Title:   Passing of the Third Floor Back

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Author:   Jerome K. Jerome

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PDF Version:   1.2



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Jerome K. Jerome .....................................................................................................................................1


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Passing of the Third Floor Back

Jerome K. Jerome

The neighbourhood of Bloomsbury Square towards four o'clock of a  November afternoon is not so crowded

as to secure to the stranger, of  appearance anything out of the common, immunity from observation.  Tibb's

boy, screaming at the top of his voice that _she_ was his  honey, stopped suddenly, stepped backwards on to

the toes of a voluble  young lady wheeling a perambulator, and remained deaf, apparently, to  the somewhat

personal remarks of the voluble young lady.  Not until he  had reached the next cornerand then more as a

soliloquy than as  information to the streetdid Tibb's boy recover sufficient interest  in his own affairs to

remark that _he_ was her bee.  The voluble young  lady herself, following some halfadozen yards behind,

forgot her  wrongs in contemplation of the stranger's back.  There was this that  was peculiar about the

stranger's back:  that instead of being flat it  presented a decided curve.  "It ain't a 'ump, and it don't look like

kervitcher of the spine," observed the voluble young lady to herself.  "Blimy if I don't believe 'e's taking 'ome

'is washing up his back." 

The constable at the corner, trying to seem busy doing nothing,  noticed the stranger's approach with gathering

interest.  "That's an  odd sort of a walk of yours, young man," thought the constable.  "You  take care you don't

fall down and tumble over yourself." 

"Thought he was a young man," murmured the constable, the stranger  having passed him.  "He had a young

face right enough." 

The daylight was fading.  The stranger, finding it impossible to read  the name of the street upon the corner

house, turned back. 

"Why, 'tis a young man," the constable told himself; "a mere boy." 

"I beg your pardon," said the stranger; "but would you mind telling me  my way to Bloomsbury Square." 

"This is Bloomsbury Square," explained the constable; "leastways round  the corner is.  What number might

you be wanting?" 

The stranger took from the ticket pocket of his tightly buttoned  overcoat a piece of paper, unfolded it and

read it out:  "Mrs.  Pennycherry.  Number Fortyeight." 

"Round to the left," instructed him the constable; "fourth house.  Been recommended there?" 

"Byby a friend," replied the stranger.  "Thank you very much." 

"Ah," muttered the constable to himself; "guess you won't be calling  him that by the end of the week,

young" 

"Funny," added the constable, gazing after the retreating figure of  the stranger.  "Seen plenty of the other sex

as looked young behind  and old in front.  This cove looks young in front and old behind.  Guess he'll look old

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all round if he stops long at mother  Pennycherry's:  stingy old cat." 

Constables whose beat included Bloomsbury Square had their reasons for  not liking Mrs. Pennycherry.

Indeed it might have been difficult to  discover any human being with reasons for liking that sharpfeatured

lady.  Maybe the keeping of secondrate boarding houses in the  neighbourhood of Bloomsbury does not tend

to develop the virtues of  generosity and amiability. 

Meanwhile the stranger, proceeding npon his way, had rung the bell of  Number Fortyeight.  Mrs.

Pennycherry, peeping from the area and  catching a glimpse, above the railings, of a handsome if somewhat

effeminate masculine face, hastened to readjust her widow's cap before  the lookingglass while directing

Mary Jane to show the stranger,  should he prove a problematical boarder, into the diningroom, and to  light

the gas. 

"And don't stop gossiping, and don't you take it upon yourself to  answer questions.  Say I'll be up in a

minute," were Mrs.  Pennycherry's further instructions, "and mind you hide your hands as  much as you can." 

***  "What are you grinning at?" demanded Mrs. Pennycherry, a couple of  minutes later, of the dingy Mary

Jane. 

"Wasn't grinning," explained the meek Mary Jane, "was only smiling to  myself." 

"What at?" 

"Dunno," admitted Mary Jane.  But still she went on smiling. 

"What's he like then?" demanded Mrs. Pennycherry. 

"'E ain't the usual sort," was Mary Jane's opinion. 

"Thank God for that," ejaculated Mrs. Pennycherry piously. 

"Says 'e's been recommended, by a friend." 

"By whom?" 

"By a friend.  'E didn't say no name."  Mrs. Pennycherry pondered.  "He's not the funny sort, is he?" 

Not that sort at all.  Mary Jane was sure of it. 

Mrs. Pennycherry ascended the stairs still pondering.  As she entered  the room the stranger rose and bowed.

Nothing could have been simpler  than the stranger's bow, yet there came with it to Mrs. Pennycherry a  rush

of old sensations long forgotten.  For one brief moment Mrs.  Pennycherry saw herself an amiable wellbred

lady, widow of a  solicitor:  a visitor had called to see her.  It was but a momentary  fancy.  The next instant

Reality reasserted itself.  Mrs. Pennycherry,  a lodginghouse keeper, existing precariously upon a daily round

of  petty meannesses, was prepared for contest with a possible new  boarder, who fortunately looked an

inexperienced young gentleman. 

"Someone has recommended me to you," began Mrs. Pennycherry; "may I  ask who?" 

But the stranger waved the question aside as immaterial. 


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"You might not rememberhim," he smiled.  "He thought that I should  do well to pass the few months I am

giventhat I have to be in  London, here.  You can take me in?" 

Mrs. Pennycherry thought that she would be able to take the stranger  in. 

"A room to sleep in," explained the stranger, "any room will  dowith food and drink sufficient for a man,

is all that I require." 

"For breakfast," began Mrs. Pennycherry, "I always give" 

"What is right and proper, I am convinced," interrupted the stranger.  "Pray do not trouble to go into detail,

Mrs. Pennycherry.  With  whatever it is I shall be content." 

Mrs. Pennycherry, puzzled, shot a quick glance at the stranger, but  his face, though the gentle eyes were

smiling, was frank and serious. 

"At all events you will see the room," suggested Mrs. Pennycherry,  "before we discuss terms." 

"Certainly," agreed the stranger.  "I am a little tired and shall be  glad to rest there." 

Mrs. Pennycherry led the way upward; on the landing of the third  floor, paused a moment undecided, then

opened the door of the back  bedroom. 

"It is very comfortable," commented the stranger. 

"For this room," stated Mrs. Pennycherry, "together with full board,  consisting of" 

"Of everything needful.  It goes without saying," again interrupted  the stranger with his quiet grave smile. 

"I have generally asked," continued Mrs. Pennycherry, "four pounds a  week.  To you" Mrs. Pennycherry's

voice, unknown to her, took to  itself the note of aggressive generosity"seeing you have been  recommended

here, say three pounds ten." 

"Dear lady," said the stranger, "that is kind of you.  As you have  divined, I am not a rich man.  If it be not

imposing upon you I accept  your reduction with gratitude." 

Again Mrs. Pennycherry, familiar with the satirical method, shot a  suspicious glance upon the stranger, but

not a line was there, upon  that smooth fair face, to which a sneer could for a moment have clung.  Clearly he

was as simple as he looked. 

"Gas, of course, extra." 

"Of course," agreed the Stranger. 

"Coals" 

"We shall not quarrel," for a third time the stranger interrupted.  "You have been very considerate to me as it

is.  I feel, Mrs.  Pennycherry, I can leave myself entirely in your hands." 

The stranger appeared anxious to be alone.  Mrs. Pennycherry, having  put a match to the stranger's fire, turned

to depart.  And at this  point it was that Mrs. Pennycherry, the holder hitherto of an unbroken  record for sanity,


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behaved in a manner she herself, five minutes  earlier in her career, would have deemed impossiblethat no

living  soul who had ever known her would have believed, even had Mrs.  Pennycherry gone down upon her

knees and sworn it to them. 

"Did I say three pound ten?" demanded Mrs. Pennycherry of the  stranger, her hand upon the door.  She spoke

crossly.  She was feeling  cross, with the stranger, with herselfparticularly with herself. 

"You were kind enough to reduce it to that amount," replied the  stranger; "but if upon reflection you find

yourself unable" 

"I was making a mistake," said Mrs. Pennycherry, "it should have been  two pound ten." 

"I cannotI will not accept such sacrifice," exclaimed the stranger;  "the three pound ten I can well afford." 

"Two pound ten are my terms," snapped Mrs. Pennycherry.  "If you are  bent on paying more, you can go

elsewhere.  You'll find plenty to  oblige you." 

Her vehemence must have impressed the stranger.  "We will not contend  further," he smiled.  "I was merely

afraid that in the goodness of  your heart" 

"Oh, it isn't as good as all that," growled Mrs. Pennycherry. 

"I am not so sure," returned the stranger.  "I am somewhat suspicious  of you.  But wilful woman must, I

suppose, have her way." 

The stranger held out his hand, and to Mrs. Pennycherry, at that  moment, it seemed the most natural thing in

the world to take it as if  it had been the hand of an old friend and to end the interview with a  pleasant

laughthough laughing was an exercise not often indulged in  by Mrs. Pennycherry. 

Mary Jane was standing by the window, her hands folded in front of  her, when Mrs. Pennycherry reentered

the kitchen.  By standing close  to the window one caught a glimpse of the trees in Bloomsbury Square  and

through their bare branches of the sky beyond. 

"There's nothing much to do for the next half hour, till Cook comes  back.  I'll see to the door if you'd like a

run out?" suggested Mrs.  Pennycherry. 

"It would be nice," agreed the girl so soon as she had recovered power  of speech; "it's just the time of day I

like." 

"Don't be longer than the half hour," added Mrs. Pennycherry. 

Fortyeight Bloomsbury Square, assembled after dinner in the  drawingroom, discussed the stranger with

that freedom and frankness  characteristic of Fortyeight Bloomsbury Square, towards the absent. 

"Not what I call a smart young man," was the opinion of Augustus  Longcord, who was something in the City. 

"Thpeaking  for  mythelf,"  commented his partner Isidore, "hav'n'th  any uthe for the thmart young man.  Too

many of him, ath it ith." 

"Must be pretty smart if he's one too many for you," laughed his  partner. 


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There was this to be said for the repartee of Fortyeight Bloomsbury  Square:  it was simple of construction

and easy of comprehension. 

"Well it made me feel good just looking at him," declared Miss Kite,  the highly coloured.  "It was his clothes,

I supposemade me think of  Noah and the arkall that sort of thing." 

"It would be clothes that would make you thinkif anything," drawled  the languid Miss Devine.  She was a

tall, handsome girl, engaged at  the moment in futile efforts to recline with elegance and comfort  combined

upon a horsehair sofa.  Miss Kite, by reason of having  secured the only easychair, was unpopular that

evening; so that Miss  Devine's remark received from the rest of the company more approbation  than perhaps

it merited. 

"Is that intended to be clever, dear, or only rude?" Miss Kite  requested to be informed. 

"Both," claimed Miss Devine. 

"Myself? I must confess," shouted the tall young lady's father,  commonly called the Colonel, "I found him a

fool." 

"I noticed you seemed to be getting on very well together," purred his  wife, a plump, smiling little lady. 

"Possibly we were," retorted the Colonel.  "Fate has accustomed me to  the society of fools." 

"Isn't it a pity to start quarrelling immediately after dinner, you  two," suggested their thoughtful daughter

from the sofa, "you'll have  nothing left to amuse you for the rest of the evening." 

"He didn't strike me as a conversationalist," said the lady who was  cousin to a baronet; "but he did pass the

vegetables before he helped  himself.  A little thing like that shows breeding." 

"Or that he didn't know you and thought maybe you'd leave him half a  spoonful," laughed Augustus the wit. 

"What I can't make out about him" shouted the Colonel. 

The stranger entered the room. 

The Colonel, securing the evening paper, retired into a corner.  The  highly coloured Kite, reaching down from

the mantelpiece a paper fan,  held it coyly before her face.  Miss Devine sat upright on the  horsehair sofa, and

rearranged her skirts. 

"Know anything?" demanded Augustus of the stranger, breaking the  somewhat remarkable silence. 

The stranger evidently did not understand.  It was necessary for  Augustus, the witty, to advance further into

that odd silence. 

"What's going to pull off the Lincoln handicap?  Tell me, and I'll go  out straight and put my shirt upon it." 

"I think you would act unwisely," smiled the stranger; "I am not an  authority upon the subject." 

"Not!  Why they told me you were Captain Spy of the _Sporting  Life_in disguise." 


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It would have been difficult for a joke to fall more flat.  Nobody  laughed, though why Mr. Augustus Longcord

could not understand, and  maybe none of his audience could have told him, for at Fortyeight  Bloomsbury

Square Mr. Augustus Longcord passed as a humorist.  The  stranger himself appeared unaware that he was

being made fun of. 

"You have been misinformed," assured him the stranger. 

"I beg your pardon," said Mr. Augustus Longcord. 

"It is nothing," replied the stranger in his sweet low voice, and  passed on. 

"Well what about this theatre," demanded Mr. Longcord of his friend  and partner; "do you want to go or don't

you?" Mr. Longcord was  feeling irritable. 

"Goth the tickethmay ath well," thought Isidore. 

"Damn stupid piece, I'm told." 

"Motht of them thupid, more or leth.  Pity to wathte the ticketh,"  argued Isidore, and the pair went out. 

"Are you staying long in London?" asked Miss Kite, raising her  practised eyes towards the stranger. 

"Not long," answered the stranger.  "At least I do not know.  It  depends." 

An unusual quiet had invaded the drawingroom of Fortyeight  Bloomsbury Square, generally noisy with

strident voices about this  hour.  The Colonel remained engrossed in his paper.  Mrs. Devine sat  with her plump

white hands folded on her lap, whether asleep or not it  was impossible to say.  The lady who was cousin to a

baronet had  shifted her chair beneath the gasolier, her eyes bent on her  everlasting crochet work.  The languid

Miss Devine had crossed to the  piano, where she sat fingering softly the tuneless keys, her back to  the cold

barelyfurnished room. 

"Sit down!" commanded saucily Miss Kite, indicating with her fan the  vacant seat beside her.  "Tell me about

yourself.  You interest me."  Miss Kite adopted a pretty authoritative air towards all  youthfullooking

members of the opposite sex.  It harmonised with the  peach complexion and the golden hair, and fitted her

about as well. 

"I am glad of that," answered the stranger, taking the chair  suggested.  "I so wish to interest you." 

"You're a very bold boy."  Miss Kite lowered her fan, for the purpose  of glancing archly over the edge of it,

and for the first time  encountered the eyes of the stranger looking into hers.  And then it  was that Miss Kite

experienced precisely the same curious sensation  that an hour or so ago had troubled Mrs. Pennycherry when

the stranger  had first bowed to her.  It seemed to Miss Kite that she was no longer  the Miss Kite that, had she

risen and looked into it, the flyblown  mirror over the marble mantelpiece would, she knew, have presented

to  her view; but quite another Miss Kitea cheerful, brighteyed lady  verging on middle age, yet still

goodlooking in spite of her faded  complexion and somewhat thin brown locks.  Miss Kite felt a pang of

jealousy shoot through her; this middleaged Miss Kite seemed, on the  whole, a more attractive lady.  There

was a wholesomeness, a  broadmindedness about her that instinctively drew one towards her.  Not hampered,

as Miss Kite herself was, by the necessity of appearing  to be somewhere between eighteen and twentytwo,

this other Miss Kite  could talk sensibly, even brilliantly:  one felt it.  A thoroughly  "nice" woman this other

Miss Kite; the real Miss Kite, though envious,  was bound to admit it.  Miss Kite wished to goodness she had

never  seen the woman.  The glimpse of her had rendered Miss Kite  dissatisfied with herself. 


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"I am not a boy," explained the stranger; "and I had no intention of  being bold." 

"I know," replied Miss Kite.  "It was a silly remark.  Whatever  induced me to make it, I can't think.  Getting

foolish in my old age,  I suppose." 

The stranger laughed.  "Surely you are not old." 

"I'm thirtynine," snapped out Miss Kite.  "You don't call it young?" 

"I think it a beautiful age," insisted the stranger; "young enough not  to have lost the joy of youth, old enough

to have learnt sympathy." 

"Oh, I daresay," returned Miss Kite, "any age you'd think beautiful.  I'm going to bed."  Miss Kite rose.  The

paper fan had somehow got  itself broken.  She threw the fragments into the fire. 

"It is early yet," pleaded the stranger, "I was looking forward to a  talk with you." 

"Well, you'll be able to look forward to it," retorted Miss Kite.  "Goodnight." 

The truth was, Miss Kite was impatient to have a look at herself in  the glass, in her own room with the door

shut.  The vision of that  other Miss Kitethe cleanlooking lady of the pale face and the brown  hair had been

so vivid, Miss Kite wondered whether temporary  forgetfulness might not have fallen upon her while dressing

for dinner  that evening. 

The stranger, left to his own devices, strolled towards the loo table,  seeking something to read. 

"You seem to have frightened away Miss Kite," remarked the lady who  was cousin to a baronet. 

"It seems so," admitted the stranger. 

"My cousin, Sir William Bosster," observed the crocheting lady, "who  married old Lord Egham's nieceyou

never met the Eghams?" 

"Hitherto," replied the stranger, "I have not had that pleasure." 

"A charming family.  Cannot understandmy cousin Sir William, I mean,  cannot understand my remaining

here.  'My dear Emily'he says the  same thing every time he sees me:  'My dear Emily, how can you exist

among the sort of people one meets with in a boardinghouse.'  But  they amuse me." 

A sense of humour, agreed the stranger, was always of advantage. 

"Our family on my mother's side," continued Sir William's cousin in  her placid monotone, "was connected

with the TattonJoneses, who when  King George the Fourth"  Sir William's cousin, needing another reel  of

cotton, glanced up, and met the stranger's gaze. 

"I'm sure I don't know why I'm telling you all this," said Sir  William's cousin in an irritable tone.  "It can't

possibly interest  you." 

"Everything connected with you interests me," gravely the stranger  assured her. 


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"It is very kind of you to say so," sighed Sir William's cousin, but  without conviction; "I am afraid sometimes

I bore people." 

The polite stranger refrained from contradiction. 

"You see," continued the poor lady, "I really am of good family." 

"Dear lady," said the stranger, "your gentle face, your gentle voice,  your gentle bearing, all proclaim it." 

She looked without flinching into the stranger's eyes, and gradually a  smile banished the reigning dulness of

her features. 

"How foolish of me."  She spoke rather to herself than to the  stranger.  "Why, of course, peoplepeople

whose opinion is worth  troubling aboutjudge of you by what you are, not by what you go  about saying you

are." 

The stranger remained silent. 

"I am the widow of a provincial doctor, with an income of just two  hundred and thirty pounds per annum,"

she argued.  "The sensible thing  for me to do is to make the best of it, and to worry myself about  these high

and mighty relations of mine as little as they have ever  worried themselves about me." 

The stranger appeared unable to think of anything worth saying. 

"I have other connections," remembered Sir William's cousin; "those of  my poor husband, to whom instead of

being the 'poor relation' I could  be the fairy godmama.  They are my peopleor would be," added Sir

William's cousin tartly, "if I wasn't a vulgar snob." 

She flushed the instant she had said the words and, rising, commenced  preparations for a hurried departure. 

"Now it seems I am driving you away," sighed the stranger. 

"Having been called a 'vulgar snob,'" retorted the lady with some  heat, "I think it about time I went." 

"The words were your own," the stranger reminded her. 

"Whatever I may have thought," remarked the indignant dame, "no  ladyleast of all in the presence of a

total strangerwould have  called herself"  The poor dame paused, bewildered.  "There is  something very

curious the matter with me this evening, that I cannot  understand," she explained, "I seem quite unable to

avoid insulting  myself." 

Still surrounded by bewilderment, she wished the stranger goodnight,  hoping that when next they met she

would be more herself.  The  stranger, hoping so also, opened the door and closed it again behind  her. 

"Tell me," laughed Miss Devine, who by sheer force of talent was  contriving to wring harmony from the

reluctant piano, "how did you  manage to do it?  I should like to know." 

"How did I do what?" inquired the stranger. 

"Contrive to get rid so quickly of those two old frumps?" 


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"How well you play!" observed the stranger.  "I knew you had genius  for music the moment I saw you." 

"How could you tell?" 

"It is written so clearly in your face." 

The girl laughed, well pleased.  "You seem to have lost no time in  studying my face." 

"It is a beautiful and interesting face," observed the stranger. 

She swung round sharply on the stool and their eyes met. 

"You can read faces?" 

"Yes." 

"Tell me, what else do you read in mine?" 

"Frankness, courage" 

"Ah, yes, all the virtues.  Perhaps.  We will take them for granted."  It was odd how serious the girl had

suddenly become.  "Tell me the  reverse side." 

"I see no reverse side," replied the stranger.  "I see but a fair  girl, bursting into noble womanhood." 

"And nothing else?  You read no trace of greed, of vanity, of  sordidness, of"  An angry laugh escaped her

lips.  "And you are a  reader of faces!" 

"A reader of faces."  The stranger smiled.  "Do you know what is  written upon yours at this very moment?  A

love of truth that is  almost fierce, scorn of lies, scorn of hypocrisy, the desire for all  things pure, contempt of

all things that are contemptibleespecially  of such things as are contemptible in woman.  Tell me, do I not

read  aright?" 

I wonder, thought the girl, is that why those two others both hurried  from the room?  Does everyone feel

ashamed of the littleness that is  in them when looked at by those clear, believing eyes of yours? 

The idea occurred to her:  "Papa seemed to have a good deal to say to  you during dinner.  Tell me, what were

you talking about?" 

"The military looking gentleman upon my left?  We talked about your  mother principally." 

"I am sorry," returned the girl, wishful now she had not asked the  question.  "I was hoping he might have

chosen another topic for the  first evening!" 

"He did try one or two," admitted the stranger; "but I have been about  the world so little, I was glad when he

talked to me about himself.  I  feel we shall be friends.  He spoke so nicely, too, about Mrs.  Devine." 

"Indeed," commented the girl. 

"He told me he had been married for twenty years and had never  regretted it but once!" 


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Her black eyes flashed upon him, but meeting his, the suspicion died  from them.  She turned aside to hide her

smile. 

"So he regretted itonce." 

"Only once," explained the stranger, "in a passing irritable mood.  It  was so frank of him to admit it.  He told

meI think he has taken a  liking to me.  Indeed he hinted as much.  He said he did not often get  an

opportnnity of talking to a man like myselfhe told me that he and  your mother, when they travel together,

are always mistaken for a  honeymoon couple.  Some of the experiences he related to me were  really quite

amusing."  The stranger laughed at recollection of  them"that even here, in this place, they are generally

referred to  as 'Darby and Joan.'" 

"Yes," said the girl, "that is true.  Mr. Longcord gave them that  name, the second evening after our arrival.  It

was considered  cleverbut rather obvious I thought myself." 

"Nothingso it seems to me," said the stranger, "is more beautiful  than the love that has weathered the

storms of life.  The sweet,  tender blossom that flowers in the heart of the youngin hearts such  as

yoursthat, too, is beautiful.  The love of the young for the  young, that is the beginning of life.  But the love

of the old for the  old, that is the beginning ofof things longer." 

"You seem to find all things beautiful," the girl grumbled. 

"But are not all things beautiful?" demanded the stranger. 

The Colonel had finished his paper.  "You two are engaged in a very  absorbing conversation," observed the

Colonel, approaching them. 

"We were discussing Darbies and Joans," explained his daughter.  "How  beautiful is the love that has

weathered the storms of life!" 

"Ah!" smiled the Colonel, "that is hardly fair.  My friend has been  repeating to cynical youth the confessions

of an amorous husband's  affection for his middleaged and somewhat"  The Colonel in playful  mood laid

his hand upon the stranger's shoulder, an action that  necessitated his looking straight into the stranger's eyes.

The  Colonel drew himself up stiffly and turned scarlet. 

Somebody was calling the Colonel a cad.  Not only that, but was  explaining quite clearly, so that the Colonel

could see it for  himself, why he was a cad. 

"That you and your wife lead a cat and dog existence is a disgrace to  both of you.  At least you might have the

decency to try and hide it  from the worldnot make a jest of your shame to every passing  stranger.  You are

a cad, sir, a cad!" 

Who was daring to say these things?  Not the stranger, his lips had  not moved.  Besides, it was not his voice.

Indeed it sounded much  more like the voice of the Colonel himself.  The Colonel looked from  the stranger to

his daughter, from his daughter back to the stranger.  Clearly they had not heard the voicea mere

hallucination.  The  Colonel breathed again. 

Yet the impression remaining was not to be shaken off.  Undoubtedly it  was bad taste to have joked to the

stranger upon such a subject.  No  gentleman would have done so. 


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But then no gentleman would have permitted such a jest to be possible.  No gentleman would be forever

wrangling with his wifecertainly never  in public.  However irritating the woman, a gentleman would have

exercised selfcontrol. 

Mrs. Devine had risen, was coming slowly across the room.  Fear laid  hold of the Colonel.  She was going to

address some aggravating remark  to himhe could see it in her eyewhich would irritate him into  savage

retort. 

Even this prize idiot of a stranger would understand why  boardinghouse wits had dubbed them "Darby and

Joan," would grasp the  fact that the gallant Colonel had thought it amusing, in conversation  with a table

acquaintance, to hold his own wife up to ridicule. 

"My dear," cried the Colonel, hurrying to speak first, "does not this  room strike you as cold?  Let me fetch

you a shawl." 

It was useless:  the Colonel felt it.  It had been too long the custom  of both of them to preface with politeness

their deadliest insults to  each other.  She came on, thinking of a suitable reply:  suitable from  her point of view,

that is.  In another moment the truth would be out.  A wild, fantastic possibility flashed through the Colonel's

brain:  If  to him, why not to her? 

"Letitia," cried the Colonel, and the tone of his voice surprised her  into silence, "I want you to look closely at

our friend.  Does he not  remind you of someone?" 

Mrs. Devine, so urged, looked at the stranger long and hard.  "Yes,"  she murmured, turning to her husband,

"he does, who is it?" 

"I cannot fix it," replied the Colonel; "I thought that maybe you  would remember." 

"It will come to me," mused Mrs. Devine.  "It is someoneyears ago,  when I was a girlin Devonshire.

Thank you, if it isn't troubling  you, Harry.  I left it in the diningroom." 

It was, as Mr. Augustus Longcord explained to his partner Isidore, the  colossal foolishness of the stranger

that was the cause of all the  trouble.  "Give me a man, who can take care of himselfor thinks he  can,"

declared Augustus Longcord, "and I am prepared to give a good  account of myself.  But when a helpless baby

refuses even to look at  what you call your figures, tells you that your mere word is  sufficient for him, and

hands you over his chequebook to fill up for  yourselfwell, it isn't playing the game." 

"Auguthuth," was the curt comment of his partner, "you're a fool." 

"All right, my boy, you try," suggested Augustus. 

"Jutht what I mean to do," asserted his partner. 

"Well," demanded Augustus one evening later, meeting Isidore ascending  the stairs after a long talk with the

stranger in the diningroom with  the door shut. 

"Oh, don't arth me," retorted Isidore, "thilly ath, thath what he  ith." 

"What did he say?" 


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"What did he thay! talked about the Jewth:  what a grand rathe they  werehow people mithjudged them:  all

that thort of rot. 

"Thaid thome of the motht honorable men he had ever met had been  Jewth.  Thought I wath one of 'em!" 

"Well, did you get anything out of him?" 

"Get anything out of him.  Of courthe not.  Couldn't very well thell  the whole rathe, ath it were, for a couple of

hundred poundth, after  that.  Didn't theem worth it." 

There were many things Fortyeight Bloomsbury Square came gradually to  the conclusion were not worth

the doing:Snatching at the gravy;  pouncing out of one's turn upon the vegetables and helping oneself to

more than one's fair share; manoeuvering for the easychair; sitting  on the evening paper while pretending

not to have seen itall  suchlike tiresome bits of business.  For the little one made out of  it, really it was not

worth the bother.  Grumbling everlastingly at  one's food; grumbling everlastingly at most things; abusing

Pennycherry behind her back; abusing, for a change, one's  fellowboarders; squabbling with one's

fellowboarders about nothing  in particular; sneering at one's fellowboarders;  talking scandal of  one's

fellowboarders; making senseless jokes about one's  fellowboarders; talking big about oneself, nobody

believing oneall  suchlike vulgarities.  Other boardinghouses might indulge in them:  Fortyeight

Bloomsbury Square had its dignity to consider. 

The truth is, Fortyeight Bloomsbury Square was coming to a very good  opinion of itself:  for the which not

Bloomsbury Square so much as the  stranger must be blamed.  The stranger had arrived at Fortyeight

Bloomsbury Square with the preconceived ideawhere obtained from  Heaven knowsthat its seemingly

commonplace, meanminded,  coarsefibred occupants were in reality ladies and gentlemen of the  first water;

and time and observation had apparently only strengthened  this absurd idea.  The natural result was,

Fortyeight Bloomsbury  Square was coming round to the stranger's opinion of itself. 

Mrs. Pennycherry, the stranger would persist in regarding as a lady  born and bred, compelled by

circumstances over which she had no  control to fill an arduous but honorable position of middleclass

societya sort of fostermother, to whom were due the thanks and  gratitude of her promiscuous family; and

this view of herself Mrs.  Pennycherry now clung to with obstinate conviction.  There were  disadvantages

attaching, but these Mrs. Pennycherry appeared prepared  to suffer cheerfully.  A lady born and bred cannot

charge other ladies  and gentlemen for coals and candles they have never burnt; a  fostermother cannot palm

off upon her children New Zealand mutton for  Southdown.  A mere lodginghousekeeper can play these

tricks, and  pocket the profits.  But a lady feels she cannot:  Mrs. Pennycherry  felt she no longer could. 

To the stranger Miss Kite was a witty and delightful conversationalist  of most attractive personality.  Miss

Kite had one failing:  it was  lack of vanity.  She was unaware of her own delicate and refined  beauty.  If Miss

Kite could only see herself with his, the stranger's  eyes, the modesty that rendered her distrustful of her

natural charms  would fall from her.  The stranger was so sure of it Miss Kite  determined to put it to the test.

One evening, an hour before dinner,  there entered the drawingroom, when the stranger only was there and

before the gas was lighted, a pleasant, goodlooking lady, somewhat  pale, with neatlyarranged brown hair,

who demanded of the stranger if  he knew her.  All her body was trembling, and her voice seemed  inclined to

run away from her and become a sob.  But when the  stranger, looking straight into her eyes, told her that from

the  likeness he thought she must be Miss Kite's younger sister, but much  prettier, it became a laugh instead:

and that evening the  goldenhaired Miss Kite disappeared never to show her highcoloured  face again; and

what perhaps, more than all else, might have impressed  some former habitue of Fortyeight Bloomsbury

Square with awe, it was  that no one in the house made even a passing inquiry concerning her. 


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Sir William's cousin the stranger thought an acquisition to any  boardinghouse.  A lady of highclass family!

There was nothing  outward or visible perhaps to tell you that she was of highclass  family.  She herself,

naturally, would not mention the fact, yet  somehow you felt it.  Unconsciously she set a highclass tone,

diffused an atmosphere of gentle manners.  Not that the stranger had  said this in so many words; Sir William's

cousin gathered that he  thought it, and felt herself in agreement with him. 

For Mr. Longcord and his partner, as representatives of the best type  of business men, the stranger had a great

respect.  With what  unfortunate results to themselves has been noted.  The curious thing  is that the Firm

appeared content with the price they had paid for the  stranger's good opinionhad even, it was rumoured,

acquired a taste  for honest men's respectthat in the long run was likely to cost them  dear.  But we all have

our pet extravagance. 

The Colonel and Mrs. Devine both suffered a good deal at first from  the necessity imposed upon them of

learning, somewhat late in life,  new tricks.  In the privacy of their own apartment they condoled with  one

another. 

"Tomfool nonsense," grumbled the Colonel, "you and I starting billing  and cooing at our age!" 

"What I object to," said Mrs. Devine, "is the feeling that somehow I  am being made to do it." 

"The idea that a man and his wife cannot have their little joke  together for fear of what some impertinent

jackanapes may think of  them! it's damn ridiculous," the Colonel exploded. 

"Even when he isn't there," said Mrs. Devine, "I seem to see him  looking at me with those vexing eyes of his.

Really the man quite  haunts me." 

"I have met him somewhere," mused the Colonel, "I'll swear I've met  him somewhere.  I wish to goodness he

would go." 

A hundred things a day the Colonel wanted to say to Mrs. Devine, a  hundred things a day Mrs. Devine would

have liked to observe to the  Colonel.  But by the time the opportunity occurredwhen nobody else  was by to

hearall interest in saying them was gone. 

"Women will be women," was the sentiment with which the Colonel  consoled himself.  "A man must bear

with themmust never forget that  he is a gentleman." 

"Oh, well, I suppose they're all alike," laughed Mrs. Devine to  herself, having arrived at that stage of despair

when one seeks refuge  in cheerfulness.  "What's the use of putting oneself outit does no  good, and only

upsets one."  There is a certain satisfaction in  feeling you are bearing with heroic resignation the irritating

follies  of others.  Colonel and Mrs. Devine came to enjoy the luxury of much  selfapprobation. 

But the person seriously annoyed by the stranger's bigoted belief in  the innate goodness of everyone he came

across was the languid,  handsome Miss Devine.  The stranger would have it that Miss Devine was  a

noblesouled, highminded young woman, something midway between a  Flora Macdonald and a Joan of

Arc.  Miss Devine, on the contrary, knew  herself to be a sleek, luxuryloving animal, quite willing to sell

herself to the bidder who could offer her the finest clothes, the  richest foods, the most sumptuous

surroundings.  Such a bidder was to  hand in the person of a retired bookmaker, a somewhat greasy old

gentleman, but exceedingly rich and undoubtedly fond of her. 

Miss Devine, having made up her mind that the thing had got to be  done, was anxious that it should be done

quickly.  And here it was  that the stranger's ridiculous opinion of her not only irritated but  inconvenienced


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her.  Under the very eyes of a personhowever  foolishconvinced that you are possessed of all the highest

attributes of your sex, it is difficult to behave as though actuated  by only the basest motives.  A dozen times

had Miss Devine determined  to end the matter by formal acceptance of her elderly admirer's large  and flabby

hand, and a dozen timesthe vision intervening of the  stranger's grave, believing eyeshad Miss Devine

refused decided  answer.  The stranger would one day depart.  Indeed, he had told her  himself, he was but a

passing traveller.  When he was gone it would be  easier.  So she thought at the time. 

One afternoon the stranger entered the room where she was standing by  the window, looking out upon the

bare branches of the trees in  Bloomsbury Square.  She remembered afterwards, it was just such  another foggy

afternoon as the afternoon of the stranger's arrival  three months before.  No one else was in the room.  The

stranger  closed the door, and came towards her with that curious, quickleaping  step of his.  His long coat

was tightly buttoned, and in his hands he  carried his old felt hat and the massive knotted stick that was almost

a staff. 

"I have come to say goodbye," explained the stranger.  "I am going." 

"I shall not see you again?" asked the girl. 

"I cannot say," replied the stranger.  "But you will think of me?" 

"Yes," she answered with a smile, "I can promise that." 

"And I shall always remember you," promised the stranger, "and I wish  you every joythe joy of love, the

joy of a happy marriage." 

The girl winced.  "Love and marriage are not always the same thing,"  she said. 

"Not always," agreed the stranger, "but in your case they will be  one." 

She looked at him. 

"Do you think I have not noticed?" smiled the stranger, "a gallant,  handsome lad, and clever.  You love him

and he loves you.  I could not  have gone away without knowing it was well with you." 

Her gaze wandered towards the fading light. 

"Ah, yes, I love him," she answered petulantly.  "Your eyes can see  clearly enough, when they want to.  But

one does not live on love, in  our world.  I will tell you the man I am going to marry if you care to  know."  She

would not meet his eyes.  She kept her gaze still fixed  upon the dingy trees, the mist beyond, and spoke

rapidly and  vehemently:  "The man who can give me all my soul's desiremoney and  the things that money

can buy.  You think me a woman, I'm only a pig.  He is moist, and breathes like a porpoise; with cunning in

place of a  brain, and the rest of him mere stomach.  But he is good enough for  me." 

She hoped this would shock the stranger and that now, perhaps, he  would go.  It irritated her to hear him only

laugh. 

"No," he said, "you will not marry him." 

"Who will stop me?" she cried angrily. 

"Your Better Self." 


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His voice had a strange ring of authority, compelling her to turn and  look upon his face.  Yes, it was true, the

fancy that from the very  first had haunted her.  She had met him, talked to himin silent  country roads, in

crowded city streets, where was it?  And always in  talking with him her spirit had been lifted up:  she had

beenwhat he  had always thought her. 

"There are those," continued the stranger (and for the first time she  saw that he was of a noble presence, that

his gentle, childlike eyes  could also command), "whose Better Self lies slain by their own hand  and troubles

them no more.  But yours, my child, you have let grow too  strong; it will ever be your master.  You must obey.

Flee from it and  it will follow you; you cannot escape it.  Insult it and it will  chastise you with burning shame,

with stinging selfreproach from day  to day."  The sternness faded from the beautiful face, the tenderness

crept back.  He laid his hand upon the young girl's shoulder.  "You  will marry your lover," he smiled.  "With

him you will walk the way of  sunlight and of shadow." 

And the girl, looking up into the strong, calm face, knew that it  would be so, that the power of resisting her

Better Self had passed  away from her for ever. 

"Now," said the stranger, "come to the door with me.  Leavetakings  are but wasted sadness.  Let me pass out

quietly.  Close the door  softly behind me." 

She thought that perhaps he would turn his face again, but she saw no  more of him than the odd roundness of

his back under the tightly  buttoned coat, before he faded into the gathering fog. 

Then softly she closed the door. 


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