."

One of these paragraphs tells about a quarrel between the Czar of Russia and his eldest son, twentyone and a

half lines; and the other tells about the atrocious destruction of a peasant child by its parents, forty lines, or

Consider what a fifth part of the readingmatter of an American daily paper issued in a city of one hundred

and seventy thousand inhabitants amounts to! Think what a mass it is. Would any one suppose I could so

snugly tuck away such a mass in a chapter of this book that it would be difficult to find it again in the reader

lost his place? Surely not. I will translate that childmurder word for word, to give the reader a realizing

sense of what a fifth part of the readingmatter of a Munich daily actually is when it comes under

"From Oberkreuzberg, January 21st, the DONAU ZEITUNG receives a long account of a crime, which we

shortened as follows: In Rametuach, a village near Eppenschlag, lived a young married couple with two

children, one of which, a boy aged five, was born three years before the marriage. For this reason, and also

because a relative at Iggensbach had bequeathed M400 ($100) to the boy, the heartless father considered him

in the way; so the unnatural parents determined to sacrifice him in the cruelest possible manner. They

proceeded to starve him slowly to death, meantime frightfully maltreating himas the village people now

make known, when it is too late. The boy was shut in a hole, and when people passed by he cried, and

implored them to give him bread. His longcontinued tortures and deprivations destroyed him at last, on the

third of January. The sudden (sic) death of the child created suspicion, the more so as the body was

immediately clothed and laid upon the bier. Therefore the coroner gave notice, and an inquest was held on the

6th. What a pitiful spectacle was disclosed then! The body was a complete skeleton. The stomach and

intestines were utterly empty; they contained nothing whatsoever. The flesh on the corpse was not as thick as

the back of a knife, and incisions in it brought not one drop of blood. There was not a piece of sound skin the

size of a dollar on the whole body; wounds, scars, bruises, discolored extravasated blood, everywhereeven

on the soles of the feet there were wounds. The cruel parents asserted that the boy had been so bad that they

had been obliged to use severe punishments, and that he finally fell over a bench and broke his neck.

However, they were arrested two weeks after the inquest and put in the prison at Deggendorf."

Yes, they were arrested "two weeks after the inquest." What a home sound that has. That kind of police

I think a German daily journal doesn't do any good to speak of, but at the same time it doesn't do any harm.

That is a very large merit, and should not be lightly weighted nor lightly thought of.

The German humorous papers are beautifully printed upon fine paper, and the illustrations are finely drawn,

finely engraved, and are not vapidly funny, but deliciously so. So also, generally speaking, are the two or

three terse sentences which accompany the pictures. I remember one of these pictures: A most dilapidated

tramp is ruefully contemplating some coins which lie in his open palm. He says: "Well, begging is getting

played out. Only about five marks ($1.25) for the whole day; many an official makes more!" And I call to

DRUMMER (after a pause, pleadingly).But do you you mind letting ME look at them! I haven't seen